Abortion vs Adoption

[AZKathy]

Originally posted by mamajoan
You have no idea how wonderful it is to hear people say this...
Thank you, Thank you ... Thank you...

Mamajoan, I said this with the most sincere heart. I get misty eyed thinking about my children's birthmoms in what heartbreak they have gone through to save a human life. I have to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!! All birthmoms are incredible and brave and some of the most loving women in the world.

 

[Demosthenes]

Originally posted by Crankyshank
I think a lot of people choose abortion over adoption because they don't think they'd be able to give up their child once they give birth to it.

I find this position rather odd (not yours, just the premise you cite). Someone can't give up their child, but they can kill it? How does that make sense? I think the reality is that people see a fetus as a child, or they see it as a clump of cells. If you see it as a child, you won't abort; if you see it as a clump of cells, you might abort.

As for me, I'm undecided about abortion. I don't know when the child is really a life, and when it is a clump of cells. I'd ere on the side of caution if it were me. There is incontrovertible evidence that a fetus is dependent human life, and I would take precautions to protect that life. But then again, it is dependent life; in fact it could be said that it is even parasitic life. If an organism cannot develop autonomously, should women be subjected to provide for the sustenance to that organism, human or not?

I do wonder if science progresses to the point that a healthy human embryo, zygote and fetus could live and develop independently (and by that I mean without the biological sustenance of a mother) outside the womb, would anyone then accept the termination of that life for any reason? Would cost of outer-uterine development be an acceptable reason for its termination? Certainly no one would argue that convenience would be an acceptable motive, would they? This is one case where “rightwingers” will be aided by the advancement of science; I believe this sort of thing is inevitable, it’s just a matter of time. I may be wrong, but I just can't believe that most people would still accept the killing of that clump of cells.

 

[Alice28]

I would go the adoption route. I just could not have an abortion; I saw both of my son's hearts beating at 11 weeks. Although they certainly were not viable outside the womb at 11 weeks, they were a person to me, just waiting to grow. I have friends who have had abortions and they have deep sorrow and regret over it. I personally don't feel it's a liberal or conservative issue- it's how you feel where life begins. I feel it begins with conception; I want to say more, but I will stop before I get super dee dooper flamed. I will say that my wonderful, extraordinary, loving neighbors are on a list right now waiting to adopt- any child put in their home will be blessed and there are thousands of couples like them. I think staying pregnant and giving a child up to a stable, loving home is the most noble, selfless, loving act a person could do.

 

[yourtravelpro]

As a mother of 2 adopted children I have to vote for ADOPTION.

The most selfless act of a birth mom is to carry a child and let another mother nurture her child. I will always think so highly of her.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Honestly if he is her fiance then he should do the right thing and bend the knee and get married. That is what we did!!!
If he didn't do that I probably would have split up & been a single mom.

I do believe in the right to choose, however, I just think if you are planning on marriage 'someday' pregnancy is a good reason to do it sooner.

 

[battricia]

find this position rather odd (not yours, just the premise you cite). Someone can't give up their child, but they can kill it?

I know everyone has their own beliefs on this, but to some people, aborting in the first trimester is way different than having a child after 9 months, looking at that child as a child and then having to give it away. So it's not really that odd, to me, that a person can disconnect themselves with the cells that are forming inside of them in the first few months of pregnancy, but once there is an actual child there they can see and touch, they can no longer disconnect themselves with it and give it away to someone else.

Yes, I have heard that 'arguement' before but never understood it..."I carried the baby for nine months, I can't give it away...so I'll kill it!"

I was in no way saying that someone is killing a baby after 9 months of development and labor. There is a HUGE difference in what I said and what you interpreted (please see above).

As I said in my other post, I don't believe abortion is always about *me* either. Most people (not all, but I'd be willing to say most) have abortions because they don't feel they would be able to raise a happy healthy child. Before you go throwing the 'adoption' arguement at me, please go back and re-read my previous post. When you have people who can't afford to feed themselves how do you expect them to develop a healthy child inside of themselves? How can a healthy baby be born when a person can't afford to go to a doctor and get monthly checkups, or even go once to know how they are supposed to be developing, and what happens if they think they are in labor, if there is something wrong etc. There are so many girls/women in this country alone who don't have the first clue how to develop a healthy child inside of themselves.

tricia.

 

[mamajoan]

The WIC program was developed for pregnant mothers. It is available in all states, as well as healthcare for pregnant women.
It takes a little time to get the information, but it is one of the most readily available programs out there in the US.


As far as adoptions.. most birthmoms who voluntarily place a child for adoption would consider it

GIVING TO RATHER THAN GIVING AWAY.....


and ya, I admit I am biased.... with good reasons.....

 

[AZKathy]

Originally posted by battricia

As I said in my other post, I don't believe abortion is always about *me* either. Most people (not all, but I'd be willing to say most) have abortions because they don't feel they would be able to raise a happy healthy child. Before you go throwing the 'adoption' arguement at me, please go back and re-read my previous post. When you have people who can't afford to feed themselves how do you expect them to develop a healthy child inside of themselves? How can a healthy baby be born when a person can't afford to go to a doctor and get monthly checkups, or even go once to know how they are supposed to be developing, and what happens if they think they are in labor, if there is something wrong etc. There are so many girls/women in this country alone who don't have the first clue how to develop a healthy child inside of themselves.

tricia.

That is where EDUCATION comes in. No, not education within the school system, but education to the public on what is out there for moms how to find the help. The adoption agency we used was a Christian based agency. The founders felt strong against abortion, but did not feel picketing clinics was the correct answer to follow their calling. They set up the agency to educate girls on how to take care of the situation that they got in. As Joan stated above, there is the WIC program for one. The agency counsels the girls (and guys) on what to expect with the baby if she chooses to keep the baby and raise the baby, get her financial help she needs, sets her up with proper prenatal care and state funding if possible, etc. If she chooses to place the baby for adoption, the education process continues more. They take her through the grief process and what to expect, the state laws that are out there to protect her and the dad and the adoptive family, and gives her the chance to make all the decisions for the future of the baby. She gets to pick out the family that most suits her wants and meeting the family is then arranged. Her prenatal care is fully taken care of and not just of her baby, but her. This is just with an agency! There is so much more with the process including being there when the baby is born, paying for all medical expenses, etc.

If the girl talks to her doc, the doc can even lead her to a lawyer for adoptions. The girl can then get fully set up with living arrangements and everything by the adoptive family. She would not even have to talk with her doc, she could look up in the yellow pages on adoption and start there. People involved in adoption are there to help. Even if she went to planned parenthood, they could probably lead her to the proper avenues to get help even though they would advocate abortion also. I am assuming that, but a phone call could give answers as to how much planned parenthood could help. High school/college counselors could also help pointing to the right road along with any clergy the girl may have.

If someone finds themselves in a situation like the OP's friend, there are ways to help if they can find it. This thread is a great start in getting her to the correct help. I am just not advocating going to a clinic and ending a life. Mystery Machine had a great idea to just get married and follow through with the committment. I find that a wonderful idea; so the dreams/education/etc. may be harder to obtain, the result of their love will be a far greater gift to make the hard road more pleasant.

I take any advantage I can to educate people about the positive aspect of adoption. My childrens' birthmoms also do the same. They carry pictures of the kids in their wallets, and if any topic comes up about kids, they proudly pull the pictures out of their wallets. If someone says, "How could you give this child away", it opens the avenue to educate that individual her testimony of why this was the best way to handle something that happened totally unplanned. They see the children when we get together and they know these kids are deeply loved.

 

[edie w]

I don't believe termination is always wrong, but usually wrong.

I believe that women have the right to choose - the right to choose birth control and the right not to have sex.

Where these rights have been violated (rape, extreme ignorance in the very young etc.), termination might be appropriate. Also it might be appropriate where the foetus isn't viable, or where the woman's life is genuinely at risk (save one or lose them both).

In the UK we have a "morning after pill", widely available from pharmacies, which can be taken up to 72 hours after failed contraception. It prevents implantation of the fertilized egg, and so is technically termination, but of a few cells. A lesser evil in my view. Is this available in the US?

But termination used as a late form of contraception, when the embryo has implanted and started to become a human being..... I just can't agree. In my hospital we successfully care for 23- and 24-weekers for parents who desperately want their child to live. How can it be OK to kill foetuses of this length gestation?

There are far more couples in the UK wanting to adopt babies than there are babies to be adopted.


Oh and BTW I am most definitely not a right winger.

 

[MariettaC]

A woman has the right to make that choice

 

[JESW]

Just another side....not all women who find themselves unexpectantly pregnant are the stereo-type single un-wed young girls. I have a friend who found out she was pregnant in her 40's. Her kids were all grown and she did not want to go through pregnancy and then raising another child. Adoption was not something she considered. I respect her choice. Not sure how I would feel if I would become pregnant now - I am 44 with two young children and my last pregnancy at 39 was very tough. I can't imagine the choice would be easy for anyone at any age. But I don't feel I have the right to choose for them.

Jill

 

[CEDmom]

Not a day goes by that I don't look into my DD's eyes and say a quiet thank you to her birthmother on the other side of the world.

That being said I completely support a woman's right to choose. I honestly don't think I could carry a child for 9 mo and then give it up. I admire those that can and do.

My heart goes out to those who realize that for whatever reason abortion is the right choice. Unless one has been in the position to have to make such choices one cannot fully know the heartache it causes.

It's easy to sit back and say "I'd never do such a thing it's wrong and immoral" when you've never actually been in a similar situation.

Whatever your friend decides please support her.

 

[GAIL HAYDEN]

Originally posted by AZKathy
Mamajoan, I said this with the most sincere heart. I get misty eyed thinking about my children's birthmoms in what heartbreak they have gone through to save a human life. I have to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!! All birthmoms are incredible and brave and some of the most loving women in the world.

To your thank yous, I respond with a YOU ARE MOST WELCOME!!!
And.....add a thank you for taking care of our precious babies.

 

[C.Ann]

A sad situation for sure, but a personal choice that no one else can - or should - attempt to make for her..

 

[tommysmom]

I always try to avoid these discussions because I have very strong feelings about it...but just wanted to put this out there (havent read all the replies and if this has been brought up, I apologize)

In light of the new laws that are trying to be passed I ask:

Is it a double murder if a stranger kills a pregnant woman and her 2 month old fetus, or just a single murder...is the fetus viable as they say?

And if you consider it a double murder but are pro-choice, then , can I assume you feel it is only the mothers decision whether the fetus is a actual human being...Its murder if a stranger does it but a "choice" if the mother does it?

Ive heard so many arguements for and against...but , to me, it keeps coming back , that no matter how you put it, abortion IS a selfish act....I am totally into the power of choice...The choice to have protected safe sex vs the choice to be irresponsible...

I realize that fine, you make a mistake....now what? Well, with the amount of fertility treatments and stories of soooo many potential parents that CANNOT have kids, adoption is great thing... Maybe having to carry a baby for 9 months and realize that it turns into a REAL person, with feelings and needs, and having to give it up, might teach some true lessons to people . Please dont misunderstand what I am saying...I dont want anyone thinking I see having to give up your baby as "punishment". But choices have consequences and I think we have become a soceity to easily leaning on the quick fix (and yes I realize abortion is not always an easy decision) and hiding under the excuse, well, its my body and my choice....and not just with abortion ......

Just my .02

 

[Denine]

As the parents of an adopted child you can see where I stand on the subject. Abortion is MURDER!!!!!! The birth parents of our daughter were not ready to become parents. They wanted a stable 2 parent home and could not offer that. I have heard from Kaleigh's birth mom that she is so happy that Kaleigh has two great parents. I send her pictures and updates. She currently has no desire to see her and never has.

A woman's "right to choose" happens at the time she has unprotected sex. If she is not ready to become a mom, she should think about that before having sex.

If she should become pregnant, and is not able to parent the child, she could make some couple very happy by making an adoption plan.

 

[loisg1]

As adoptive parents to two wonderful DDs, we are forever greatful to their biological moms for the decision to make adoption plans for them. We pray that they know that their children are loved and cared for. DDs are 13 and 15 and we have always told them that they are adopted and how much their birthmoms loved them.

 

[BedKnobbery2]

Just another thought on why some may choose to abort rather than go the adoption route. I know for some, there is a fear of what will happen if the baby isn't healthy? Every couple I know who wants to adopt, wants to adopt a "healthy baby"; it is very difficult to find a family willing to take a baby who has special needs. They usually end up in foster care. So a woman is faced with keeping a baby she wasn't prepared to keep even if it was healthy, or put the baby in the foster care system, which is, sadly, no bed of roses for even the healthy children who are in it.

As someone else pointed out, others who abort choose to do so because they are already in an "at-risk" category, and others still because after numerous miscarriages, aren't prepared to face another heartbreak.

Having said all that, I will also say that, having family members who have adopted, and a very close friend unable to have children of her own, I would be one who would strongly consider adoption. But I very strongly feel that is MY choice to make, no one else's.

 

[Kim&Chris]

I beleive that every woman has the right to choose.

HOWEVER, as someone who has lost three babies, and has not been able to become pregnant again, we are beginning the domestic adoption process.

I now realize one thing....Birthmothers are angels. That is the only way to describe their selfless act. Although they could probably have an abortion and move on with their life, they opt to carry this child for the entire term, and then hand the child over.

I cannot begin to imagine how brave she must be, and how heartbroken she must feel after the fact. I can only hope that a birthmom finds peace in knowing that she gave a couple the life that nature denied them. And, in doing so, she gave her child both the gift of life & selfless love.

I hope your friend chooses adoption over abortion.

 

[Saphire]

Originally posted by Kim&Chris

I cannot begin to imagine how brave she must be, and how heartbroken she must feel after the fact. I can only hope that a birthmom finds peace in knowing that she gave a couple the life that nature denied them. And, in doing so, she gave her child both the gift of life & selfless love.

Beautifully said, Kim&Chris. I think in order to give a baby a chance at life, you must think of that child first and not yourself. This is very uncommon and goes against our culture of "me first". I am amazed at the women that choose life for their baby despite the ease and support to terminate.