Adventures in special education. Read advice, see frustrations. An attack-free thread

[FutureMrsC]

Hi!

I finally graduated (5/06) with my degree in interrelated special education and am currently teaching elementary school resource (primarily grades K/1). Anyway... as I'm beginning to work with parents and do IEPs, I worry. I want to do EVERYTHING that I possibly can to help the parents of all the children that I serve! So... what I'm wondering is... is there anything outstanding that the teachers of your children have done for you? Anything like "I was really impressed when..." or "I didn't like it when..."? I try to be such a people pleaser, and college certainly didn't educate me when it came to working with parents. So far, my email is an open book and they know that they can email or call me with questions... but when it comes to meetings, are there any pointers from a parental perspective? I'm such a worrywart/peoplepleaser!

Thanks!

AC

 

[LindaDVC]

As a parent and an OT I have sat in many IEP meetings
The best ones were when we were able to openly share about the kid and work together for a strategy. Having some positive things to share helps too-

Since the IEP addresses NEEDS sometimes the strengths are lost and the meetings feel pretty negative. I've had teachers send home a sheet for parent concerns ahead of time too which helps the team know their concerns, priorities , issues ahead of time.

My school district also requires that we send home a draft ahead of time.
That way the parent can leisurely read it and be ready with questions ahead of time. We also don't have to waste time reading every goal on the page.

Since you wrote this post it shows you are a caring teacher who wants to help the children and families so that is wonderful! Good luck with your career!

Linda

 

[minkydog]

Congratulations on your new job! The first thing you will learn is how diverse the special needs population is. They can be just as charming, wonderful, lazy, and aggravating as any other group of students Your job is to help them figure out how they learn best--so go to the experts: the parents.

I'm sure you would never do this, but we had an experience with a special ed teacher who had a couple yrs under her belt. She was new to the schooll an didn't know Christian. I tried to tell her that he is autistic, he runs away, he plays in toilets, but she had "read his file" ( Christian is a very low-funcitioning SID/PID student) and she knew it all. The very first day of school all was quiet...until another boy had a major seizure. While all the adults were dealing with that, Christian quietly got up and left. Thankfully, he only made it as far as the front of the school before another teacher saw him. She realized right away that he wasn't a regular student and stopped by the SID/PID class to inquire if he belonged there--in all that time, no one had even noticed he was gone! Needless to say, it was a huge wake-up call to Miss Know-it-all. To her credit, she called me herself(crying) and told the whole tale and promised that it would NEVER happen again! She remembered me talking to her, but she said since she had read the file she thought she knew him. She really had no idea what he was capable of and she was horrified that she had not been better prepared.

Well, no harm done and a lesson learned. Happily, it has never happened again and everyone from the teacher to the custodian learned that day that you can't put this child in a box. He will have strengths and weaknesses just like anybody else. He will be good and bad in the same afternoon. He can be lovely or sneaky, just like any other child. Try to really get to know your students individually.

Parents are the most important persons in these children's lives and what they have to say is vital. Your job is not to please parents but to respect them as team members with equal footing. They may not know all the fancy terms or be college educated, but they know their child better than you ever will. If you want to know how to teach a child, ask the parents. Then ask the parapros, the PE teacher, the art teacher, the lunch ladies, the librarian and the bus driver. They can give you valuable insights from a different perspective.

 

[FutureMrsC]

Your job is not to please parents but to respect them as team members with equal footing. They may not know all the fancy terms or be college educated, but they know their child better than you ever will. If you want to know how to teach a child, ask the parents. Then ask the parapros, the PE teacher, the art teacher, the lunch ladies, the librarian and the bus driver. They can give you valuable insights from a different perspective.

The parents of my students have my utmost respect...I've already had 2 IEP meetings and I feel like the parents should speak and be heard first and foremost beyond any faculty/staff. I think I'm becoming paranoid because I have several parents who seem to not care about their students... communication always seems to be too much of a hassle, and I'm really open for anything (phone calls any time, emails, notes to/from school, etc). That's disheartening. Seeing my class made up of students from various home situations, I can see the drastic differences between students with parental involvement and students with no involvement at all.

Anyway, thank you both!

 

[disneyobessed]

Congratulations on your new job! The first thing you will learn is how diverse the special needs population is. They can be just as charming, wonderful, lazy, and aggravating as any other group of students Your job is to help them figure out how they learn best--so go to the experts: the parents.

I'm sure you would never do this, but we had an experience with a special ed teacher who had a couple yrs under her belt. She was new to the schooll an didn't know Christian. I tried to tell her that he is autistic, he runs away, he plays in toilets, but she had "read his file" ( Christian is a very low-funcitioning SID/PID student) and she knew it all. The very first day of school all was quiet...until another boy had a major seizure. While all the adults were dealing with that, Christian quietly got up and left. Thankfully, he only made it as far as the front of the school before another teacher saw him. She realized right away that he wasn't a regular student and stopped by the SID/PID class to inquire if he belonged there--in all that time, no one had even noticed he was gone! Needless to say, it was a huge wake-up call to Miss Know-it-all. To her credit, she called me herself(crying) and told the whole tale and promised that it would NEVER happen again! She remembered me talking to her, but she said since she had read the file she thought she knew him. She really had no idea what he was capable of and she was horrified that she had not been better prepared.

Well, no harm done and a lesson learned. Happily, it has never happened again and everyone from the teacher to the custodian learned that day that you can't put this child in a box. He will have strengths and weaknesses just like anybody else. He will be good and bad in the same afternoon. He can be lovely or sneaky, just like any other child. Try to really get to know your students individually.

Parents are the most important persons in these children's lives and what they have to say is vital. Your job is not to please parents but to respect them as team members with equal footing. They may not know all the fancy terms or be college educated, but they know their child better than you ever will. If you want to know how to teach a child, ask the parents. Then ask the parapros, the PE teacher, the art teacher, the lunch ladies, the librarian and the bus driver. They can give you valuable insights from a different perspective.

I love what you have at the bottom near your signature about never underestimating the determination of a mother of a special needs child. I too am a mother of a special needs child and line sums up my whole life. I actually copied and pasted in onto my signature as you will see. I hope you dont mind if you do Ill take it off.

 

[forr2grls]

Hi! First I want to thank you for becoming a spec. ed. teacher. It takes a very special person to choose that career. We have a sn child. We have had quite a few IEP'sand many dealings with her sp.ed teacher. I absoulutely love my dd's spec. ed teacher. Reasons:she is very understanding,kind,honest,easy to talk to,friendly,and she truely loves our daughter.

Paula

 

[FutureMrsC]

Thanks, Paula! That's exactly what I'm trying to be! I'd love to know that the parents of the sn kids that I work with like me... given my location though, I doubt that will happen... regardless, I'll always give it my all. I do know my kids adore me though... I had my first sub last week and the teacher next door to me told me that several of them cried when they realized I was out... it was really sweet! I did get one phone call from a parent that said that her daughter (whom I serve a majority of the day) was trying to bargain with her to stay in 1st grade another year so she'd still have me... it was really sweet- I almost cried!

 

[MINNIE OF TWO MICE]

I personally dont have a sn child but have friends that do. My children go to a Montessori school and some of the classroom work would be great for any child. I originally chose this school because there are no grades. They are called enviroments. My children are one year apart but my younger son is ahead of my daughter in grammer skills whereas she is ahead in math skills and neither is held back because of the level of the other. They are able to excel at their own pace. You may find it helpful to study some of the Montessori methods or to suggest them for parents at home. Some parents will probably welcome the info and others may blast you for it. Good luck on your teaching, it takes very special people.

 

[minkydog]

I love what you have at the bottom near your signature about never underestimating the determination of a mother of a special needs child. I too am a mother of a special needs child and line sums up my whole life. I actually copied and pasted in onto my signature as you will see. I hope you dont mind if you do Ill take it off.

No problem. Determination is what gets us up in the morning, pour the oatmeal, change the diapers, put on the orthotics, and lug our kids out the door--again. It's what drives us to spend hours in the mini-van toting our kids to PT, OT, Speech, Horse therapy, Water therapy, Pet therapy, Vision therapy. It's what encourages us to keep putting one foot in front of the other, keeping our heads down so we can't see the obstacles down the road, only those directly in our paths. Determination is what helps us bathe and dress our pre-teen, spoon-feed him a snack, tuck him into bed, and get ready to do the same things all over again tomorrow and the next day and the next, to infinity and beyond.

Feel free to use my byline if it fits your life. We do whatever it takes.

 

[SueM in MN]

I think the fact that you are asking the question means that you have what it takes.

The things I really hated were these 3 things:
- people with condescending attitudes (the ones who I could tell did not believe what I said about my DD and kind of had an "of course you think your DD can do that)
- people who wrote things in the IEP to placate us, or told us they would do things that they had no intention of doing
- people who didn't listen and looked at my DD, but didn't really see her

 

[disneyobessed]

No problem. Determination is what gets us up in the morning, pour the oatmeal, change the diapers, put on the orthotics, and lug our kids out the door--again. It's what drives us to spend hours in the mini-van toting our kids to PT, OT, Speech, Horse therapy, Water therapy, Pet therapy, Vision therapy. It's what encourages us to keep putting one foot in front of the other, keeping our heads down so we can't see the obstacles down the road, only those directly in our paths. Determination is what helps us bathe and dress our pre-teen, spoon-feed him a snack, tuck him into bed, and get ready to do the same things all over again tomorrow and the next day and the next, to infinity and beyond.

Feel free to use my byline if it fits your life. We do whatever it takes.

i almost cried when I read this. My son would eat oatmeal 3x a day if i let him... And today... off to hippotherapy right after school and tommorrow its off to pick up his new hearing aids... after that I have to coach my other sons soccer practice......... Love it all.

 

[minkydog]

i almost cried when I read this. My son would eat oatmeal 3x a day if i let him...

Oatmeal, BREakfast of Autistic Champions

 

[disneyobessed]

Oatmeal, BREakfast of Autistic Champions

maple and brown sugar of course...

 

[Nascia]

I think it's great that you are proactively seeking out ways to make the experience better for your students and their families. From your previous posts it seems like you are really having a terrific impact on your students, which is wonderful. I really admire and appreciate what you are doing for these kids, they really need as many people they can get behind them. Good luck and keep up the great work!

Going back to your comment about parents not caring... with my prior experience as a TSS (and while talking with my sons' OT and ST) and my husband's as a BSC, we've found that, at least in our area, having parent's that don't care and aren't interested in their children is the norm. Very rarely, (it did happen just in maybe 1 out of every 10 or so cases), did we encounter families that were thoroughly interested and actively worked to improve their children's functioning and education. It is a very sad state, but unfortunately is a reality some of these kids live with everyday. He has so many cases where a majority of the behavioral problems would be controlled or even eliminated if the parents were involved and consistent.

Like I mentioned earlier, my husband works in the schools as a BSC, but through an outside agency, and one thing that irritates him to no end is when teachers actually work against or in competition with the student's aid or TSS. Many times teachers and districts see them as threat or nuisance, when in reality they are there for the best interest of the child. He's had teachers tell the TSS they are not to talk, must sit outside the classroom and even one even brought the newspaper for the TSS to read while they sat outside outside the classroom. As a parent with a son who has ADHD and another with SID, I would be furious if I found out my child's aid was not allowed to work with them. They are there to help the child learn different coping mechanisms and to self regulate behavior, however they can only help if they're allowed to work with the students.

 

[minkydog]

I think it's great that you are proactively seeking out ways to make the experience better for your students and their families. From your previous posts it seems like you are really having a terrific impact on your students, which is wonderful. I really admire and appreciate what you are doing for these kids, they really need as many people they can get behind them. Good luck and keep up the great work!

Going back to your comment about parents not caring... with my prior experience as a TSS (and while talking with my sons' OT and ST) and my husband's as a BSC, we've found that, at least in our area, having parent's that don't care and aren't interested in their children is the norm. Very rarely, (it did happen just in maybe 1 out of every 10 or so cases), did we encounter families that were thoroughly interested and actively worked to improve their children's functioning and education. It is a very sad state, but unfortunately is a reality some of these kids live with everyday. He has so many cases where a majority of the behavioral problems would be controlled or even eliminated if the parents were involved and consistent.

Like I mentioned earlier, my husband works in the schools as a BSC, but through an outside agency, and one thing that irritates him to no end is when teachers actually work against or in competition with the student's aid or TSS. Many times teachers and districts see them as threat or nuisance, when in reality they are there for the best interest of the child. He's had teachers tell the TSS they are not to talk, must sit outside the classroom and even one even brought the newspaper for the TSS to read while they sat outside outside the classroom. As a parent with a son who has ADHD and another with SID, I would be furious if I found out my child's aid was not allowed to work with them. They are there to help the child learn different coping mechanisms and to self regulate behavior, however they can only help if they're allowed to work with the students.

You are so right on both accounts. Our parapros are invaluable team members. In fact, our Mr. Tom became the supply teacher when the real teacher up and quit. He came on as a 2-day sub, fell in love with the kids, and has stayed for 4yrs! He has no education background,but he approaches his job with a business model: locate the problem, break it down, motivate for successes. Easy-peasy. Mr. Tom got my son potty-trained. Pretty good for a single guy with no kids.

Unfortunately, I know that most of the kids in my sons class do nothing outside of school. They don't go to therapy. They don't go to a library. They never go to the mall, out to dinner, to a wedding, or to church. My eyes have really been opened--some parents just seem to endure their children. I appreciate for them that our teachers and parapros make a huge effort to take our kids out once a month on the bus to shop at Wal-Mart or make pizza at Pizza Hut or eat at the Mexican Restaurant. It's a large undertaking--Christian is the only walking child. They even have one on a ventilator! None of these kids can talk, but they can learn how to act in public, how to wait for automatic doors, how to negotiate crowds. I'm sure some of their parents are simply overwhelmed--I don't stand in judgement of them. It's a lot of work raising a handicapped child. A whole lot of work.

It really does take a village(and then some!) to raise a disabled child.

 

[princess mom of 4]

I just want to say "THANK YOU!!" for undertaking this career! I have been a mom-from-hell of a sn boy for 15 years now (as of friday!)... I have earned the m.f.h. title from years of dealing with educators who didn't have the attitude you seem to have.
My biggest piece of advice is to treat each student as an individual, and not a diagnosis. What works for one 15yr old with c.palsy may not work with another, but then again it might...you have to build up that arsenal of techniques and strategies to call upon!
Good luck in all that you do - I hope your enthusiasm is contagious to your colleagues!

 

[4fosterkids]

I have to agree to many of the previous posts and thank you for stepping into the world of special needs. It needs more people like you who are eager to learn and listen to others, open to suggestions and opinions. I hope this never changes and school district policies and bully's do not sway you to the other side.
Our son has been in special ed for 8 years now, so we have had our share of IEP's. Good, bad and ugly!
As has been said...remember that each child is unique and has special needs of their own. What works for one, may not help the others.
Keep things fun.
Communicate with the parents often, but not just bad things, let us know when they have done something cool too!
I believe one of the most important things as the kids get older is to teach them social skills. Keep them involved with school events, utitlize reg Ed kids that want to help. Get them out in the community as often as possible so they can learn how to be in those settings.
good luck to you! Remember you are changing lives, one child at a time.

 

[FutureMrsC]

Thank you to all of you for your advice! It's comforting to know that I haven't done anything that has been mentioned as an aggravation! (I didn't think that I had, but as I've never been a parent of a sn child (or a parent of ANY child), I really wasn't sure... you never know til you're in those shoes!)

All of your suggestions are wonderful and I'll add them to the arsenal of things in my head!

Though I've only been a teacher for 7 weeks, I really enjoy what I do. Though some might think it's a tough job, I try to make what I do fun and enjoyable for all involved and laugh every day... my students have an active role in EVERYTHING in my classroom... in fact, one of my students (1st grader) came up with an idea to rearrange some things in my classroom... I hadn't thought of it, and it was perfect! We made it an academic lesson and put his ideas into reality. It really helped his self confidence, I think.

Anyway... though I initially wanted to teach general education (for nd kids), I am ECSTATIC that I decided to teach SN kids!

 

[SandrainNC]

Hi! My son has SNs as well and just started kindergarten so only 3 IEPs under our belt. His teacher this year is great! The only complaint I have is that I had someone with Exceptional Children's lie to us twice about the same issue. So, I guess, be honest. I'm sure you would be, but it still makes me so mad that she lied to us to get us to do what she wanted while my son was still in daycare (but in the program since he was 3 and over so school of course had taken).

Good luck with your teaching!

Sandra

 

[BethanyF]

I think the biggest thing is to listen to the parents.
In kindergarten my son had the OT from hell. She scheduled his time on Mondays, but would not do make up time when there was a school holiday or she missed for whatever reason. So he ended up missing several minutes every month. Her answer for the missing minutes 'any time I discuss him with his teachers counts toward his minutes' His teacher and aide were wonderful and stepped up where needed, but the OT simply didnt do her job.
Sam was at a point where he wanted to impress his teachers. Our biggest problem was, and still is, writing and coloring and other fine motor skills. I asked to OT to simply assign him 'homework' since I was having problems getting him to do it for fun. If it was assigned to him by a teacher then he had to do it. She looked at me like I had no clue what I was talking about and acted as though assigning homework was beneath her or something. I didnt care what it was....sheets ripped out of a coloring book, a blank piece of paper and a note saying 'draw a picture', whatever. I didnt even care if she never looked at the completed work. He just needed that work to seem official so he would do it to get the practice. I think in the 9 months of school she gave him homework twice. I was never so happy to see that year end and her leave the district (I found out later that I wasnt the only one commplaining about her)
wow, I got off on a tangent, sorry.

The things I like about our sp/ed staff....they listen to me. They dont talk to me like they are better than I am becuase they have a degree. They explain everything, offer tips for things to do at home, and genuinely listen to my concerns no matter how trivial I think they may be. They make sure i understand everything they are doing and why they are doing it. They work with me to do the best for Sam. They treat him like a person and not another 'case'. They dont just tell me the stuff they need to work on or improve; they tell me little stories about his day, the things he does to make them laugh, the friendships he is forming with other kids and so on.

Im sure you will continue to be a wonderful addition to the school and a exceptional influence on your kids.