A torn Mom / Wife...

[snowbunny]

I think it's your destination(Disney) which is giving you the struggle. You are going to a place that is geared mostly towards kids, and the kids inside of us. So, my opinion is to make 'couple-time' destinations

I agree. If you are going alone without kids, why Disney? There are sooooo many other places to visit that would be fun for two adults without kids.

 

[TnTWalter]

My husband and I go away just the two of us yearly....it is different. Romantic. Been fantastic! Good for grandparents too.

It's usually 5 days 4 nights or 6 days 5 nights.

Do it. You won't regret it....and you'll want to do it again next year.

Congrats.

 

[horseshowmom]

Keep your disney plans in place with the sitter and the kids. Maybe do a little weekend getaway with just you and DH either before or after WDW. Your DH loves the kids just as much as you, but there must be a reason he wants you alone to himself. Just the idea that he even suggested it, warrants consideration. Just as the OP said, kids are part of the marriage, but lets not forget there was a marriage BEFORE kids. Maybe your husband wants to know the woman he married is still there. The same one he fell in love with BEFORE the kids came along. Which I think is very romantic. He is asking to spend time alone with HIS WIFE who is also the mother of his children. Take it as a compliment. I think it's wonderful that he still can see both sides of you. Some men find it hard to see both after a while. I think its wonderful that he still does. I think you should really think about it and hopefully you will reach a decision that both you and DH agree upon.

I agree with this.

IF you're sure that taking the kids really is a compromise (not just your husband letting you have what you want, as another poster brought up), then go ahead and take the kids. I do wonder about the accomodations though (you said onsite). Are you going to have a separate room from the kids. Under these circumstances, I think it's a must.

 

[MattM]

You're kids will miss you for the first 2-3 hours until the realize that the grandparents dont enforce the same rules you do (which is annoying, but I perk of being a grandparent I suppose). Then they'll have a blast and cry when they have to leave the grandparents (or whoever). I see no problem with going to Disney by yourselves as adults...dont know why other people have made that a factor.

Spouses need to remember that priority #1 is their other spouse, not the children.

 

[mikron]

This October will be 45 years for my wife and I, we have and do take alone time a few times per year. My daughter is 43 and my son is 41, we still need alone time from them and there familys.

 

[Disney grandma]

Spouses need to remember that priority #1 is their other spouse, not the children.[/QUOTE]

I disagree with this statement, when children enter the marriage they definitely become the #1 priority. If both parents can't agree on this then it can be a problem, but in my opinion if you choose to have children, you then choose to put them above everything else. That doesn't mean you can't have alone time as parents and go away from the children leaving them in good care with someone else. My DH and I could never enjoy Disney without our grandchildren. And our children wouldn't enjoy Disney without their children. That doesn't make us right and someone else wrong if they choose to go to Disney without the youngest members of the family. However, I strongly believe children should always be the #1 priority in any relationship until they become adults and can then choose for themselves.

 

[Lisa P.]

Children find great security in their parents' strong marriage. Putting your highest priority on your marriage benefits your children too! You have many valuable roles. I can understand putting children first, ahead of spouse and other adults, when the child has a need, such as when an infant needs to be cared for or a child is sick or truly needs time with each parent. However, it's all too common for women in particular to let too many years go by, immersed in the daily thoughts, efforts and valuable identity as "mommy" and to lose sight of her valuable identity as "lover-wife" with eyes only for her husband. Marriages that are not tended and guarded, tend to disintegrate.

That said, I think the ages of your children is an important factor too. If you still have very young children (preschool), separation anxiety can sometimes be a pretty big deal for both mom and children. (Until ~age 4, it definitely was with one of my three.) We always vacationed with our children until they were nearly grown and we had timeshare condos to allow for privacy for us. When traveling with another family, and all the children were school-aged, parents traded off to give each couple an evening out on vacation too. I can see great value in taking along a sitter!!!

Still, if any of your children are quite young, I'd opt for a shorter getaway (a night or a weekend?) for the two of you, somewhere very romantic and close to home. Maybe a lovely B&B? Or an historic Inn? Or a luxury highrise in a nearby city? There'll be plenty of time for the longer romantic trips later, IMO.

But if your children are all school-aged and especially if they're used to a relative or sitter overnight sometimes already, a longer time without mom and dad would probably work out much better than you fear. If they haven't spent a night apart from you, you could do a test run for a weekend, locally. See how that goes....

 

[MattM]

Lisa P beat me to my response, and I agree with her. Too many marraiges put all their being into raising the children, and like some have said, when the nest empties, you have no idea who the person is next to you in bed. Then many times those marraiges dont make it. Then what good have you really done for your children?

 

[dyna]

Leave them home with the sitter let them know you will call the morning an night an they can call you in between times if they want. The days of the cell phone makes keeping in contact so much easier.

Main reason I say to do this is there might come a time when you have to be away you could be in accident or sick an have to be in hospital maybe unable to call them. Leaving them with a sitter might help prepare them for that situation. Hope it never happens but we never know.

 

[paper1225]

Minority speaking up again! The only trips DH and I have taken without the kids have been close to home at the most for 3 nights. I would take the kids and a bby sitter and get two rooms, one for kids and bby sitter and one for you and hubby! This way you can have lots of privacy, and still know your little ones are near having a great time!

 

[Honor]

We never traveled on vacation without our son when he was little. Even on our anniversary celebrations. He's part of the family and this is the anniversary of the start of our family. The first trip we went on alone (after he was all grown up) was quite a transition. We are used to it now. And now we sometimes even get to travel with our grown-up son and lovely daughter in law. But I would never have dreamed of traveling without him. They are little for such a short amount of time ....

 

[MinnieForMe]

I'm in the minority here too! I would not be comfortable leaving our kids. My husband and I have a great relationship and still find plenty of "us time" without going away on vacation without them. I would bring the sitter and sleep happily at night knowing my kids were closeby.

 

[natashag76]

i can definitely see your point of view! I have 3 young kids and I have trouble leaving them overnight at a relative's home! I think your solution is brilliant. However, since this is a big event for your husband as well, maybe you two could discuss "battle strategies" so that both of you feel like you're getting the vacation you want (or as close to making both of you happy as possible)! Good luck

 

[HeatherPage]

I would either do the situation with taking the sitter along with you to Disney World or do maybe just a short weekend trip somewhere closer to home while the kids are with their grandparents/trusted family members.

Re: your spouse being the #1 priority - well...I love my husband and show it, but he's a grown man who can take care of himself, our son is definitely top priority at the moment and our marriage is just fine

 

[tarak]

There's not much that's been posted that I could add to - I do hope the final decision is one that makes everyone happy. We're also celebrating our 10 year anniversary next year and we're taking the kids with us to celebrate (we're also taking my sister and BIL who have never been there). Honestly, they'd never forgive us if we didn't take them and knew where we were going. I do want to book a special dinner for just the two of us (assuming I can get the reservations) while the girls are parked at the Neverland Club and my sister watches our son, who won't be old enough to go to the Neverland Club.

 

[brandylouwho]

To the OP, I hear ya! We don't do more than a night or two away without our kids. In fact, I have never left the two year old overnight anywhere without me. Partly because the only person other than my hubby that I truly trusted with them (my mom) is no longer with us, partly because they are our kids & we do family vacations. That is part of the bargain of having kids for us. I keep thinking, maybe when they are a bit older we'll leave them for a few days...but I don't know who I would leave them with, so maybe not.

I can see how time for ourselves would be nice, but I am pretty sure my marriage won't fall apart just because we didn't vacation alone.

In the end, whichever choice you make you need to make it together & both be comfortable with it. I could maybe spend a weekend away--if it were a few hours away from home. No way could I leave my kids right now & be a plane ride away.

BTW, I don't think there is anything wrong with people who do leave their kids at home while they vacation, it is just not something I do.

 

[cjnix29]

We are doing our 10 year at Disney with our DS6. Just booked it today as a matter of fact. Mostly because we don't have anyone we could have take him for the week. But....he will also be going to the Neverland Club atleast once, maybe more during that week. Whatever you feel comfortable with, while still maintaining a healthy relationship! Just make sure you and your husband have your own bedroom with a door that locks!!

 

[sandiegosusie]

My DH and I took a trip last year, just the two of us to WDW. The trip was 5 days. We stayed at POR and had a fun time. The first 2 days were really fun, but after that we both said how we wished our kids were with us to enjoy the magic.

Our daughters were 7 and 3 at the time and we left them with grandma and grandpa. I will never ever do that again...I know that some people are blessed with doting grandparents, our situation is not one of those! Without opening a very painful can of worms, let's just say my kids were completely miserable and they have begged us never to do that again. We won't...

We instead have a Disney Cruise planned for our 10 year in November, which we are all super excited about. I am married to another Disney fanatic and we are happy as can be including our kids in the celebration of our marriage.

Our honeymoon was a caribbean cruise...we had a great time...life is different now with the kids as it should be. There is a time and place for everything, that's what my Mom always used to say!

Good luck in whatever you decide!

 

[palavra]

We are doing our 10 year anniversary trip this year with our daughter. My husband and I chose Disney together and never considered leaving our daughter home. However, we don't do Disney every year, so this will be her first trip to all the parks.

I think having a sitter is a great idea! You and your husband can go out to dinner and do adult things while the kids are nearby.

 

[MattM]

Re: your spouse being the #1 priority - well...I love my husband and show it, but he's a grown man who can take care of himself, our son is definitely top priority at the moment and our marriage is just fine

The point is not who needs what now. Its the fact that couples forget to nurture relationships constantly. Its not done enough in this country and thats why the divorce rate is so high (and Im not saying this about you personally at all) Im sure your husband is fine now, but Im talking 20 years from now (assuming your son is newborn/very young) when Junior moves out and people invest their whole being in their children and when they move out have no idea who the person is they woke up too the next morning.