Am I just really overprotective?

[DisneyPhD]

I don't tend to think of myself of being under protective. (maybe my house "under clean".) I might have lower standards of clean then most mothers will admit too, but I think my protectincess is pretty normal.

However compared to this group I am pretty laxed. I would let my 10 year old nephew go to the park around the block from us. I also let his 14 year old sister watch my kids (and have for years.) Of course I don't know if I would let him play at the park by himself, he doesn't have the best judgment that way sometimes.

When I was 11 years old I was baby sitting alone at night. When I was 18 I had a job driving around inner city Detroit taking care of special need foster children often at night, (while going to college.) Not so sure I would let my 18 year old do that now looking back.

I let my DD who just turned 5 walk 5 houses down the street to see if she can play with a friend. I watch her the most of the way and wait to see if she goes in or comes back. Often they both come back here to play. (by themselves. I send her friend home by herself often (4 years old.) and wacth her too.

I don't think I would let my kids have the run of the neighborhood like we did as kids, but I think you have to start developing trust and responsibility in them at some point. You can't baby them forever then expect them to all of a sudden be adults. (earned trust and respect that is.) She is allowed outside by herself, but I do keep an eye on her from the house and have her check in often.

I have to add I live in a rather safe nieghborhood. While not everyone knows everyone else, they are rather friendly and I feel very safe here.

 

[Hannathy]

I have to add to this thread what my 14 yr old DD said as we were discussing this she said "and these overprotective mothers wonder why their kids sucomb to peer pressure when they get to middle school, it's because they never let them make any decisions on their own so they don't have the confidence to stand up for themselves and tend go along with others" I though that was pretty insightful and true.


I agree with the statement about raising kids that are fearful of everyone and feel it is so sad. We have kids convinced they can't even say hello anymore for fear of being taken-how foolish. I have learned so much and enjoyed a lot of conversations with total strangers that I feel sorry these kids will never have that chance. My DD talked to everyone everywhere and they talked back. Like I always told mine you can talk to anyone, you just can't go anywhere with them.what's so difficult about that. I think it is very impolite to teach kids not even to say hello back when someone say's it to them.

 

[disneymom3]

Hannathy--actually my kids talk to complete strangers all the time. I have the exact same rule as you. Feel free to talk, unless the person makes you feel creepy but don't leave or go anywhere with anyone. My kids seem to have a good handle on this and won't even go off with another kid. DS 6 had some little boy trying to get him to go off into the extensive fields of our park last week. He just wanted to run or whatever, there wasn't anything sinister going on, but DS came to ask me first because he knew he shouldn't leave with someone else. (I let him go and could still see him by the way.) I also have a DD who tells her peers, "I am just not comfortable with that" when something is happening that she feels is not right.

I think blanket statements about what kids are "going" to be like (not directed at you Hannathy) are dangerous. We have seen in this thread how different kids have reacted to different limits as they have grown and matured. What I am taking from this is the reaffirmation that we all have to do what feels like the best choice at the time. That is really what parenting is about afterall, making the best decisions you can with the information you have at the time.

 

[Stacerita]

I think every parent has to decide whats best for thier own kid. I feel that I am not over protective, but not under protective either. I feel how I am with the sweetpea is the right balance for her. She hasn't asked to do things that I would be uncomfortable with, like walking to a friend's house. When that time comes we will deal with it. We have started talking about her possibly riding her bike to school. As it is now, nana walks her to school and home every day. Im thinking of maybe starting a trial run of one day a week of riding bike to school to see how it goes. She is smart, and responsible, but she is still a kid. I give her just enough room to be who she is, but still keep her (what i consider) safe.

It really has to be the parents own decision though. What I consider over protective, another parent might not. It also has to do with your parenting style and how you grew up yourself.

My mother was extremely protective. That made my brother sneak out all the time and do things behind her back. I on the other hand waited till I was out and in college and acted like a wild woman finally "free". If she had given us a bit more room, it might not have been that way. BTW, we both ended up fine.