Amy's Journal: Comments Welcome!

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks everyone! Beth that is a great idea, maybe we'll go to Chef Mickey's, that was her favorite place we went to. We have ADR's set for there in May and maybe we'll go there again with stepdad in October. That was one of the funnest nights I had with my mom, it would be fitting to go again. And who knows, she might be right there with us!

Tracy: The kitchen sink sounds wonderful. I guess with only four of us though that could be wasted. Or eaten which would be worse!

Tracey: Thanks so much, I am so glad your computer is up and running, its so good to see you again!

Julie: Yeah, being tall and young is a blessing I won't have. Never did have the tall thing!



Yesterday was sort of tough. I was blue all day but I hung in there, cleaned, cleaned and then cleaned some more! It took my mind off of things. Dinner last night went pretty well. Mexican food, especially this place is my downfall. And the other thing I survived pertaining to this night out was when the owner came up and said "where's Mama?" We have been going there for 18 years and she loved my mom. So we had some hugs and tears with her. I had dreaded that, seeing her but it was fine. I know my mom was probably in there someplace having a margarita and a chicken flauta!

Here is my food for yesterday:
Breakfast: Oatmeal w/ oil and 1 tb walnutes: 3
1 cup skim milk: 2
Veggie Soup w/ 1 t olive oil: 2
2 TB parmesan cheese: 1
Chicken Burrito: 7
Mexican rice: 4
Refried beans: 4
Chips and Salsa: 8
4 bites of dessert: 4
Total for the day: 35

I have used another 7 flex points. I have 15 flex points left. Tonight is pizza night. I am getting the pizza from Sams, because Papa Murphy's and I have a long standing relationship with each other and I can't resist their pizza! Sams, not so much. I am also buying some humus and veggies and baked chips and salsa. I plan to eat light today and see how it goes. I know I will have a few cocktails so I'll have to count those points.

I am off to walk on the treadmill. I have to do it now or I know I"ll just make excuses later on. Didn't walk yesterday but hauled 15 trash bags of stuff to the garage and cleaned so I figure thats better than nothing. But I need to get better with this exercise! My legs are still sore, the manual labor of yesterday didn't help but too bad. I took a couple of Advil and plan to stretch and just take it slow. No more excuses!

Thanks for reading, I will catch up with all of you later.

I am thankful for:
Our friends who are coming tonight
That it isn't four weeks ago (day my mom passed away)
That I didn't kill ds' teacher and end up in prison for the rest of my life.
For a nice warm day with sunshine
For all of my WISH sisters!
For upcoming WDW trips. Something to plan and look forward to and give me incentive to lose this lard!

 

[Goofydiane]

Amy -

Congrats on the weight loss! 4 lbs lost is 4 lbs never to be seen again!

 

[goldcupmom]

Glad you made it thru Mexican, Amy! That's a really tough one!!

Hope today was better for you & that next week brings more healing & better school stuff!!

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Amy
hope you had a great night with your friends.
I think your mom will definatly have been at the Mexican, shes looking after you now

 

[toystoryduo]

You know, Amy.....I've heard (and this is just a rumor) that the Kitchen Sink has absolutely no calories when eaten in a relaxing and leisurely manner. It is a huge dessert, but if you spend a relaxing hour eating it, no calories!

I love how you are adding the things that you are grateful for at the end of your journal each day. I need to start doing that too so I focus more on the positive. Thanks for sharing!

Hope you have a blessed week, WISH sis. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[CACruisin']

You are doing great Amy.

You made it through your blue day in a positive way with lots of cleaning instead of eating - Big Victory! You made it through Mexican night and you have a great plan for Pizza night.

You are on the right track, I can see it for you!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks everyone.

I blew it Saturday night. Not on pizza but on 3.5 rum and diets and a bunch of chips and salsa. Then capped it off with a brownie. I did only eat one very small piece of pizza at least. Then Sunday I was so so, fine on points, just didn't eat anything nutritional.

Yesterday was hard, I went over to my mom's to begin cleaning her things out. It felt really weird to be going through her personal things. It was also really hard. Today is the one month anniversary of her death, I have to say I have had better months! Food was not good yesterday, I ate chips and some candy at her house. Then came home had a sensible lunch but went out to dinner for dh's 40th birthday. Tonight I am making a healthy dinner. I did not exercise since Saturday. I don't have high hopes for weigh in tomorrow but I am going.

I guess my emphasis needs to be on just taking it one day at a time. I know this weekend will be hard. My brother and family are coming, we will clean out the rest of my mom's stuff which will be a job. I know we'll be eating out some and I am sure I'll be depressed and stressed. I just want to survive without too much power eating. I talked with my sister today, very uncomfortable. She has no idea my brother is coming, he isn't ready to see her yet which I support. But I am in the middle, if she finds out he was here and that I knew and talked to her right before and didn't mention it, that will be a mess. Oh well, its not my place to inform her. I also mentioned to her that I am done being the family host and that we all just need to do our own thing from now on. Having her here every holiday is stressful, she can't get along with anyone!

Which brings up my next little family rant. I talked with dh's aunt last night. Love her dearly but she said some things about my sister being a pain etc. Now my sister has rarely been nice to dh's aunt and cousin and they have seen first hand how she has treated me and Dan. I have also at times told them she drives me nuts. But when she casually wove some negativity regarding my sister into our conversation it upset me. I know they don't like her, and I totally understand, but I don't need to be reminded. It made me sad and began the process of my dreading and stressing over Christmas when they come and how that will all work out. Again, I don't blame them for not liking my sister. Its her own fault, she pretty much alienates everyone around her. But I just don't need the stress of feeling caught in the middle with them and her. Oh well, families are seldom easy juggle around.

Ds got his report card, so so grades, very snotty comment from the teacher. Last semester his grades were the same more or less and she mentioned he is continuing to improve and a pleasure to have in class. Now she loves to get the digs in. Oh well, I signed in huge, sloppy hand writing and handed it back in. Very petty and dumb but enjoyable nonetheless. I think the last day of school I'll throw eggs at her car to keep up with being the mature, better person!

Today I have had four points thus far and just feel so blah! I need to walk but knowing me I'll put it off and won't. Still haven't been to Curves. I almost feel like I have agoraphobia (sp?) I am almost afraid to go out and face people. Very unlike me. I think I am now a hermit! My friend says its part of grief and I'll get back into the swing of things. I hope so, I'd hate to stay like this forever.

My thankful list:

I am thankful tomorrow begins a new day at WW. 35 Flex Points for the eating just one day away, whoo hoo!
I am thankful my brother is coming this week.
I am thankful I haven't caved in yet and run away from home!


Thanks for reading and listening!

 

[MIdanceMom]

Amy,

I think I am at the same stage as you. I just want to stay home and do my own thing. I am tired of talking to people and hearing how sorry they are for me. Not that my divorce can compare to losing your mom. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

You are handling things really well, and I am proud of you. I think about you daily.

Good Luck at WI tomorrow. Those 35 points are coming your way.
Take care,
Beth

 

[Amy&Dan]

Amy,

I think I am at the same stage as you. I just want to stay home and do my own thing. I am tired of talking to people and hearing how sorry they are for me. Not that my divorce can compare to losing your mom. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

You are handling things really well, and I am proud of you. I think about you daily.

Good Luck at WI tomorrow. Those 35 points are coming your way.
Take care,
Beth

Beth, I'll have you know that my mom lost two husbands: one to death, one to divorce. Believe it or not, she said the divorce was actually harder to deal with and that she felt the same type of grief she had when my dad died. Losing something or someone, be it from death or divorce is a loss. So you compare all you want, cause I think it is the same thing in many ways.

Just saw your post to my journal and thought I would add that in! Love you Beth, you're a great friend.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Today was just a worthless day. I went back to my mom's to finish her desks and dresser. I didn't exercise. Finally figured out TOM is on the scene. Which could explain my added depression of the last few days and the fact I craved salt and feel bloated. Weighing in tomorrow is going to be very depressing. I probably gained back all four pounds between my food and TOM. I had some good days earlier in the week but just have floundered since Saturday. I have to go regardless.

Dh's cousin called to wish him a happy birthday and then I heard dhtelling cousin's wife my mom died. I hate hearing that. Just living it all over again. To top it off I didn't cook a healthy dinner again. Made dh take the kids to Cici's which didn't thrill him since the Nuggets were playing. But then he took one look at me and thought eating out a more desireable alternative, game or not. Tomorrow night dh and I eat out since the kids are at church. I am picking something healthy for sure. So I stuck the turkey meatballs I made in the freezer for another time. Just couldn't be bothered to boil the pasta and make a salad. My poor kids must think their mother is never going to be normal again.

I also didn't eat enough today then ate low point, very salty food (ff ham and baked chips as well as some salsa) late tonight. To add more salt to my bloated body is really dumb at 8:45 at night. Oh well, new week, new possibilities.

DD has outgrown her undershirts and tells me her chest jiggles when she runs at P.E. Just more cheery news, my daughter has ****s, OMG!

Thanks for sticking with me ladies. I think tomorrow is gonna be better, if not I may have to assume a new identity!

Thankful for:
Good friends
Spring is next month
TOM makes me realize that part of the last few days is due to that which cheered me up some!

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Amy
Keep hanging in there, you are grieving & everything else is linked to that, you just need time to heal
I tryed to find a poem a wish friend sent me when i lost my grandma, but i cant find it but the words that have stuck with me are:
'whenever you think of me i'm only a footstep away'
So whenever i think of my grandma i know shes with me, & watching over me & lots of stuff happened when she passed away & since then, that truly makes me believe that.
I found going for walks in the park helped me loads, gave me time to clear my head & take in the beauty around me & appreciate my life.
Hope this helps your healing a little

 

[toystoryduo]

, , and more Amy,

Tracey is right....You are grieving and you need time to heal. I think that taking each day as it comes is a good start. I can't imagine what you are going through right now, sweetie, but I think you are doing an amazing job. Allow yourself the time you need to heal and know that we love you and are here for you.

Take extra special, good care of you today!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thank you Tracey and TRacy. Tracey, I do also believe that our loved ones are always close by, like you things have happened that have led me to believe that and it does comfort me. Tracy, thanks for the hugs, I need them!

Today is better. I weighed in, I was up one pound. I can live with that. I have gotten a lot done, but not nearly enough! I had to cancel an afternoon with a friend and her son which was very disappointing. But my brother arrives tomrrow and I have so much to do! I also got the thank you notes pretty well caught up for now, what a job. And last but not least I did laundry, cleaned the house and made out a grocery list and organized my coupons, mail and other paperwork. All stuff that has been building up, driving me nuts and adding to this anal freak's depression.

I haven't exercised yet, hoping to take a walk tonight with dh after dinner while the kids are at church. HOpefully will work out. We are supposed to get a bunch of snow tonight and tomorrow, hope my brother's flight gets in okay. I also have to help dd do her valentines for school. Just so much to do and I am running out of time. But being busy has helped my mood. Which is a very good thing.

I am worried about surviving this weekend (birthday cake, valentine candy and choc. chip cookies and sil's enchilada's) but I'll do the best I can. HOpefully I can get on the treadmill.

Last week I exercised twice, which is two times more than in previous weeks. This week I am aiming for at least three times. Then working up to five times each and every week. Just gotta make it happen.

Thanks for sticking with me and helping me through this time. Today was better, I know there will be other bad days ahead but that makes me appreciate the good days all the more!


Thankful for:

Today!
Only up one pound
A new week at WW and 35 points of flex points!

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Amy
Hope your brothers flight got in ok & the weather man got his forcast wrong!!!!
Well done for getting the exercise in last week
Dont put too much pressure on yourself though, you need some healing time - if working out helps then go for it... if it makes you feel worse at the moment dont give yourself a hard time, do what makes you feel better

 

[toystoryduo]

Happy Valentine's Day, Amy!

I hope you have a great time with your brother and his family. Enjoy the time you have with them and please don't worry too much about the food. Your time together is a celebration of the wonderful relationship that you have.

Please remember to take each day as it comes....Like Tracey said, you need time to heal. If you feel like working out, great. If you don't, please don't beat yourself up about it. I think you are doing an amazing job, Amy. Please don't forget to give yourself some time to heal.

Sending our love and prayers your way!

 

[postesf]

HI Amy. I am so sorry you are going through so much right now!!! You have a lot on you. Just try to take one day at at time. Big

Stacie

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Amy
Just checking in on you, hope your having a good weekend

 

[toystoryduo]

Hope you had a good weekend, Amy!

 

[traceycooper]

just checking in Amy - hope your ok

 

[postesf]

Hi Amy. Just checking in on you...

Stacie