Angelrose's Journey

[Angelrose]

Thank you minniecarousel and ksumn1. I do try and go to DW when I have the bad thoughts. We did have such wonderful and romantic times there. But, you see that is sad too because I don't have him anymore. No I will never be without this pain. But I try and survive each day. I do find things to make me smile.

I would love to show you all a picture of what my romantic son got Karen for Valentine's day but I believe I would be censored for it. He got her a little white bear with red hearts on his paws, holding a little red pillow and on the pillow is written...S*** Bi*** you is FINE. Hope I don't get points for that. But, anyway, she loved it and has the picture proudly on her blog. No doubt about it, I have a strange son and daughter in law.

I got a call this afternoon. Guess who from?? The Rachael Ray show! Boy was I surprised. They wanted to know if I would be willing to talk about menopause and how it affected our sex life. I had no problem with that, but I had to tell her that Ron passed this summer. She gave her condolences and we talked for a while. She said she would call me again if they had another issue that I could talk about. They do address a lot of important womens' issues on that program.

 

[minnie56]

Hi all...

Oh Angelrose...remember, there will be bad days and not so bad days. It really is still early days..and you have come so far.

My Mum passed 6 years ago now..I went into a store on Friday that she always liked...and my eyes just filled. Everything took me back in a second. I found myself saying "Gosh I miss you Mum"...after time, this is how it can wash over you. You aren't there yet...every day for you there are moments like that and they can overwhelm. The ache will always be there..but there will come days where you will think of something that Ron did or said or just a feeling and you will smile and the hurt will be just a little less. Truly...

This journey we take is so much sadder when those we love don't come the whole way...

Your poor car!! I can't believe the weather so many places have been enduring. We do have some snow now..but not bad by any stretch.

That's very neat about the RR show calling...hope they have something else that you can contribute to!! I went to see Ellen a couple of years back when she was in NYC. It was such fun!!! I love seeing live shows. Saw the View also..that was ages ago when Star Jones was still there...must do that again!!!

Baby steps...may tomorrow be a little better

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you minnie56. I don't know how far I've come. Sometimes it seems like I'm still back in June. I do have good days and I do laugh (especially at Chuck). All I can do is try and survive a day at a time.

I love the RR show and watch it every day. I even try some of her recipes. Although one recipe I tried was very different from hers but turned out great. I didn't have some of the ingredients so substituted what I did have and it was so yummy that I wrote down what I did so I can do it again.

 

[minnie56]

Well, that's not so long is it really? All those years together and now only 7+ months since? Still in the first stages on life being very different. It cannot be easy ..

I like some of RR recipes too. I make one of hers ..Pork Tenderloin w/Apple Juice and apples, onions..so yummy.

 

[minniecarousel]

Let me chime in on RR - I LOVE her 30 Minute Meals Shows - I'm still watching the reruns & getting some great dinner ideas.

 

[Angelrose]

I love her daytime show on ABC. I even watch the reruns in the summer. Now that is dedication!

Today was a better day. I was cooking a lot this morning and that kept my mind busy.

 

[Angelrose]

I loved watching the mens' skating last night. It was so exciting. I'm so glad that Evan won. He really deserved it.

Today was a pretty good day. I did some housework and fried up some turkey meatloaf patties for tomorrow. It makes the house smell so good.

The snow is finally melting. I'm hoping that if the snow and rain mess we're getting on Tuesday isn't too bad, I might be able to get out by the end of next week. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Has anyone heard from chell? I'm really getting worried. She hasn't posted on here for a long time.

 

[minniecarousel]

hmmm...chell hasn't posted at all in Feb. Hopefully, she'll check in soon. Funny how you can connect to people without having actually met them.

We had a rough day. My Mom (93) had cardioversion today - they gave her a little zap because her heart was out of rhythm. She keeps losing weight and has no energy. Since blood hasn't been pumping properly for over a week, we're hoping that now that the heart is working right, she'll perk up a little. She's such a sweetheart, it's hard seeing her in pain.

Tomorrow will be better.

 

[Angelrose]

Oh Julie, I'm so sorry that your mom is having heart problems. I'll say a prayer for her.

 

[Minnie&Nana]

Gee, I've not been receiving any email notifications of posts until tonight - so sorry I've been absent.

Angelrose, I have seen chell on facebook and asked how she is - said she's been very tired lately and not on line much. I told she is missed here and to stop by when she can.

So, how about that Rachel Ray show! How did they ever get your name? Amazing...but why is a cooking show talking about the sex lives of seniors?

Well, my friends, I am a wreck. DD, sil and my sweet Sophia leave tomorrow for 10 days to visit family in FL...they will leave here, spend the night in Savannah, then on to St. Augustine on Sunday and spend 3 ngts with Mia's dad's family. Then Wed on to Melbourne to spend 3 ngts with Michael's sister, her husband and kids and see his mom. On Saturday they go back for an overnight in Savannah, then drive the rest of the way home on Sunday.

Here's the thing - I am TERRIFIED in this house alone. It is so big, on a corner lot in a subdivision where we know absolutely no one (no sidewalks, nothing nearby and I don't drive). The only house next to us is empty.

If anything was to happen to me, no one would ever know. No one to call for help...if there was a emergency with the pups, no one to call...and I do not drive and no cabs.

..sigh..mostly I am just scared of being here alone at night. I leave so many lights on, at least 2 TVs on, the flood lights in back, the front porch light and the light over the garage.

Trying to think positive and find a way to calm myself, but I cannot seem to find that calm place.

Angelrose, I was so happy when Evan won the gold! Did you see that the Russian is protesting it today? He was great, but made some mistakes, whereas Even's performance was perfect.

 

[Minnie&Nana]

Julie, I am sorry I missed your post about your mom. Glad the procedure went well and hope she is feeling well very soon. Will tuck her in my prayer.

 

[Angelrose]

No I didn't see that! It was obvious who the better skater was. Just because he did a quad does not mean you get the medal. Evan's footwork was so much more difficult. I just heard that the Russian is protesting it.

I hope chell gets to feeling better soon. I miss her.

Rachael Ray has a daytime show on ABC. It's talk show with cooking in it. I registered on her website so I could email her about an opinion I had about one of her shows. So they had all my information in the registration. It's a good show. I really enjoy it.

I know what you mean about being in a home all by yourself. It took me a long while to get used to it. I have some night lights on all over the house. I just know Ron is watching over me with my other Guardian Angels.

 

[Angelrose]

I had a good day today. Chuck brought Jesse over this morning. I watching tv when they came in and I heard Jesse asking where I was. Chuck told him to go find me and he ran right into my arms. I got a big hug and then we played. Chuck and I talked while I played with Jesse. I gave him a couple of Hot Wheels and we played with them and the light up thingys I brought back from DW. We had a good time and Chuck offered to shovel the snow so I could back my car up enough to get out. YIPPPEEEEEEEEE!!! I can now get out to do my own grocery shopping. I called my hairdresser to tell her to get me in before the next snow storm hits on Thursday. Tomorrow I think I will take a nice walk. I haven't been able to do that in weeks! Chuck loaded up his truck with my trash and we went to the dump. Then they went home and I watched the Olympics from last night. I saw the interview with Evan. Boy he certainly is a class act. He never once said anything remotely bad about Pleshenko. Always upbeat. I did laugh when they asked him if he would be going to the 2014 Olympics in Russia. He said he didn't think they would let him in the country.

What a good day for me.

 

[minnie56]

Glad that you had a better day Angelrose..nice when they come along
Happy to hear too that you are getting sprung from the snow! You'll be footloose and fancy free again, albeit for a short time. Is there really more coming your way? Oh dear...this is some winter for so many!

Minnie&Nana..I am sending you hugs. I don't like being alone in the house either...keep ALL the lights on and TV too! Feels like someone's there with you Can you invite a friend over to sleep at least? Keep lots of visitors coming...that will break up the time.

I am sorry to hear that Chell is not feeling great...we DO miss her!!! How did you find her on Facebook? Awww...she's been there for everyone, nice to think we might be of help to her?

Minniecarousel..hope Mom is feeling better?

We are going to Florida for a week on March 3..I had some air credits to use up by March 13 sooooo we have rented a lovely 5 bdrm house on a golf course and we ladies will shop and the guys can do their golf 'thing' LOL...

My tooth issues (did I even tell you I had a tooth extraction?) have still not resolved. I had 'dry socket' it turned out so have been going back every few days to have it repacked with this nasty medicated packing! YUCK...smells and tastes like Cloves and more! I also have a prob with the bone below the tooth pressing against the gum. It looks like it might come through any minute!! Yikes...they are hoping it settles. ME TOO!!!! Seems the pressure of tugging and back and forth to get the tooth out can cause the bone to almost buckle under the trauma. Jeez. teeth. They can be a nuisance!

Anyways ladies..wishing you a good day! Stay well and safe

 

[Angelrose]

Here's hoping your tooth issues are resolved quickly minnie56. You deserve to have a wonderful mini vacation with no problems.

It looks like we are just going to get rain this time. YIPPEE! But not too much. I don't need another flooded basement.

I went grocery shopping today. It was so wonderful to get out. I went for a walk at Smithville this afternoon hoping to talk to my friends, but they were on vacation until Friday. But I did have a lovely walk. It was nice and warm. Almost 50. Then my hairdresser called and I'm going to get my hair done this Friday. I really need it.

Tomorrow I'm going to go shopping at Walmart, Target, Home Depot and the craft store. I may even treat myself to a Mc'D's breakfast. I am just going hog wild with my freedom!

 

[minnie56]

I think we are getting your snow Angelrose!
It was a heavenly day today..sunny and warm even. The forecast is taking a downward turn tho...snow tomorrow and on and off till the weekend. Oh well--the party's over!!

Glad that you are getting out a little tho...you've earned spreading those wings!!

 

[Angelrose]

I had a dream about my Ron. I don't remember all of it, but at the end I was hugging him so tight. He said he had to leave. I told him I couldn't let go because I knew he would disappear if I did. I didn't let go but he disappeared and I woke up. I've been crying off and on all day. Was he telling me I won't see him anymore in my dreams? I haven't had that many of him and I treasure every one. I don't know. Maybe he has to go and rest now for a while. It's just very hard.

 

[minnie56]

Oh no Angelrose, don't look at it that way. You are seeing too much into it...I think it's more your own subconscious thoughts that you won't see him again. Ron is a thought,,memory, feeling away. He lives on in all he was and will always be to you. A lifetime of memories can never go away..we can't see those that we loved and have left us but we will always sense them with us. He will not leave you...he may not come in dreams all the time, but he's there with you. It's tough when we can't be sure...

It is hard. It will be always, some times and days more than others.

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you minnie56. I guess you are right. He will always be in my heart. I just want him back here so I can hug him again. He should be here with me.

I'm sorry, it's just been a bad day.

 

[minnie56]

I know...and those bad days come along sometimes. I think sometimes being inside so much in the winter time with the days closing in so early doesn't help with feeling alone and a little melancholy. Summer seems to lift our spirits and make us feel a little lighter in our hearts. Spring isn't far away and then things will seem a little better, until then, we are here as you make it through and good and the bad times...