All SAHM's please HELP!!

[mericletwins]

I have been on both sides of this fence. When I wasn't working and people would ask I would just say "no." I knew that they were asking if I worked outside of the home at a paying job and if I gave them one of those "I do work. I'm a FT mother, taxi driver, teacher, counselor...." answers I felt like I had become snarky...just on the other side of the fence. I didn't need to add all that other cr*p because I had made my choice and it was what was right for my family and I didn't feel any need to justify it. I think by adding all the other stuff to your answer it makes you sound defensive. That's my opinion and I know not the opinion of all. I think a simple "No" is all that is needed. On the other hand, I now teach and I get one of two reactions. One is I don't have a real job since I have summers, holidays and weekends off. And the other, strangely enough, is I get more grief from SAHM mom's for working then I did from WM's when I was SAHM. Either way people are going to give you grief and I find the briefest answer to be the best.

 

[KirstenB]

Mericle Twins, you've expressed my thoughts perfectly! The less drama the better. We thought long and hard before I became a SAHM. Some days are tough, and I wish I were at a desk job. But big picture, we made a good choice for our family.

 

[MiniGirl]

I don't get the question often, but I generally say, "Aren't all mothers working mothers?" and leave it at that. DH and I know that my being at home is what is best for our family, and I really feel no need to justify our decisions to anyone else.

 

[susykt4]

People are soooooo ignorant! I was a sahm for 6 years (working only Saturday mornings when DH was home) and just couldn't handle it anymore! I went back to work fulltime and it's much easier than staying home. The thought of staying at home AND homeschooling is beyond overwhelming to me. SAHMs get nothing but respect from me!

I'm on the other end of things where I get plenty of criticism from my family for <gasp> working. I guess family has to complain about something we do!

 

[Fairydust.Indy]

I worked for 20 years, through my first round of kids, and now I am so blessed to be able to stay at home. Have had it both ways....and I love that I am able to stay at home. At this point in my life, I don't want it any other way... And that is how I respond!

 

[mouseketeer_mom]

Anyone who knows me, knows better than ask if I'm currently "working"

If I currently had a "job", I'd get some time for lunch, have sick days, vacation time, work about 8 hours each day, and I could afford a "wife" to pack my lunch, do my laundry, clean my house, run my errands, get up in the middle of the night etc...

I've been on both sides of the fence. Two months into my SAHM status, I spoke to my former boss. I thanked him for the hour each day that I used to get to actually got to eat a meal.

I can't wait to go back to "work".

 

[pbharris4]

When people ask me I say I'm a SAHM and it's harder than any other job I ever had (which is the truth). But I also say that it's also the most rewarding (which it is). I've worked FT w/ my first DD and DH traveled alot and at the last minute..no way I could take care of 2 kids and work FT with his schedule and no help. Most people who make snide remarks either don't have kids, don't have kids and don't want kids, or never stayed at home with their kids. I used to think it was easy to be a SAHM. Ha! Reality hit me hard, but I am so glad I did it. I will have to go back to work in the fall though. (

If anyone gives you crap..tell them if they think it's so easy..maybe they should try it for a year.

 

[Not so Dumbo]

this thread reminded me of an email I received........ I had to share. Enjoy.
HMMMM. I wonder if Mike Rowe would like to try this new Dirty Job?

Position: Mother/Mom/Momma



Job Description: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an ever changing, often stress-filled environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some over-night shifts and travel required, including trips to the Emergency Room, and primitive camping sights on rainy weekends, and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.



Responsibilities: Must be willing to commit the rest of your life. Must act as events coordinator, secretary/receptionist, driver, psychologist, language interpreter, nurse, dietician, cook, personal shopper, housekeeper, seamstress, accountant, tutor, and au pair. Responsibilities also include daily floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must also be willing to be hated, at least until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite your tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat (in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not just crying wolf.) Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, wrestling with large appliances, mysteriously sluggish toilets, very tight knots and stuck zippers. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and then an embarrassment to the team the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final and complete accountability for the quality of the end product.



Possibility for Advancement & Promotion: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaint, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.



Previous Experience: None required. A background in child growth and development, psychology, and medical training helpful.

A loving attitude and complete selflessness is required.



Salary: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18, because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.



Benefits: While there is no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options offered; fringe benefits include limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life, if you play your cards right.

 

[horseshowmom]

I heard that question from time to time when I was a SAHM, but it really didn't bother me in the least to say that I wasn't "working" (I knew they meant in a job outside the home). I wasn't offened by the question either.

I considered myself very fortunate to be able to stay at home with my daughter. I also sometimes had women say to me that they would go crazy if they had to stay home with their kids. I just smiled and told them the truth - that I was really glad that I got to.

After several years, I moved into working half-time and then, eventually, back to full time. Whenever I hear someone make the statement that they are "just a mom" or "just a housewife", I stop and tell them that that is the most important job in the world.

 

[PollyannaMom]

It's such a shame that your own family gets on your case about it! They must not realize that you have all the responsibilities of any other teacher, plus MORE household responsibilities because someone is LIVING in your house all day. (I could clean in less time too if my house was only occupied for 4 waking hours a day!)

Seriously, though, when it's outsiders who ask, I'd just say "I'm a teacher" if you don't want want to explain.

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

I respond with the truth. I'm working harder now than I ever have before. I am the SAHM of a high-needs 1 year-old. Sometimes I dream of going back to my old job...it was so much easier and at least I got to go to the bathroom by myself

Seriously, though, I just tell people that we planned for 1 parent to always be home with the kids, and that's why we waited nearly a decade after marriage to have kids.

 

[beattyfamily]

I feel for you OP. I've been a SAHM since my eldest was born 10 years ago and now that my youngest is in school all day I ALWAYS now get "so you going back to work now?" or "what do you do with yourself all day now?" or "aren't you bored to tears?" or "you should get a job now".

Well, if I got a job, what would I do when my kids are sick, snow days, vacation days, holidays and the worst one of all Summer vacation? What dream job could I get where I could have all those days off? A teacher? Well, I'm not qualified to be a teacher.

I'm so tired of answering those questions and feeling like I must justify why I'm still home.

I need to be here for those days I mentioned above. I need to be here for the bus departing and arriving. I need to be here for school shows and parties. I need to be here to take care of the house and the errands. I need to be here to take care of my 5 Toy Poodles. I shouldn't have to explain or justify our decisions every other day.

I'm so blessed that I have a DH who wants me home and who has a great job that allows me to be home. I don't take it for granted for one second. We made many sacrifices in the beginning to be able to do this. It wasn't a piece of cake for sure, but it was SO worth it.

 

[kaysmommie]

Honestly I think that is a rude question on there part. Of course you are working, probably harder than them since you also home school your children. It's the hardest job in the world even when they start school. I love NOT So Dumbo's post, it tells exactly what we do all day. My youngest is only 2 but in 3 years , when he starts Kindergarten full day I don't want to work an outside job then have to clean ,cook ,do Laundry drive the kids to activites, that is too much. I thought they freed the slaves and that is what I told DH which he thinks I should go back to work. I;'m going to stop doing everything and let him handle and see what gets done, pratically nothing I'm sure. SAHM get the sh** end of the stick because no one appreciates us or what we do.

 

[my4kids]

I feel for you OP. I've been a SAHM since my eldest was born 10 years ago and now that my youngest is in school all day I ALWAYS now get "so you going back to work now?" or "what do you do with yourself all day now?" or "aren't you bored to tears?" or "you should get a job now".

Well, if I got a job, what would I do when my kids are sick, snow days, vacation days, holidays and the worst one of all Summer vacation? What dream job could I get where I could have all those days off? A teacher? Well, I'm not qualified to be a teacher.

I'm so tired of answering those questions and feeling like I must justify why I'm still home.

I need to be here for those days I mentioned above. I need to be here for the bus departing and arriving. I need to be here for school shows and parties. I need to be here to take care of the house and the errands. I need to be here to take care of my 5 Toy Poodles. I shouldn't have to explain or justify our decisions every other day.

I'm so blessed that I have a DH who wants me home and who has a great job that allows me to be home. I don't take it for granted for one second. We made many sacrifices in the beginning to be able to do this. It wasn't a piece of cake for sure, but it was SO worth it.

In my experience the kids need you at home more when they are school aged and especially middle and high school aged. I worked for a few years when my first was a baby because I had to. He went to a sitter where his only needs were to have his diaper changed and pbj put in front of him. Other than that, he played. Now he has "real" problems that he needs me for. As they get older ,those hours between school and when mom gets home from work is when the nasty stuff is going down I promise you. I also am the emergency contact for all the working moms in the neighborhood, and there is nothing sadder than when I get called to go pick up a sick kid because mom couldn't be reached and I take them to their empty house to go be sick by themselves. I feel for the moms that have to work, because they don't have a choice, but I am fortunate enough that I can make the choice, and I can not even imagine going to work and leaving them alone on those days.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Okay- I just have to respond to this. I am a SAHM. I am on a very extended child care leave from my job. (4years so far!) When people ask me if I work I always say that I have been lucky enough to stay home with the kids. Thank God my dh makes enough for us to live comfortably. Then I tell them just how much I love being home. I have 3 kids- 4.5, 3, 15 months and one on the way. Nobody ever questions if I am busy or not and they certainly know I never get to "relax". Between the house, activities, pre-school (I don't homeschool) and doing stuff with my kids I am pretty busy. So if someone even suggested something like that to me I would crack up . A woman at my job asked me when I went out with my first child if I was going to be bored at home. She said- "What will you do all day?" I chuckled and gave her a brief synopsis of my plans. She didn't realize since she didn't have kids. Another thing that bothers me - although not really a pet peeve- is calling what I do work. Now we all know it is alot to stay home- so that is not what I am getting at. I just feel like the word "work" means something that you have to do but don't really want to. YKWIM? I don't know what I call staying home but I don't like to use the term "work". JMHO on that. I wouldn't sweat the family and their comments. They probably wish they were in your shoes. Jealousy has a funny way of appearing sometimes. Also- as another poster said- I NEVER feel lazy about staying home no matter what comment anyone makes. Wasn't it Eleonor Roosevelt ( I could be wrong) who said "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." Celebrate the beautiful life you have.

 

[KELLY]

I'm not a sahm but I will give you ladys credit it is a lot of work. My DD is 17 months and goes to daycare at my mom's (she owns a daycare). Some days when I have off or she is sick I'm thinking maybe work isn't that bad. Yes there are days still when I drop her off I still cry especially if I have been home with her for 3 or 4 days in a row. But my husband and I are ready to have another one. But I will not be a SAHM second time around either. Were we live cost of living is very high. House are very expensive the average house is 250,000 small side. I would like to be a SAHM once in a while. But with a morgage,mini van,truck,dvc and all the utilities and insurance I'm off to work. If I could afford it would I be a SAHM not sure. We like to go to Disney evey year etc. I love my daughter but I need to get out sometimes to. Being at SAHM is someones choice and if they are giving you a hard time are the most likely jelous.

KELLY

 

[rbork]

To the OP. I started filling out applications/doctor questionaire with occupation: "Home engineer" I'll never forget the look I got from one doctor who looked at me puzzeled. I simply responded, "I design and run a home". You see specifically- I am a gardender, cleaner, plummer, painter, handyman, electrition, chef, teacher, nanny and nurse on top of that!
DH calls every once in a while and I just tell him, "I am taking a vacation day today."
Really, above all I am so glad my kid's are with me or DH all the time. No one else raised them and it show's!

 

[LovableGluttons]

I work twelve hour night shifts, six nights on, eight off, as a registered nurse. I leave for work right after my family has had the dinner that I prepared and cleaned up after. I go to work and care patients in the hospital. Women having babies, newborns, premature babies, people coming into the Emergency Room.

The absolute meanest thing someone who does not know me can accuse me of is "letting someone else raise my kids".

I come home from work before DH leaves for work, make lunches for my kids, do laundry, get them ready for school clean the kitchen, dust, run the vacuum, see them off to school at the bus stop where I am the ONLY Mom there, no other WMs or SAHMs standing there freezing. I walk my dog around the block, come home, and go to bed.

I get up 15 minutes before my children are due home, provided the doorbell has not been rung repeatedly, I've had no telemarketers bothering me, charitable organizations phoning me for funds, and so on.

They come home, I make them a snack talk about their day, make dinner, have dinner with my family, hop in the shower and do it all over again.

During my eight nights off, I find I have staff meetings I'm required to attend additional training certifications I must keep current, plus catching up on everything I've slacked off on during my work stretch. I rarely get more than 4 hours of sleep a day during my work stretch.

Why do I do it?

If there were not women out there teaching, nursing, fighting fires, and we had to leave it just to men, there would not be enough people to do it.

I am fortunate to be very good at what I do. My family is fortunate that I can sacrifice sleep to do it for them.

So, no one else is "raising" my kids, but I manage to care and save the lives of others while doing it.

There is a tremendous nursing shortage out there. Some of it does stem from the Haterade placed on women who work when they have children at home.

People assume I'm a SAHM because I am home during the day. I don't correct them. I do disconnect the doorbell though! LOL

 

[beattyfamily]

I work twelve hour night shifts, six nights on, eight off, as a registered nurse. I leave for work right after my family has had the dinner that I prepared and cleaned up after. I go to work and care patients in the hospital. Women having babies, newborns, premature babies, people coming into the Emergency Room.

The absolute meanest thing someone who does not know me can accuse me of is "letting someone else raise my ds".
So, no one else is "raising" my kids, but I manage to care and save the lives of others while doing it.

Did someone on this SAHM thread say that about you???

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I just wanted to say this because I think I am on the same page as many- although I could be wrong.

I am a SAHM. I am very lucky that I can be a SAHM and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I do understand that many people cannot stay home and personally I have no problem with that (not that it matters what I think about other's choices) BUT- I think when some people say, including myself, that I don't want someone else to raise my kids it is directed at people who work so they can have 2 Volvos, LV handbags, weekly massages, $200 bluejeans etc. Not so they can provide what is needed for their family. While I like the finer things in life as well and don't fault anyone who does, I find it very hard to swallow someone's lame excuse about how they can't afford to stay home when they only shop at Nordstrom, have a maid, gardener, nanny etc. That is where I think someone else is raising their kids because clearly they are self absorbed. Plenty of kids come from working families and are fine. My Mom worked and our family all helped out in the care of my sister and I. We were fine. I never thought I'd be a SAHM. I am a worker by nature and never thought I would want to stay home. Things sure have changed for me! I would never want it any other way! So I don't think, at least for me, that most working Moms are letting someone else raise their kids, I have encountered quite a few who made me wonder why they even bothered to pro-create in the first place. I hope you understand where I am coming from.