Rajah
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Aug 17, 1999
- Messages
- 9,633
(I guess I really should be posting updates on a single thread, shouldn't I?)
Thank y'all for the support today. It really hit me hard this morning when I was going through pictures, but having y'all to turn to (in addition to other sources) really, really helped.
I'm going to make today's update brief, because the biggest thing I am right now is *tired*, and tomorrow's going to be rough with the memorial service and all.
As y'all know, we started going through pictures for tomorrow's service. That was hard, and we didn't finish. Going to try to do that tomorrow morning before we go.
DH was able to get us an appointment with a friend's lawyer today actually, so we went by there and redid my mom's will, made DH's and mine, and started probate on my dad's. Thanks to the prayers and strength sent by others, this wasn't as bad as I expected it to be, either. For either of us. Thank you.
Then we came home and waited for the grandparents/aunt/cousin group to come back and go to dinner. They'd already eaten, so DH, mom, and I went out to dinner. We've been making sure to get at least one good meal a day, with soup, sandwiches, fruit, crackers, etc as at least snacks through the rest, and *tons* of water. I've actually only had one coke in the past 3 days, which is *hugely* unusual for me, but I don't need the side effects of caffeine right now.
Got dinner, and picked up my mom's prescription for a mild tranq. She's starting on that tonight. I'm still doing okay without anything beyond what I'm already taking and the rescue remedy, but I'm planning to call my Dr Monday and ask for one as well for when I return to work. I anticipate that to be the hardest day in the short-term.
Came back by the house and picked up my uncle, who drove in tonight. I was *so* glad to see him. My mom *really* needed some of *her* family here and not just my dad's. (Her neice, whom she's rather close to as well, is flying in tomorrow morning for the memorial). My other uncle, who is unable to travel at the moment, has been great about calling to check on us every day and making sure we talk. Even though he's not here in person, he has been great. But my mom needed someone from her side to be here, and for that reason I was *so* glad my uncle got here (just wish he could stay longer, he's got to head back home Sunday). He, my DH, mom, and I went back to my mom's house for some stuff, and I had her ride there with her brother so she'd have time to talk to him.
I was dreading going back to the house today and almost backed out tonight, but decided I really needed to face it and go, and besides my car is the only one the three of us could fit in, since Uncle was going back to his hotel straight from mom's house. If I had to, I could have DH drive.
But, after a few minutes of being really hard, it actually got easier. Enough easier that I can see that yes, I can return to that house in the future without collapsing every time I walk in the door. And as each day passes, my mom wants more and more to return to *her* home, despite what happened there. I'm not sure how we're going to handle that, because I don't want her to be alone for the first few days, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. One day at a time, one item at a time.
We were after some items of my dad's that really represent him that we can display at the memorial tomorrow, and I think going through some of his favorite things to select those out actually really helped. Every item we selected had good memories attached, and going through them reminded us of all the good memories we needed to remember now.
I also found a few boxes of photos that I started going through just for memory's sake while I was waiting for DH and Uncle to finish hunting down some items. I was looking for pictures with him in them, and found a few that really caught my dad well. Maybe they weren't that great of *pictures*, but they really were *him*. And going through those was the exact opposite of this morning. Where this morning I broke down and couldn't finish looking at them, by the time I left the house tonight to come back home, I was smiling and laughing with my uncle, and sharing good memories with him and my mom.
That was really good for me, because it showed me that yes, I can get through this, and will. I'm just floored it's happening already, just 3 days after.
My mom and I also had a chance to talk a few times, just *talk*, which she really needed. Okay, I needed, too, but I don't honestly need as badly as she does. I've been keeping these diary/updates every night, and have been talking with a few close friends via AIM every night, and typically spend 2-3 hours answering email each night, so I've had the chance to talk about what I've needed to so far. Again, she hasn't had as much of that outlet as I have. But, she has had people calling fairly often, and that's helped, too.
I've suggested to her that she come on here or AIM, but she declined. Said she's never been good at expressing herself on the computer, and when I think about it, she's right. She needs face-to-face contact where I need the computer screen. So once we get all the "must do now" things out of the way, I'm going to try and get her to find someone she can go talk to. Including the option of the two of us going to the counselors provided at work. I checked, she is eligible.
Anyway, if I'm going to get enough sleep to be able to make it through tomorrow (and, surprisingly, I've had *no* trouble sleeping. Which seems really strange to me??), I need to head to bed shortly. So I'm going to cut the update there.
Thanks again, everyone. I wouldn't be able to handle this without y'all.
(Um, as a side note, could someone please snag all these threads I've been posting for me and save them somewhere? I plan to do so when things slow down, but I'm afraid the boards will move to their new server before I can save them, and I really want to save these. I'd really appreciate it if someone could grab them for me)
Thank y'all for the support today. It really hit me hard this morning when I was going through pictures, but having y'all to turn to (in addition to other sources) really, really helped.
I'm going to make today's update brief, because the biggest thing I am right now is *tired*, and tomorrow's going to be rough with the memorial service and all.
As y'all know, we started going through pictures for tomorrow's service. That was hard, and we didn't finish. Going to try to do that tomorrow morning before we go.
DH was able to get us an appointment with a friend's lawyer today actually, so we went by there and redid my mom's will, made DH's and mine, and started probate on my dad's. Thanks to the prayers and strength sent by others, this wasn't as bad as I expected it to be, either. For either of us. Thank you.
Then we came home and waited for the grandparents/aunt/cousin group to come back and go to dinner. They'd already eaten, so DH, mom, and I went out to dinner. We've been making sure to get at least one good meal a day, with soup, sandwiches, fruit, crackers, etc as at least snacks through the rest, and *tons* of water. I've actually only had one coke in the past 3 days, which is *hugely* unusual for me, but I don't need the side effects of caffeine right now.
Got dinner, and picked up my mom's prescription for a mild tranq. She's starting on that tonight. I'm still doing okay without anything beyond what I'm already taking and the rescue remedy, but I'm planning to call my Dr Monday and ask for one as well for when I return to work. I anticipate that to be the hardest day in the short-term.
Came back by the house and picked up my uncle, who drove in tonight. I was *so* glad to see him. My mom *really* needed some of *her* family here and not just my dad's. (Her neice, whom she's rather close to as well, is flying in tomorrow morning for the memorial). My other uncle, who is unable to travel at the moment, has been great about calling to check on us every day and making sure we talk. Even though he's not here in person, he has been great. But my mom needed someone from her side to be here, and for that reason I was *so* glad my uncle got here (just wish he could stay longer, he's got to head back home Sunday). He, my DH, mom, and I went back to my mom's house for some stuff, and I had her ride there with her brother so she'd have time to talk to him.
I was dreading going back to the house today and almost backed out tonight, but decided I really needed to face it and go, and besides my car is the only one the three of us could fit in, since Uncle was going back to his hotel straight from mom's house. If I had to, I could have DH drive.
But, after a few minutes of being really hard, it actually got easier. Enough easier that I can see that yes, I can return to that house in the future without collapsing every time I walk in the door. And as each day passes, my mom wants more and more to return to *her* home, despite what happened there. I'm not sure how we're going to handle that, because I don't want her to be alone for the first few days, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. One day at a time, one item at a time.
We were after some items of my dad's that really represent him that we can display at the memorial tomorrow, and I think going through some of his favorite things to select those out actually really helped. Every item we selected had good memories attached, and going through them reminded us of all the good memories we needed to remember now.
I also found a few boxes of photos that I started going through just for memory's sake while I was waiting for DH and Uncle to finish hunting down some items. I was looking for pictures with him in them, and found a few that really caught my dad well. Maybe they weren't that great of *pictures*, but they really were *him*. And going through those was the exact opposite of this morning. Where this morning I broke down and couldn't finish looking at them, by the time I left the house tonight to come back home, I was smiling and laughing with my uncle, and sharing good memories with him and my mom.
That was really good for me, because it showed me that yes, I can get through this, and will. I'm just floored it's happening already, just 3 days after.
My mom and I also had a chance to talk a few times, just *talk*, which she really needed. Okay, I needed, too, but I don't honestly need as badly as she does. I've been keeping these diary/updates every night, and have been talking with a few close friends via AIM every night, and typically spend 2-3 hours answering email each night, so I've had the chance to talk about what I've needed to so far. Again, she hasn't had as much of that outlet as I have. But, she has had people calling fairly often, and that's helped, too.
I've suggested to her that she come on here or AIM, but she declined. Said she's never been good at expressing herself on the computer, and when I think about it, she's right. She needs face-to-face contact where I need the computer screen. So once we get all the "must do now" things out of the way, I'm going to try and get her to find someone she can go talk to. Including the option of the two of us going to the counselors provided at work. I checked, she is eligible.
Anyway, if I'm going to get enough sleep to be able to make it through tomorrow (and, surprisingly, I've had *no* trouble sleeping. Which seems really strange to me??), I need to head to bed shortly. So I'm going to cut the update there.
Thanks again, everyone. I wouldn't be able to handle this without y'all.
(Um, as a side note, could someone please snag all these threads I've been posting for me and save them somewhere? I plan to do so when things slow down, but I'm afraid the boards will move to their new server before I can save them, and I really want to save these. I'd really appreciate it if someone could grab them for me)
{{{Hugs}}}
