Am I just really overprotective?

[disneymom3]

We live across the street from a park. (You see where this is goinng, huh?) I was over there with my kids today and there were these kids who I would say are 4th/5th grade. They rode their bikes from the other side of the park on the path to the park itself. Now the other side of this park is like a few blocks away. I know the people who own the houses that back up to the park and they don't live there. We were there for an hour and they were there the whole time. Now, I do let DD go over there by herself and take her brother who is 6. (She is 9) but I am right across the street. Last summer she met a little girl she liked at the park and wanted to go play in her sprinkler. Then I found out that this little girl lived two very long blocks up the street and then one or two in. Nope, not happening.

Maybe I am just freaky, but I don't want my child going that far away. She has friends that live up the street one block and one that lives around the corner. I am perfectly fine with her being there, but several blocks away just freaks me out.

How far do you let your 4th or 5th grader go?

 

[Holly]

I think 9 is too young to go off on her own, even just up the block.
My oldest two are 12 and 11 and I just started letting the twelve year old ride his bicycle down the street on his own. He is very responsible.
My eleven year old is not, and it will be a long time before she is allowed to go anywhere without me.

 

[5wdwfans]

I feel it is better to be overprotective then have a missing child. I always sent my kids with those walkie-talkies (like the ones people use at wdw) to keep in contact with them even if they went on a quick bike ride.

 

[disneysteve]

We wouldn't let our 9 year old go to the park by herself and we certainly wouldn't do it if she was supervising an even younger child. No offense, but personally, I would say you were being underprotective. Do you live in a really small town where safety is not a big concern?

 

[momrek06]

NOPE NOT HAPPENING, MOM!!!

I am sorry, but I am (I know) wayyyy over protective BUT that is WHY I SLEEP really good at night.

NO WAY!!!

And no way until she is at least 16y.o.!! Told you I was overprotective!

 

[dg39]

I also just started letting my 12 yr. old ride her bike up and down the street with the walkie-talkie. Everyone does what their comfortable with. I know I'm overprotective especially when my dd is outside playing. In jersey we live in a small town and the block is a complete circle. There's really no reason for a strange car to come into the development unless they live here or are visiting. BUT, that doesn't mean anything to me. Bad things can happen anywhere.. I rather be overprotective than lax when it comes to my dd. I would never in a million years let her go to the park unsuperized, but, thats just me.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Wow! Count me in as the "underprotective" mom! I let my dd ride her bike 3 blocks away to school and to her friends house. She is 10 now, but I started letting her do this when she was 9. I let her ride up to two streets over when she was 8. My dd's a pretty smart kid, and we've taught her how to look after herself. I don't want her to grow up in fear of everything in life, and she's at the age now where I feel comfortable allowing her to have some independence. We live in a pretty safe area though, I can't say for certain that I would have this attitude if I were living in a bigger city.

 

[Swimnoid]

Its sad that it has to be that way now. When I was around 9 or 10 I could go anywhere within about a mile of my house to play. There were tons of kids and all the parents knew you and you really were safe. This was in the 60s.

We live in a 2 street development now and when my DD was that age she could go to her friends house that I could see from my porch. Everywhere else we had to drive to. But if we lived in a more populated area with easier access she would not have been able to go very far.

I like the walkie talkie idea. Good way to keep track.

 

[Marseeya]

I'm just now letting my 10 yo go outside around the house by herself. There's no way I'd let her go to the park by herself, and we live in a nice small town.

I was that overprotective with my oldest son, and if you've read my other posts about him, you can see where that got me.

 

[MossMan]

I don't know your kid or your neighborhood. So I think it is very difficult to make a blanket statement.

The question you ask is a balancing act. Is your kid ready for this and are you ready for this. If the answer for either is no, then your child needs to stay closer to home. But if you do believe your child is ready (but won't allow them to go because you are still too nervous), you need to seriously ask yourself when you will be ready.

Being over protective of a child that needs the freedom to grow and develop responsibility doesn't make the child any safer. In fact it does the opposite. What's the point of locking down a child when they are 10 only so they end up less responsible and less able to take care of themselves when they are 18?

 

[ChrisnSteph]

I don't know your kid or your neighborhood. So I think it is very difficult to make a blanket statement.

The question you ask is a balancing act. Is your kid ready for this and are you ready for this. If the answer for either is no, then your child needs to stay closer to home. But if you do believe your child is ready (but won't allow them to go because you are still too nervous), you need to seriously ask yourself when you will be ready.

Being over protective of a child that needs the freedom to grow and develop responsibility doesn't make the child any safer. In fact it does the opposite. What's the point of locking down a child when they are 10 only so they end up less responsible and less able to take care of themselves when they are 18?

I so agree with this, however it really does depend on the maturity and responsiblity level of the child, and the type of neighborhood you live in. I really do believe that some parents are way more over-protective than they need to be. Of course you'll get 20 responses here saying that there isn't such a thing!

 

[momrek06]

I would just like to ADD, this is NOT about the child in my situation...it is all ME! I am the BIGGEST WORRY-WART I know (besides my dad, must take after him)! I have many friends, who allow activities of their children that I would NEVER allow!

That being said: this is all about ME! It is just something I have to deal with. I say the big fat NO so I will not have a nervous breakdown. I was even going to call Dr. Phil to ask his advice on how to shake this "overprotective" bug I have but I never did. My kids grew up with me saying NO before they even asked. Now, I did not shelter them either but I did make sure I knew everything and every little detail about the activity prior to giving any permission. Thankfully, DH is a much calmer, gentler person and tries so hard to make me understand "they WILL be fine"!!!!

That all being said my son (20yo, sophomore in college) received a grant from his college to got to Athens, Greece for the ENTIRE summer to "DIG"!! What he is digging I am not exactly sure and from there he travels UP to Scotland to the University of Glasgow for a semester of overseas studies. I will not see this child until Jan 2007!!! So as you can see I am outgrowing my overprotective BUG day by day!

 

[jodifla]

My DS is only 4, so too young to be alone, but other kids here are all over the neighborhood from the time they're 9 or so...

 

[CEDmom]

I'm one that leans more towards being overprotective. My DD is 6 1/2 and I've just started letting her play in our front yard w/o me out with her. Every few minutes I'm checking on her but I know the only way she'll learn responsibility and common sense is by stretching the apron strings. She knows if she goes beyond sight of our house she won't be seeing the outside of it for a good long time .

That being said, I have to wonder what you mean by "park". We have what we call a park across the street from our house and another one down the block. Both consist of some playground equipment, a few benches and open space. They're a far cry from what most people envision a park to be. Is your something like our? If so I could see letting my 9 yr go there herself but I'd watch her cross the street and have her communite via walkie talkie. I'd probably let her take a younger sibling there as well.

 

[disneymom3]

CEDMom--good point. Yes we are talking about a playground type park. I can see the whole thing from my living room window where I am if I let her/them go to the park alone. It is basically like playing in the front yard of the house across the street if there were a house there. I am comfortable with it only because I can see them at all times. I can also see the house up the street where she is allowed to go and due to the weird layout of our neighborhood, I can see her path as she goes around the corner as well as the majority of their house.

Good to know I am not too freaky! And heck, now I feel really amazed because others on here think I am underprotective. Hmmm, learn something new all the time. Now I can feel confident that these people who let their kids go to the park alone three blocks away are not the ones who are so called normal.

 

[MossMan]

Now I can feel confident that these people who let their kids go to the park alone three blocks away are not the ones who are so called normal.

No you can't. A few responses on some message board doesn't constitute evidence of what is normal or not.

And even if it did, I suspect your child (like every other child) doesn't fit into "normal" in every circumstance. That's why YOU are the mother and YOU are the one who makes the decisions. If we only did what everyone considered "Normal", every child would be brought up the same.

Generally, 9 year olds are ready for quite a bit of responsibility. I doubt we would even be having this discussion 15 years ago. If you kid isn't ready for the responsibility, then the odds are she is almost ready for it.

Your job is to ensure she gets the chance to be trusted when she is ready.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You do what you feel is comfortable for your kid & situation.

At my old house I was comfortable with my oldest hanging with her friends in 4th grade, our court and her street. We had rules and she had to follow them. It really helped me get a handle on (as Cesar Milan says)...'rules, boundaries, & limitations"

Now my youngest is going to be in 4th grade next year, and NO WAY would I let her do the same. Different kid, different place, just not going to happen here.

 

[lsyorke]

I agree that it depends on the neighborhood and the child, but if I told my son at 12 that he couldn't ride is bike in the area, DH would have laughed at me. At that age they should be given enough freedom to make simple decisions. Following the rules is one of those lessons. Wait until they get to junior high!!!!

 

[tiggerlover]

We live on a "P", at the very bottom near a main road. DS, who is 9 (10 in June) and in 4th grade can go outside with his friends and play in the "P", but he is not allowed to go past our house to the right to the main road. Nor is he allowed to cross the main road to go to the park. When he is outside we have two way radio's and if DS is going to someone's house or yard he has to call and ask us first.

Add me to the overprotective club, but I believe in todays world we have to be more overprotective than we were years ago.

 

[Stacey2grls]

My DD will be 8 next month, and I cannot forsee letting her ride her bike by herself or go the park by herself for a number of years. We live in a nice, safe area, but I would rather be safe than sorry.