Go on the cruise for a few reasons:
- Your brother is acting as the Gatekeeper Of Wedding Information.
- Your brother has a pretty strong track record of announcing big family events for dates/times that no one can attend, followed by your brother acting like a drama queen and getting mad when everyone can't go.
- Your nephew has been engaged for 5 years. It's taken him and his fiance 5 years to figure out when the wedding date will be? Sounds like they have procrastinated quite a bit. No need to cancel a cruise when there's a pretty decent chance that they'll change their dates yet again.
- A wedding isn't about a fancy party. It's about celebrating & supporting the bride & groom in their marriage.
- You should consider communicating directly with your nephew and his fiance instead of going through Gatekeeper Brother.
- You'll know when the date is actually happening when you receive an invitation.
- Until you receive an invitation, as far as you know, everything on their end could be up in the air and subject to change....all of which are good reasons to continue on with your cruise plans. Go ahead and book shore excursions. Book your airfare & hotel for your cruise departure & arrival.
And now for a bit of story time:
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, I got married. My parents invited all of the aunts & uncles. My dad has 3 siblings: 2 sisters and a brother. 1 sister could not attend because of work obligations. My dad and that sister are pretty close and she sent her regrets and we all understood and it was no hard feelings. My dad's brother came to the wedding. My mom's sister also could not attend because of work obligations...she ran her own business and the wedding was scheduled for a busy summer weekend. And my aunt's business depended a lot on the summer tourists. *I* understood, but my mom was always resentful about it. However, that was no surprise because my mom and her sister were always at odds with each other and never really got along.
Then there was my dad's other sister. To be perfectly honest, my dad really can't stand that sister. She is the only aunt or uncle of mine who had kids. Growing up, we only met this aunt & her immediate family one time. ONE time when I was maybe 6 or 7 years old did we ever meet this aunt, her husband, and my 2 cousins. That's it. No other trips ever to go see them or to invite them to come visit us. My dad and his sister corresponded a couple of times a year via letters. No phone calls. To say that they were "not close" was putting it mildly.
I don't harbor any ill will towards this aunt. Never have.
When the wedding date was selected for my wedding, my dad informed his siblings of when & where the wedding would be held. Then we sent invitations. Prior to the invitations going out, my aunt informed my dad that they might not be able to attend. Then the invitations were sent out and they RSVP'd with their regrets that they would not be attending.
My parents popped a gasket over it. My mom and dad were furious. Me? Well, frankly, I hardly knew this aunt & her immediate family. So while I thought it would have been really nice to spend some time with them to get to know them better, it didn't really bother me at all that they weren't going to the wedding. I didn't hold it against them and I didn't get mad at them.
In fact, I thought it was pretty darn unreasonable for my parents to expect these people to spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on expensive airfare, car rental, and hotel to attend a wedding of someone who they hardly knew. My parents were mostly angry that this aunt didn't come to the wedding because they were worried about "But what will everyone think when they see that there's hardly any of our own extended family there?"
I yelled at them at the time, "What will people think? WHO CARES?!"
What I've figured out since then is that my aunt is a very shy person. She's not a social butterfly. I wouldn't be surprised if she hasn't struggled with some social anxiety throughout her life. She's a very private person and tends to keep to herself. That's just the sort of person she is. I also know that in the 20+ years I've been married, she hasn't really ever made an effort to reach out to me to get to know me very much. Nor have I reached out to her very much either. I've written and emailed her a few times, but it's usually not reciprocated and I don't take it personally.
So re: your nephew's wedding....
If you want a relationship with your nephew, then cultivate one with him. Don't let your brother be the go-between all the time. Your nephew is an adult now and can make his own decisions.
Also, sometimes the apple falls far from the tree. And sometimes the apple does NOT fall far from the tree (with the tree being your brother, of course). So hope for the best, but plan for the worst. And just expect that for the rest of his life, your brother will continue to do last minute self-absorbed extended family planning that is only convenient for him and for nobody else. Your brother sounds like a drama queen and I wouldn't blame anybody for wanting to stay clear of somebody like that. Drama queens will often stir the pot in order to make things more interesting. Perhaps your brother is 1 of those people who purposely rocks the boat in order to create a big hairy mess.
You know what you should do with people who play games like that? Get out of his boat.
