Amy's Journal: Comments Welcome!

[CACruisin']

Amy you have my sympathies. I'm glad your mother was surrounded by family and peaceful when she passed. I'm sorry the funeral arrangements/family issues have been so stressful. You are right about funerals bringing out the best and the worst in people. I'm glad you stood up for yourself and what is right for your mom and your family.

Enjoy the change of scenery at DL. Do something special as you think about the happy times with your mom.

You did give me a smile with your post -- it's FREEZING here by our standards! I'm glad it will be "warm" for you. Seriously though, it does get cold at night. It was 38 yesterday morning at 7am.

Take Care WISH sis.

 

[lovinaz]

I'm sorry to hear your stepbrothers are being such jerks. You did the right thing, don't feel bad about it!

Hopefully you are having some fun in DL right now! Maybe it will help ease the pain some, you definitely deserve to have a break and focus on something else for a few days.

 

[MIdanceMom]

Hi Amy,

I know you are in DL right now, and I hope you are able to relax and recoup after this ordeal. I wanted you to know that I think you did the right thing. Your mother's funeral was a time to remember and honor her. It is a time for people who loved her to come together and console and support each other. Your stepbrthers' drama had no place there. You may feel like a bad guy, but the right thing is rarely the easy thing.


I hope you are able to look at this trip as a time to recover. Make happy memories and live YOUR life the way you want and need to. That is what your Mom wants for you.

Love you,
Beth

 

[toystoryduo]

Oh Amy,

Sweetie, I am so sorry to hear about how your stepbrothers are acting. With all that you are going through, you don't need their attitudes. You did the right thing.

I hope you and your family are having a good time in Disneyland. Take good care of you, sweetie.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thank you so much everyone. I am so exhausted and so very glad this past two weeks is over. In spite of knowing our family was going to lose my mom and having six and half years to prepare for it, the shell shocked feeling, exhaustion and sadness are overwhelming. The funeral was lovely, just what she would have wanted. And I was so happy in that her friends and family filled the chapel to overflowing. They had to put people into a smaller room with a live video feed once the chapel was too full to hold any more people. Just another GREAT reason stepbrothers and their families weren't there, clogging up space for people who really did care. All four of my mom's nephews from Texas were there and one of them gave a very moving eulogy. I just know she was right there with us enjoying all the warmth and love everyone felt for her.

I had a house full of people and thank God my friends really came through. Bringing all kinds of food so that we could eat here but I didn't have to cook. Dh's aunt and cousin stayed here which was a bit stressful since my basement was full of stuff from my mom's that we had brought over to make room for the hospital bed plus all of our Christmas decorations we hadn't had time to put into the crawl space. But they were gracious about it but I hate not having things more organized when company comes. They left yesterday, my brother and his family left today and everyone else had cleared out on Friday. Its nice to have some quiet but also really lonely now. Dh's aunt and cousin really helped out, babysat dd so I could go have coffee with my cousins the night of the funeral and I felt really bad I put them in that ratty basement! They also gave me $200 to go to the spa for a day to myself. How nice and not a bit surprising. And my sil was also fabulous. She kept the kitchen clean, helped me out tremendously and during the service was right there for me. She really held things together. I have always loved her dearly but she is even more dear to me now. My brother got a good one! God bless her and dh's family for helping me through this past few days.

Disneyland was okay. It was packed on the weekend, often chilly (although it was 14 here one day so I wasn't complaining) and we all got colds. I spent the last day miserable with sore ears, throat and coughing up a lung. I have conluded that I like WDW better than DL. DL is great, but my jacka** father in law lives right there. He picked us up at the airport, yelled at us not to scratch the car and didn't one time say he was sorry my mom died. He gave me some dumb dead flowers and that was it. Dh was so furious. As usual he never one time hugged or talked to the kids. I am so done with him. If he wants to see his grandkids, he can jolly well haul himself out here. Won't happen. That just got the trip off to a bad start. Once my brother and his family got there it improved but the crowds and our colds plus reeling from all that happened just made enjoying ourselves difficult. I am glad we went and I do think the four kids had fun. My nieces turned seven on the 18th and it was nice to be with them. But I am glad the trip is over and I am happy to be home. Our flight got cancelled but they finally got us home about 8 hours late. I made flight reservations yesterday for our May/June trip to WDW. Much less points on our DVC to go there as opposed to DL. And no fil nearby to rain on the parade! We are going for 17 nights total and I cannot wait. I splurged and booked two nights at the Poly for the beginning of the trip. Both kids have always wanted to stay there and it was fun to tell them we finally are. I am really hoping to lose about 25 pounds by that trip, I have four months to do it. We'll see.


Tomorrow I will take the kids to school for the first time in two weeks. I don't even want to think about how far behind they both are. The teaches emailed me some assignments which of course we have not done. They said we had two weeks to make things up but I am just dreading the whole process.

Will not resume doing the home daycare thing. He is such a sweet little boy, love him dearly but I feel like my own kids need me to the point I can't give this little guy the attention he needs. Also ds is 13 and not enjoying having a six year old around each day. I will miss him and his mom but in the end I just think its best if I don't start it back up. She has him in the after school program right now. I wasnt' going to do it this summer or next year anyway. I am ready to get a job in the fall, part time but home daycare won't be it! I really feel like a heel, not finishing what I started but I just feel too much as loose ends with myself. And ds and dd are really having a hard time dealing with the loss of their grandmother. I am going to get them into a grief support group hospice provides and it meets in the afternoons. So that is another reason I need to have my and their afternoons free. I hope daycare mom understands, she is a lovely person but I just have to put my kids first.

I am starting Weight Watchers tomorrow. I think rather than try to figure out how much I have gained back of my 33 pounds (probably half of it ) I will just start over. I removed my wish clippie and will just start back up anew. Its sort of nice to know I can just not worry with what I gained and just start back up witha clean slate. WHEN I get to goal, maybe I can add those pounds I lost and kept off to my total. I plan to go out for a nice fattening lunch at Olive Garden (somebody gave me a gift card) for my "last supper". Then come home and purge the frig and grocery shop for the good stuff.

I am going to start back up with Curves February 1st. I plan to walk as much as I can, the Ipod really helps with that.

Stepdad and I will forge ahead. My attitude about his sons doesn't seem to bother him in the slightest. I was a bit upset when I went over to my mom's and saw that he had moved pictures of his kids onto her dresser but I guess its his dresser now. He sort of prattled on about his kids last night and I just didn't say a word. He is my kids grandfather, the only grandparent they have left and thats all that matters. I want off all of his finances so that stepbrother #1's wife doesn't decide to sue me thinking I am trying to get the old man's money. I was honest and said after all these years taking care of my mom, I don't want the responsiblity anymore. I want to be his friend, stepdaughter but in the end, HIS sons need to take care of their dad. We will probably see him as much as always but there is no doubt things will have to change somewhat. In all honesty, it won't surprise me if he remarries soon, the widows in that retirement village outnumber the men about 50 to 1. And he's still a good looking guy. Hope the new wife is ready to take on the sons. God help her. In all honesty, my mom would be fine with that and would want him to live life and be happy.

As far as my sister, our relationship is strained right now. Too much to go into but her years of treating my mom like dog poop are hard to forget. Brother and her are scarcely speaking and I couldn't care less. I held things together with this family for years for my mom's sake. She is gone now and its up to sister and brother to figure things out. I love them both but have to say I am on brother's side 100%. But I don't plan to sever any ties with her, I just don't want to have to micromanage all the holidays, family dinners etc. She's probably home right now mad as he** thinking we are all mean and also trying to find a new person to blame for all of her problems now that my mom is gone and can no longer fill that role. My new motto: Not my problem! She's a grown up and my new emphasis will be on my children, my husband and my health. I have to take better care of myself to be around for the long haul. No more excuses. I have the rest of this year, until the fall to be home and concentrate on getting my life on track.

Thanks so much for all your kindness, prayers and compassion. I am sorry I haven't kept up with all of you, I am off to journals now to catch up. Thanks again Wish Sisters, you will never know how much you mean to me!

Love,
Amy

 

[Amy&Dan]

Here is a photo of my family with my mom and stepdad taken at Chef Mickey's in October of 2005. This was a fun night for all of us and my mom had the time of her life. I had this photo in the slide show the funeral director helped us put together and thought you all might like to see what she looked like. You can also see me, its not a great picture of me but you'll get the general idea!

 

[toystoryduo]

Oh Amy,

Sweetie, you have been through so much. I am so glad to hear that so many people came to the funeral to honor your mom and that your friends and family were there to help you as well.

I'm glad your trip to DL was okay, but I am so sorry to hear about your FIL. Your WDW trip sounds like it is going to be a blast! Are you surprising your kids with the Poly or do they know?

Sending lots of for your kids as they return to school tomorrow. All of this must be so hard on them too. I think you are doing a great job handling it all and I'm sure that your daycare mom will understand.

Also sending lots of prayers for your relationships with your stepfather, your sister, and your brother. Family relationships can be so tough at times and a blessing at others.

Your plan for Weight Watchers sounds like a good one and I love your choice for that last meal!

Please be sure and take good care of you, WISH sis. I'm so glad you're back!

P.S. That's a great picture of you and your family! What a wonderful memory to have!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Tracy,

I actually had a good email conversation with my sister today, I know she is hurting too. As disgusted as I am with the way she treated my mom, she also lost a mom and I need to remember that. I worry about her, she is alone and struggling. I just need to stay in touch but also give myself the space to get over my own sadness. I don't think things will ever be the same but that doesn't mean I can't have a relationship with her. This stuff goes back literally almost 30 years when she suddenly decided my mom was the enemy. I'll never understand it and I can't even try, its not my problem.

Olive Garden, OMG what a last supper! I stuffed like there was no tomorrow and now feel bloated and ill. Came home, threw out some no no foods, made out a grocery list and am now helping the kids with homework.

I sent my daycare mom an email so that at least is done. And I started writing thank you notes to friends and family who brought food etc. I feel like I am starting to rejoin the human race again. Just getting a few things done made me feel better.

I am going on a walk tomorrow, Weight Watchers and the grocery store. I think staying busy will be a good thing. When I sit and think, I tend to feel sad and overwhelmed. At least ten times a day, I think "oh I need to call and see how my mom is". I guess old habits are hard to break. I think having this time for the next 8 months to catch up on my life and get in shape will be a good thing. I sure hope so!

 

[postesf]

HI Amy. Just checking in. Sorry to hear you came back from DL sick... I really admire you for pushing forward. It sounds like you have a great attitude and plan for moving forward and taking care of yourself and your family.

I LOVE Olive Garden. yum!!!

Stacie

 

[lovinaz]

Sounds like you are really dealing with all of this well! What a wonderful way to celebrate your mom's life, with an overcrowded church full of people who loved her! I hope you are able to eventually repair your relationship with your sister. I'm sure it's going to be hard, but just remember that it doesn't have to get fixed in one day or one week, it'll happen when it's time.

Finally, a picture!! Everyone looks so happy.

I like your plan of starting over. And whenever you feel yourself getting down in the dumps, log on and chat with some of your DIS friends, we'll be here for you!

 

[Caitsmama]

Amy,
I am sorry to hear about your mom's passing.. You and your family will be in my prayers..
Just wanted to pop in and tell you i am thinking of you!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thank you so much everyone. I am doing my best to move forward but it isn't easy!

I am planning on seeing my sister on the 10th. Dan turns 40 the next day, so I suggested we come and take her and my nephew to lunch down in her neck of the woods (65 miles from us). It's been fine although she is so weird. She inserts these strange, hurtful comments into her emails and is mostly wondering when she will get her insurance money from my mom's estate. Oh well, I love her but she will never change. I just have to decide how much I can deal with her and I don't think it will be too often. Maybe a quarterly type thing! She drains me and I tend to feel very depressed and upset everytime I talk to her. Not what I need right now. She has been the one thing this family has been able to count on to make things difficult and impossible for 30 years. I think its okay to cut my losses and just see her on a very limited basis. Frankly, I am trying so hard to get healthy both emotionally and physically and she is quite counterproductive to that.

My latest thing to deal with is the kids' school. I am really wondering if this private school was the right move. Both kids love it, but the middle school teacher will be dd's teacher for three years solid. She's a great teacher but overworked, underpaid and I am not sure how good of a fit she is for dd. That could be a very long three years. They only have one room for all three grades. She misses having lots of friends and if she goes back to public she can get the support she needs with math. Ds loves the school but admits this teacher is sometimes hard to spend the whole day with. I think he misses having lots of teachers that a typical middle school would provide. And of course paying $7500 a year in tuition has been a strain. This past year ds has been there has helped him settle down emotionally and the bullying stopped. But now that I can devote the time I need to to him, I can keep more on top of things. I also can't help but wonder if maybe some therapy is the better useage of money. Eventually he has to go back to public school, this private school he's in doesn't offer anything above 8th grade. I know he'll never have it easy in a school with 2500 kids but maybe postoning the inevitable isn't the right move. He also really missed having elective type classes and a big library. I will want to open enroll them both in a different school within the district if I can. After the disaster last year, I am not in a hurry to return him to our local middle school. That school has the worst reputation, always has and man I should have listened to my real estate agent who warned me against buying a house in this area! Live and learn. I think I will go down and see if I can get them both open enrolled in another school, if they have room (and once they are in, they're in for the duration of their middle school years) then I think I'll look at that as a sign its meant to be. I put him in that school because I needed him out of a bad situation, open enrollment to get him anywhere else was closed (this was last February) and with what I was dealing with my mom I just wanted out of that situation as easily as possible. I still think it was the right choice at the time, but life has changed and so has my perspective. Ds will always struggle in one manner or another and maybe saving money on tuition which would enable me to give him some private therapy might be the best choice.

Okay, sorry to run on and on, journaling helps me clear my head and get it out of my clogged brain!

I did go to WW yesterday. OMG, worse than I thought. My weight was 234.6which means I have gained back 21 of my orginal 33 pounds. How sad. Oh well, nothing to do but move on. I did pretty well with food yesterday. An email from my sister sent me straight to the chocolate chip cookies (had two) but I made a healthy dinner. I didn't exercise, my cold is so bad I can't breathe. I was going to take a walk today outside, but its currently 24 degrees, with 30 mps winds so I think I'll see if I can clear a path to the treadmill and do that. I can also do Walk Away the Pounds. I just need to do something.

The lady at WW put my orginal start weight of 246.8 in my book and said to go ahead and just start getting stars with each five pounds. Then at some point, we will add that 12.2 pounds to my total loss. But if I don't do it this way, I won't get any sort of reward until I hit 35 pounds which is 23 pounds from now. For some reason getting that little star motivates me. I liked the leader, had never been to that Monday morning meeting. Maybe thats a good time for me, it might keep me from going insane on the whole weekend! It just felt good to be back.

I also made plans to have lunch with two friends on Friday. Friday was always, for years my day with my mom. I don't want to be home feeling sad and lonesome for her. Its so funny, I spent over six years taking care of her, taking her to all sorts of doctor's appointments, chemo, physcial therapy, cleaning her house, handling her drugs, bills, you name it. I loved her so dearly, but I am not sure I realized until now that once she was gone, I would miss her company. Stepdad gave me a picture he took on my birthday (Christmas night). Its awful of both of us, I almost threw it out, don't really want to remember her as she was there at the end, but we are holding hands as I blow out my candles. She used to hold my hand a alot, always sitting next to me at gatherings because she felt insecure and nervous around people, even family. So I kept it because it reminds me that we had that bond, she depended on me and I did my best. I have failed at plenty in my life, weight loss and career stuff in particular. But I feel like I did do one thing right, I gave my mom the love and attention she needed. Now I just have to move on with my own life. Namely getting my kids situated and my health. That situation with my mom wasn't easy but I did it. If I can do that, surely I can lose this weight too!

Thanks for reading, I promise no more long winded posts for awhile!

 

[lovinaz]

You are an awesome daughter and I know you'll have that type of special bond with Maria too. I'm sure she learned a lot about the true meaning of love watching you interact with your mom, through the good times AND the bad. You haven't failed at anything - you've just learned what doesn't work for you.

I don't know what to tell you about the schools. What do the kids think about it? Open enrollment sounds like a good idea. I am so lucky that we live in a very good school district.

You will have to talk some sense into me - we have been considering getting a little female beagle! But I think we are finally leaning towards "no". I just don't think I could handle 2 dogs. Have you ever had 2 beagles at the same time??

Hang in there, you are going to get through this and collect all your stars and make some serious progress with WW this year.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Amy and Stacy.

Amy: Yep I have had two beagles before! They love fellow beagles, Daisy loves her brother (my sister's dog from her litter) and they get along great. You never know, but it might calm Buckley down. I suggest calling some breeders and asking if they have any calm female puppies! I did that with Daisy and the breeder told me Daisy was the calmest and she is. I cannot believe how much more mellow she is than Benjamin was! Still it would be a gamble I suppose. Although I do have a theory that second and third dogs and are like second and third kids. Way less high maintainence than their older siblings because they know they have to share the limelight with their older siblings!


I emotionally fell apart today. I was feeling so positive on the weekend, but once everybody went back to school and work and left to go home, I just hit bottom. Add to that I am really down for the count with this flu (I have had fever, chills and aches now along with the cold stuff) I am not sleeping well and just wiped out. I felt lousy all day, and then just fell apart. Then there was more fallout with ds AGAIN and his school issues: I picked up the kids, the teacher had a meltdown with my son (again) wrote me a not so nice note, walked away from him and me and he also informed me she told him to get over his grandmother's death. I guess he was "sad and mopey" today. Its only been a bit over two weeks. I asked if he was trying to get out work or using that as an excuse for his never ending organizational skill (lack thereof) problems. He swore not and I don't think he is. I think she is just frustrated and doesn't know what his problem is. I can relate.

I did end up filling out "school of choice" forms with the district. I am not too positive, deadline is this week and they are approved in the order they are recieved. If they don't get in to one of the other local schools, I may just put them back into the local middle school. We actually live in the top district in Colorado however, the middle school out by us has always had problems. Still my not so genius idea of fleeing to another school has just created a whole other set of problems. DD's teacher is wonderful and really ds's is too. But its a tiny school and both the kids are in classes with three grades in one room. Matthew is struggling with math and why wouldn't he? How can one teacher teach three grades worth of math and all other subjects each day? I emailed the teacher saying we have to come up with a plan and Dan and I plan to meet with the principal. I realize that no way is dd going to thrive in that atmosphere next year. I have just been on autopilot with the kids and their schooling and I have to get on this and get it worked out. They are both smart kids, ds has an extremely high IQ and yet just never seems to get his act together. Moving him was a temporary fix to a very broad problem. So I need to tackle this thing in my life too! I looked back through his agenda where the teacher sends home notes, she has been trying to tell me he's falling apart and I just haven't been paying enough attention. I swear, its always something with that kid. If one more person tells me what a genius he is, I'll scream. At this point, I envision him living at home til he's 50 and working at Burger King. Dh has a brother just like that, and I gotta say maybe its genetic. The guy is in Mensa but has never had a decent job in his life.

I plowed through 15 flex points today. . Day 2 and I am already off the wagon. Didn't work out, I am sick and there's no sense trying to start up working out when I can't breath and am off balance from stopped up ears. I really hope I feel better tomorrow.

I do feel better about things, I had a good cry, a good talk with my brother (who is also struggling with his grief right now), sent a detailed email to the teacher and I know she will respond and that she wants what is best too. I can well imagine how frustrated she is. I also feel relieved knowing that next year the kids will be back in public school. This thing has hosed our budget to pieces and now I can go to work part time instead of full time. I am so sick of worrying about all of this but that's life. I just need to get back on top of my parenting. And my food. And clean the house. Yep, I've got a lot of work to do! Tomorrow is another day. I am going to do something I never do, take some nighttime cold medicine, go to bed and wake up to a new day. Thanks for reading, yep another long winded, sorry you read this saga, post! If you are still with me, I promise to start writing shorter journals!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Okay, this is gonna be quick! I want to write some things I am grateful for today. I saw this piece of advice on Stacie's journal (I believe Caitsmama came up with this wise tip) and I am going to try it right now!

1. I am thankful I had flex points to work with and thankful I used less than half my allotment.

2. I am thankful for my brother, he loved my mom like I did and he is the one person that can truly relate to how I feel. I am sad but if I didn't have him it would be unbearable. Thank you Stephen, I love you.

3. I am thankful for my sweet kids. They loved their Grammy, they are hanging in there and I love them and am thankful I have two healthy children.

4. I am thankful for dh. I coudln't make it without him. He's doing his best in his time of grief, he lost my mom too and he's working his butt off in the process.

5. I am thankful I made it through today. I wasn't sure I would a few times but now I can go to bed, wake up and have a new day. Tomorrow is truly the first day of the rest of my life.

 

[lovinaz]

You are going to be on an emotional roller coaster for a while, but you are dealing with it wonderfully! I am glad you took the time to write down all the things you are thankful for. DD8's teacher has them write what they are thankful for every day, I think it's a great idea and helps you keep your priorities straight.

I don't know what it is about smart, unmotivated boys. My DS11 is the same way, as you probably remember. Have you taken him to counseling? Maybe there is an underlying problem that is just not obvious. And losing his dear Grammy isn't going to make it any easier on him, that is for sure. I think you are on your way to getting everything figured out.

Here's to a great day and hoping you feel better soon!

 

[Goofydiane]

Hi Amy,

New to your journal and want to pass along how sorry I am over the loss of your mother, I can't imagine what you are going through.

I am thankful that you visited my journal and pass along encouragement to someone you didn't know - that meant a lot!

 

[CACruisin']

Amy, I think you are handling everything remarkably well. You have gone through a lot over the past few years, particularly in the past few months. However, when I read your journal entries I really feel like you are coming out in a good place. You are headed in a healthy direction with everything now: your relationships with your sister and brother, your stepdad, your family, yourself, the kids schooling, all of it. There will be more bad days, but you will get through them. I love your grateful posts. It is something we should all remember to do everyday.

And don't ever apologize for being lengthy. This is YOUR journal and you can put whatever you want in it. Remember it is for YOU.

Take care WISH sis!

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi WISH sis,

I love your things to be grateful for list! I was having an especially difficult day yesterday and decided to write down a couple of things I was grateful for in my journal. Thanks for the inspiration!

I think you are doing an amazing job, Amy! Remember, there will be some ups and there will be some downs...Just be sure and take each day as it comes and know that your WISH sisters are here for you.

Hope you have a great weekend!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thank you so much everyone. I am trying to be grateful and positive, it isn't easy but it helps me to feel better and not overwhelmed!

I think the school issue is worked out more or less. Basically we have a teacher who is burnt out and has some issues and my son who is fragile, grieving and may have some mild ADD issues. I think things just boiled over. But we had a great meeting with the principal who is very much on our side and she is going to work with the teacher to get things on track. I think things will be fine and that we caught it before it was just a total nightmare. Also met with the pediatician who gave us some great tips and did recommend the kids return to public school next year. A small middle school, in one room, with one teacher is great in many ways. It really helped ds mature a bit and give him the stability and TLC (until this teacher decided to have a breakdown) he needed. But he needs to face the music of life and expand his horizons and dd needs to be back with a larger group of friends. I hope we get our school of choice, if not, we will make the best of our neighborhood/home school and deal with it. These are tough years but kids and parents do surivive them and we will too!

My food has been okay, all flex points now used and the weekend is upon me. I am determined to weigh in on Monday regardless and make that my normal routine. I put my skinny (okay skinny is relative but these are my smallest size) jeans on today. Tight but not uncomfortable and a good reminder of the work I have to do. I haven't exercised, I went to the doctor and he said I likely have the flu and while I am almost over it needed to rest. I had two infected ears and that was why my balance was off. Of course since I waited so long they are mostly cleared up so he didn't prescribe anything other than some eardrops. And gave me a lecture about not waiting so long to go in! I feel a lot better so thats good. Tomorrow I am going for a walk! And back to Curves this week. I need to give that another try but I won't be renewing that contract. I may join another gym or just get a nicer treadmill. But Curves is just so limited on their hours and frankly I have yet to break a sweat at that place. I do enjoy feeling so young amongst all the seniors however.

I am trying to decide if we will go out to dinner or not tonight. My plan was to have a Lean Cuisine and salad and yet this is the first Friday night in over two months that we as a family can just go out and be together. Outback with a drink or two is sounding mighty good. But that will definitely kill my week since I have only about 8 points left for today and no flex points. Lesson for the week: SAVE FLEX POINTS FOR FRIDAY BECAUSE YOU'LL NEED THEM!!!!

Thanks so much for all of your support!

I am thankful for:
School principal, she is wonderful and really helped us realize who has the problem in this situation and that while ds has some work to do, the teacher is the adult and needs to do her job.

I am happy to be feeling better!

I am happy its Friday!

I am happy its not four weeks ago and that I am facing finding doctor to put my mom on hospice. How far we have come in four weeks. I miss my mom but I am so glad she is where she is and not where she was.

I am thankful I have survived without killing anybody this week, it was a close call a few times!!

Happy weekend all, I will read journals tonight or tomorrow.