All of the happyhaunts had voted. Space Mountain was to be next.
Even Tommy wanted to go.
He's too short.
He has NO IDEA that he's too short.
My vote was to skip Space Mountain and wait outside with our vertically-challenged youngest member.
I offered. I suggested. I even insisted. I demanded. I begged.
Except for begged.
No way. No how.
Mellyman, Beth and Calvin huddled together. To talk amongst themselves.
For a minute or two. Broke... with a quick boisterous "Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer!" And.
Then came at Me(l).
Beth: Let's go, Mom! Space Mountain awaits! (imitating me and my call to the Haunted Mansion, Misson Space and TToT.)
Me: I'll pass. Someone has to wait with Tommy.
Calvin: Mommy is afraid.
Mellyman: Terrified.
Beth: Chicken!
Tommy: I may want an ice-cream...
Me: Yes. YES. I am. I would prefer to skip this ride.
Beth: NO WAY! You always try to make me go on rides. Even when I'm scared. You HAVE to go.
Mellyman and Calvin: WORD! (well... they didn't say "word". But they agreed)
Me: We probably need Fastpasses and we don't have any. There's no point waiting for an hour. Plus... I never "MAKE" you do anything, Missy. I gently and sweetly convince you to try new things.
Mellyman: The Stand-by is only 20 minutes. Melly.
Calvin: Come on, Mom. You always MAKE us try things we're afraid of!
Beth: You say "Fear is failure!".
Me: And it's true. Except for this one time. And... the other times I'm scared.
Mellyman: You're setting a fine example. And YOU call yourself a MAN!
Me: Heh heh.
Mellyman: Heh heh.
Calvin: Where's Tommy?
Hummmm...
OH CRAP!
Where WAS Tommy?
The one rule we try to follow to the letter, always, is this: Never take your eye off of the BAMA!
Or else... he's GONE!
Quicker than draft turns to pee.
Faster than the French surrendered to the Germans.
More rapidly than Tie Domi jumped into bed, both figuratively and literally, with another former right-winger.
And... WAY more speedily than Janet Jackson corrected her "wardrobe malfunction". TFI.
What I'm saying is this: We had temporarily misplaced our smallest of happyhaunts.
Letting Tommy out of your sight is as productive as allowing our hamster to walk home alone from school.
Oh.
Our hamster passed away yesterday. Pepper... Volume 2... is dead.
It's sad because while we all loved Pepper... being OUR pet and all... I got thinking about all Pepper was good at. Yesterday... while trying to write the eulogy.
I came up with this: Pepper had a knack for oxygen.
That was it.
Moving on...
What's the point of doing the "Baby Swap" if you don't have a baby. To swap?
We had to find Tommy.
Luckily we caught him out of the corner of our eyes. Standing in front of a little girl in a stroller. And workin' it.
Bustin' some moves. Showing her his fine dancing skillz. Workin' his jelly. As cool as a Milwaukee 2 Wheeler.
He was 2 Legit 2 Quit!
Yet... we made him.
Because: We can.
Then we all headed into the fearsome Space Mountain.
I was draggin' tail and whining.
Yet, still resigned to GO TIME.
Because I didn't want to set a poor example for my children. Again.
Heh heh.
We entered the queue. Technically, we were enqueuing. I was actually hoping for queue overflow. So that I could volunteer to dequeue. And get the HAIL out of Dodge aka Space Mountain's queue.
"Queue" means nothing now. TFI. And I have NO IDEA if I spelled it correctly or not. I cannot even wrap my eyes around it at this point.
It's a long queuing area.
Psyche!
Just long enough to for me to ramp myself into a state of extreme nervousness. Hearing screams ahead. Of Me(l).
Oh, yeah, I've DONE Space Mountain before. Plenty. With my Dad. When I was younger. I always hated it. But... he loved it. And it drove The General crazy with worry. When I was small.
So... I did it.
I figured the only chance I had, to get myself on the stupid ride, was calling my Mother and telling her that I was thinking about riding it with the kids.
That would have worked.
But... I didn't. Because, at the end of the day, I LOVE(ISH) her. My 'ol Commander in Chief.
And didn't want to worry her. Too much.
We got to the loading dock aka Space Port. I think. And had to break the news to Tommy that he was too small to ride.
And, then, do the Screaming Baby Tommy Swap.
Mellyman offered to do it first.
Leaving Beth, Calvin and I to embark. On our mission.
Now... I have to say that I LOVE crazy thrill rides. LOVE THEM. I love Mission Space! I love Drop Zone, especially, and The Tower Of Terror and The Rockn'Roller Coaster.
Why don't I love Space Mountain? The rest of my family are all Trekers. Of the highest degree. My DH gets "Astronomy" in the mail. Each month. And Calvin is obsessed with Apollo 13. As am I.
Hummmm...
I realized that the only "space" things I really, really like... include Gary Sinise. Perhaps I'm NOT so much of a space cadet. Heh heh. Maybe, just maybe... I only ride Mission Space and love Apollo 13 because Gary tells me to?
Hummmm...
Food for thought.
And, yet, NO TIME!
We climbed in. Single file.
Beth was in front of me.
Calvin to the rear.
In our rocket train.
Calvin yelled, "MOM! It's GO TIME! Are you ready?"
I yelled, "That's a NEGATIVE, Jim, I DO have the measles!"
And, also, "HOLD ME TIGHT, Ken Mattingly!"
Off.
For three minutes of my stomach in my throat fear. Dips, drops, swerves and neck-snapping jolting turns. In the dark(ish)... but not, yet, dark. Just dark(ish).
Three minutes of screaming: Whoa BABY! ARRRRGHHHH! MOMMY! MELLY! GARY! OH NOOOOOOO!
And praying that we would not hit the guests on the other track.
The longest three minutes of that trip. I'll tell ya. Perhaps it was only two and a half minutes but... it FELT like three. bTw.
When I got off and faced Mellyman and Tommy.
My knees were like jello.
Mellyman saw my expression and said, "Did you have FUN, Mel?"
With that SMILE. That I hate, yet also, love.
"Your question insults us both!" I answered.
I had no idea what I was taking about. TFI.
And then because I thought I was going to be sick, told them to have a great time. All three of them. And I was taking Tommy out to the arcade.
Via the washroom.
To stir the oxygen tanks, a bit.
Cheers, Mel.
To be continued. Up next: More stupid Space Mountain. Endless time in the arcade. The CLAW. And more.
Out.
