About ??? A Coach.

[DWGal210]

To me, I would want to know if my kid was benched for bad behavior. OP, it sounds like that was the motivation behind your question. If my kid gets in trouble from a coach, teacher, etc I would want to know about it and punish them at home if necessary.

In regards to screaming coaches - my uncle coaches baseball for a team of 8th graders & this summer they played a team from the next town over. Their coach is very well-known for screaming, swearing at the kids, etc. And you can see that manifest in his players, too - those kids are nasty, mean, they make very inappropriate jokes, etc. You reap what you sow, I guess.

 

[mhsjax]

My DS9 plays soccer, it isn't rec but not quite select, but feeds into the select travel team and they do have to try out for this league he is on. OUr practices are never closed but we actually have very specific rules about what parents can and can't do and they will ask you to leave. So far we have had no problems what so ever. We have 2 coaches one yells and one doesn't. Now the one that yells is an ex Marine, he gives instruction VERY loudly and then says thank you, it is really kind of funny. But it is yelling and not always nice, but never down right ugly, but hey sometimes when a kid messes up they need correcting. But never have any of these coaches been ugly we adore them and so do the kids. Also their kids are always on the team that they coach, and their kids NEVER get special treatment or extra play. I feel sorry for those of you that feel the need to not ever say anything if there is a problem or feel that a coaches kid will automatically get extra play. I would hate to live where you do. That doesn't cut it here. They will pay the ones that preform the best. But all players do get a chance. some just more than others and it hasn't been the coaches.

 

[Andtototoo]

From years of listening to my friends and family talk about their sports kids, the number #1 lesson is: Put up and shut up or prepared to be screwed over.

 

[shortbun]

NO, most molesters are parents or close RELATIVES, a small percentage of molesters are teachers, coaches, etc. Yes, you do need to be AWARE, but you don't need to be paranoid.

Yes, not paranoid but a coach who keeps his practice with 4th graders a secret is sending up some kind of red flag. He has something he doesn't want parents to see, hear or know. It's that simple.

 

[Mermaid02]

Yes, not paranoid but a coach who keeps his practice with 4th graders a secret is sending up some kind of red flag. He has something he doesn't want parents to see, hear or know. It's that simple.

Right! And it isn't necessarily "sinister" but just may be the guy is a jerk, yells at the kids and he knows parents won't put up with it.

 

[shortbun]

Right! And it isn't necessarily "sinister" but just may be the guy is a jerk, yells at the kids and he knows parents won't put up with it.

Yep, and they shouldn't.

 

[Mermaid02]

Yep, and they shouldn't.

 

[manning]

One thing for sure, I will not tolerate anyone yelling at me or my wife, period. I had a golf instructor pull that off on my wife once. She wasn't getting the lesson that day and yelled at her. I took him aside and calmly explained he should apologize or we will not come back. His boss came up to me later and asked what I said because the instructor came up to him worried as he thought I was going to say something to him. I explained what I said. Both he and the instructor apologized to her.

As far as the coach yelling at her, he was out of bounds. Talk to her calmly,yes, yell, no!!

 

[declansdad]

Yes, not paranoid but a coach who keeps his practice with 4th graders a secret is sending up some kind of red flag. He has something he doesn't want parents to see, hear or know. It's that simple.

Right! And it isn't necessarily "sinister" but just may be the guy is a jerk, yells at the kids and he knows parents won't put up with it.

Or maybe the coach got tired of dealing with parents undermining his authority.

It really isn't that simple at all.

 

[Trixieplus2]

Yes, not paranoid but a coach who keeps his practice with 4th graders a secret is sending up some kind of red flag. He has something he doesn't want parents to see, hear or know. It's that simple.

Those are the stats just google it yes relatives are a usual culprit as well but most molesters have more than one victim.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

I did hear yesterday from another parent that all practices are Now closed. Not just this one coache's. Apparently there were issues with the 4th grade parents( so they say.. last year) That I am told led to the blanket closing of ALL practices.
I certainly do not think this guy is anything other than what I originally stated a big mouth and a blow hard.
lets face it there are people in life who rub you the wrong way he is one.

he was out of line in his response. My own husband doesn't swear at me. it is certainly not acceptable for someone elses to do so. Had he called and said listen tensions were running high. i apologize for blowing up. It would be a whole differant story. but he didn't so now I am all set.
I will avoid him at all costs as I no longer have any respect for him whatsoever.
My son will continue to play until HE indicates otherwise.
Like I said it's going to be a long season.........

 

[golfgal]

Yes, not paranoid but a coach who keeps his practice with 4th graders a secret is sending up some kind of red flag. He has something he doesn't want parents to see, hear or know. It's that simple.

There is a HUGE difference between a closed practice and "secret" practice (whatever that would be for 4th graders who need their parents to bring them to practice).

 

[Mermaid02]

Or maybe the coach got tired of dealing with parents undermining his authority.

It really isn't that simple at all.

Then THOSE parents should be dealt with- the coach is an adult after all.

My kids would not play a sport where I was not allowed to watch practice.

This coach is obviously a hot head.

 

[mjkacmom]

Yes, not paranoid but a coach who keeps his practice with 4th graders a secret is sending up some kind of red flag. He has something he doesn't want parents to see, hear or know. It's that simple.

And yet we now find out that all of the 4th grade practices are closed, not just this coach, so things aren't always simple, are they. Maybe he's yelling instruction - I can't imagine a coach being heard at a basketball practice in a normal voice. My DH coaches, and I can't even stress how much cr@p these volunteer coaches get over play time, and even as a travel coach, my DH really tries to make it even as possible. Asking a coach about play time right after a game is a no-no. As a parent, I would be livid with my 10 year old if he cried on the bench. My ds7 cried near the end of his flag football game this year, because he never got to run the ball - we almost didn't let him play the next game, we were so annoyed with him.

 

[luvsJack]

I did hear yesterday from another parent that all practices are Now closed. Not just this one coache's. Apparently there were issues with the 4th grade parents( so they say.. last year) That I am told led to the blanket closing of ALL practices.
I certainly do not think this guy is anything other than what I originally stated a big mouth and a blow hard.
lets face it there are people in life who rub you the wrong way he is one.

he was out of line in his response. My own husband doesn't swear at me. it is certainly not acceptable for someone elses to do so. Had he called and said listen tensions were running high. i apologize for blowing up. It would be a whole differant story. but he didn't so now I am all set.
I will avoid him at all costs as I no longer have any respect for him whatsoever.
My son will continue to play until HE indicates otherwise.
Like I said it's going to be a long season.........

don't cha just love it when they make a decision for a rule based on what some folks did that aren't even there anymore?

Listen carefully to your kid about this guy. Make sure he doesn't get verbally abusive to your son. He may just be a blow hard but it could get worse if the season doesn't go to his liking. This sounds like a lot more than "raising his voice to be heard" which I am sure you can tell the difference.

And you are completely right, he had no business talking to you that way. I would have had a hard time keeping dh from going to the next practice and setting him straight. He most certainly has not earned any respect, sadly the players will learn not to respect him too.

 

[luvsJack]

And yet we now find out that all of the 4th grade practices are closed, not just this coach, so things aren't always simple, are they. Maybe he's yelling instruction - I can't imagine a coach being heard at a basketball practice in a normal voice. My DH coaches, and I can't even stress how much cr@p these volunteer coaches get over play time, and even as a travel coach, my DH really tries to make it even as possible. Asking a coach about play time right after a game is a no-no. As a parent, I would be livid with my 10 year old if he cried on the bench. My ds7 cried near the end of his flag football game this year, because he never got to run the ball - we almost didn't let him play the next game, we were so annoyed with him.

My niece's ex-husband was a volunteer coach for several years and then went back to school. He now coaches at a local high school and has taken them to several championships. On the baseball field and on the basketball court, if you aren't a player you would never hear him. He talks to them and they listen very intently, he doesn't raise his voice at all so it can be done.

Again, there is a HUGE difference in yelling AT someone and yelling TO someone. Older ds had the same baseball coach for years and he was loud. But he NEVER said anything that remotely sounded like he was doing anything but coaching the boys. He never put them down or told anyone to shut up.

And "its a no-no to ask a coach right after a game"? Really? In whose rule book? If he can't handle a simple question (not accusation) then maybe he needs to find a new way to volunteer. When you are dealing with other people's children, you learn that part of that is dealing with the parents. If he doesn't want to talk about it then, the correct answer would be "I won't talk about that here, but I will be glad to call you later", not act like a total jerk. My kids played ball starting at 4 years old. I have had conversations with many coachs at practice and after games. They have never had a problem with it.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

I would like to address the PP comment about My son crying on the bench. Of course that was unacceptable to me and I was less than kind to him while it was going on. BECAUSE remember I thought he had misbehaved during the prior practice.
So I repeatedly said..
ZIP it up, Shake it off,
Enough now, He looks over here and your crying? thats why you aren't getting put in at this point.
What happened in practice? Obviously he neched you so you must have been on his bad list. To which he responded NO WAY>> **** and **** were the ones and they are PLAYING! And **** and he stayed home because he knew he didn't get to play.

Then to ask if he misbehaved and to get the response. God No Why would
you ask that?"

So based on that assessment that he infact did not misbehave, and he is uhhhmmm 10 and frustrated because he DID behave and the ones who did not were nOt penalized. what did that teach him? And how about I took the adult at his word and WAS LESS than kind to my own child, When he needed me in his corner. Not cool and a failing on my part.

I am not a coddler, NOT a snowflake mom. and like I said I am very upset with myself becuase I reacted WRONG with my own child.

 

[robinb]

I would like to address the PP comment about My son crying on the bench. Of course that was unacceptable to me and I was less than kind to him while it was going on. BECAUSE remember I thought he had misbehaved during the prior practice.
So I repeatedly said..
ZIP it up, Shake it off,
Enough now, He looks over here and your crying? thats why you aren't getting put in at this point.
What happened in practice? Obviously he neched you so you must have been on his bad list. To which he responded NO WAY>> **** and **** were the ones and they are PLAYING! And **** and he stayed home because he knew he didn't get to play.

Then to ask if he misbehaved and to get the response. God No Why would
you ask that?"

So based on that assessment that he infact did not misbehave, and he is uhhhmmm 10 and frustrated because he DID behave and the ones who did not were nOt penalized. what did that teach him? And how about I took the adult at his word and WAS LESS than kind to my own child, When he needed me in his corner. Not cool and a failing on my part.

I am not a coddler, NOT a snowflake mom. and like I said I am very upset with myself becuase I reacted WRONG with my own child.

I don't see anything wrong with a 4th grader crying on the bench, especially when he was good in practice and the "bad" boys were playing. It must have been very frustrating for him. There will be plenty of years to learn how to "Suck it up, Buttercup." and "ZIP it up, Shake it off.".

 

[mjkacmom]

So based on that assessment that he infact did not misbehave, and he is uhhhmmm 10 and frustrated because he DID behave and the ones who did not were nOt penalized. what did that teach him? And how about I took the adult at his word and WAS LESS than kind to my own child, When he needed me in his corner. Not cool and a failing on my part.

I am not a coddler, NOT a snowflake mom. and like I said I am very upset with myself becuase I reacted WRONG with my own child.

I have been upset with myself for getting angry at my child, and finding out he wasn't to blame, but I don't care if my ds is upset for not getting play time - he can cry at home. I'm not saying he doesn't have the right to be upset (my kids play on many teams, and it happens - I've been to travel games and watched my ds sit the bench), but yes, I expect them to "man up" and hold it in (never had an issue with ds12 - I can't recall him crying in public since he was a preschooler, but ds7 will, but we're working on it).

 

[Hannathy]

And yet we now find out that all of the 4th grade practices are closed, not just this coach, so things aren't always simple, are they. Maybe he's yelling instruction - I can't imagine a coach being heard at a basketball practice in a normal voice. My DH coaches, and I can't even stress how much cr@p these volunteer coaches get over play time, and even as a travel coach, my DH really tries to make it even as possible. Asking a coach about play time right after a game is a no-no. As a parent, I would be livid with my 10 year old if he cried on the bench. My ds7 cried near the end of his flag football game this year, because he never got to run the ball - we almost didn't let him play the next game, we were so annoyed with him.

I agree! And if my 10 yr old cried because he didn't get in I would be furious with him and tell him I guess you aren't old enough to be playing ball. He can be upset at home, I can commiserate with him at home but you don't do it on the bench ever!


I am curious how were you talking to him while he was on the bench? You talk to the kids during the game? That to me is a major no no and if parents are talking to the kids on the bench during games I can see why practices are closed, I'm sure many are talking to them during practice.