fizz13
<font color=33cc99>Dreams about being stuck on Spa
- Joined
- May 6, 2004
- Messages
- 5,791
Hi everybody,
I have been very distracted and stressed of late, but wanted to share my tale with my good friends here. It starts in April of this year when my grandfather's business went into liquidation which some of you may remember. This meant that my Dh was made redundant and our income was very uncertain. DH and i were already in trouble with our relationship and this only made things worse.
We decided to separate not long after but decided to give it one more go, and with a windfall we had, booked a last chance trip to WDW, honeymoon style at the Poly for a week. the trip was lovely but only made us realise how deep the void had become between us. We came back realising that it was over between us, nothing in common, no future for us at all. We only had the children between us and a whopping debt which we were fast falling behind on.
Dh still didn't have a job and the money I was getting really wasn't enough...we fell further and further behind. On my birthday at the end of August, Dh pulled one of his many scenes, like so many others over the past 9 years of jealousy, losing his temper and trying to guilt me into not going to my party which my frineds put so much time and effort into. he even threatened to leave the children alone if I went to the party. My best friend witnessed this ( a police officer) and said I had grounds for mental abuse and divorce which she would witness. it never occured to me before that these scenes were that serious, i had always accepted them. Something inside me snapped that night, and while out, Dh kept phoning/ texting, harrassing me. he agreed to leave the next morning.
2 months went by on my own with still no financial contribution from Dh for the children or otherwise, however he still wanted to try again, which i said no to. In October half-term i took my oldest children back to WDW, with Dh looking after my youngest, and I said he could stay in the house as it would be easiest for DS2. While away, Dh moved himself back in. I tried to live with it but one week was enough and i said it was over for good, no chance, no way. Dh refused to leave and said he had nowhere to go. Since then I have been sleeping on my sofa.
We had been trying to sell the house since September but only had 4 viewings in 10 weeks and still the bills kept coming. I have since changed estate agents and today have had a second viewing on the house.(keep fingers crossed). i have found a house, a 3 bed so i'm downgrading from a 4 bed to pay everything back, and put in an offer which was successful, and thanks to a family friend, do not need to sell this to acquire the other one. the new house should complete before Xmas. however i will not be moving from here until this has sold otherwise i then have two sets of bills to pay, although renting mine for a couple of months is a possibility as my mother is moving and needs an in between home for a few months. My grandfather is very concerned about me sleeping on the sofa naturally, and has managed to free up money for Dh so he can have his share now, so he can hopefully go in the next 2 weeks, once we have agreed the final details of our separation agreement, which has been a whole other battle.
Because we are not divorcing, we have to agree ourselves on who gets what, there is no judge to decide for us. This has obviously been awkward. DH never put any money into the purchase of the property, my grandfather bought it, yet the deeds were in both our names. So even though he never contributed, he still could walk away with half, very unfair I feel. i have agreed on a cash sum, plus all his debts being paid, yet to do this I will still have some debt. i think this is a necessary evil though to move on with my life.
So situation at present: I am seeing the solicitor on Tuesday to put together the separation agreement. Once this is completed and DH has signed, he can have his money and move out, on the understanding that he makes no further claim on the house, does not return, and pays child support weekly. A survey is being done on my new house this week, and subject to a satisfactory report, the paper work will be completed and the house will be empty and ready whenever i am, which will give me a chance to get it perfect before the children move in. My mother intends to move into mine in january and pay the running bills of the house so I can move, and will stay there till the house sells.
Phew... on a brighter note I have been working on a court claim against halifax bank to reclaim all our bank charges for the last 6 years, basically there is no way it costs them £30 everytime a direct debit bounces etc. and the charges are unlawful. Working with the consumer action group, i started proceedings in October, and this morning received the letter stating that the Halifax will be refunding £5120 of charges, although I will split these with DH. This means that I can play catchup, and have some money left over for Xmas shopping, thank goodness. i should have the money this week. If anyone would like more info about reclaiming their charges, then give me a PM and I'll try to point you in the right direction.
So that is my story of the last 8 months, and i wanted to say thankyou to the Uk community of the DIS who are always here for distractions when I have needed them, and I have never felt alone while going through this. You may not realise that you have done anything, but all of you have helped me keep going, so thankyou.
I just felt it was now the right time to share what has been going on with me, and that there may be light at the end of what seemed like a very long tunnel. thankyou for reading my tale and wish you all the happiest of Xmas and a brilliant 2007, I think mine may just be the start of a brilliant new liberated life
I have been very distracted and stressed of late, but wanted to share my tale with my good friends here. It starts in April of this year when my grandfather's business went into liquidation which some of you may remember. This meant that my Dh was made redundant and our income was very uncertain. DH and i were already in trouble with our relationship and this only made things worse.
We decided to separate not long after but decided to give it one more go, and with a windfall we had, booked a last chance trip to WDW, honeymoon style at the Poly for a week. the trip was lovely but only made us realise how deep the void had become between us. We came back realising that it was over between us, nothing in common, no future for us at all. We only had the children between us and a whopping debt which we were fast falling behind on.
Dh still didn't have a job and the money I was getting really wasn't enough...we fell further and further behind. On my birthday at the end of August, Dh pulled one of his many scenes, like so many others over the past 9 years of jealousy, losing his temper and trying to guilt me into not going to my party which my frineds put so much time and effort into. he even threatened to leave the children alone if I went to the party. My best friend witnessed this ( a police officer) and said I had grounds for mental abuse and divorce which she would witness. it never occured to me before that these scenes were that serious, i had always accepted them. Something inside me snapped that night, and while out, Dh kept phoning/ texting, harrassing me. he agreed to leave the next morning.
2 months went by on my own with still no financial contribution from Dh for the children or otherwise, however he still wanted to try again, which i said no to. In October half-term i took my oldest children back to WDW, with Dh looking after my youngest, and I said he could stay in the house as it would be easiest for DS2. While away, Dh moved himself back in. I tried to live with it but one week was enough and i said it was over for good, no chance, no way. Dh refused to leave and said he had nowhere to go. Since then I have been sleeping on my sofa.
We had been trying to sell the house since September but only had 4 viewings in 10 weeks and still the bills kept coming. I have since changed estate agents and today have had a second viewing on the house.(keep fingers crossed). i have found a house, a 3 bed so i'm downgrading from a 4 bed to pay everything back, and put in an offer which was successful, and thanks to a family friend, do not need to sell this to acquire the other one. the new house should complete before Xmas. however i will not be moving from here until this has sold otherwise i then have two sets of bills to pay, although renting mine for a couple of months is a possibility as my mother is moving and needs an in between home for a few months. My grandfather is very concerned about me sleeping on the sofa naturally, and has managed to free up money for Dh so he can have his share now, so he can hopefully go in the next 2 weeks, once we have agreed the final details of our separation agreement, which has been a whole other battle.
Because we are not divorcing, we have to agree ourselves on who gets what, there is no judge to decide for us. This has obviously been awkward. DH never put any money into the purchase of the property, my grandfather bought it, yet the deeds were in both our names. So even though he never contributed, he still could walk away with half, very unfair I feel. i have agreed on a cash sum, plus all his debts being paid, yet to do this I will still have some debt. i think this is a necessary evil though to move on with my life.
So situation at present: I am seeing the solicitor on Tuesday to put together the separation agreement. Once this is completed and DH has signed, he can have his money and move out, on the understanding that he makes no further claim on the house, does not return, and pays child support weekly. A survey is being done on my new house this week, and subject to a satisfactory report, the paper work will be completed and the house will be empty and ready whenever i am, which will give me a chance to get it perfect before the children move in. My mother intends to move into mine in january and pay the running bills of the house so I can move, and will stay there till the house sells.
Phew... on a brighter note I have been working on a court claim against halifax bank to reclaim all our bank charges for the last 6 years, basically there is no way it costs them £30 everytime a direct debit bounces etc. and the charges are unlawful. Working with the consumer action group, i started proceedings in October, and this morning received the letter stating that the Halifax will be refunding £5120 of charges, although I will split these with DH. This means that I can play catchup, and have some money left over for Xmas shopping, thank goodness. i should have the money this week. If anyone would like more info about reclaiming their charges, then give me a PM and I'll try to point you in the right direction.
So that is my story of the last 8 months, and i wanted to say thankyou to the Uk community of the DIS who are always here for distractions when I have needed them, and I have never felt alone while going through this. You may not realise that you have done anything, but all of you have helped me keep going, so thankyou.
I just felt it was now the right time to share what has been going on with me, and that there may be light at the end of what seemed like a very long tunnel. thankyou for reading my tale and wish you all the happiest of Xmas and a brilliant 2007, I think mine may just be the start of a brilliant new liberated life
Have a good xmas and all the best for 2007.
You are absolutley right about DH being H, i guess i just thought people would understand if i put DH, maybe you could come up with a new abbreviation for him, like ex-H or something, I'm sure someone creative will come up with a better one,
