Thank you so much everyone. The last four days have been very hectic and very sad. Having my mother die at home was good and yet at the end it was scary and there was no patient call button. I hope I never have to go through that again.
This event has brought out the best and worst in people. I have received emails, calls, flowers, dinner and so much love from many friends and family. I have also gotten nasty emails and phone calls from my two stepbrothers. It got very, very ugly. It all capped off with me uninviting them to the funeral. This hurt stepdad but he understood and knows down deep I am right. He loves his sons. My mother did not. She loved their children and I am sorry they cannot attend their stepgrandmother's funeral, the oldest granddaughter in particular. But you know what, its my mother. And when someone calls you less than 24 hours after your mother has died and basically tells you that you aren't handling things right, the service is at an inconvenient time and never once says, "hey I loved your mom and she'll be missed" they can go straight to you know where. I am surprised I didn't have a stroke. Blended families really suck sometimes. Other stepbrother said he would come but not speak to my sil, and that his wife couldn't be in the same room with sil. No idea why. Sil is lovely. So I thought you know what, I love my family and my mother too much to have them be treated like this. So I told them "you are not invited, don't come, period. So now I am the bad guy. They should be ashamed. I told the one that when his mother dies, I hope he is treated better. I feel better at least that I stuck up for what I thought was right.
We leave for DL tomorrow. Not packed, Christmas tree still up but I guess we'll get ready somehow. I have mixed feelings, I never would have gone if my mom was still here on hospice. But now she is gone so I guess we will. Don't know how fun it will be but its 18 here tomrorrow and 68 in Anaheim so thats something. And a change of pace will do us all good.
Thanks so much for caring. I will be so glad when this is over. I can't wait to get back to working out and walking. I have been so so with food. Mostly I am just too upset and distracted to eat. But we have been eating out a lot and thats not easy to do well at. Oh well, who cares, I just have to get thorugh this. I wish I wasn't so fat for my mother's funeral. I hate looking like this. I have nothing to wear, I have some nice clothes from the cruise but they are summer clothes. So I'll have to shop for that when I get home and ds who has nothing but jeans and school uniforms. There are so many details, my head is just swimming.
I am off to pack but did want to update you. I am surviving but will sure be glad when this ordeal is all over. A week from Thursday is my Mother's funeral. I just cannot believe she is gone.
Please know that you, your mom, and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. 
to help get you through this rought time.
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