Age to let kids have certain electronics?

[Ginny Favers]

When I took my DD to dance class, a bunch of middle-schoolers were there, talking about the latest gadgets. They were going back and forth saying, "My friend's family has 2 laptops for each person, even the little kid!" and "My cousin has an iPad, an iPhone, a laptop, AND another tablet, and she's ONLY 7." It was getting a little ridiculous. But these are status symbols these days. They talk about them CONSTANTLY in school.

My DD is almost 8 and was starting to take an interest in writing and I figured she'd need to learn how to type. I let her have my old laptop and bought a new one for myself. She was utterly thrilled with it.

She was asking for an ipad for Christmas but I don't really see the benefit in it. As for a phone, not until she's 12. She is already counting down the days.

 

[HM]

I always hear thst argument but there are always newer things out on the market and this year all my daughter wants is clothes clothes and clothes and shoes- so it's not like you don't have anything to buy them when they are older- next year when she turns 16 I am sure her list will be a bunch of stuff for her car.

True, there will always be new things on the market, the electronics companies love that people will upgrade or buy the latest gadget at the drop of a hat, but my family doesn't think this way. If you have a laptop that's doing it's job, you don't get a new one until it starts to die; you have a phone that works, you don't get a new one unless it's no longer working; etc.

Her daughter is 9. She's got a lot of years before she really "needs" any of the things on her list. If my 9 year old gave me that list, I'd tell her she needed to think about adding some things other than electronics because she "knows our rules" (when it's appropriate to have those items). But, maybe OP hasn't set a list of "rules" like that...and is now getting feedback that will be useful in setting a list if she wants.

I still maintain that a 9 yr old child is still a child and needs child appropriate presents.

 

[KKB]

We don't allow TVs in rooms--we don't even have one (OK, DS did have his in his room during summer break from college)
Cellphones--9th grade (we tried to wait until they were driving...)
Laptops--high school grad present (THIS is getting harder to stick with--DD, a junior, often has my work laptop in addition to the home laptop open doing homework--typing on one reading on another; being a librarian, I see we are going to digital and if it is for school I have no issues)

DH & I each have a MacAir & iPad for work that we take home.
We have one laptop & 1 iPad (refurb Gen 2)for the family.
2 have 1 TV for gaming & 2 TVs for viewing (one in family room, one in rec rooms)

We do NOT upgrade--we buy when they are impractical to use (too slow, break)

Guess we are not the norm!

 

[Egdisney]

Those are the kids you see sitting in the library at the public computers here. Only problem is that there is a 1 hour limit so if you don't get everything done in an hour you are in trouble. My daughter has actual tests that they do at home online that count as grades so I would not want her sitting in the library worrying about "is my hour up" while taking a test. She takes photography in school and they need to do work with photoshop - they have a couple computers in the classroom for the kids that don't have photoshop at home but not enough for every kid.

In elementary school??

 

[Colleen27]

One other thought for you OP:
If you start buying her these types of things for presents now, what in the world will you buy her when she gets older and toys aren't an option? Start slow with electronics. If she already has an iPad mini, then she's ahead of where my kids were at her age. It could seem like the easy thing to do now, but create complications in a few years.

I've heard that point made before but I don't think there is much too it. There are always other gift options. We didn't use cell phones or TVs as gifts - the TVs they got when we were ready to replace one of ours (they got the hand-me-downs), the cell phones when we wanted them to have one (a couple weeks before starting middle school). Even with those things taken out of the "gift" pool we've never had any shortage of ideas - they have plenty of other interests suited to gift giving when there are no electronics on their wish lists, even now that they've mostly outgrown toys (except the occasional Lego set for DS16). And we're not "upgraders" - we don't have the newest generation gaming systems, we all run fairly low-end Android phones and only replace them when needed, etc.

 

[I M Fearless]

To be honest I think a child can be taught to use gadgets appropriately at age 9, provided that they are not just given to them and no further parental input follows.

I think this applies to a teenager as well. It is more about the input the parent gives as opposed to the age of the child in my opinion.

I think to give a teenager of 14 a phone and have absolutely no interest or input into how it is used, is just as much a problem as giving a child of 9 a phone and doing the same thing.

The important thing is that the gadget is used in a way which is appropriate to the child's needs and abilities. I much prefer a gradual approach which allows the child to learn how to use the items in a very measured, safe and controlled way before they are old enough to take full responsibility for them all the time. I think that way you can gradually extend their use without fear of the consequences, but the main thing is that at any age the parent is aware and informed about what their child is doing and who they are in contact with, regardless of the technology involved.

Sadly, the parents who supervise and interact with their children the least in the real world, are likely the ones who do the least to supervise and interact with the child with regards to technology also. I think in most cases where problems arise, it is the lack of parenting that is the issue, not the technology.

 

[NinaBella]

My kids are in 6th and 7th grade but they have been using computers since age 3. We have always had multiple computers in the house as of last Christmas everyone (all 6 of us) have our own dedicated desktop or laptop.

I have to agree with your daughter that she needs a computer for school. My kid's school we had to sign a form stating if they had a computer or not because they have to access their school textbooks online for homework, teachers blogs, and other websites the teacher includes in the lesson plans. They have to print their homework worksheets from the teacher's blogs. For kids who do not have a computer at home, they allow them class time to go to the student media center to complete the work, but that would be very rare for a kid in our district not to have at least one computer at home... and it means the kid loses class time for lectures.

 

[mhconley]

DS now 11 and in middle school may get a cell phone this year.

He is currently on his 4th laptop. I gave him his first the Christmas when he was 4. He is already writing apps and java programs.

He may get a TV in his room when he becomes a teenager.

By the way, his PCs have always been appropriately age restricted and monitored. He is also not allowed to play T, M or Ao rated games. He complains about that one all the time... "But Daaad, the kids at school play <insert wholly inappropriate video game name here>; why can't I?"

Martin

 

[ktlm]

Thank you so much to each and every one of you who has responded so far!!! I love seeing all the different perspectives on this subject. I wish I could respond to each and every one of you, but that would take up too much room!

As to some of the questions and concerns people have had. As far as Santa bringing her friends electronics- I'm pretty sure she thinks that I tell Santa what he can't bring! We already had that discussion in regard to the live puppy at the top of her Christmas list last December! Oh- and DD is an only, so it isn't a question of what any brothers and sisters have or want.

As far as:

1. Cellphone. DD is a theatre kid, and she does get dropped off for several activities during the week. She does theatre, dance, piano, and is also in an ambassador performing troop that performs at events around the community that has rehearsal/class once a week. The cellphone request (which she has been making since she was 3) has intensified from the fact that she was in a 3rd to 7th grade musical production this summer where she had 4 hour a day rehearsals Monday- Friday for most of the month of June, and a lot of the older kids had phones, and the kids also had their phones backstage and played on them during downtime during production week. My thought on that is that each of her activities is in a place where she has gone for years and the people that work there know her well. At each place (other than piano which is at a lady's house), there is a front desk and she has access to have someone call us or to call us herself if she needs to. If she is performing at an event, we are there. If it is closed event where we can't attend, her teachers have cell phones with our number and can call us if we are needed. So, I don't see any reason why she "needs" a phone. I'm with those that say when it is convenient for me, or if she did not have ready access to a phone or an adult we trusted that had a phone, then she would get a phone. I'm just not seeing getting her a phone before she hits double digits. I actually have an Iphone 4S in perfectly fine condition sitting unused at my house from my upgrade to the 5S. I could easily get phone service hooked up for it and give it to her, but I'm not inclined to do so unless one of you convinces me otherwise!

2. TV- If Santa got her a TV it would go in her playroom, not her bedroom. She does love to watch TV, especially the Disney channel, but she is also an extremely avid reader who is reading years ahead of level. I don't think that will change if she gets a TV in her playroom. The other 3rd grade parents complain of too much homework- which is mostly directly based on the fact that the kids are required to read a certain amount of minutes and log it in each week for a grade. The limit is far below what DD normally reads in a week, so while it is hard for some, it is a piece of cake for us. In fact the first week, she read over 5 times the required amount, and this week she has already read over twice the required amount and will probably read over three times the amount or more by the end of the day on Sunday. I'm not really worried about her giving up reading for TV- she loves reading too much. Plus, if I tell her to turn off the TV and read, she is good about that. I'm still not sure she needs her own TV and I don't think she needs to watch it more- although it would be nice for me and DH to be able to watch something other than the Disney channel at certain times of the day!

I (not her) have a wii and an X-box 360 with Kinect. She is not much of a video game kid and rarely plays with either. Every now and then she wants to play. We got Disney Infinity at a big sale this spring and she asks to play that about once every three weeks to a month. Honestly, as much as we paid for all the games etc., I wouldn't mind if she used them more!

3. Computer- This is the one I struggle with the most.
Neither DH, nor I have laptops. We have 1 desktop and then we have a first generation IPAD and an IPAD air, and she has her ipad mini. She has some apps that are games that she plays, but she is just as inclined to be looking up something like who invented the popsicle on her ipad. The apps she spends the most time with are things like fashion design, or pets, rather than traditional type games.

DH claims he does not "surf the net", he reads the news and tries to keep up with current events through news sites and facebook. I think the problem there is that she is not REQUIRED to use the computer and it isn't specific homework. The websites she mainly wants to access are those that the school recommends and give the kids log ins for learning games to help in math, reading, spelling, etc. She also wants to look at the Disney websites too of course. She makes really good grades in everything, so I don't think DH sees it as that important that he moves. I think he considers it more "games", even though they are learning "games" recommended by the school. We also don't watch the news on tv usually because it tends to upset her- so he usually does get his news online. He uses the desktop because it is faster and he much prefers the bigger screen.

Sadie22, you voiced my fear. Is she going to be behind if she does not get more computer time, and does that warrant getting her a laptop or computer. They have chromebooks at school and they take their math tests on computer at school. DD is not the most computer proficient kid although she is improving. Her hand eye coordination is not the best although it has improved substantially in the last couple of years. In 1st grade, they gave her a computer timed math test and she got a 70%, then they gave her the exact same timed math test with pen and paper because they did not think the computer score reflected her knowledge and she got 100%. They have already toldthe parents that while all their math tests this year will be taken by computer, that if there are kids that they believe are not doing well with the computers that they will alternate test them if need be, so at least we do have something to fall back with in school if there are issues. But- I do know that the computer use gets more instense in the school each year, I don't want her to be behind.

We bought her a Nintendo DS at the end of 1st grade to play with that summer to get her finger dexterity better- and she played with it for a week and since then has only occasionally gotten it out to play with it. We thought that would entice her to play more video games, because back then we couldn't even get her to use the desktop at home and the math test issue really worried us. She asked for a couple of games for it for Christmas last year and they are still in the wrapper. She just would much rather be reading, singing, dancing, watching tv, playing or making things. I am worried that if she does not get a lot of practice with an actual mouse and keyboard that she could have issues in school. She has gotten pretty proficient with the ipad and I like to see that. I am a bit torn as to whether we should get her, her own desktop or laptop to get her doing more on the computer. I seem to be kind of talking myself into that one with this post!

 

[wendow]

Sad that even when parents want to limit electronics, the schools are pushing them.

 

[Colleen27]

Sad that even when parents want to limit electronics, the schools are pushing them.

Is it? I mean, the schools are tasked with educating our children and preparing them for college and the working world... and electronics are the way of that world.

 

[tvguy]

Is it? I mean, the schools are tasked with educating our children and preparing them for college and the working world... and electronics are the way of that world.

Yes, and no. Out in the corporate world, often the bottom line rules, and electronics cost money. I know more than one of our recent hires who is just out of college is shocked at the lack of tablets, and the dependence on paper.

Really hasn't changed from 1979 when I graduated from college, working at the campus radio station where we had the latest state of the art equipment because the college wanted us to be prepared. Then I get my first job at a commercial radio stationand literally walk into a room with equipment older than I am. Oh, and an audio board with TUBES.

 

[lauradis]

DD11

From birth she has always had common area TV and desktop to play with.

Think she was 8 when she got an iPod, Xmas present from my sister.

10th birthday was an older iPhone. 3 months later we upgraded her to newest version of iPhone.

This year the school started chrome books, for her grade and up. They do most of their homework and lessons on it. I'm loving the less papers. DD is loving no heavy text books.

We might get her a laptop for Xmas.

I personally think you are being to harsh, if you can afford to get one for her then why not?

cell phones, laptops, iPad, notebooks are all this generations technology

I set realistic rules and limits for all electronics in the house. You break the rule I lock you out of the acct.

 

[Egdisney]

Sad that even when parents want to limit electronics, the schools are pushing them.

Agreed. It is not necessary for it to be used so prominently at a young age. I prefer the Waldorf school of thought.

 

[wendow]

Is it? I mean, the schools are tasked with educating our children and preparing them for college and the working world... and electronics are the way of that world.

I do think it's sad. Where does childhood fall in this preparation for college and the working world? I just think children deserve a childhood where they play with toys and not electronics.

I work with kids a lot. I find the fixation they have on electronics and their inability to focus on anything that isn't electronic really scary. I was working with a little boy a couple of evenings ago and he could hardly sit still. All he kept saying was he couldn't wait until it was time for his mom to pick him up so he could get on his ipad because he "loves screen time". He is 5yo. Yeah, I find that very sad.

 

[NinaBella]

In my house a T.V. is the last electronic I would buy for my kid, but not for the reasons everyone has suggested. My kids DO have T.V.s but they really do not watch them. They watch "T.V." on their laptops instead as we pay for Netflix. We have a DVR to record the shows we like but the DVR is only on the family room T.V. so they have to come into the family room to watch any shows they recorded (we are an active sports family and miss the shows when they air). So the T.V. in their rooms really do not get used very often. If it wasn't for DH watching certain shows, I really think cable is a waste of money for our family. LoL. I have mentioned getting rid of cable to him before but he wants to keep it. He actually says it's not that much additional since we are paying for our Internet through the same company.

To be honest, I already know what my kids are getting for Christmas and so do they. DS12 (12 in January) doesn't like his laptop, he wants a desktop. He is a gamer and says a desktop will be better. DD11 laptop is my old laptop with a new harddrive. It is extremely old and the keys are starting to fall off, so she wants a new laptop. She makes a lot of videos and wants to be able to edit photos, etc. So both of them are getting new computers. I will discard DD old computer. DS laptop will be given to his oldest brother whose laptop is the next one about that needs to be replaced.

 

[Colleen27]

Yes, and no. Out in the corporate world, often the bottom line rules, and electronics cost money. I know more than one of our recent hires who is just out of college is shocked at the lack of tablets, and the dependence on paper.

I can imagine that would be shocking. I'm back in school and the consensus among the profs I've had who are working in their field (rather than teaching full-time) is that the move is towards more digital communications and far less paper. My journalism prof right now is an editor at a local magazine and everything she does is iPad and laptop. Even in class, she expects us to be able to multitask, research questions as they come up, and type our work/turn it in via e-mail.

I do think it's sad. Where does childhood fall in this preparation for college and the working world? I just think children deserve a childhood where they play with toys and not electronics.

I work with kids a lot. I find the fixation they have on electronics and their inability to focus on anything that isn't electronic really scary. I was working with a little boy a couple of evenings ago and he could hardly sit still. All he kept saying was he couldn't wait until it was time for his mom to pick him up so he could get on his ipad because he "loves screen time". He is 5yo. Yeah, I find that very sad.

Anything in excess is a problem, but I think this "toys OR electronics" mindset is manufacturing a problem that isn't inherent to the situation. Electronics don't supplant toys any more than a scooter replaces a dollhouse or an easel takes something away from a play kitchen.

I'm around a lot of kids too. My girls are in 1st and 8th grades at a (private) school that demands a high level of parental participation - we don't have lunchroom staff, teacher's aides, etc., parents fill those roles. Although our school serves a relatively well-off group of families by local standards and most of the kids do have "gizmos" of some sort, I really don't see a fixation on it. Especially with the younger ones a tablet or computer is just another toy. They're not unable to play with blocks or Candyland or dolls during centers and they aren't pining for their iPads or gaming systems. But they do all know their way around ABC Mouse and Cool Math and Starfall, and it is a pretty safe bet that their middle school computer classes won't begin (as mine did) with a lesson in how to double-click a mouse.

I think in general the anti-electronics perspective tends to be rooted in the extremes: that kid who wishes away the school day because he'd rather be on his iPad, parents who turn over internet-capable devices with no parental controls or supervision, the family that habitually uses electronics as a babysitter rather than interacting with the children, those who don't set limits or enforce any sort of balance/moderation, etc. But those types don't tend to be represented here on the DIS or in other thoughtful conversations on the subject because that's usually a sign of a "path of least resistance" mindset. They aren't the ones thinking and rethinking and second guessing and seeking opinions/experience from others; regardless of where any of us in this conversation draw the line it is a pretty safe bet that we're doing so with a great deal of thought and care.

 

[SEA333]

Yes, and no. Out in the corporate world, often the bottom line rules, and electronics cost money. I know more than one of our recent hires who is just out of college is shocked at the lack of tablets, and the dependence on paper.

Really hasn't changed from 1979 when I graduated from college, working at the campus radio station where we had the latest state of the art equipment because the college wanted us to be prepared. Then I get my first job at a commercial radio stationand literally walk into a room with equipment older than I am. Oh, and an audio board with TUBES.

Hmmm. Odd. I work for a PEN company and we are completely paperless. Everything we do (other than normal notetaking and scratchpads) is paperless. And really, I even prefer to takea picture of a lot of my notes and email them to myself so I can store them.

Pen and paper are not going away (as evidenced by our extremely successful back to school season this year), but electronics and paperless delivery of information certainly does exisit and have a prominent place in the business world today. If I wasn't computer savvy, there is no way I would have been hired for my company.

PP's, my DD is in 5th grade and she has a typed writing assignment due every week, and all of her math homework is done online. DS14 has to turn in all of his assignments either through email or has to print them out and hand them in. All research and papers must be done online. They access their homework assignments via Schoology.

Their doing this online work as kids will help them in college as well as in the business world. I couldn't begin to imagine what my boss would do if I handed her a report or proposal or presentation on a piece of handwrittsn paper lol she would think I was crazy.

 

[HM]

OP's child is 9. You guys are talking like she's in HS.

 

[Colleen27]

OP's child is 9. You guys are talking like she's in HS.

Not at all... By high school the skills get much more advanced. My high school sophomore is learning C++ and Photoshop this year. My middle schooler has been using Powerpoint for projects for years, as well as Word, Excel, and some web-based software (PowerSchool, Google Drive, etc.). Middle to upper elem would be about the latest I'd want to see basic technological proficiency because middle and high school bring an expectation of familiarity, a need to learn specific software suites, and the need for other intermediate technological skills.