Advice for a newly Widowed Dad??

[jerseyjersey]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband died when my "baby" was a preschooler, and we went on a family trip to Disney a few months later. After so much stress and grief, Disney is the perfect place to be, and it truly did make us feel happier than we had in a long time. Looking back (it's been a couple years now), it was the best thing we could have done, and the memories from that trip are priceless-it was the first time I really felt like I knew we'd find our way to a new normal, and that although life was never going to be quite the same, we'd find a way to be ok and have moments of true happiness again.

I completely agree with those who said don't be afraid to enjoy the trip and have fun. Your kids (and you) are adjusting to your new status quo, and it's important for them to see you have moments of happiness in the midst of everything (and important for you to prove that to yourself, as well).

It may be a bittersweet trip, but I'd bet that you'll be very glad you took it. Hang in there, and feel free to ask if you have any questions about navigating Disney (or the world) as a young widowed parent, don't hesitate to ask.

 

[doubtingthomas6]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I have no idea how to even comprehend what you and your family are feeling.

My hope is that you and your family find peace with this trip and with everything in general. I’m sure she will be on those rides and at those restaurants with you having a blast.

 

[Cody Beight]

I wanted to thank everyone for the advice and tips. I hope it will be a time of fun and some light in the darkness we have all been in.
My kiddos and our whole family loved Disney and we all need a little magic right now.
I am hopeful that in the midst of fun we will have moments where we feel her with us.
I cannot remember life without her since we have been together since we were 14, but Disney will definitely be a large part of getting us back on the road living in her memory.
Thanks again and I am always up for conversation or more input on this thread or by PM if you would rather.
I love the Dis, my wife would have said obsessed, and love this community of like minded folks.
Thanks

 

[CAS239]

Giving my condolences and hope you guys can have a great trip. Stay strong

 

[WDWFan0813]

You have my deepest condolences. As a married father of two young girls, I know what a challenge parenting can be when I have a great partner to share it with, I can't fathom the challenge of having 3 without that partner to rely on. I am glad that you do have family to rely on. That is invaluable.

I want to parrot two pieces of advice which I think are the best, buy Memory Maker if you are able and to not cram too much into your day. Focus on the things that are most important to you and the kids. Most importantly, remember to cry, smile, and laugh a lot. And have a magical time!

 

[Cody Beight]

Thanks so much for all the support and advice.
I do have photopass through my annual pass so that is awesome.
I am going to call Disney and see if they have any dessert or show packages left for the week we are going they may make life easier.
Thanks again.

 

[srwarden1928]

I lost my DW after 21 years of marriage about a year ago. Coping with this loss is hard enough by itself not to mention becoming a single parent. I will be doing my first solo trip to Disney in November. My prayers are with you. I hope you have a wonderful trip with your family.

 

[msp2mco]

My heartfelt sympathy to you and your family. It is great that you are going on your trip to Disney and have as much planned as you do. My only tidbit of advice is to be flexible--if you or your children don't feel like doing something that you have planned, just skip it. When I have been in early stages of grief, I tired quickly and couldn't concentrate.

 

[Cody Beight]

I am getting anxious about the trip but my kids need out of the house and we need some magic so we are getting prepared and i think we have everything lined up.
Will try to change times and book packages the week of since there are no times available to move ADRs at this time.
Thanks again to everyone!
Any tips on what to pack for the trip??
My wife did everything.

 

[whiporee]

Lean on the other adults. The kids -- they're too young to really have it hit them, but it's gonna hit you, your sister and father-in-law hard. So let them help.

Two and three is a good time for WDW because a lot of the special is just being there. They're too young to ride most of the E tickets, so your FP stress and such can be reduced. Philharmagic and ETWB are good breaks.

I'd also contact the concierge at the hotel, let them know what is going on. They may have some ideas -- maybe leave the kids at one of the day care things they offer and you take some time by yourself to be there and grieve and think. Like I said earlier, I'd be a lot more concerned about you than I am about the kids. They don't really get it yet, and won/t really get it there.

One more thing, and this sounds jerky but I don't mean it that way at all. You -- and I'd ask the other adults, too -- should keep the references to your wife at a minimum. I'm not saying avoidance, but the natural inclination would be to ask the kids "don't you think Mommy would have loved this?" and that can send them into a spiral that's not helpful. You don't want them tiptoeing between sadness and elation -- just let them have the latter as much as you can. Don't invite sadness to the party if you can help it.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

[DVC_Dad_Canada]

Unfortunately, I have been in your situation. My wife passed away when my son was 6 and my twin girls were 3. She was the huge Disney fan, but never got a chance to take the kids to WDW, so I promised I would take them as much as possible.

My suggestion is to enjoy the trip as much as possible. Go at the kids' pace, and feel free to talk about your wife when it's appropriate. If a child says "I bet Mommy would have liked this", you can have that conversation. Don't dwell on the negative, but don't try to avoid "the elephant in the room."

 

[disneyworldsk]

There are many packing lists for wdw online which you can easily google. I always announce before we leave (after once forgetting to pack the underwear), : we are in America people, if I forgot to pack your underwear again, we will buy it there (or just not really, who cares?!) There's also Amazon prime/pantry if you are a member if you want anything shipped super fast like food, essentials to be delivered to you there. I recommend though having good packing for the travel whether by air or car. you will need lots of snacks, bottles, coloring books, reading books, sticker books (depending on ages and interests) or good cartoons / movies on the ipad downloaded to keep them entertained if they're not sleeping during travel. And not to forget comfy/lovies they like to cuddle with (trying not to lose them, so I always left the most very favorites at home if I could) such as pacifiers, stuffed animals, dolls, toys. My kids enjoyed the little figurines to hold as well to play with. Also a spare set of clothing for them during travel is important in case of a need of changing. Check the weather there before leaving, at night it may be cold for them and proper socks, sweatshirts and pants will be needed and hats for sun or cold at night/hood may be needed. Download any apps that may be helpful to you as well : weather, airplane, disney, games on the phone for them. And if you forget something? eh, it's fine.

 

[anomamatt]

Any tips on what to pack for the trip??

Some things that you might not immediately think of:

- Quarters and (shiny) pennies for the stretched penny machines

- Pins for trading (if it's your thing, you can get a starter amount for cheap on amazon)

- autograph book and sharpies (my kids are 5 and 3 and we use the Disney character book for autographs: https://www.amazon.com/Junior-Encyc...d=1509383848&sr=8-3&keywords=disney+character. (cooler and cheaper than buying an autograph book and they like to be read the book and remember the trip by the autographs)

- we bring water sandals (or flip flops) for the kids and adults during pool time. also good to use if it's raining out while at the parks.

- we have some $1 ponchos we bring in the summer or when it might rain (we use and toss them, sorry planet!)

- headphones for kids on the plane (or headphones + iPads if driving). we have some cheap over the ear ones as they don't like the ear buds you can get on the plane.

- disposable (take and toss) sippie cups. even though my kids are old enough to not be using sippies, these are easy in the stroller for them to drink and not spill

- some random snacks like fiber bars.

 

[sweetpea29488]

Just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. Hope you and your family have a great trip.

 

[WDWFan0813]

Any tips on what to pack for the trip??
My wife did everything.

I feel for you, when it comes to packing for a trip, I do my own, my wife handles her and our girls. Besides the obvious essentials, i.e. clothes, diapers (if necessary), entertainment for traveling (as mentioned above by PP's), etc., one thing my wife does is remember to take costumes that the kids can wear for the parks for certain items, like a Sofia dress for when we did breakfast at H&V, or Elsa's "summer" dress for when we met Anna and Elsa. Definite money saver not having to buy anything like that in the park.

 

[chele_24]

Fellow Arkansasan here heading to WDW November 13-17th. I’m so sorry for your loss. If you are traveling at the same time, my 3 yr old DD loves friends!

If you do think of something special you want to do to commerate your wife, I’m sure a Disney cast member would try and help.

 

[Lisa F]

I'm a single mom to a special needs kid who felt VERY empowered by taking him to Disney myself the first time (friends and family thought I was NUTS, it was the best vacation of my life).

Just writing to lend words of support, it sounds like you already know what to do. The best things for us are 1) character meals (which you have) 2) breaks at the resort/pool 3) being flexible and listening to the cues of the children... I work everything around my son, he is only young once, and if he's not happy no one is. I second keeping to their schedule as closely as possible and looking for the little secondary fun things. Peoplemover is magical to little kids, so is the tomorrowland speedway.

I wish you days of peace and joy as you come to terms with your loss.

 

[Lisa F]

Some things that you might not immediately think of:

- Quarters and (shiny) pennies for the stretched penny machines

- Pins for trading (if it's your thing, you can get a starter amount for cheap on amazon)

I would not get into either of these with a pair of 2 year olds... they are both choking hazards. You will have to watch them like a hawk if you let them handle them. Just wait til they are old enough to not put things in their mouths. I know when I get to the end of the thread I sometimes forget details from the beginning

 

[disneycountrygirl]

Do you have any particular ADRs you are trying to get? I have been the ADR hunting queen for months now, and wouldn't mind doing a search for one that you've been particularly wanting, and if so I can grab it and do a coordinated drop. Another tip is to sign up for the free Touring Plans Reservation Finder. They will text you when your ADR comes open (and then you have to jump on it that instant!). You can have them search for 2 ADRs at any given time, and once they find one, if you don't get it, you have to reset it. We just got our dream day, dream time Ohana ADR that I have been hunting for months this morning! I am elated beyond belief today to say the least.

And all the people who have been saying entertainment for the plane are so right. Bring a set of headphones for each kid. We found the earbuds don't work well at all with 2,3, and 4 year old ears, and it is such an expensive mistake to forget them and have to buy 3 pairs on the plane.

 

[Cody Beight]

Do you have any particular ADRs you are trying to get? I have been the ADR hunting queen for months now, and wouldn't mind doing a search for one that you've been particularly wanting, and if so I can grab it and do a coordinated drop. Another tip is to sign up for the free Touring Plans Reservation Finder. They will text you when your ADR comes open (and then you have to jump on it that instant!). You can have them search for 2 ADRs at any given time, and once they find one, if you don't get it, you have to reset it. We just got our dream day, dream time Ohana ADR that I have been hunting for months this morning! I am elated beyond belief today to say the least.

And all the people who have been saying entertainment for the plane are so right. Bring a set of headphones for each kid. We found the earbuds don't work well at all with 2,3, and 4 year old ears, and it is such an expensive mistake to forget them and have to buy 3 pairs on the plane.

I did join Touring plans so that has been helpful!
We have ADRs just need to add fantasmic package and move some times to earlier if possible the same day