Am I right or not? (Long)

[Maleficent2]

she has put a terrible burden on your DS. I would be livid if my MIL said this to my DS.(thanks goodness they live across the pond) and we only have my Mom to deal with.

I think alot of us who lost parents or other family members have regrets.

But putting her life threathening choice on her grandson's shoulders is way too much for any child to bear. And the what if's this leaves open are endless.


Mal

 

[luckywife]

That's what I was trying to explain to her, even if her intentions weren't bad (and I don't think they were) it's just not right for her to make that kind of a deal with her grandson. He is a very sensitive child so I know that if his grades don't improve and she continutes to smoke, she will eventually die, and I don't want him thinking that in ANY way it was caused by him not bringing his grades up. I know she just wanted to motivate him but it just didn't seem like the right way to go about it.

I know she'll get over being mad, she always does, but I just didn't want it to turn into this. Her being mad and upset over us just trying to reason with her. But that being said, I guess I would rather have her mad at me than have my son have feel guilt if something didn't go right with his grades.

 

[PoohnPglet]

It's her decision and her choice if she chooses to smoke or not to smoke. I don't think the weight of that choice should be on my son's shoulders.
So, am I right or wrong about this?? [/B]

I agree with you 100%. She will get over being mad and she has to understand that you are just looking after your child's (her grandchild's) best interest.

 

[believe]

I made a deal with my dad in my younger years...I was overweight...he drank a lot. If I cut out all junk food, he would cut out the alcohol. Did it work?....For a couple years. He did go back. Did I feel responsible?...No. He quits off and on for years at a time. The thing that strikes me most about your MIL's deal is that she only has to 'try', but he had to succeed. That doesn't seem right. Dad and I quit at the same time. I knew up front that my Dad made his own choices, I was not the reason for them. You know your son better than anyone, if he would have taken the way you said...definitely you made the right decision.

 

[John VN]

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG for any adult to lay a challenge of this nature on anybody, whether it be a young child or an adult.

The consequences of continued smoking are well known and even with these consequences many people are still unable to quit.

I can not fathom making this type of arraingement with one of my grandchildren simply because of the psychological impact that could result if my grandchild should not improve and something happens to me. What if he should only receive "B's" and I should become very ill and die, would he then feel that all might have been better if he had gotten "A's".

She was wrong and continues to be wrong for not listening to you and agreeing with what you want to her to do to correct this travesty.

John