Am I A Horrible Mother?????

[disneygirl1977k]

Good Morning guys,
OK I have a question, my DH and I were taking our 2 yo DS to Disney the first week of October for his first trip to WDW...however, last night my mother and I were talking and she said you know, you two have never taken a trip just the two of you since your honeymoon (6 years ago)...she offered to keep my DS for the week and let us go to WDW and enjoy it alone and offered to pay his preschool for the week (most of you know you still have to pay even if they are out) and pay half the trip?????? What do I do??? I was really looking forward to taking my little man to Disney, but she also brought up a lot of good points, having to leave mid-day for naps, not riding a lot of stuff we enjoy and she said take him next year when he is 3 and he will enjoy it more???? WHAT DO I DO..........I COULDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT BECAUSE ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS WHAT TO DO??????? AM I A HORRIBLE MOTHER BECAUSE I WOULD ACTUALLY AGREE TO THIS?????? HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KRISTY

 

[hucifer]

Kristy, I'm not a mom but let me say that no matter what you decide make sure you are comfortable with your decision. If you feel guilty during your entire trip because you left DS at home, it will not be an enjoyable trip for you or your DH. You will have very different experiences whether you go the two or the three of you.

I think it's wonderful that your mom offered to do that for you two. Whatever your decision, you are NOT a bad mom. Just be confident about the decision you make.

Have fun! And don't stress about it so much.

 

[kbkids]

I agree - don't do it if you're going to feel guilty the whole time.

That being said, DH and my first trip to Disney World was without our 2-year-old. But, we were attending a convention in Orlando and snuck in two days of Disney at the time. I did feel a few pangs of guilt throughout the day, but whenever I saw a parent dealing with a cranky toddler, DH and I would look at each other and just smile. Since that time DD (now 7) and her little brother have made countless trips to Disney. But, DH and I will still go by ourself at times throughout the year too. We don't feel pressured to get them to "suffer" through the things they don't want to do but we would like to see since we just save those things for our trips alone.

So, if you do it, no, I don't think you're a bad mother. If it was a trip I started out planning for my kids, I'd have a hard time switching "modes" in the middle of it though. That's a hard offer to pass up though. I know that doesn't help you - you've just got to go with what YOU wanted out of this trip.

 

[oogieboogie]

If you're not comfortable going on a trip without your DS, then by all means take him along. But, I agree with your mom, sometimes it's nice to just get away from the kids. DH and I will be leaving the kids with their GPs for 3 days when we're all at WDW next month.

The GPs live in Orlando and the kids are excited to stay at GPs house. That allows DH and I to have some adults only days which we'll put to good use. We'll finally get to go to PI, try California Grill, go on the big thrill rides without worrying about child swaps, heck... we don't even have to go back for naps!

Whatever your decision may be, good luck, and have fun.

 

[JacquiBee]

Kristy, you are not a horrible mom. I would have LOVED it if one of my parents or in-laws would have offered to watch my 2-year-old for any reason!!! It sounds like your mom wants to spend some quality time with her grandchild and still do something spectacular for her daughter!!! Personally, I say take advantage of her generous offer. A 2-year-old is not likely to remember the trip (and I just asked my 19-yr-old if he remembered the trip we took when he was 2 and he looked at me like I was nuts! Whatever you decide, have a great trip!

 

[HeatherinNC]

NO, of course you aren't a horrible mother. We took our DD's when they were 4 and 5, they don't remember one thing about that trip. So there is no way your 2 year old will remember whether he went or not.
HOWEVER, are you going to be able to enjoy yourself if you go without him? I think that it the question you must answer. If you can somehow lose the majority of guilt you feel by not taking him, then and only then can you consider it.
If you are going to be unable to enjoy your trip, and in the process, effect your DH's enjoyment as well, take DS.
At any rate, have you talked to DH about this? He may not be on the fence about it and feel very strongly one way or the other.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[csaag]

Wow, does she want to watch my 3 kids too??????

I've purposely refused to go to Disney the last few years until my youngest was old enough to really enjoy it. She won't even know she's at Disney at 2 years old.

 

[Me&Mic]

Kristy - Let's your mom watch your ds. My son is 4 years old and has been to Disney World 3 times since I often travel there for business trips. While he enjoyed the sights while we were there, it was extremely tough for him to keep up the pace. My sister watched him while I went to my business meetings and she said that he would take 4 hour naps each day. It is exhausting. If we didn't have pictures of our visit, he would have no memory of the trips.
When my son was 2 years old we went to Tuscany without him. He stayed with my sister (she has 4 kids) and loved his "vacation". He barely noticed we were gone and we enjoyed some grown up time and he enjoyed time with his cousins and aunt/uncle. While I missed him like crazy, I knew that it was excellent bonding time for me and my DH and my DS and my sister's family. It really was a win/win.
There will be many more trips to WDW in your/his future. He will love it when he is just a little older. You are not saying that you are never taking him with you...just not this time. GO and enjoy yourselves WITHOUT guilt! Mom and Dads need time alone together too.

 

[bdcp]

No, you're definitely not a horrible mom. Time alone with your DH will make you a better mom. A 2 year old will definitely not remember the trip after a couple of weeks anyway. We took our sons (19 and 21) for the first time when they were 3 1/2 and almost 6 and the youngest remembers nothing and the oldest has vague memories. How much can you remember from even age 6 or 7 really? Your son will have just as much fun with grandma since kids that age don't really care what they're doing as long as they're with someone who loves them, feeds them, reads to them and plays with them. I have read in several places that the things most kids under age 6 or so love about vacations anywhere is the hotel pool. No guilt. My DH and I over the years have take several trips w/o the boys and it didn't harm them in any way. It's good for the marriage, your son's relationship with grandma and probably easier on everyone. No cranky, irritable tired 2 year old being planned around. You can stay out late and "date" each other all over again. Take advantage of grandparents who are young and healthy enough to do this and are willing to. This is truly a gift.

 

[Lynn4Mel]

Go with your heart on this one. If you have been planning your trip with your son included then you should stick to it and take your mom up on her offer for another trip for just you and your husband.

I will be married 14 years in a couple of weeks and DH and I have gone on 1 alone trip 4 years ago. Because it was our 10th we had plans to go down to NYC and tromp around. WELL our planned day of arrival ended up being 2 days after 9/11. We did take our trip but ended up going far in the mountains of New Hampshire. I am actually in the process of making arrangements for a 5 day trip down to Puerto Rico in a week in a half (DH likes to spring things on me without much notice!) A member of a family we are close friends with is having a huge 80th Birthday party and they have pretty insistant on us going down there. Just got confirmation from my mother to take DD12 and DD9 for the 5 days, now to make all travel reservations. Best thing about this quick trip is, it's not dipping into any of my Disney Money!!! That's all saved and tucked away.

Good luck with your decision! You'll make the right one! And NO YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE MOMMY, so don't worry about it.

 

[CindyCan]

We did this!! My kids were 1.5, 3 & 4.5, and had never been. We decided it was a fact-finding mission...I had been as a kid (only MK), my husband had never been. We had a BLAST! And, we came home armed with info about how to handle a trip with the 3 kids. That made our trip 2 years later WAY better!

And, funny enough, DH wasn't all that keen to go to WDW (and...without kids, why would we do that?), but I convinced him thanks to these boards. On the plane on the way home he couldn't WAIT until we could share the magic with the kids (& now we're planning THEIR 4th trip!).

I had HUGE guilt during the trip, but honestly, my kids had no clue what they were missing & were so excited to spend 5 days at Grandma's! Now, of course, there's no question of DH & I going without them!!

If you can afford to go back I would say leave him with your Mom. You won't regret it!

ETA: I had never been away from my kids before that trip, and DH & I have never gone away without them since. Thought it was important to mention that this was our ONLY kid-less trip!

 

[webray]

Good Morning guys,
OK I have a question, my DH and I were taking our 2 yo DS to Disney the first week of October for his first trip to WDW...however, last night my mother and I were talking and she said you know, you two have never taken a trip just the two of you since your honeymoon (6 years ago)...she offered to keep my DS for the week and let us go to WDW and enjoy it alone and offered to pay his preschool for the week (most of you know you still have to pay even if they are out) and pay half the trip?????? What do I do??? I was really looking forward to taking my little man to Disney, but she also brought up a lot of good points, having to leave mid-day for naps, not riding a lot of stuff we enjoy and she said take him next year when he is 3 and he will enjoy it more???? WHAT DO I DO..........I COULDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT BECAUSE ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS WHAT TO DO??????? AM I A HORRIBLE MOTHER BECAUSE I WOULD ACTUALLY AGREE TO THIS?????? HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KRISTY

Kristy..I think you and your mother are two of the smartest people ever. Definately, leave the baby with your mother and you and hubby go and have a good time. I am one of those people who do not believe in bringing babies into the park. We didn't take our childrent until the youngest was 6, and boy did we have a great time. Now, I have a 2 1/2 year old grandaughter, I can hardly wait to take her, but I have resisted, just because we see on a regular basis how miserable babies are in the parks. You are definately on their schedule, and for all the money you spend on a disney trip..why would anyone want to spend most of it in their room with a napping child. Adult only disney is a blast..and this is a great opportunity for you guys to have a second honeymoon..note that on all your reservations as well. Good luck!

 

[MAMA G]

Of course you are not a horrible mother, and you will have some pangs of guilt, but it probably will be your last time to do this ever - my children are 18, 14 and 8. hubby and I are looking forward to the time when they have homes and families of their own so that we can go to Disney alone together. by the time that happens it will be 30+ years since our last solo trip, our honeymoon! We love our kids, but we love each other too, and the best thing that you can give your children is to take care of your marraige - ask any child of divorce that one! Obviously, your mother knows how important it is for you 2 to take care of each other, give that lady a big kiss!!!
Besides, hasn't it been said that with children that young their favorite thing about the trip to WDW was the hotel pool?
Have a lovely trip!

 

[Disneynutbsv]

Kristy,
Why don't you ask your mom to come too? And then you can get some alone time with your dh and also experience WDW through your 2 year olds eyes?

 

[justcruisin]

NO! You are not horrible.

I understand your anxiety. Would you consider cancelling Disney (did I really suggest that!) and take a vacation for the 2 of you not so far from home? The distance always makes me uncomfortable.

You know in your heart your son will be fine and you will be fine without him. The first day is tough and the last day is tough. Once you settle in and relax you'll have a wonderful time.

Anyone who tells you "I would never leave my kids, and therefore I am better mom than you" likely never had anyone offer to take them for a week!

Even if you don't take your mother's offer for this trip, take her up on her offer soon ... You MUST take a weekend for you and DH.

Keep us posted.
diana

 

[MemoryMakers2669]

We have been there 5 times now and the worst was our first, when dd was 2.5. Although she was a great kid, very easy, etc, she wasn't so great on that trip compared to the other times with her. My second dd has been 3 times now and her worst trip was this past one in June, when she was 20 months old. She did great as an infant, but this time she wanted to get down and run, was a bear when tired, etc.

I think if you know you will be going back soon, in the next year or so, that I would go without him! Go have fun. Do you trust your mother fully with him for a whole week? You are not a horrible mother at all for doing this. IMO, you are just the opposite if you do get some time with your DH alone. Like someone else said, this might be your last chance at doing so, especially if you think you will have more kids.

 

[tinkamom]

We made the difficult decesion to leave my 1 1/2 yo old home last year and within 2 days my dd10 and I were missing her terribly! I think it was the right decision though! We took her this year in May and she loved it! She was 2 1/2 and still remembers it all! She asks to go back everyday! How about taking your Mom along and spending half the day with them and half the day alone with DH while your Mom goes back to the resort to spend time with the baby?

 

[molly2004]

Not a horrible mom by any stretch of the imagination! If anything, you're being a great mom for taking the time to recharge your marriage and making a stronger family for your kids to grow up in.

That being said, I know it will be difficult leaving the munchkin at home. My DH is taking me to WDW for the weekend, leaving our twins who will be 19 months old during our trip at home with his mom. If being away from your guy for that long will make you miss the fact that he's not there with you at WDW, have you thought about taking a shorter trip to get the fun, wild, grownup stuff out of the way? That way, when you do take the young 'un, you could dote and concentrate on him, absorbing his every reaction.

Just a thought. That's what we're doing - a short crazy trips. When they turn 5, it'll be all about them.

 

[pennst8r]

Take mom along! Will a 2 yr old remember it? No, but does he have an AWESOME time while he's there? YES! I think since you planned this with your child included, you might not enjoy it as much without him there. But with mom along, you can DH can go your own way for dinner, etc without any of the guilt. Mom sounds like she'd enjoy spending time there with her grandchild.

 

[WDWDennis]

Your not horrible!! In fact, my wife and I are going the first week in October also. We are leaving our 2.5 year old with her mom too. My wife and I are really looking forward to day of sleeping in and nights doing whatever we want too. At that age, the would be just as happy anywhere, so its not like your cheating him out of some great trip. He will appreciate it much better when he is older. I say go and have a great time. The hardest part will be watching everyone elses kids play. We always do that and say "man, Masen (our son) would just LOVE that". Hehehehe, then again the parents of that child probably say man, I would love to be here on our own. LOL You just can't win.

I say, leave him home with mom and go and enjoy a great time. Just bring him home a nice souviener.