He looked so peaceful today. He had had a frown on his face for so long and now it is gone. He is just sleeping. Every once in a while he will cough and his eyes will open, but I don't think he sees anything. But I talk to him and tell him how much I love him and he can rest now. Then he goes back to sleep. We had Fathers Day today. I brought my cards and Chuck brought his card. It was a Garfield card. Ron loved Garfield. It's says, "Dad, its Fathers day! And thanks to your advice, I never count my chickens until I've walked a mile in their shoes, I know the squeaky wheel gets the worm, I remember that actions speak louder than a bird in the bush, I never throw good money before my own two feet, and I always count to ten before I measure twice. And YOU thought I wasn't listening."
If you knew my Ron, you would know that was the perfect card. He would have laughed so hard at it.
I miss his laugh and his beautiful smile. I get crying jags where I scream that I want him back and it's not fair. Stupid. He's never coming back and of course it's not fair. Life is never fair. But I can't seem to stop saying it over and over again. He promised me 20 more years. But he won't be able to keep that promise. The only one he's broken in almost 44 years of marriage. That's a pretty good record, but it's the one promise I really needed him to keep.
Sorry, I'm whining again. I'll try and do better tomorrow.