And don't call me sweetie

[happygirl]

So you're saying it is not disrespectful for a, say 14 year old, to call a grown 40 year old woman "Sweetie?"

I don't think so. Why would it be? I'm close to 40 and would have NO problem with it at all.

 

[Liberty Belle]

It's all in the delivery. If someone is saying it, just as a matter of conversation (not being sarcastic or disrespectful) how can that be a major thing or worth getting bent out of shape over?? I may not choose to say it, but I can accept that others have different personalities, phrases, and ways of speaking than I do. Getting upset about something like this comes off as a bit controlling and petty.

I just see the decline of respect a "big deal" and I think this is just one aspect of it. If a cashier calls me Sweetie, it makes me cringe inwardly, but I would never say anything to her, because typically she feels she is being nice and if she doesn't know that I feel it's disrespectful, then she's doing what she should. I think sometimes it's meant in a condescending/passive aggressive way, though, even if others seem to think the person didn't have bad intentions.

But, I do not like the plunge respect is taking in general. Maybe it comes from reading one too many Jane Austen novels, but I like things done in a more proper fashion. Do I demand others act that way? No, absolutely not. I'm not in the least bit controlling. Petty, maybe, but as I don't let my feelings on the matter be known to the "Sweetie sayer," it's my problem.

It doesn't really bother me if someone says it to me when I'm in distress or if it's a person who is much older than me.

What I find interesting is several people said a student should not call their professor Sweetie. To me, you should offer strangers the same respect.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I don't think so. Why would it be? I'm close to 40 and would have NO problem with it at all.

Do you think a student should call his teacher Sweetie? Or would you call your governor Honey?

 

[Paula Sedley-Burke]

I am from the UK and always found it rather cute re sweetie etc. When we first started coming over to visit I must admit I was confused by being called 'you guys' when we are both female but now I understand that you use that for either gender! When in Rome In the UK guys are male only. Least your servers are polite, warm and friendly that's all I care about!

 

[Acklander]

I am from the UK and always found it rather cute re sweetie etc. When we first started coming over to visit I must admit I was confused by being called 'you guys' when we are both female but now I understand that you use that for either gender! When in Rome In the UK guys are male only. Least your servers are polite, warm and friendly that's all I care about!

Yeah, I'm from an area that's big on the "you guys" greeting. I guess we think it's more respectful than "hey you".

 

[KristaTX]

Sorry to disagree, but down south it is anything but *extremely disrespectful*.
And guess what, parents definitely *do* teach their children manners, and it's not annoying to those of us that grow up with it. It's our way of life, as most of us have already pointed out. You don't have to like it, but it's not *bad* manners.

To say "ma'am" and "sir" is considered respectful in the south and maybe other areas. But I think what you quoted said something about younger people calling older people things like "sweetie" or "honey", and not "ma'am" or "sir". At least in Texas, it is NOT taught to children that they can or should call their elders (or at least strangers) by a term of endearment. Just terms of respect, be it "ma'am" and "sir" or "Mr/Mrs Smith."

Except now somehow it has become the norm to teach children to call people things like "Miss Krista" or "Mr. Joe". I HATE that, and always just tell the kid to just call me Krista. "Mrs/Ms Smith" or just plain old "Krista", please. Not sure why it bugs me so much, but it really does. If they're using my first name anyway (which I'm not against if I'm not in authority over them), then no need to add "Miss" (which I'm not one of, anyway).

 

[Paula Sedley-Burke]

Yeah, I'm from an area that's big on the "you guys" greeting. I guess we think it's more respectful than "hey you".

Lol hey you is the best I could hope for here. Now I understand somebody is not calling me a cross dresser I think its cute

 

[U2_rocks!]

The only people I expect might call me "sweetie" or "sweetheart" are my husband, parents or other very close family member (usually older, like a granny or aunt). If an older person that I don't know calls me that I will give her/him a pass because I just assume they are old fashioned and that's maybe how they grew up talking to people. But if someone my age or younger called me that I would really have to consider the context. A young waitress with a southern drawl would get a pass because I know that's likely just her style. But honestly, being called sweetie can be very condescending too. I remember during an argument my boss called me sweetheart when he was telling me how much more experience he had in the particular area we were arguing about - there is no way that wasn't intended to be condescending! He vehemently denied it of course, but he had never used the word sweetheart before then and never since - it is not part of his normal vocab (at least at work), so in that context I know he was trying to belittle me. It's all in the context.

 

[Ginny Favers]

Hmmm, interesting way to look at things (to me). I guess we're very different people. How people interact with others is very important to me. I like conversation and social niceties.

By the way, I do not think your way of thinking or feeling is "wrong" and I hope you're not saying our way of thinking is "wrong." We're just different from each other.

Maybe part of it is where I grew up and the industry I'm in. I'm being judged all the time, and would be HAPPY if people called me sweetie, as opposed to the things I've been called! There's so much disrespect, we have to find it inside ourselves, thicken our skin, and turn a blind eye to what others, especially strangers, think of us.

 

[LuLuO]

Honey and sweetie don't bother me. Ma'am actually bothers me because it makes me feel old.

 

[Bluestars]

So you're saying it is not disrespectful for a, say 14 year old, to call a grown 40 year old woman "Sweetie?"

If one of my kids ever addressed an adult as sweetie, honey, or something similar, I would have a huge problem with it. They don't though because they were raised to treat adults with respect.

I know the people who use these terms don't think it's being disrespectful, but obviously you can see by the responses on this board that many people do. Just because we don't say anything when a person uses the term, doesn't mean we aren't bothered by it. A coworker does this all of the time to professionals she deals with on the phone. It's embarrassing for our company to have someone act like that.

I don't think these things coming from a waitress, nurse, or someone like that are as big of a deal as other interactions where a person should be respectful.

 

[North of Mouse]

So you're saying it is not disrespectful for a, say 14 year old, to call a grown 40 year old woman "Sweetie?"

Nope, not in the deep south. It is especially a respectful address when said in the manner we were taught. Am not saying that it should be done to those in authority (teachers, business, etc.) but otherwise it is sort of like breathing, definitely not meant to be smarty or condescending.

This 'is' respect! Doesn't mean everyone is called that - there are times for sirs and ma'ams, but it's not a sign of declining respect as you seem to want to take it.

You are not from the south (yes, Kentucky says they are southern, but we moved to Georgetown for a couple years with my dh's employment and found out quick children's manners in general were different there than the area we were raised).

 

[Lisaren]

I live in the south. I was raised on ma'am and sir. I have not made an effort to make those words a part of my children's vocabulary.
I was taught anyone older than you, you did not know their name, in a position of authority, it was always safe to use ma'am and sir. Then, I started getting - don't call me that it makes me feel old. Why would I teach my children to use something over half of the people I talked to as a teenager on a daily basis found bad enough to be corrected over?
We also don't use honey or sugar with strangers in our household. Adults are addressed in the manner they are introduced. If "Hi, I am Josie Smith". She is called Mrs. or Ms. Smith. If "Hi, I am Josie". She is called Josie by both adults and children.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Yeah, I'm from an area that's big on the "you guys" greeting. I guess we think it's more respectful than "hey you".

At least it's better than "youse".

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

So you're saying it is not disrespectful for a, say 14 year old, to call a grown 40 year old woman "Sweetie?"

I believe that disrespect is in the intent rather than the perception. Now, I wouldn't like my daughter calling an elder "sweetie", but if someone else was calling me that and they were doing so in a kind way, I would not see it as disrespect. To me, disrespect has to have intent behind it.

At least it's better than "youse".

"Y'all" is forever ingrained in me. It works for all people whether male, female, young, or old.

 

[disykat]

I don't think these things coming from a waitress, nurse, or someone like that are as big of a deal as other interactions where a person should be respectful.

My Dad was hospitalized and was REALLY upset that people were calling him pet names. They wrote on the white board as you came in his room "patient's name is x or mr. y. Do not call him pet names" because he was getting so agitated. It helped, but didn't eliminate it.

A restaurant you can take your business elsewhere, but when you are in a hospital you are very vulnerable and deserve respect.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Nope, not in the deep south. It is especially a respectful address when said in the manner we were taught. Am not saying that it should be done to those in authority (teachers, business, etc.) but otherwise it is sort of like breathing, definitely not meant to be smarty or condescending.

This 'is' respect! Doesn't mean everyone is called that - there are times for sirs and ma'ams, but it's not a sign of declining respect as you seem to want to take it.

You are not from the south (yes, Kentucky says they are southern, but we moved to Georgetown for a couple years with my dh's employment and found out quick children's manners in general were different there than the area we were raised).

lol ok, excuse me. I'll bow out.

 

[Liberty Belle]

My Dad was hospitalized and was REALLY upset that people were calling him pet names. They wrote on the white board as you came in his room "patient's name is x or mr. y. Do not call him pet names" because he was getting so agitated. It helped, but didn't eliminate it.

A restaurant you can take your business elsewhere, but when you are in a hospital you are very vulnerable and deserve respect.

I used to work in a hospital here in Kentucky (which, apparently is not part of the south, who knew?) and during orientation we were told to never address a patient as Sweetie, Honey, etc. We were told to call them Mr, Ms, Miss, Mrs. Last Name.

 

[Bluestars]

My Dad was hospitalized and was REALLY upset that people were calling him pet names. They wrote on the white board as you came in his room "patient's name is x or mr. y. Do not call him pet names" because he was getting so agitated. It helped, but didn't eliminate it.

A restaurant you can take your business elsewhere, but when you are in a hospital you are very vulnerable and deserve respect.

I can see how that would bother him. It would be nice if people would just quit doing it, but that will never happen. It's like nails on a chalkboard every time my coworker speaks to business associates on the phone and calls them sweetie or honey.

 

[LongLiveDisney]

At least it's better than "youse".

Ugh. When I lived in NJ, I HATED "youse."