You sound so much like me! I start my day out promising to do well, and by lunch, it's gone out the window. I go to my first WW meeting on Thursday. I don't want to see the number on the scale, but I did it to myself, and I need to take control. There is so much in your life that you have no control over. I am close to Omaha, and the shooting has everyone here upset. I worry about the families every day. Try to look at your life and find things that you can be thankful for. Take control and take care of Amy. You are doing what is best for your mom even if she doesn't realize it. You are a good daughter.
Amy's Journal: Comments Welcome!
- Thread starter Amy&Dan
- Start date
Amy&Dan
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Thanks Karyn, so often when I read your journal, I think "that lady eats like I do!" We clearly think alike
.
Much, much better with food today.
Breakfast: skipped, had severe headache so I had some hot tea only.
Lunch: Lean Cuisine, 4 small Christmas cookies, milk: 10
Dinner: 3 tacos with extra lettuce, 12
Pop Tart
: 3
Chex Mix: 2
Total: 27
Clearly there is some room for improvement. The good news is that I got in 4 veggie servings. I have been eating the Lean Cuisines that have the extra veggies which count as 3 and I had a cup of extra lettuce with my tacos. The snacks stank, but I was in better control.
Curves was closed today, so no workout again. We had a blizzard last night, the kids had late start so going to WW also didn't happen, I doubt they had their early a.m. meetings anyway. Luckily I thought to call Curves before I set out, no answer so I assumed that meant they weren' open for their a.m. shift either.
Went shopping, bought last couple of presents (I know I keep saying this) but I had to wait for Harry Potter and HSM2 to come out today. Got them both so that was it.
Now I am making out menus for out of town company, I bought tickets to a museum event (Titanic exhibit) so I now know what we are doing each day company is here.
I feel better today, the only problem is that I am starving probably due to my lousy, high carb snacks. I may try to have something else. I went ahead and began a new week today so I do have some flex points available.
Thanks for reading!
.Much, much better with food today.
Breakfast: skipped, had severe headache so I had some hot tea only.
Lunch: Lean Cuisine, 4 small Christmas cookies, milk: 10
Dinner: 3 tacos with extra lettuce, 12
Pop Tart
: 3Chex Mix: 2
Total: 27
Clearly there is some room for improvement. The good news is that I got in 4 veggie servings. I have been eating the Lean Cuisines that have the extra veggies which count as 3 and I had a cup of extra lettuce with my tacos. The snacks stank, but I was in better control.
Curves was closed today, so no workout again. We had a blizzard last night, the kids had late start so going to WW also didn't happen, I doubt they had their early a.m. meetings anyway. Luckily I thought to call Curves before I set out, no answer so I assumed that meant they weren' open for their a.m. shift either.
Went shopping, bought last couple of presents (I know I keep saying this) but I had to wait for Harry Potter and HSM2 to come out today. Got them both so that was it.
Now I am making out menus for out of town company, I bought tickets to a museum event (Titanic exhibit) so I now know what we are doing each day company is here.
I feel better today, the only problem is that I am starving probably due to my lousy, high carb snacks. I may try to have something else. I went ahead and began a new week today so I do have some flex points available.
Thanks for reading!
Amy&Dan
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Later on Tuesday:
So mad at myself! I ended up eating a rather large piece of my leftover birthday cake. So plowed through probably 15 flex points. I also had another taco. I was starved and depressed, not a good combo.
Dh did come home on time tonight, the kids finished up homework and we all sat down and watched the home video we shot in WDW last month. So that was nice.
But I am way mad at myself for messing up what had shaped up to be a good day until I blew it at the last hour. Oh well, there's always tomorrow.
Being over at my mom's so much is really making things even more difficult. Her house is full of junk, it nukes any possiblity I have of going to Curves and its wearing me down. But stepdad needs to get his walk in and get away from the condo for a few hours. I just need to set up a firm, hour by hour schedule and stick to it. A friend of mine talked me into seeing her psychic. I don't really believe so much in that stuff, but its a fun birthday present. Think I'll ask her if I'll always be fat and see what she says! I go Thursday, her name is Rose Marie but every time I envision her I see Madame Leota from Haunted Mansion. Oh well, its a diversion if nothing else.
I am off to bed, going to give this ANOTHER try tomorrow.
So mad at myself! I ended up eating a rather large piece of my leftover birthday cake. So plowed through probably 15 flex points. I also had another taco. I was starved and depressed, not a good combo.
Dh did come home on time tonight, the kids finished up homework and we all sat down and watched the home video we shot in WDW last month. So that was nice.
But I am way mad at myself for messing up what had shaped up to be a good day until I blew it at the last hour. Oh well, there's always tomorrow.
Being over at my mom's so much is really making things even more difficult. Her house is full of junk, it nukes any possiblity I have of going to Curves and its wearing me down. But stepdad needs to get his walk in and get away from the condo for a few hours. I just need to set up a firm, hour by hour schedule and stick to it. A friend of mine talked me into seeing her psychic. I don't really believe so much in that stuff, but its a fun birthday present. Think I'll ask her if I'll always be fat and see what she says!
I go Thursday, her name is Rose Marie but every time I envision her I see Madame Leota from Haunted Mansion. Oh well, its a diversion if nothing else.I am off to bed, going to give this ANOTHER try tomorrow.
Caitsmama
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Amy, morning! So you messed up in the last hour.. big deal!!! Give yourself credit for the rest of the day being so good! Today is a new day...
That is too funny about the psychic, i would think of madam leota too.. LOL
Today is a new day... That is too funny about the psychic, i would think of madam leota too.. LOL
goldcupmom
<font color=black>BL6 Black Team Co-captain<br> <f
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I, too, would 'conjure' up the vision of Madam Leota! Should be interesting.
Hang in there Amy!! we will get through this...together. I was thinking about you when all that snow came last week. We got loads of needed rain (for those not familiar w/ the desert - that means almost .4 inches!!!! in 2 days)
Have a good weekend & get some Amy time!
Hang in there Amy!! we will get through this...together. I was thinking about you when all that snow came last week. We got loads of needed rain (for those not familiar w/ the desert - that means almost .4 inches!!!! in 2 days)
Have a good weekend & get some Amy time!
MIdanceMom
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Amy,I am so sorry for not being here for you with everything you have been going through. DO not let other people make you feel guilty about your decision. With your mother's cancer being so advanced, it is probably palliative, and may actually be helping relieve some of her pain. No one, but you, your mom and stepdad, and your husband actually know all the facts. They have no right to judge your decisions. You have made the right decision for your mom at this time, and you are standing by her and helping her. You are an amazing woman, and your mom is very lucky you are her daughter.
Good for you going back to WW. You seem pretty realistic in your goals. Please just remember that you should not expect to be perfect all the time. You'd be pretty annoying, if you were.
Great job getting all your shopping done and wrapped. You are an awesome Mom to make Christmas a priority despite everything that is going on.
Beth
Amy&Dan
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Thank you Stacy, Julie and Beth.
I actually didn't make it to WW, I woke up sick that morning with a stomach bug. So that day (Wednesday) was spent just being at home and recovering. I did go to the Psychic on Thursday. She was wonderful, it was actually a great experience. She helped me get in touch with alot of things I have been feeling. And if she is on target, which I think she is (the woman knew who in my life had passed and told me things about my life she could have only known through them, hard for this skeptic to believe but you know what, ya never know!) I am not helping my mom through this alone. There are others, namely my dear sweet daddy (who died 35 years ago) who are right there for her.
I went to my mom's that night and basically knelt by her bed and told her she doesn't have to do this chemo for me. The doctor is basically telling her she can give her as many as 7 years. Total crap and not a fair thing to tell someone who if she does get seven years will be too out of it to be thankful. Her Alzheimers just continues to spiral downward. So I told her that if she is worried about leaving me, I'll be okay. We both had a good cry, she isn't ready to give up yet but I think she is close. I think she wants to hang in there for Christmas and brother's visit, but you can tell by looking at her, she is basically living via a very thin margin. Mostly she is just so tired. She tells me all the time, "I am so tired, I just want t go to sleep forever". She laid in that chemo chair for five hours yesterday and couldn't understand why she was even there and what they were doing to her. I hope she comes to terms with what her life is about very soon. Now that I have talked to her I feel more free to just tell her she doesn't have to go and we'll stand by her as long as she needs us to. But for now, if she wants to fight it, I am going to take her and get her through it.
My stomach is acting up again today, it may be nerves or it may still be this stomach bug. So I am not planning on seeing my mom today but will tomorrow.
Brother is there for me via phone, is on my side and will be here in two weeks. Sister is trying her best which means she is basically useless but does show up at my mom's at meal time occasionally and basically drives both my parents completely batty when she does show up. So life is good in that some things at least are remaining constant!
Its been snowing and bitter cold her for the last few days (Julie, I saw your rain on the weather map!), but the sun is out today and I am so thankful for that. I just got online and ordered several side dishes from Honey Baked Ham for Christmas dinner and I am going to make everything else for dh's family visit and stick in the freezer this weekend. On Christmas Day which happens to be my 43rd birthday, I plan on throwing a beef tenderloin in the oven, then a few premade side dishes and not doing another thing in the way of cooking. Today, I need to do laundry, grocery shop, and get that guestroom ready if it kills me. Which given the way I feel right now, it might!
Dh and I did have a long talk with the kids last night, I told them Grammy probably won't live much longer, they were sad but dd11 said it will be better for Grammy to be an angel than live like this. They want so much for her to feel better and they are realizing she probably never will. When I told them about Mommy's nutso visit to the psychic and how their Grandpa made an appearnace they were so happy. Maria kept saying now she doens't need to feel bad, maybe Grammy will still come around. So if nothing else, that visit to Madame Leota, gave my kids some comfort too.
For the next several weeks, I plan on doing the best I can with food and trying to treadmill. Getting to Curves is not happening, its out of my control and I cannot feel guilty about it. But I do need to exercise more no doubt. So I am going to treadmill three times a week as a starter and go from there. After the New Year we'll see. I may ask the Curves owner to let me out of my contract. If my mom chooses to continue to treat her cancer I'll have no time then anymore than I do now.
My January trip to DL is also up in the air. I told dh he and the kids are going but I am unsure. I just need to play that one by ear. Selfish me, I want to go so bad and will be so disappointed if I don't. I really wanted to spend that time with family as well as brother's. And its my nieces 7th birthday trip. But if its meant for me to go, it will happen and if not thats okay too.
So thats my update, not sure how often I'll be WISHING but if I don't make it too often, please know you ladies are all in my thoughts and prayers and I am so thankful to have great friends like you!
I actually didn't make it to WW, I woke up sick that morning with a stomach bug. So that day (Wednesday) was spent just being at home and recovering. I did go to the Psychic on Thursday. She was wonderful, it was actually a great experience. She helped me get in touch with alot of things I have been feeling. And if she is on target, which I think she is (the woman knew who in my life had passed and told me things about my life she could have only known through them, hard for this skeptic to believe but you know what, ya never know!) I am not helping my mom through this alone. There are others, namely my dear sweet daddy (who died 35 years ago) who are right there for her.
I went to my mom's that night and basically knelt by her bed and told her she doesn't have to do this chemo for me. The doctor is basically telling her she can give her as many as 7 years. Total crap and not a fair thing to tell someone who if she does get seven years will be too out of it to be thankful. Her Alzheimers just continues to spiral downward. So I told her that if she is worried about leaving me, I'll be okay. We both had a good cry, she isn't ready to give up yet but I think she is close. I think she wants to hang in there for Christmas and brother's visit, but you can tell by looking at her, she is basically living via a very thin margin. Mostly she is just so tired. She tells me all the time, "I am so tired, I just want t go to sleep forever". She laid in that chemo chair for five hours yesterday and couldn't understand why she was even there and what they were doing to her. I hope she comes to terms with what her life is about very soon. Now that I have talked to her I feel more free to just tell her she doesn't have to go and we'll stand by her as long as she needs us to. But for now, if she wants to fight it, I am going to take her and get her through it.
My stomach is acting up again today, it may be nerves or it may still be this stomach bug. So I am not planning on seeing my mom today but will tomorrow.
Brother is there for me via phone, is on my side and will be here in two weeks. Sister is trying her best which means she is basically useless but does show up at my mom's at meal time occasionally and basically drives both my parents completely batty when she does show up. So life is good in that some things at least are remaining constant!
Its been snowing and bitter cold her for the last few days (Julie, I saw your rain on the weather map!), but the sun is out today and I am so thankful for that. I just got online and ordered several side dishes from Honey Baked Ham for Christmas dinner and I am going to make everything else for dh's family visit and stick in the freezer this weekend. On Christmas Day which happens to be my 43rd birthday, I plan on throwing a beef tenderloin in the oven, then a few premade side dishes and not doing another thing in the way of cooking. Today, I need to do laundry, grocery shop, and get that guestroom ready if it kills me. Which given the way I feel right now, it might!
Dh and I did have a long talk with the kids last night, I told them Grammy probably won't live much longer, they were sad but dd11 said it will be better for Grammy to be an angel than live like this. They want so much for her to feel better and they are realizing she probably never will. When I told them about Mommy's nutso visit to the psychic and how their Grandpa made an appearnace they were so happy. Maria kept saying now she doens't need to feel bad, maybe Grammy will still come around. So if nothing else, that visit to Madame Leota, gave my kids some comfort too.
For the next several weeks, I plan on doing the best I can with food and trying to treadmill. Getting to Curves is not happening, its out of my control and I cannot feel guilty about it. But I do need to exercise more no doubt. So I am going to treadmill three times a week as a starter and go from there. After the New Year we'll see. I may ask the Curves owner to let me out of my contract. If my mom chooses to continue to treat her cancer I'll have no time then anymore than I do now.
My January trip to DL is also up in the air. I told dh he and the kids are going but I am unsure. I just need to play that one by ear. Selfish me, I want to go so bad and will be so disappointed if I don't. I really wanted to spend that time with family as well as brother's. And its my nieces 7th birthday trip. But if its meant for me to go, it will happen and if not thats okay too.
So thats my update, not sure how often I'll be WISHING but if I don't make it too often, please know you ladies are all in my thoughts and prayers and I am so thankful to have great friends like you!
Amy&Dan
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I forgot to post my food yesterday, I am going to try to do that as often as I can to help keep me accountable.
Friday:
Breakfast: Oatmeal w/ walnuts and skim milk
Lunch: Lean Cuisine (love these spa classics, have 2.5 times the veggies, I had the butternut squash ravioli and it was really wonderful), tangerine, some chex mix and an ice tea. I wisely took my lunch to chemo so I couldn't snack. I stupidly snacked anyway!
Lunch Part II: ate the other half of my mom's reuben. She was hungry so I walked over to the hospital caferteria and got her her favorite sandwich. She couldn't eat it all so of course I did.
Snack: Christmas cookie (okay, some old lady who was getting chemo brought these in, she baked them I wasn't going to turn her down), Christmas candy, one piece (again, sad chemo vicitm brought in candy and offered me piece, couldn't turn her down. Dear God, she may be sick but she can make great candy). Chocolate covered pretzles. Bought those for my mom after everybody but her got to leave chemo. Had maybe 8. Not as good as the goodies the old ladies made. But just as fattening.
Dinner: Went out with dh and kids, had 1/2 mushroom burger, 3 beers, chips and salsa.
So in spite of my very valiant effort to brownbag my way to chemo, I didn't do so good. Stomach bug/stress however has done a very nice job of getting all that junk out of my system however!
Friday:
Breakfast: Oatmeal w/ walnuts and skim milk
Lunch: Lean Cuisine (love these spa classics, have 2.5 times the veggies, I had the butternut squash ravioli and it was really wonderful), tangerine, some chex mix and an ice tea. I wisely took my lunch to chemo so I couldn't snack. I stupidly snacked anyway!
Lunch Part II: ate the other half of my mom's reuben. She was hungry so I walked over to the hospital caferteria and got her her favorite sandwich. She couldn't eat it all so of course I did.
Snack: Christmas cookie (okay, some old lady who was getting chemo brought these in, she baked them I wasn't going to turn her down), Christmas candy, one piece (again, sad chemo vicitm brought in candy and offered me piece, couldn't turn her down. Dear God, she may be sick but she can make great candy). Chocolate covered pretzles. Bought those for my mom after everybody but her got to leave chemo. Had maybe 8. Not as good as the goodies the old ladies made. But just as fattening.
Dinner: Went out with dh and kids, had 1/2 mushroom burger, 3 beers, chips and salsa.
So in spite of my very valiant effort to brownbag my way to chemo, I didn't do so good. Stomach bug/stress however has done a very nice job of getting all that junk out of my system however!
MIdanceMom
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Hey Amy,
I am a firm believer in the paranormal. I really don't do the psychic things, but that is because I read tarot myself. My grandmother was a practicing Wiccan, and she was the coolest eron on Earth. I also had a ghost in my last house. I am glad you were able to communicate with your father and received some peace from it.
I wish I was nearby to help you. You are a great Mom and daughter. Play the DL trip by ear. You should NOt feel guilty about wanting to go. Everyone needs a break.
Take care of yourself too, sweetie.
Beth
I am a firm believer in the paranormal. I really don't do the psychic things, but that is because I read tarot myself. My grandmother was a practicing Wiccan, and she was the coolest eron on Earth. I also had a ghost in my last house. I am glad you were able to communicate with your father and received some peace from it.
I wish I was nearby to help you. You are a great Mom and daughter. Play the DL trip by ear. You should NOt feel guilty about wanting to go. Everyone needs a break.
Take care of yourself too, sweetie.
Beth
toystoryduo
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Amy,I am so sorry for all that you are going through right now.
I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I don't think you should cancel your DL trip yet. Like Beth said, everyone needs a break and it may be just what you need come January.
Amy, please be sure and take extra special, good care of you at this stressful time. Know that your WISH sisters are praying for you and that we are here for you when you need us. You are not alone, sweetie.
MIdanceMom
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Hi Amy,
I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you.
Take care,
Beth
I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you.
Take care,
Beth
Amy&Dan
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Thank you so much Beth, Stacie and Tracy. I am sorry, once again I have been a lousy WISHER! At least I am consistent at something. Life has just been so hectic, taking my mom to the doctor, going over to be with her and then our all day gig at chemo. Doctor says 6 months minimum. I see no way my mom can live through that, she is already so weak. I cannot help but wander if after Christmas and my brother's visit if she will just let go. Being at the oncologist all day on Fridays is depressing. So many sick people, one person from our first week died last week (overheard another patient ask). My mom wanter her curtain closed since her hair is falling out, but finally she fell asleep so I opened it so I could chat with one lady who brings her mom in. There are at least some very nice people there. Unfortunately there is always a lot of junk food too! But I didn't eat any on Friday, my stomach is upset again. What I thought was flu I think is just nerves and stress.
Dh's family is enroute as I type. Their flight lis late so that gives me more time to clean my house at least! The kids are excited for Christmas, glad someone is. Frankly, I can't wait for it to be over and get back on some sort of scheudule. Dan is buying me an ipod tomorrow, hopefully it will help me to walk more outside and on the treadmill. He says he wants to do something special for Chirstmas and my birthday (which is the 25th). So even though we shouldn't spend the money, we are going to! No idea what to get him, God knows for what he is doing for my parents he deserves the moon. I guess I had better come up with something ASAP!
Food has been so so, exercise none. But I have been doing a lot of running around with cleaning, laundry and errands.
I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas. I will try very hard to get to your journals either tonight or tomorrow. Thank you so much for your support.
Oh I will add that I hired a cleaning lady to clean my mom's house. So that is really going to help me out. Two very nice sisters, both single mom's who have their own company, one is also a waitress at my mom's favorite restaurant so we have known her for years. I am trying to really come up with ways to alleviate the stress for all of us and this will give me more time to spend with my mother doing something more meaningful than cleaning!
Dh's family is enroute as I type. Their flight lis late so that gives me more time to clean my house at least! The kids are excited for Christmas, glad someone is. Frankly, I can't wait for it to be over and get back on some sort of scheudule. Dan is buying me an ipod tomorrow, hopefully it will help me to walk more outside and on the treadmill. He says he wants to do something special for Chirstmas and my birthday (which is the 25th). So even though we shouldn't spend the money, we are going to! No idea what to get him, God knows for what he is doing for my parents he deserves the moon. I guess I had better come up with something ASAP!
Food has been so so, exercise none. But I have been doing a lot of running around with cleaning, laundry and errands.
I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas. I will try very hard to get to your journals either tonight or tomorrow. Thank you so much for your support.
Oh I will add that I hired a cleaning lady to clean my mom's house. So that is really going to help me out. Two very nice sisters, both single mom's who have their own company, one is also a waitress at my mom's favorite restaurant so we have known her for years. I am trying to really come up with ways to alleviate the stress for all of us and this will give me more time to spend with my mother doing something more meaningful than cleaning!
MIdanceMom
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Hi Amy,
I am just popping in to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy Birthday! You and your family are in my thoughts this holiday season.
Love you,
Beth
I am just popping in to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy Birthday! You and your family are in my thoughts this holiday season.
Love you,
Beth
toystoryduo
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Merry Christmas to you and your family and Happy Birthday, Amy!
I will continue praying for you and for your family.
Please be sure and take extra special, good care of you. If you need anything at all, please let us know.
Sending our thoughts, prayers, and love from Ohio!
I will continue praying for you and for your family.
Please be sure and take extra special, good care of you.
If you need anything at all, please let us know.Sending our thoughts, prayers, and love from Ohio!
traceycooper
<font color=royalblue>Laughs off her mini dramas<b
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Hi Amy
I'm so sorry to hear your moms cancer is back
& even more sorry i cant be around much for you at the moment! Hoping to be back online soon (on DB's pc right now) you are in my thoughts,
I wanted to wish you a happy new year, i know life is tough right now but i'm praying things get better for you & your mom, hang in there Amy - look for the positives - there are some out there
Remember you need to take care of you too
I'm so sorry to hear your moms cancer is back
& even more sorry i cant be around much for you at the moment! Hoping to be back online soon (on DB's pc right now) you are in my thoughts,
I wanted to wish you a happy new year, i know life is tough right now but i'm praying things get better for you & your mom, hang in there Amy - look for the positives - there are some out there
Remember you need to take care of you too
toystoryduo
DIS Veteran
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Happy New Year, Amy!
Hope all is going well with you.....You've been in my thoughts and prayers.
Have a great week!
Hope all is going well with you.....You've been in my thoughts and prayers.
Have a great week!
Amy&Dan
DIS Legend
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- Feb 19, 2004
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- 15,958
Thank you Beth, Stacie, Tracey, and Tracy. You ladies really are such good friends to me!
Christmas is over! Thank you God, I survived it, the kids had a nice Christmas in spite of everything and its a New Year with new possibilities. In spite of gaining about 8 pounds over the last couple of weeks, I woke up feeling somehow lighter. To update on my recent happenings:
My mom: Thank you for your continued prayers. We have done four rounds of chemo with at least 20 to go. I still don't think this is the right course of action, I don't think she can survive it but she isn't ready to give up. She is weak, has lost a lot of control of her bodily functions, hair is gone, her spirits are extremely low, Alzheimers is worse and doctor cheerfully claims she is still going to give her seven years. Private duty nurse says that is a crock and I can plainly see by looking at my mom that won't be the case. Dear God I hope not. I made an appointment with the social worker, she is coming out next week, we'll likely have to explore either home care or nursing home. Exactly what my mom didn't want, begged me not to let happen and even signed a medical power of attorney over to me to keep that from happening. Doctor says my mom is perfectly capable of making her own mind up. I cannot help but wander if the money doctor gets from pumping my mom full of chemo is a factor in her (dr's) decision. I am just bidding my time, stepdad and I are very much on the same page so that is good. I made arrangements with stepdad to have friends take them to chemo on the 18th when I am in Disneyland. At this point, if she is about the same, I am going. But of course given the situation that trip is still up in the air.
Christmas: was okay, I had too many family members with too many agendas. A few of them tried to be helpful to me by being mean to others (long story) and let me just say, that WAS NOT helpful at all. It merely stressed me out. The tension at times was so thick you coudn't cut it with a knife. Topped off on the 30th when I had my brother's inlaws, brother, sister and all the respective kids, spouses etc. over for lunch. Went over to bathe and dress my mom, it was obvious she wasn't going to be able to come, so I ended up entertaining the masses and really missed my parents who always kept the conversation flowing. My mother was scarecely mentioned by anybody and I was furious at myself for even getting myself into that mess. Never again! No sense trying to play happy family because the glue that made us happy isn't really with us anymore so it doesn't work. I guess I stupidly thought people could just put their own crap aside and come together. Wrong!!!
Weight/food: Literally ate til I was ready to drop. Capped if off yesterday by consuming all leftovers until 10:00 p.m. Woke up today and had Slim Fast, got my IPod loaded and have date with the treadmill in a bit. I also made out a grocery list of healthy food and threw out leftovers I was too stuffed to eat.
Weight today: (OMG) 228. Geez, what happened to 213? That was what I weighed at the beginning of the summer. Oh well, at least the scale can move down if I do my job of being nice to myself. I have to take better care of myself becasue I have too many people who count on me. I woke up today and decided I have to embrace what I have. I have come to be thankful where my mom is concerned. I have been given a gift to care for her and our relationship is closer than ever. I have been told by my mother how much I am loved more in the last month than some people hear in a lifetime. My kids are learning and seeing what true, unconditional love is all about. Dh and I are getting closer as are stepdad and I. Brother and sister aren't there yet with all of this, not my problem! I know that whatever happens, nothing can take away the love my mother and I have shared and the bond that has grown between us for over 35 years since my dad died, that has gotten closer and stronger in the last six and half years since she got sick. I find myself not being afraid of whatever happens. I would like my mother to suffer less and find peace but in the end a lot of that is out of my control.
I have decided not to rejoin Weight Watchers at the moment, that could change but for now I spend so much time at my mom's that I need every spare hour I have to be at home getting my own life in order and working out. Haven't been to Curves since December 6, don't feel guilty because I literally didn't have time. I may very well try to get out of that contract, I will see how often I can go in January. If only they stayed open longer but hey, most of their clients are retired (acorss street from huge senior living community) and I am only one of about 10 clients who is under the age of 65 years of age. Again, can't change my joining, my life or their policies. So I will try this month to get in there and if I can't I will ask to be released from my contract (which owner said she would do).
I am going to get to your journals today I promise! Right now I am going to walk, at least I have some good music to listen to while I do it. My goal is to walk at least 3 times a week and do Curves twice. Perhaps a bit lofty but I can't even fail at a goal unless I set one! I also want to spend time each day being thankful for what I have, planning food for the next day so that each day has a plan from the moment I get up and keep up better with WISH.
Happy New Year, may it be a fantastic one for all of us!!
Christmas is over! Thank you God, I survived it, the kids had a nice Christmas in spite of everything and its a New Year with new possibilities. In spite of gaining about 8 pounds over the last couple of weeks, I woke up feeling somehow lighter. To update on my recent happenings:
My mom: Thank you for your continued prayers. We have done four rounds of chemo with at least 20 to go. I still don't think this is the right course of action, I don't think she can survive it but she isn't ready to give up. She is weak, has lost a lot of control of her bodily functions, hair is gone, her spirits are extremely low, Alzheimers is worse and doctor cheerfully claims she is still going to give her seven years. Private duty nurse says that is a crock and I can plainly see by looking at my mom that won't be the case. Dear God I hope not. I made an appointment with the social worker, she is coming out next week, we'll likely have to explore either home care or nursing home. Exactly what my mom didn't want, begged me not to let happen and even signed a medical power of attorney over to me to keep that from happening. Doctor says my mom is perfectly capable of making her own mind up. I cannot help but wander if the money doctor gets from pumping my mom full of chemo is a factor in her (dr's) decision. I am just bidding my time, stepdad and I are very much on the same page so that is good. I made arrangements with stepdad to have friends take them to chemo on the 18th when I am in Disneyland. At this point, if she is about the same, I am going. But of course given the situation that trip is still up in the air.
Christmas: was okay, I had too many family members with too many agendas. A few of them tried to be helpful to me by being mean to others (long story) and let me just say, that WAS NOT helpful at all. It merely stressed me out. The tension at times was so thick you coudn't cut it with a knife. Topped off on the 30th when I had my brother's inlaws, brother, sister and all the respective kids, spouses etc. over for lunch. Went over to bathe and dress my mom, it was obvious she wasn't going to be able to come, so I ended up entertaining the masses and really missed my parents who always kept the conversation flowing. My mother was scarecely mentioned by anybody and I was furious at myself for even getting myself into that mess. Never again! No sense trying to play happy family because the glue that made us happy isn't really with us anymore so it doesn't work. I guess I stupidly thought people could just put their own crap aside and come together. Wrong!!!
Weight/food: Literally ate til I was ready to drop. Capped if off yesterday by consuming all leftovers until 10:00 p.m. Woke up today and had Slim Fast, got my IPod loaded and have date with the treadmill in a bit. I also made out a grocery list of healthy food and threw out leftovers I was too stuffed to eat.
Weight today: (OMG) 228. Geez, what happened to 213? That was what I weighed at the beginning of the summer. Oh well, at least the scale can move down if I do my job of being nice to myself. I have to take better care of myself becasue I have too many people who count on me. I woke up today and decided I have to embrace what I have. I have come to be thankful where my mom is concerned. I have been given a gift to care for her and our relationship is closer than ever. I have been told by my mother how much I am loved more in the last month than some people hear in a lifetime. My kids are learning and seeing what true, unconditional love is all about. Dh and I are getting closer as are stepdad and I. Brother and sister aren't there yet with all of this, not my problem! I know that whatever happens, nothing can take away the love my mother and I have shared and the bond that has grown between us for over 35 years since my dad died, that has gotten closer and stronger in the last six and half years since she got sick. I find myself not being afraid of whatever happens. I would like my mother to suffer less and find peace but in the end a lot of that is out of my control.
I have decided not to rejoin Weight Watchers at the moment, that could change but for now I spend so much time at my mom's that I need every spare hour I have to be at home getting my own life in order and working out. Haven't been to Curves since December 6, don't feel guilty because I literally didn't have time. I may very well try to get out of that contract, I will see how often I can go in January. If only they stayed open longer but hey, most of their clients are retired (acorss street from huge senior living community) and I am only one of about 10 clients who is under the age of 65 years of age. Again, can't change my joining, my life or their policies. So I will try this month to get in there and if I can't I will ask to be released from my contract (which owner said she would do).
I am going to get to your journals today I promise! Right now I am going to walk, at least I have some good music to listen to while I do it. My goal is to walk at least 3 times a week and do Curves twice. Perhaps a bit lofty but I can't even fail at a goal unless I set one! I also want to spend time each day being thankful for what I have, planning food for the next day so that each day has a plan from the moment I get up and keep up better with WISH.
Happy New Year, may it be a fantastic one for all of us!!
CACruisin'
<font color=teal> If she can do this, so can I!<br
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2005
- Messages
- 2,626
Happy belated birthday Amy!
You have been going through an amazing amount of turmoil, but it really does sound like you have a good plan in place. With your mom, it is hard to commit to WW or Curves, but you know what you need to do - eat right and exercise, and you are STRONG! You can do these things on your own. And your WISH friends will be here for you. Take Care and here is to a much brighter & lighter 2008 for all of us.
You have been going through an amazing amount of turmoil, but it really does sound like you have a good plan in place. With your mom, it is hard to commit to WW or Curves, but you know what you need to do - eat right and exercise, and you are STRONG! You can do these things on your own. And your WISH friends will be here for you. Take Care and here is to a much brighter & lighter 2008 for all of us.
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