Am I being to selfish?

[Kaycee]

I, too, can completely sympathize. We have the same situation with my mom and my niece. This little girl is so obnoxious, I simply can't stand to be around her for more than a few minutes at a time. And my mom is the same way you described your mom- she's so sensitive, I can't talk to her about my niece at all without her feelings being hurt. She won't listen to what I have to say about it, she just takes it personally. And like Kathy5 said, no matter what you say or do, you will be the wrong one.

Last year we got caught in a very bad situation planning our WDW trip. We were thinking about taking a family trip (me, DH and our 2 sons) and I was talking to my mom about it. She asked me if we would take my niece along with us. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't really say much at the time. And I really am very ashamed of how I finally handled it, but I just didn't know what else to do. My in-laws live in another state between here and WDW, so we always stop by to see them on our way to and from WDW. What I did was completely stop talking about planning a WDW trip and just talked about visiting my in-laws instead. I didn't come out and lie about it, I just let her assume we weren't going to WDW after all. To this day, my mother doesn't know that we went to WDW on that trip, she thinks we just visited the in-laws. I know, I'm a horrible, horrible person, and I'm in no way implying you should handle your situation this way. I'm just saying that I understand what a bad spot you are in. There was no way I was going to let my bratty little niece ruin our vacation; we work too hard to have a nice vacation to let her destroy it.

I wish I had great words of wisdom for how you should handle your situation, but I don't. I just wanted you to know I understand, and that you are NOT a terrible person for feeling the way you do.

 

[DebbieB]

Does your nephew and his parents (your brother/sister?) know about this? If they don't, this is the time to try to stop it or make your rules. I would say this is your son's special time with you and your mother, your nephew already has his chance to go. If they already know about it, then it's really going to be hard to stop it. Then you'll have hard feelings with the parents too.

 

[topcat011]

I have a nephew like this. I solved the problem by letting him know that I have certain things that I expect from all my nephews and nieces. Respect is one.
It takes a little where I dont look the other way when he is being rude or whatnot...but today this child is completely different with me compared to the other aunts and uncles. Sometimes kids need to know their boundries and what a better place then to start with you. If there are certain things that you wont tolerate I think he is old enough to know how far he can push with you. Start now. Stop holiding your tongue and let him know.

 

[beautybelle]

Kathy5 you sound so familiar that Im really afraid you might actually be my mom (her name is Kathy) And Kaycee I would pay top dollar to have in-laws mid way so I could go "visit" LOL Im thinking I may just tell my mom that my son looks forward to the special time in Disney with her and that "Blake" isn't going to be deprived or anything because he is going in December and just hope for the best. I truly would almost just as soon stay home than go and be miserable and mad (mostly mad) the whole time. But I might as well face it no matter which way I go I will be "the selfish one" I dread it because I love my mom to death and hate to hurt her but it dont take much to do that. Guys I really do thank you for the support. Now just wish me luck. If you dont see me on here anymore, then she killed me. LOL

 

[GoofyB]

let's face it -- you're paying good money to have a nice vacation in WDW. If having this boy a part of it is only going to cause stress and more, then what's the point? Add resentment after you've spent the money and haven't had a good time. MY FIL has wanted us to meet up with my BIL and his wife and kids in WDW and we just say no. We know too well the dynamic between some of the adults, not too mention dealing with the different ways people disclipline their children. Basically, we're spending a lot of money for our family to have a nice vacation - I don't think it's selfish at all to be honest when you think adding others to the mix won't work.

 

[beautybelle]

ohmgod! You all are NOT gonna believe this. Just when I decide how to procede in telling my mom about not wanting Blake to go with us and Iwas going to use the "He's going in December anyway" line she blurts out that his parents have decided that "since he going with us in May theres no reason to go again in December" Im going to have to back up and regroup and go at it again with another plan.

 

[coliebird]

This may sound harsh, but just say NO. I understand your mom is sensitive, but jeez it is your vacation and if you don't want your nephew there then that is your perogative. If your moms feelings get hurt, so be it. I don't mean to sound harsh, I certainly would not want to hurt my mother, but I make myself and my family (husband and daughter) happy first, everyone else comes after that. Maybe it helps that my family is the type that is able to speak what is on their minds without worrying about hurting each other. We are family and we always forgive each other. We also respect each other's feelings. Again, I apologize if I sound harsh.

 

[Growin'upDisney]

I for one know that there is no way I could keep my temper under control having to be around a child like that. I have nephews and nieces who are down right rude and bossy to their parents and other adults. When a conversation is taking place they are constantly trying to talk over adults and there are many more examples of rudeness. I will not stand for it. I stop talking, look at them, and say " I am talking at the moment, when I finish I will hear what you have to say." My mother taught me this as a child and I remember it to this day.

I will not go so far as to "discipline" them, but I will say something when they are being rude or mean. I know it all has to do with the way they are being raised, and it's not my place to change that, but I sure don't have to be on the receiving end of it either.

Nor should you. If you don't want you or your son exposed to it, that is your choice. It's unfortunate you feel you cannot talk to your mom about it, but I would hope she wants the best for your son, as well as the other grandson. Try to be strong for your sake and your sons. Let no one ruin your vacation plans.

 

[Sleepy]

Originally posted by missypie
First off, what is with these families that just "can't talk" about certain things...my DH is the same way and it just drives me nuts!

Second, a Disney vacation with relatives sounds like Hell...a Disney vacation staying in the same room with relatives sounds like...well, what is worse than Hell? You really really need 2 rooms...maybe that will make the trip not affordable and then "someone" will have to be left behind.

NEVER share a room with friends OR relatives!!!!!!!!! I did it and it was disasterous! I suggest mom and nephew stay in a separate room and let mom know if the kid misbehaves you will not hesitate to walk away from them without notice Vacations are to be enjoyed. An unwanted guest will surely destroy every ounce of enjoyment you intend to experience.....especially when it is a family member because you take the unhappiness home with you and it causes family tension.

 

[Sleepy]

Originally posted by beautybelle
ohmgod! You all are NOT gonna believe this. Just when I decide how to procede in telling my mom about not wanting Blake to go with us and Iwas going to use the "He's going in December anyway" line she blurts out that his parents have decided that "since he going with us in May theres no reason to go again in December" Im going to have to back up and regroup and go at it again with another plan.

Sounds like the parents are pressuring your mom into taking the kid as an excuse to not spend their own money to take their kid on a vacation. This is where the red flags go up and I would put my foot down and say NO!

 

[beautybelle]

Ok so here's my backup plan. I think I will just suggest the seperate room thing. That will probably work out. I hope. Geez I'm such a weenie.

 

[yooperfan]

edited

 

[MAGICinMYHEART]

Originally posted by beautybelle
ohmgod! You all are NOT gonna believe this. Just when I decide how to procede in telling my mom about not wanting Blake to go with us and Iwas going to use the "He's going in December anyway" line she blurts out that his parents have decided that "since he going with us in May theres no reason to go again in December" Im going to have to back up and regroup and go at it again with another plan.

originally posted by beautbell
Ok so here's my backup plan. I think I will just suggest the seperate room thing. That will probably work out. I hope. Geez I'm such a weenie.

So with the seperate room his parents should pay. Tell your mother that with the extra person that it will require an additional room that you can't afford, if Blake's parents would still like for him to join you they must pay, also you need to tell your Mother about your rules for behavior when he is with you and your family.

 

[crusoe2]

Just got a chance to read this thread and wanted to tell you how much I sympathize with your dilemma. I am lucky in that my nephews are both sweeties but even so I would not want to share accommodations with them. Mine and my sister's kids all have such a good time together that they would never settle down and rest if they were together 24/7. Maybe you could use that approach when talking to your mom about getting seperate rooms and having some time apart - just say that you feel the boys will need some time apart so that they don't O.D. on each other's company. You could also add that it might be nice for each of them to have some one-on-one time in the parks (your son with you & your nephew with your mom). The beauty of this approach is that kids usually do need time apart even under the best of circumstances so it will be hard to argue with your logic. Plus you won't be making any negative comments about the nephew so you don't come off as the bad guy. Good luck with whatever you decide. I hope it all works out OK.

 

[Xtine76]

You should let your feelings be known, I had a similar situation occur this past october when I took my daughter to disney. Her grandmother (my ex mother in law) who lives in florida and her SO essentially invited themselves along to go to disney with us when I had said no such thing. I work hard for my money and I had saved a long time and worked extra hours for the money to go on vacation and she just invites herself along. Of course my daughter gravitated toward her because she gets spoiled by her. I eventually had to put my foot down and tell them to go back to tampa because they were essentially ruining my vacation which I had spend big money on! Needless to say it was much better after they left. So basically you need to put your foot down and tell her that his behavior is such that you really wouldn't feel comfortable taking him along. It is YOUR VACATION, you shouldn't have to cater to other's demands. If you do it will result in unhappiness-trust me.

Hey post #75, I ought to be a DIS veteran now!

 

[Xtine76]

First off-nephew's parents sound like irresponsible freeloaders-I get this opinion because they don't take responsiblity for his behavior by correcting it and also because they are trying to pawn him off on you. I would absolutely refuse to take him, I feel bad for you because you say your mom is very sensitive, but ask her if she'd like to take your nephew on a vacation-just her and him-and ask her if she thinks that would be an enjoyable experience. If his behavior is atrocious as you say it is, then I don't know how anyone can defend it, and I would be personally embarassed to take someone with behavior like that along with me. If you only take this advice-DO NOT LET THIS GO, DEAL WITH IT BEFORE THE TRIP SO YOU CAN ENJOY YOUR VACATION. Perhaps some quality time with his own parents might help them to open their eyes to how truly nasty his behavior is. I just don't understand people sometimes, how they can let their kids act. I see it all the time in my family so I know what you are talking about. Just don't let it go-otherwise you'll have to have a blowout waiting in line for Mickey's Philharmagic like I did! Yeah it was bad and I didn't want the argument but it was the only feasable way to get the grandmother and her SO to leave us alone on OUR first REAL vacation!!! Needless to say she will have no prior information about our future visits to Disney, and we plan on going every year.

 

[jgates]

Make sure grandma is clear on the whole situation - if she has her eyes opened, maybe she will treat him differently also and he will shape up.

But presenting to the boys parents? You may have to work backwards with that. Very innocently maybe present 'I can't believe anything would happen, but if it does, is it ok if I dicipline Blake as I would my own child'. She will be on belief that her angel will do no wrong and you will have the ability to say afterwards (or if he calls crying to mom), I just can't believe Blake would have even done something like that, but this is what happened and this is how we handled it. My DD would do just as much as she thought she could get away with. When she realized there were boundaries she settled down.

 

[Sleepy]

Originally posted by Xtine76
Perhaps some quality time with his own parents might help them to open their eyes to how truly nasty his behavior is.

Makes you wonder how things are at home since they obviously have money enough to plan a vacation of their own but prefer to be satsified that the kid goes with someone else. Quality time is not their goal. Maybe the kid acts up because he is ignored at home. My son has severe ADHD and trouble being patient. We wanted to do a WDW vacation when he was 7. The test was to take him to a local Busch Gardens and give it a try there first. It was wonderful. Beautybelle, do you live close to a park where you could give him a test run WITH your Mother? SO that way both you and she could see how things will be at WDW? I think it is worth a shot.

 

[twinmomplus2]

First of all is this your sisters kid or your brothers. I know it's not supposed to make a differance, But somtimes it does....It's primarily your relationshhip with the mom. You could get in a very sticky situation if your brother is in the middle of this.
As far as now they won't go. If the kid goes in May? Thats crazy. Isn't Disney about wanting tp experience it WITH your child? This I don't understand I have brothers(adults) who jump on my trips every time because they can not stand the thought of the kids being there with out them to see. Thats sad for the little boy and perhaps your answer right there.
That said I have a differant take on this. I always travel with a large family group. We always get seperate rooms. everyone needs a little time to destress. Also we do not request rooms connecting or near each other again it gives you a buffer.
I would take my nephew, and i would hold him to the same standards of behavior as my own children. If he doesn't like it tough. Kids are very clear on rules from the time they start preschool. Tell him the rules and make sure they are enforced.
A few suggestions... I would get some Disney money for each child perhaps tell his parents you want them to pick up a $100 in Disney money. The concept is simple. Nephew Bobby, Timmy whatever this is your treat money. You have X per day to buy yourself somthing. Here is the money in my pocket. Let him be very aware that if he misbehaves he loses dollar by dollar, For really big infractions $5 penalty. You should work with like $25 a day to give him enough chances. trust me he will not be happy, But the end of one day being out of money and nothing to buy. He will get the point. I would approach your mom about both boys don't just say him. Say this is how we are gonna enforce fair discipline.
Physically move the money from pocket to pocket. So he sees it is out of his to spend pocket. Make sure your mom does not give in and buy if he is out of money. Trust me one or two days of this and he will get the point. Good Luck!

 

[nigel-bigel]

Oh man, this is a bad one. I laughed out loud when you posted that Blake's parents cancelled the Dec. trip, because I couldn't believe it could get any worse!

I have some God-children who are not even as bad as Blake, and I would dread going on vacation with them. So much so that I wouldn't go.

I really would say, "Mom, I have looked forward to our vacation together for a long time, and worked hard to save to pay for it. When Blake and my son are together they both become a pain to deal with. I WILL NOT spend my vacation disciplining the boys. I feel so strongly about this that I would rather not go than travel with both of them.".

And then I really would cancel the trip, and schedule another one a week before or week after your original trip, and let your mom know that you would love for her, and only her, to join you.

Then again, I'm not known for my subtlety!

I have to add that I'm pretty cynical about Blake's parents. Not only do they get out of taking Damien to WDW, they get a vacation FROM him while you and Grandma take him with you! Sounds like a good deal for them...

Please let us know how this works out.

Nicole