All SAHM's please HELP!!

[deanainnc]

How do you all respond to this question "Are you working now?"

We have a large family, and out of the family my brothers wife and I are the only SAHM's and we also homeschool. At every family gathering I am asked that same question. The other woman in my own family (aunts, cousins) make me fell like I am just lazy because I don't get up and go to work everyday. It really makes me fell bad. My kids are 16, and 11 they are both very involved in scouts, 4H and church activities. I spend half my day teaching them and the other half running a taxi service.

My husband and I are at a point in our lives that we are making really good on 1 income and have discussed that I will probably not return to work even when the kids are gone. He's planning on retiring early and were going to travel. But my family thinks everybody is supposed to work till they are at least 65.

HELP Please.

 

[Lil'DisneyMom]

I tell everyone that I do work FULL time. Just because I don't leave my house each day to go to a place of empolyment, I have a fulltime job raising my son.

 

[ilovejack02]

Dont feel bad at all. I very rarely have this problem, since almost everyone I hang with is a sahm and the ones that arent want to be. BUT I do run into it sometimes and when I get someone that I feel like is being a bit of a snot about the fact that i get to stay home. I just laugh and say "I am soo lucky to have a husband that has a great job that allows me to stay home with the kids and not have to have anyone else raise them. I feel it is very important to be home with children, dont you feel that way?" That always shuts them up ; )!
Now of course I dont say this to everyone, I would never be ugly about someone decision to work. Not everyone can stay home or heck even wants to. Its what works for us and im glad! I only pull this out for the few that i get that like to try and make me feel bad for not having a career.

PS your family is JEALOUS of your good fortune!

 

[kribit]

But you are working. You are raising your children at home which is one of the hardest jobs in the world. Just tell them that.

I'm also a sahm, and if the school system in the town we live in wasn't so good, I would also homeschool my children (I was a teacher). My dh is more against homeschooling than for it (just for social reasons - my kids were VERY sheltered up until a year ago because they were born ill), so we spent a little more on a home to live in an area with good schools. I did, however, start pre-school 2 hours a day at home and as much as it's fun, exciting, etc...it is difficult and I totally respect moms that do this full time. It's hard enough juggling pickup/drop off/activities/playdates, but then throw in there full time school at home. Homeschool moms, you definatley don't get enough credit and I bet there are many people out there who aren't as disciplined to accomplish this. I'm so envious of women that can juggle all of this.

Plus, how wonderful is that many years down the road when your children are excelling in college and you can say that you taught them everything they know.

 

[Not so Dumbo]

when I'm asked what I do for a living I reply with.... I'm the chief operations officer for my family.

When people give me a hard time about staying home, I tell them life is about choices, I made the choice to stay home because I feel that it's important for my children. It is also the only time during a few short years that I will have to raise and teach my children everything they know before they start school and begin to become independent. My choice however, doesn't come without sacrifice, we do have to make budget cuts in areas where we really wish we didn't have to. We would have a lot more money if I worked, but for now this is a sacrifice that I want to make.
Staying home isn't easy, it's a lot of hard work and unless someones has expierenced it they can't fully understand. So hat's off to everyone who homeschools on top of it. I just can't imagine the added work that must be involved.

 

[almburr]

Tell them yes i am working now. I am the CEO of the (your last name here) family.Our major production is rasing well behaved carring people, that will eventually take over the world. I have great benifits, and the pay is awesome. I make a million thank yous, A billion kisses and I love yous. What better job is there.

 

[mom2aredhead]

I agree with ilovejack02 about the jealousy thing. And how could they possibly think yoiu are doing nothing, especially if you are homeschooling...ridiculous! It's so hard being a mom regardless of where/how you work, you would think us mom's would go out of their way to support each other.
I was fortunate to be able to stay home full time with my son until he was a year old. After that, I had to go back to work, but we made some pretty dramatic changes/choices that allowed me to work only 3 days/week (1 of which is Saturday, so DH and DS have their alone time too!) I have a sister that has a full time job (which she loves) and nanny home with her daughter during the day. She is the one that would try to make me feel bad about not "working" as much as she does. After a while I realized that it was probably jealousy rearing its ugly head after she had a bad day at work, or when she was frustrated about her husband having to travel so much for his job, and she was just venting. A lot of people also feel the need to put someone down in order to justify their own choices in life.
I give you credit for spending the time you do with your kids - being a Mom is the hardest job in the world regardless of how you do it!

 

[becca011906]

great tips that OP have said, love it! I have been a sahm since getting pregnant with my second child, although i did start back to work part time from home only (peer counslor for a local WIC office only make phone calls from home) when my youngest was 6 months old, I refuse to go to work in a job that requires me to put any of my kids in day care/ childcare at all, i just cant' do it, i had to when my youngest was 5 months old i had to go back to school to graduate high school, even though my dh had a great job that support us beyon our means, i also had to work durring school in a work/school program that let me only go to school 1/2 day and work at least 15 hours a week outside the home, and got school credit for it as well, i found a job so that i could work only when my husband was off work, and it worked well, but he did have to go to an in home day car from 8-12 5 days a week, i hated it! and i haven't done it since!!!
When someone asks me if i plan to go back to work, i usally just tell them i work hard everyday, and am doing the job i've always wanted too....

 

[jennifer293]

My primary job is being a SAHM...although I do various little things that do make me money on the side..I decorate cakes, and I am a subsitute teacher (maybe about 2 times a month). My Dh and I also run a business out of our home so I do all the scheduling and paperwork for that. Mostly though when people ask I just call my self a Domestic Goddess!!!! It is a very hard job that not just any woman can do and you must be highly qualified to have this position....hahaha

People used to ask me that a lot, but I have been at home for over 6 years now so now they know better because I am so sarcastic they know they will get some snide comment out of me...

 

[Twingle]

When I encounter the snarky comments, it's usually from mom's who work outside of the home and don't want to. I try to say that EVERY mom is a WORKING mom, and I just don't work for MONEY. The one that gives me the hardest time is my sis-in-law, and she usually tells me how lucky I am that my husband works his fingers to the bone so I can "relax" at home. Yes, my husband works hard, but he LOVES what he does, and we've definately had to adjust our lifestyles to accomidate one income.

My DH and I feel that it's just as important for me to stay at home when our children are teenagers, not just when they are little. I also am in the same boat as the OP, I don't plan on returning to work. I'm perfectly happy staying with my kids and volunteering!

As difficult as some of those comments may be, remember you are doing what YOU chose was best for YOUR family.

 

[ilovejack02]

The one that gives me the hardest time is my sis-in-law, and she usually tells me how lucky I am that my husband works his fingers to the bone so I can "relax" at home. Yes, my husband works hard, but he LOVES what he does, and we've definately had to adjust our lifestyles to accomidate one income.
As difficult as some of those comments may be, remember you are doing what YOU chose was best for YOUR family.

LOL if that was my sil she would be getting "the finger" from me You are right it is the mom's that want to stay home, but for some reason cant that are USUALLY the witchy ones ( i realize not everyone acts that way). I have a cousin that works and her two kiddies are in day care. I never hear anything rude from her, she LOVES her job and her kids love their school/daycare.

 

[Ariel8676]

Tell them yes i am working now. I am the CEO of the (your last name here) family.Our major production is rasing well behaved carring people, that will eventually take over the world. I have great benifits, and the pay is awesome. I make a million thank yous, A billion kisses and I love yous. What better job is there.

Aww well said!!!!!!

 

[DawnM]

I struggle with this mostly at doctor's offices and such. Filling out those darned papers where it lists occupations and the ladies behind the desk who make $7 an hour and have no education and are snippy tell me to put down "unemployed" or "homemaker."

I haven't worked for 2 years and honestly, I miss it terribly, so having to deal with people like this is NOT helping at all.

Dawn

 

[my4kids]

wow. I can't even imagine another woman saying that to me. I don't know how I would respond. I have never had that happen. I know 2 groups of moms. The ones that stay home and do what it takes to stay home (smaller home, less fancy vacations, eating out less, etc. ) and those that work because the they rather cut off their right arms than have to stay home with their kids. (I know plenty of the second type, but am not really close to them). Neither type has ever questioned my decision. In fact the second type just acts like I am crazy to want to stay home because we all know it is harder work staying at home than going out to work and having lunch out with adults, earning money, having a cleaning service, eating out...etc. i have never had anyone act like I had it "easy". Yep sounds like big time jealousy to me. I think I would just smile and say "yes, I truly am fortunate, I LOVE being able to stay home with my children" That would probably make them turn green.

 

[my4kids]

I struggle with this mostly at doctor's offices and such. Filling out those darned papers where it lists occupations and the ladies behind the desk who make $7 an hour and have no education and are snippy tell me to put down "unemployed" or "homemaker."

I haven't worked for 2 years and honestly, I miss it terribly, so having to deal with people like this is NOT helping at all.

Dawn

OK, you're not unemployed, that implies that you are currently unable to find work. But what's wrong with putting down "homemaker"? Heck, my hubby and I worked hard and long to save up enough so that I could write down "homemaker". I'm proud of it. That is my career right now, making a lovely home for my family. Comfortable, clean, cozy, and with the smell of good food cooking. The perfect environment to raise awesome kids, which is my main job description. Write "homemaker extraodinaire" if it makes you feel more important.

Do you miss working so terribly that you would rather put your kids in daycare? If so, go back to work. Everyone would probably be happier. If not, write down "homemaker" and everytime you do it smile to yourself that you don't have to put your kids in daycare.

 

[rhonhod]

I'm the only STAM in my family, you know family members always call and say, "I'm going to put your name on the emergency contact list for school". I tell them I do work and I have 2 kids (one with CP) and 4 cats and 3 dogs and a husband, who has his own business, I do paper work for him and keep his files. I'm just extremely lucky I can do all this in my P J's.

 

[KirstenB]

I usually say, not right now, but you never know what tomorrow will bring.

 

[Denine]

I am A SAHM, a teacher (we home school), a wife and a nurse ( I am an RN).
I only work outside the home 2 mornings a month now. My hours were cut. I was working 4 mornings a month.

The girls at work always want to know if I work somewhere else.

I work plenty doing all of the above. I just don't get paid for most of it!

 

[bnf2]

Well, I haven't read through all the other posts, so I'm probably repeating what others have said... but here's my .02 worth.

You DO work... in fact, you work overtime! You are a teacher and a mom- 2 very demanding jobs (I know... I've done both- was a teacher, still am a mom )

Sounds like you and your husband have everything worked out for YOUR family. Others that offer opinions do not know the inner workings of your family, home, etc. If you let them make you feel "lazy" they will. Next time, confidently state: "I do work- as a full time teacher and a mother. Our family is very happy with this arrangement and my children are happy I can be flexible in my work to support them in their activties."

Best of luck from one lucky stay-at-home-mom to another.

 

[rt2dz]

I haven't read the replies, but what I usually tell people is that "I've had the high-power, demanding, stressfull career and right now being a SAHM is all I can handle--it's the hardest job I've ever had. There's a reason why we pay nannies, taxi drivers, maids, cleaners, cooks, teachers, nurses and handy men--they deserve it!! And, lucky them, they get lunch breaks and bathroom breaks and vacations and aren't expected to work 24 hrs, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year!!"

I'm very lucky though, most people around here are either SAHM or want to be or work because they just "can't" do the SAHM thing and know how hard it really is!