All SAHM's please HELP!!

[mericletwins]

I don't understand why a working mom would click on a thread that says "All SAHMs please help". If I saw a thread that read: "Working Moms, unite!" or "All working moms please help" I wouldn't even open the thread because it has nothing to do with me but that's just how I am.

Personally, I opened it and responded because although not a SAHM currently I was one previously. I still think that my experience is vaulable although I now work.

 

[MiaSRN62]

Personally, I opened it and responded because although not a SAHM currently I was one previously. I still think that my experience is vaulable although I now work.

Perfectly stated Lisa.........
There are many threads I read and participate in here on the DIS that might not pertain to me personally or directly, but where I still feel I can share helpful information or life experiences. I was a SAHM for the first 18 months of motherhood and I experienced many of the same things shared here in this thread.
The DIS is an open forum---not a private club.

 

[beattyfamily]

The DIS is an open forum---not a private club.

I realize that and I agree but I was only giving my opinion on what I do (or don't do) when I see a "working mom" thread. Obviously, we disagree and that's just fine.

I'm just bummed that yet another SAHM thread turned into a debate. It never fails so I'm not surprised, but a just little disappointed.

 

[MiaSRN62]

I'm just bummed that yet another SAHM thread turned into a debate. It never fails so I'm not surprised, but a just little disappointed.

I agree. I am bummed as well.....like I said, the majority of these posts were great---very uplifting and supportive of all moms. But certain posts (and thankfully they were few and far between) just really struck me as stereotyping/deragatory of working moms (like we're all either jealous, money hungry or don't want to be around our kids as examples here on this thread). And as I mentioned, I was a SAHM at one time. So I feel I did have something to share, though you might not agree.

As a working mom, it can be difficult to read things like that. I sure hope SAHM's wouldn't see me as that type of a person. I wish we would all just stick together as moms in general and not pit eachother against one another. I feel we can all help eachother in the long run. So I am disappointed a bit as well.

 

[ohiominnie]

Haven't read the first 6 pages, but from the looks of it got heated..

anyway.....

to answer the original question:

Are you working now?

Yes, I am a Pediatric Logistics Specialist



(can't take credit, Whitney from the LD Podcast taught me that one)

 

[ampc3]

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I just wanted to post to the OP- Be happy and confident in whatever choices you make no matter what anyone says. (this goes for all us Moms!) Who cares what the family says etc.? You are doing what's right for your family and that's all that really matters. Good luck to everyone and may we all raise happy, healthy, and loving children!

 

[MindyLuvsMickey]

I really don't get that question very much. The people around me know how difficult it is to stay at home a manage a household. I've found, around here at least, that people really see it as favorable to be at home with their children.

Most of my old co-workers were a bit on the jealous side that I have the oppportunity to be home with my son (and future children). My DH works very hard to give me the opportunity to be the primary teacher for our son.

I don't know that I will ever go back to being a formal career. Teaching was rewarding, but I'd rather have the opportunity to chaperone school field trips, bake cup cakes for class parties, and help grade papers in my child's classroom.

 

[jodifla]

I don't know why you have to make snarky remarks about being a SAHM. Just a little FYI I happen to have a highly demanding job that many people can't even handle. Not a pat on my back- just fact. I am on a very long child care leave since I have had my kids so close together. Anyway- Having worked, been a working Mom and a SAHM I still think that while I don't think it's hard being home (as in digging ditches hard) alot more goes into how I care for my kids than anything else in the world - including my job- as I am sure every mother feels as well. So..... while my job was demanding, I still had a set lunch hour, coffee breaks, toilet breaks without an audience, and set hours to end my day. So in that aspect of course it was easier! Do I love being home with my kids no matter how demanding? You betcha! I love and treasure every minute with them! (as do all parents I am sure). Do I consider it work? Nope! Work is something you have to do and maybe don't want to. Being home with my kids is bliss!

Now I have to go and make sure that the kids turn on the lights so everyone can see the statue that they built in my honor on the front lawn.

Like I said, I am a SAHM now after 22 years in the workforce. I was raised by a SAHM. But being a SAHM doesn't qualify women for sainthood or offer children perfect childhoods, as many SAHM's (not you) seem to want to suggest. But having SAHMs certainly offers benefits children and our society, I'd say.

In our corporate break-neck world, it's nice to have SOMEBODY with a flexible schedule in a family to take care of doctor's appointments, sick days, recitals, etc. But there are potential severe tradeoffs to staying home that everybody should be aware of (Because my mom stayed home, there was no money for their retirement, so MY FAMILY is footing a lot of the bill for my dad's retirement.)

In an earlier post, I responded directly to the OP that since it was her family making these comments, there's certainly some agenda we don't know about playing into it.

When someone asks me what I do now, I tell them. I'm never given any kind of hard time about it, but perhaps that's because I spent so long in the workforce, I'm not sure.

 

[MiaSRN62]

Mama House Mama says : Anyway- Having worked, been a working Mom and a SAHM I still think that while I don't think it's hard being home (as in digging ditches hard) alot more goes into how I care for my kids than anything else in the world - including my job- as I am sure every mother feels as well. So..... while my job was demanding, I still had a set lunch hour, coffee breaks, toilet breaks without an audience, and set hours to end my day.

First off, want to say, that I fully understand what being a SAHM is all about.
But, not all of us have jobs that give us rest breaks/meal breaks/restroom breaks. Even though I worked the 11 pm to 7 am shift for 11 years, I still had to do all the SAHM stuff during the day. I was up with my kids. And, just to give another side of the working mom----I rarely, if ever, get breaks at my work. I'd come home from work at 7:45 in the morning, having not been to the bathroom for maybe 6-9 hours. Maybe managed to sneak a few saltines from the kitchenette we provide for our patients during the night as a meal. Typical scenario for me in the Delivery Room would be me running down the hallway with a 300 pound stretcher and patient for a stat C-section at 3 am. Keep in mind I got home by 8 am and had to go strong all day with the three kids. If I got home and told my husband I got a 15 min "potty/meal" break at 4 am, he'd feign fainting---all dramatic---because it was just so rare in my field. Hospital nursing is a tough job. I can't speak for other professions (I'm certain there are very difficult outside jobs that moms do though), but I'd bet other working nurse moms would back me up on what I say here. Breaks are rare---especially on the usually short-staffed graveyard shifts.

So sure, my out of the home working day ended at 7 am, but I had a 30 min drive home and then got to start my working SAHM day. My dh didn't get home from work until 6 or 7 pm usually.

So, not every working mom has it as easy (at their outside job) as some others might. I still stand behind the fact that nothing is black and white. I fully believe some SAHM's have it harder than others, just as some working moms have it harder than others. One just cannot put everything into neat pigeon holes. They don't exist in the "mommy world".

As Jodifla experienced, I was also raised by a SAHM. My mom could never ever understand what I went through working all through the wee hours of the morning and going all day with the kids into the night. Some times I'd ask if she could come over just so I could catch a nap from working all night and she always made an excuse not to. She'll never know how exhausted my early motherhood years were. Our relationship was often strained due to the differences in our lives raising our kids. I see this strain here on this thread between the working and SAHM as well. It's sad. But I can totally understand how we cannot understand what eachother fully goes through because all family situations are different. We shouldn't sterotype either SAHM or working moms.


I am truly not trying to be snarky towards SAHM (I was raised by one and was one myself for awhile so I understand). I absolutely fully agree SAHM work hard raising the kids, taking care of the household and get very exhausted. But the flip side is, working mom's lives aren't a piece of cake either. I run non-stop at my job & then come home and run some more. All us moms are going through the same things really (we're running all day long and into the night !). It gets quite crazy sometimes for us all. Yet we ALL somehow manage to keep it together.
We all need to hold our head's up high and be confident and at peace with what we do

 

[louise']

I think there are three types of mothers. Working moms, stay at home moms and those that can do both .

I'm just curious why you call yourself only a working mom when you are also a stay at home mom? I think you are doing a great job.

Unfortunately, I picked a career that is 9 to 5 with lots of overtime at month end. Now that I have five children, that career no longer works for our family. I wanted to be home until the kids went to school. Now that they are school age, I don't have a problem with latchkey care for a two or three hours each day. My problem is sick days, vacation days, snow days, holidays and summer vacation. I do not have family to help out and my husband travels quite a bit. I am thinking about working temp work during the school year. I do work part-time from home and signed on to be a sub teacher so I will have the same schedule as the kids. I'm just trying to find my new place in this world as a mother.

Good luck to all mothers.

First off, want to say, that I fully understand what being a SAHM is all about.
But, not all of us have jobs that give us rest breaks/meal breaks/restroom breaks. Even though I worked the 11 pm to 7 am shift for 11 years, I still had to do all the SAHM stuff during the day. I was up with my kids. And, just to give another side of the working mom----I rarely, if ever, get breaks at my work. I'd come home from work at 7:45 in the morning, having not been to the bathroom for maybe 6-9 hours. Maybe managed to sneak a few saltines from the kitchenette we provide for our patients during the night as a meal. Typical scenario for me in the Delivery Room would be me running down the hallway with a 300 pound stretcher and patient for a stat C-section at 3 am. Keep in mind I got home by 8 am and had to go strong all day with the three kids. If I got home and told my husband I got a 15 min "potty/meal" break at 4 am, he'd feign fainting---all dramatic---because it was just so rare in my field. Hospital nursing is a tough job. I can't speak for other professions (I'm certain there are very difficult outside jobs that moms do though), but I'd bet other working nurse moms would back me up on what I say here. Breaks are rare---especially on the usually short-staffed graveyard shifts.

So sure, my out of the home working day ended at 7 am, but I had a 30 min drive home and then got to start my working SAHM day. My dh didn't get home from work until 6 or 7 pm usually.

So, not every working mom has it as easy (at their outside job) as some others might. I still stand behind the fact that nothing is black and white. I fully believe some SAHM's have it harder than others, just as some working moms have it harder than others. One just cannot put everything into neat pigeon holes. They don't exist in the "mommy world".

As Jodifla experienced, I was also raised by a SAHM. My mom could never ever understand what I went through working all through the wee hours of the morning and going all day with the kids into the night. Some times I'd ask if she could come over just so I could catch a nap from working all night and she always made an excuse not to. She'll never know how exhausted my early motherhood years were. Our relationship was often strained due to the differences in our lives raising our kids. I see this strain here on this thread between the working and SAHM as well. It's sad. But I can totally understand how we cannot understand what eachother fully goes through because all family situations are different. We shouldn't sterotype either SAHM or working moms.


I am truly not trying to be snarky towards SAHM (I was raised by one and was one myself for awhile so I understand). I absolutely fully agree SAHM work hard raising the kids, taking care of the household and get very exhausted. But the flip side is, working mom's lives aren't a piece of cake either. I run non-stop at my job & then come home and run some more. All us moms are going through the same things really (we're running all day long and into the night !). It gets quite crazy sometimes for us all. Yet we ALL somehow manage to keep it together.
We all need to hold our head's up high and be confident and at peace with what we do

 

[MiaSRN62]

I'm just curious why you call yourself only a working mom when you are also a stay at home mom? I think you are doing a great job.

Hi Louise.....and thank you.
You're right....not sure why I consider myself just a working mom (meaning outside the home)---I guess the whole "bringin' home a paycheck" thing. But when I look at myself, I don't see that part. I see myself as a mom first. I'm in the middle I guess...I just get paid for some work and not paid for other work...I work part-time as well, so I don't even fall into the category of those moms who work 40+ hours a week. I work about 24-32 hrs. Depends on the week....but I consider my more important work, are the times I don't get paid so I'm with the SAHM's on this.
Some days I do have trouble managing after school activities---it can be very tough as you well know. I was lucky to have a job where I could work the graveyard hours for so many years---and I know not everyone has this choice, so I sympathize.
Thanks again for your kind words and support to all moms whatever their "jobs" may be.