Adult children - how much to contribute to family expenses?

I think that is part of the affordable care act

Yes it is but my job has always been this way. PP stated she thought it was just for kids living at home but the child can live anywhere. They just can't be married or in the military.

I have a family member that works here also. Her DD lives in NC with her SO and is still covered her mother's insurance. She was dropped once she got married.
 
I didn't know you could do that. My kids are older , so didn't pay that much attention. I thought medical insurance was for kids living at home. I guess it's just the age that's the limit?

There's an age limit and there had been restrictions about being a full time student to remain as a dependent, I don't think there are as many restrictions now. Current age is 26 for qualified plans, in my day most common was 22 or 23 and you had to be a full time student. Each year during enrollment I had to submit my class schedule showing 12+ credits for my parents insurance. But as long as the plan covers children, you can be kept as a dependent even if not living at home (as most commonly you could be away at school). I was lucky that my parents worked for a large company that had really good benefits, it was another load off of mind. I offered to pay for my part and Mom said it didn't cost any different than it did before so since it was already in the budget just keep the money for when I graduated and didn't have it anymore.
 
There's an age limit and there had been restrictions about being a full time student to remain as a dependent, I don't think there are as many restrictions now. Current age is 26 for qualified plans, in my day most common was 22 or 23 and you had to be a full time student. Each year during enrollment I had to submit my class schedule showing 12+ credits for my parents insurance. But as long as the plan covers children, you can be kept as a dependent even if not living at home (as most commonly you could be away at school). I was lucky that my parents worked for a large company that had really good benefits, it was another load off of mind. I offered to pay for my part and Mom said it didn't cost any different than it did before so since it was already in the budget just keep the money for when I graduated and didn't have it anymore.

Yeah, 15 odd years ago when our kids were in school, they were covered. But a plan that covers unmarried kids not in school, living elsewhere ......that one is new to me.
 
As I said earlier...I, at the age of 16yo, paid for EVERYTHING...my car note of $200, my insurance of $40 per month, my gas, my food, my clothes, my track & field fees, my theater fees...and by 18, my college (at a private school), my textbooks, housing...If that sounds about like everything, it's cause it was. I am in no way putting all that on her but simply trying to figure out what is acceptable, normal, right, appropriate for a kid her age who is making at least $800 month after taxes, to be paying.

If you read my OP, I say, this is new, unchartered territory for us. I was really asking about month to month expenses and NOT so much the Disney ticket. I wish I'd never put that in the post cause that seemed to be everyone's focus when that only even became a thought, because I know people who expect their teens, again, younger than mine, to buy their own tickets. So, I was simply trying to get a feel for what others expect/have their teen paying. There was no trying to get her to have 'skin' in our family vacation :( And these are not expenses she all of sudden began paying at 18. She's paid for her phone since 16yo and her car insurance since she got her license at 17.

She is awesome and doing great in school. Her illness has has cost us about 25k OOP, per year, the last three years. Not her fault and we'd pay that money a hundred times over. However, finances have been tight and so asking her to help cover additional expenses, that I think many kids cover, isn't the end of the world. Not when she easily has the money.
OK, fair enough. You were self-reliant from an early age and you're wondering how others handle teen/adult children and their financial responsibilities to the family.

In our family, education is #1 and we don't currently expect my adult teen to chip in for anything because getting a degree is her full time job and we have the means to make it as easy for her as possible. (FWIW, I paid 95% of my own college expenses. My mom gave me $150 per month and that's it.) In high school academics and athletics was a full-time job. She had swim team practice for 20+ hours per week (every day except Sundays and sometimes twice a day) plus at least one weekend meet per month. She was expected to work in the summer and that was her money to save/spend any way she liked. Now that she's a sophomore in college, we still pay for 90% of her expenses (tuition, room, board, books, etc) because doing well in college is her job. She pays her sorority expenses. I admit she had too much time on her hands last year and I was happy to see that she retained her summer job and is working a few hours a week for "fun money". She also started practicing with the University's club swim team. She does better in school when her time is more structured like back in high school but working 15 hours per week on top of taking 16 credits at the University of Wisconsin - Madison would be way too much for her.

If she were living at home and working full time things would be different. I would expect her to at least pay rent and any car related expenses. I would still treat her to vacations :).
 


Yeah, 15 odd years ago when our kids were in school, they were covered. But a plan that covers unmarried kids not in school, living elsewhere ......that one is new to me.

Yeah it was a state by state regulation so depending on where you lived you'd see something different, with different age caps and dependency requirements. Some states allowed up to 30 yo. and didn't require school enrollment or that they lived with you. With the federal change from the ACA probably standardized some of it, but I'm not completely fluent, I just recall 26 is the minimum for qualified plans now.
 
If she has extra money why not show her how to invest it? It will teach her more than if you do it for her.

My dh & I just talked about this after someone suggested it earlier in the the thread. We are definitely going to sit down with her soon and make a plan!! Thanks :)
 
Insurance is 26, and they don't have to live at home. DD23 is living in Baltimore and still on her dad's insurance. As for kids at home in school full time, I did not charge any money to her when she was home and going to school full time, but I did pressure her heavily to make sure she was saving.
 


1st-this is a hard working young lady. I would not charge anything else. Investing is somewhat risky for people Who need their $ soon as in 1-3 years. For her age, a savings account is fine. For our adult kids. We pay for everything tickets food etc on a family trip except extras like souvenirs.
 
1st-this is a hard working young lady.

Thanks, she is very hardworking. While sick (and even bedridden at times) for three years of high school, she managed to complete all school work, and even participated in NHS. She graduated silver honor roll. I have no doubt she would have been gold had she not been so sick at times. She maintained a 4.0 with all college classes she took while in high school and has continued her 4.0. I'm so very proud of her. She volunteers 3 evenings a week, every single week. She could work more at a paying job but chooses not to because she loves serving others.

I hope I've not come across like I don't think she's hard-working, or doing enough :) Good thinking on the investing of money. We were definitely not planning to have her invest much, but you are right, we do need to be very careful that her money is liquid. She currently has an Ally savings that earns almost 2%. Maybe that is fine for now.
 
Yeah, I wouldn't be in a rush to look at "serious" investments unless there are circumstances that warrant it (inheritance, UTMA account that she'll one day control, etc.) I'm looking at her having start-up expenses, for lack of a better term, in the next few years--maybe a newer car, apartment and furnishings, etc. When she gets her first real job, you want her to have a grasp of a 401k and other investment mechanisms she might have access to.

The one thing you might consider is, if you have the means, gifting her an amount to put into an IRA or Roth IRA. Maybe do dollar-for-dollar matching--she puts in $100, you put in $100. Let the miracle of compound interest over decades help her. If you can't, it's okay, but it's not too soon to talk about the future, saving for long-term investments, etc.--even if she doesn't have the funds right now.

We have a situation where DD23 got an insurance payout when her grandmother died last year. Not a big one--~$15k, but she put $5k in a Roth IRA, will do another $5k next year, and spend the rest on travel--both she and her dearly departed grandmother were huge fans of travel. I think this is a reasonable balance. Along the same lines, my other kids will get a similar payout when they graduate college (it's stipulated in the trust that held the insurance). We've already started talking to DS12 about it. Not every day or anything, but he knows he'll get a final gift from his grandmother when he graduates. We point out that we have a duty, both to him and his grandmother, to invest that money wisely on his behalf, to grow it until he receives it. (We do this with our other kids, too, he'll just get the last payout).
 
Yeah, I wouldn't be in a rush to look at "serious" investments unless there are circumstances that warrant it (inheritance, UTMA account that she'll one day control, etc.) I'm looking at her having start-up expenses, for lack of a better term, in the next few years--maybe a newer car, apartment and furnishings, etc. When she gets her first real job, you want her to have a grasp of a 401k and other investment mechanisms she might have access to.

The one thing you might consider is, if you have the means, gifting her an amount to put into an IRA or Roth IRA. Maybe do dollar-for-dollar matching--she puts in $100, you put in $100. Let the miracle of compound interest over decades help her. If you can't, it's okay, but it's not too soon to talk about the future, saving for long-term investments, etc.--even if she doesn't have the funds right now.

We have a situation where DD23 got an insurance payout when her grandmother died last year. Not a big one--~$15k, but she put $5k in a Roth IRA, will do another $5k next year, and spend the rest on travel--both she and her dearly departed grandmother were huge fans of travel. I think this is a reasonable balance. Along the same lines, my other kids will get a similar payout when they graduate college (it's stipulated in the trust that held the insurance). We've already started talking to DS12 about it. Not every day or anything, but he knows he'll get a final gift from his grandmother when he graduates. We point out that we have a duty, both to him and his grandmother, to invest that money wisely on his behalf, to grow it until he receives it. (We do this with our other kids, too, he'll just get the last payout).

That is such a nice gift from grandma and I think you chose a great way to help her save as well as get to spend a bit in a way that her grandmother would love, I'm sure.

Once we recover some from the medical expenses we've had and a bit more back on our feet, I love your idea to match her dollar-for-dollar in her investing.
 
That is such a nice gift from grandma and I think you chose a great way to help her save as well as get to spend a bit in a way that her grandmother would love, I'm sure.

Once we recover some from the medical expenses we've had and a bit more back on our feet, I love your idea to match her dollar-for-dollar in her investing.

I'm very mindful of the costs associated with raising 4 kids! We've been lucky lately in the medical department, but believe me, I feel your pain--we've had bad years. Luckily, we have 4 healthy kids now. Keep in mind, too, that you have to think long-term--it's not just what you can do for your oldest, you have to be able to follow through when the youngest is starting out. DH and I were talking, and he mentioned that he'd love to gift money to (future) grandkids. I have no problem, in principle, with doing this, but I mentioned that we could one day have 12 grandkids (or more! or less!). So, we can't just gives a ton of money to Grandchild #1, because we won't be able to keep up the pace.
 
I grew up having to work multiple jobs and pay my own way, very similar to your upbringing, OP. That being said, I do not want my boys to have to do that. I want them to go to college and concentrate on school. Nothing more.

We don’t ask them to contribute anything. Towards school, life or vacation! They will be grownups soon enough. We let them be kids as long as possible.

To your fear that your kids won’t know how to be responsible later on if you don’t make them be responsible now, We don’t worry about that. Older son just graduated with a masters degree in accounting and is an official responsible adult now. He is doing great, even though he wasn’t made to help out growing up.
 
I have no idea how to navigate this new phase of life. My dh and I both graduated high school (I was still 17), went away to college and began paying our own way immediately. He and I both worked on campus as student workers. That money paid for food and housing. He and I both took gobs of student loans to pay for college. We came out with tons of debt (we went to Baylor).

So, now we have our dd18, who graduated this past May, and is full time at a local community college. She's been sick for 3.5 years with a chronic illness and life has been HARD for her for her high school years. She is just now able to get a job, though she's been babysitting pretty regularly for a few years. Anyways, she is living at home. Working 15 hours a week plus babysitting most weekends. She makes about $800 mo.

She pays her car insurance ($115 mo), phone ($24 mo) and 1/3 of her tuition and all books ($1k'ish) each semester. She also pays for anything she wants...fast food, shirt at Target, frap at Starbucks, musical downtown, movies with friends, etc...Should we be expecting her to pay anything else? I'm not sure what others do here. We are planning a WDW trip for next summer and I suggested to my dh that she buy her own ticket but he said he felt weird asking her to buy hers but not requiring that of her 16yo sister, who also has a job and babysits.

I'd love to hear what others require of their 18yo's (or just young, college age kids)!

We were in a similar situation with 3 kids, each with their own challenges, each had small jobs of some sort and when they reached this stage we payed for their tickets with a warning that the next year, if they were able, we would like them to pay half the cost of their tickets. My oldest as she landed a good full time job went on to assume the full cost and we are still at 50% with the other two for a bit longer. My hope is that by putting some responsibility on them with advance warning that they first realize just how expensive these trips are and will want to help out. I still want them to be with the family and don't want to scare them off with the price and their limited income but don't want this to be a lifelong assumption that we will pay.
 
I have no idea how to navigate this new phase of life. My dh and I both graduated high school (I was still 17), went away to college and began paying our own way immediately. He and I both worked on campus as student workers. That money paid for food and housing. He and I both took gobs of student loans to pay for college. We came out with tons of debt (we went to Baylor).

So, now we have our dd18, who graduated this past May, and is full time at a local community college. She's been sick for 3.5 years with a chronic illness and life has been HARD for her for her high school years. She is just now able to get a job, though she's been babysitting pretty regularly for a few years. Anyways, she is living at home. Working 15 hours a week plus babysitting most weekends. She makes about $800 mo.

She pays her car insurance ($115 mo), phone ($24 mo) and 1/3 of her tuition and all books ($1k'ish) each semester. She also pays for anything she wants...fast food, shirt at Target, frap at Starbucks, musical downtown, movies with friends, etc...Should we be expecting her to pay anything else? I'm not sure what others do here. We are planning a WDW trip for next summer and I suggested to my dh that she buy her own ticket but he said he felt weird asking her to buy hers but not requiring that of her 16yo sister, who also has a job and babysits.

I'd love to hear what others require of their 18yo's (or just young, college age kids)!

I am impressed that your daughter is holding two jobs and is a full time college student, so many kids do nothing to support themselves through college. Most kids I know have jobs for the extras but don't pay a thing towards their life costs or college expenses. She sounds very responsible and certainly proving to be financially responsible. I personally wouldn't be charging her for any other living expenses and would not be asking her to pay for her part of a family vacation other than her own spending money (that would be all my kids). Now if she were going to Disney with friends, yes she pays her own way.



NOTE: I have two who have graduated with undergrad, one has completed graduate school and one is in graduate school now. We had understandings on finances before they even applied to college and #1 was they were responsible for 100% of their tuition while we covered the rest. They both graduated debt free.

If she has extra money why not show her how to invest it? It will teach her more than if you do it for her.

YES

Our kids had portfolio accounts from the time they started high school. Grandparent gifts went in to these accounts. They learned the process, how it all works, about the market differences etc. DD used hers for grad school (along with job and scholarships) and has some leftover. DS has used some of his and has a nice amount left over. They have apps on their phones so they can check their accounts and the market daily. DD has started her "adult" job and we discussed her options for a retirement plan and she is saving/investing already at work.
 
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$115 for car insurance. Our son is 19 and is being quoted $345 a month for a 2013 Corolla. At this point he said he'd take his chance without insurance, as his income after tax from work is $650 a month. He is a full time college student-driving 3 years. Only issue was a fender bender where he backed into an illegally parked car.

We are going to "buy" the car from him and put it in our name to assist. It will be over $250 a month in savings.
 
$115 for car insurance. Our son is 19 and is being quoted $345 a month for a 2013 Corolla. At this point he said he'd take his chance without insurance, as his income after tax from work is $650 a month. He is a full time college student-driving 3 years. Only issue was a fender bender where he backed into an illegally parked car.

We are going to "buy" the car from him and put it in our name to assist. It will be over $250 a month in savings.

$345? Ouch! I guess some of this varies by state, though I tend to think CO has high car insurance premiums, but also a 19yo boy just gets hit so hard. My dd is driving a 2005 civic. So, a much older car also than what your ds is driving. I did read that the #1 way to lower car insurance for a teen was to get them an all out beater car (basically worth nothing). I refuse to do that b/c my dd drives 25 mins to college each way, 4 days a week, and then is frequently driving home on Fri and Sat nights from babysitting at midnight. However, if she were knocking around town and just a few miles here and there, I might consider something even older.
 
However, if she were knocking around town and just a few miles here and there, I might consider something even older.
Older is not always better, insurance wise. Older cars do not have the same safety features that prevent collisions with other cars/pedestrians.
 
Older is not always better, insurance wise. Older cars do not have the same safety features that prevent collisions with other cars/pedestrians.

True. I did read that though so must be from a straight value stand-point. All I know is insurance for teens/young adults is pricey! I have another teen joining in the insurance fun next Feb. She will not be able to cover her own insurance so we will do the same as we did for dd18 and cover for a year or so.
 
$345? Ouch! I guess some of this varies by state, though I tend to think CO has high car insurance premiums, but also a 19yo boy just gets hit so hard. My dd is driving a 2005 civic. So, a much older car also than what your ds is driving. I did read that the #1 way to lower car insurance for a teen was to get them an all out beater car (basically worth nothing). I refuse to do that b/c my dd drives 25 mins to college each way, 4 days a week, and then is frequently driving home on Fri and Sat nights from babysitting at midnight. However, if she were knocking around town and just a few miles here and there, I might consider something even older.
We are lucky to have my dads 2002 Buick for my 19 year old. We will keep it around as long as it runs so he can be matched up to it for insurance. He does not mind driving it at all and it actually has decent safety features. Funny thing is his good friend has one in a different color! My son had his first.
 

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