Advice needed on dealing with inlaws

[Christine]

But what if the OP's gifts were missing the mark for them, too? Maybe that family sees gift cards as funky. I have well-intentioned people in my family with whome gifts are a gamble - sometimes they're perfect, others I wonder what they were thinking.

I can't imagine she gave gift cards year after year.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I don't see anything wrong with GCs year after year. I love them! I like to give them to people that love them like I do. That's just me.

I guess I'm in the minority. I think the OP has a legitimate complaint.

Delilah, it seems like you and your DH are treated like Mr. & Mrs. Moneybags on every occasion. It sounds like you guys have been taken advantage of quite a bit. Not treated with common courtesy. That would get old pretty quick with me. I agree with the previous posters, you can't change them!

I'd probably let DH take over the gift giving for his cousins. I want to feel genuine when gift giving and if it isn't there I don't want to do it. The thrill of gift giving for them would be long gone. If DH doesn't want to take it over, I'd do the shopping but scale it back to a "rememberance" gift. Nothing grand.

 

[Christine]

I guess I'm in the minority. I think the OP has a legitimate complaint.

Count me in!

 

[xyzabc33]

The brother that holds the key doesn't allow or give his wifie dear any $, (she stays, loves the chaos)
and the other brother's wife buys everything from the dollar store, so last my ds is now 18-and my dd is 13, they get more than most adults, they don't need it, it's the principal, why give such horrible dastardly GROSS gifts?! send a card, or just forget, my kids joke and throw it out, although the expensive(!) thank you notes I have them mail out and the stamp out weigh the costs of the entire gifts for their bdays and xmas........... I too only buy select gifts according to what someone likes/appreciates it may take me a few months, I plan ahead ( I am a Virgo) so that's just me..........I am very picky!
I would NEVER EVER give someone junk or something I wouldn't use, EVER.
To me a gift is a reflection of how you feel about the person!
QUOTE]


Family dynamics aside..every one needs a good rant every so often.... You have me kinda confused and a bit upset on what you replied.
Last part first--you buy what someone would like or appreciate but not give them something you wouldnt use???? Why would it have to be something you would use? What if they would use it? Dont mean to sound argumentative but those 2 sentences kinda contradict each other in the way they are written. Can you please elaborate?

As to the dollar store items, there is nothing wrong with gifts from a dollar store. Some of that stuff is cool and the same exact thing as a high priced name brand. I am happy to receive a gift from someone, be it a gift that cost a dollar or 100 dollars (not that I know anyone that would give me 100$ gift..I just wish my mother would learn ) Why dont you encourage your kids to donate those items to someone who may like them or can use them instead of just tossing them out because of where they came from. Are all dollar store gifts GROSS? Or are you just refering to what the OP received? Again, your sentences are a bit fragmented and dont come across clearly. Maybe your giver doesnt know what to buy your kids and buys what she thinks kids that age want. Why dont you mention to her what they do like. If you have already and she is like my mom and buys weird stuff anyway, just be grateful that she actually thot enuf of the kids to buy them anything. Maybe ask her that instead of giving to your kids, donate to a local charity in their name. Then you can still send her a thank you card (regardless of the cost difference)and know that you helped someone who may not have gotten any gifts at all. I dont throw away my mom's gifts, I just put them in a box and give them to others(aka-regift) or sell them at a yard sale. You know the old saying---One person's trash is anothers treasure!

To me a gift is not a reflection of what is thot of the person receiving it but that the person is thot of at all.

That said, I need to get started soon making Mom's day gifts. I am making teacup bird feeders for my mom, the bf's mom and stepmom and one for me(my gift to myself) Total cost each not including shipping to them...around $8. That is just for the post part. the cup and saucer were free. Tacky or not ...it is the thot that counts.

 

[DawnCt1]

Sorry, OP
Seriously,
Don't make it sound like you are playing the martyr here... Do the minimum it would take that your DH would find acceptable, and LET IT GO!!!

And, while I do feel for the OP's son...

Let me just say this... Just because a package arrives, or a card.. my son (who is about the same age) in NO way would be expecting a gift!

Seriously, I would not even have to bring it up or explain it to him... I would put the darned coffee in the cabinet (or the trash can) and my son would not be any the wiser!!! Seriously, it is not like he has a sibling who is opeing a cool gift while he has none.... Why would he have cause to have his feelings hurt???

OP - It really does no good to keep this issue going year after year after year... LET IT GO!!!!

and in addition to your comments, with regard to WDW; if she doesn't want to entertain them, pay for their admission and dinner, KEEP THE TRIP A SECRET! W

 

[Christine]

To me a gift is not a reflection of what is thot of the person receiving it but that the person is thot of at all.

That said, I need to get started soon making Mom's day gifts. I am making teacup bird feeders for my mom, the bf's mom and stepmom and one for me(my gift to myself) Total cost each not including shipping to them...around $8. That is just for the post part. the cup and saucer were free. Tacky or not ...it is the thot that counts.

I agree that that the value of the gift does not matter and, giving a gift at all, should show that the giver is "thinking" about the receiver. However, when you go out and get a gift that obviously no thought was put into, like you just grabbed stuff you had laying around the house, it is almost an insult.

As delilah said, she could easily go into her office and send them Zovirax note pads or Cialis paper clip holders, Nexium coffee mugs, but she actually tried to think of something they might like versus the "freebies" she gets from the drug reps.

It sounds to me that these people just made a goodie bag of stuff they had and didn't really care.

And I agree that there is nothing wrong with gifts from the dollar store. They have some good stuff in there (I especially like 5-Below), but again, spend some time and pick something out for everyone.

 

[delilah]

That may not work very well, since our families live in Florida. When we go to Florida, it is the only time my husband would have to visit his mother, who is in a nursing home in the Tampa area. My husband feels compelled to invite them to visit us wherever we are staying. In three weeks, at spring break, we are going to Sanibel. My brothers, as I might have stated earlier, live in Ft. Myers, and we are going to be spending time with them. I would legitimately be considered a (b)-witch if I refused to allow my husband any contact with his family. The cousin described never visits his aunt in the nursing home, so, our 3-4 visits a year to Florida are it for the poor old lady. I don't even mind visiting with the bloke. I would much prefer preparing frozen pizza for them if they visit us while staying at Sanibel to spending a 2 hour drive to and from Tampa to listen to his wife complain about houseguests. Plus, this trip I am attending a CME meeting every day we are there. My brother is a wonderful host, and my SIL a wonderful hostess.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I haven't read the replies but I would find humor in it at this point. Open it, take a pic, have a good laugh and donate or toss.

In other words, teach you son how to handle quirky disappointing people in a "fun" way. It can be your private joke with your family. Attitude is everything.

As far as what to do about giving...well, I would tone it down to small gift cards and be done with it.

 

[disykat]

As delilah said, she could easily go into her office and send them Zovirax note pads or Cialis paper clip holders, Nexium coffee mugs, but she actually tried to think of something they might like versus the "freebies" she gets from the drug reps.
.

They might enjoy that gift. Seriously. They've made it pretty clear that they are not gift people. Why fuss over a gift for them?

Sure, the OP has some legitimate complaints - but not the gift thing IMO. I doubt they've demanded expensive gifts. They've shown no interest in exchanging expensive gifts.

I know I'm the "anti-gift" of the DIS boards, but seriously, some people just aren't into giftgiving and receiving. Why force it?

 

[wilderness01]

I haven't read the replies but I would find humor in it at this point. Open it, take a pic, have a good laugh and donate or toss.

In other words, teach you son how to handle quirky disappointing people in a "fun" way. It can be your private joke with your family. Attitude is everything.

As far as what to do about giving...well, I would tone it down to small gift cards and be done with it.

I actually agree with this. To the OP: I do see how you could be upset and yes, I agree with you. Been there, done that. It really hurts when the "slight" comes to your kids. I would tone it way, way down and teach your son how "not" to give gifts. My friend's MIL does this to her year after year, and actually now we all look forward to her gifts and a good laugh. Have fun on your trip.

 

[xyzabc33]

WOW...did the quotes get mixed up or what? LOL

I like the take the pic thing..funny.