A Sensible Dinner - Pearlieq's Journal

[pearlieq]

9/19/06

9:30am

--1 pkt weight control oatmeal
--scant 1/4 cup raisins
--1 cup milk

I've been starving for an hour but work is just out of control! It's going to be a long day of back and forth, back and forth. I'm going to stay working and stay focused though. It's better just to get it done than have it hang over my head.

At least tonight should be fun. I've got an appointment to donate blood this afternoon and then I'm meeting up with some girlfriends at the Olive Garden (Twice in a week. That's a record for me!) for supper. It's going to be a very fun night. And I'll have earned it today!

1:00pm

--1 piece turkey sausage
--large portion broccoli salad (at least 1 c. broccoli florets, 2 T dressing, handful raisins)
--3/4 cup corn
--1 apple

See how that works? We eat fruits & vegetables from time to time and it tends to improve our health...

Today's actually been a pretty good day. Things are starting to come together a bit for my work project, so it's not quite so stressful. Plus I've been using the time when I'm waiting for a response on my project to work around the house. I've got almost all of the bedding done, I cleaned my countertops, did dishes, and even took apart our bed, vacuumed underneath, and turned the matress myself. Rowr! Me strong woman!

I actually have been feeling great this past week. Moving up the Glucophage to 2000mg/day has made a difference. I feel much more clear-headed and not quite so ruled by food and cravings. I've still eaten junk and slipped once or twice, but even that is not nearly as bad as it's been in the past. I find I'm eating 3-4 times a day instead of 7 times a day or all day.

I also feel much more productive. I've been making a conscious effort to limit computer time and to cut back dramatically on my participation on other forums here on the DIS. It was just sucking up too much of my time and usually caused at least as much upset as fun. The CB is a rough crowd!

3:45pm

--1 yogurt cup

At least the day is almost done. I've got to wrap up a bit of work and then head out for my blood donation.

5:30pm

--1 sm piece chocolate cake

The blood dontation center had a cake to help celebrate their special "donor week". If figured if there was ever a situation where one could enjoy a bit of cake guilt-free it would be after losing a pint of blood!

7:00pm

--4 sm appetizer pieces (mozzarella and toasted ravioli)
--3 breadsticks (could have been 4?)
--2 smallish portions of salad
--1 order whole wheat linguine alfredo w/a small chicken breast
--4 Andes mints

I was so busy focusing on laughing with my friends that I didn't really have my head in the game in terms of eating. I was just kind of bumping along and enjoying myself. At least I didn't have a sugary drink (just water) or dessert, but I really could have taken home some of the pasta and kept the breadstick count down. I'm not too worried about it, though.

What I am a bit concerned about is this weekend. My birthday is Thursday and I know there will be lots of eating. Hopefully I can find a good balance between enjoying myself and not going overboard.

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi pearlieq~

Have a fun time with your friends tonight! I love Olive Garden! I get in trouble when I go there when they have their Never Ending Pasta Bowl...

Have a great Tuesday!

 

[Jane E.]

Have a great time at the Olive Garden. I love their minestrone soup. I have no idea what glucophage is but whatever it is - it must work. Your eating has changed a lot.

 

[pearlieq]

9/20/06

8:30am

--1 pkt weight control oatmeal
--3 T raisins
--1 cup milk

I woke up pretty refreshed again this morning. I hate to say it, but I'm actually sleeping better without DH. Our bed is not to great, so when we're both home it tends to sag and it transfers every single bit of motion. When I'm on my own it's actually fairly supportive and I only ever feel a bit of jostling if one of the cats comes up to visit.

I'm still very much looking forward to him coming home tonight--we just need a new bed!

12:45pm

--quesadilla (sm tortilla, 1/4 cup rf cheese, 2 T black bean salsa. Yum!)
--10 fish sticks
--1/2 cup steamed broccoli
--1 apple

I forgot about a conference call I have at 1:00. Looks like lunch will be in shifts!

5:00pm

--2 quesadillas
--1 mini bag popcorn
--10(!) sm sf sandwich cookies
--1 cup milk

Well, this started out as a snack and turned into a little binge. I was having a really, really cruddy day at work and tried eating to make myself feel better. Didn't really work.

8:00pm

--1 bowl raisin bran

I took some more mindless TV--it actually did help me focus on something other than the big old mess at work. I hate the feeling of it hanging over me like some awful dark cloud.

11:20pm

--1/2 smallish frozen pizza
--2 c milk

Late supper-esque type thing when DH got home. I feel kind of bad for the guy. I've been having a rough time with work, and he hadn't really bent over backwards to keep in touch while he was gone (the time change and the conference schedule made it hard). He forgot to call when his plane landed, which is something we normally do, and by the time he got home I was a little wound. At least I felt better after talking to him.

 

[pearlieq]

9/21/06 - to me!

9:30am

--1 bowl raisin bran

I got a bit of a late start this morning since we were up so late tonight.

So I'm 27 today. No grand plans--DH made noises about coming home for lunch, but I doubt he'll be able to get away after being gone for a week. Otherwise, I'm just going to try to slog through this work and also do my Spanish homework for class tonight. We're supposed to go out tomorrow. That will be nice.

1:00pm

--1 bellini iced tea
--2 3/4 breadsticks
--2 portions salad
--1/2 order whole wheat linguine w/alfredo
--1/2 piece black tie mousse cake

Olive Garden again. DH did make it home to take me to lunch. He also surprised me with an iPod, iTunes gift card, and a Dyson! I was amazed and I'm going to have so much fun with all of this stuff!

I'm now home--I've got to get more work done before I go to class. I must say, though, I'm having a much better day!

5:00pm

--leftover pasta

8:00pm

--sm bag potato chips
--1 Starburst

10:15pm

--2 burritos
--1 chalupa

DH and ran and got Taco Bell for a late supper. I got a little carried away, but I will say it hit the spot.

 

[CJK]

Happy Birthday! Hope you're having a great day! Sounds like your dh had some great surprises for you! I'm glad your day turned out better than you thought!!! I hope you have fun at class tonight and a great end to your b-day!

 

[pearlieq]

9/22/06

8:15am

--1/2 piece chocolate cake

Good breakfast, eh? At least it was small. Today's not going to be the best day for eating. I'm going out to lunch with a friend and then we're going to Claim Jumper tonight. But at least knowing this ahead of time I can kind of prepare myself of the day.

I will very likely overeat today. And it's OK. It's one day. The sun will not fall crashing out of the sky. Whatever reasonable changes and precautions I take are great, but I'm giving myself permission to stop worrying and relax today.

12:20pm

--2 turkey cheeseburgers on light buns
--1/2 cup steamed broccoli
--3/4 cup corn
--1 1/4 cup milk

Well, my friend totally flaked out on lunch. I'm disappointed, but I guess that's the breaks. I feel kind of shortchanged by her in the past couple of days. She called me yesterday and the conversation pretty much went "Hey, sorry but we can't take you out to get a manicure like we talked about, and happy birthday, and hey, what do you think of this problem with my kid?" I'll let you guess which part topic of dicussion took 10 seconds and which took 20 minutes. And now she blew me off for lunch because she forgot and started painting her living room. She wasn't even all that apologetic--she was kind of like, oh I totally forgot, I'm such a bad friend. So I'm painting my living room and we're having this party tomorrow...

I feel so loved.

4:00pm

--1 sf sandwich cookie
--1 mini bag popcorn

7:00pm

--a big old honkin' mess of a meal at Claim Jumper

It was great! I had such a nice time with my mom and the food was wonderful. I wound up taking almost my entire entree home since I had filled up on appetizers and tasting everyone else's stuff.

We got home around 9-ish then spent ours clearing out the DVR. I'm not caught up on Grey's Anatomy and Survivor but we still have plenty of poker, House, Bones, and other stuff to watch. I think it's going to be a nice lazy Sunday.

 

[toystoryduo]

Happy Belated Birthday pearlieq!

I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your friend. I hope things work out soon.

Don't you just love your DVR? We have one too and I find myself not watching anything live anymore. I love being able to fast forward through the commercials! The problem comes when I hear something on the radio and try to rewind it.... No DVR for that.

Hope you have a great Sunday!

 

[CJK]

I hope you did enjoy a lazy Sunday! We all need days like that sometimes.

Sorry to hear about your friend. I have a friend like that myself.

I hope things are going well for you. I hope you can check in soon. Have a nice weekend!

 

[toystoryduo]

Happy Thanksgiving, pearlieq!

I hope this finds you and your DH doing well. Please post an update when you can.

 

[pearlieq]

Hi!

Just thought I'd post an update.

It's been kind of a rough ride for the last couple of months. I can't remember too much of October, but DH and I went away to Disneyland and LA for the first week of November. When we got home my mom had news for us. Her cancer was back.

My mom had breast cancer in 2003 and it was caught fairly early, but evidently not early enough. Some of the cancer cells slipped into her bloodstream and made their way around her body. My mom had been having leg pain for about 6 months and they finally found that it was because she had a big tumor eating away at her thigh bone.

The doctors planned to do surgery to implant a titanium rod but when they got in the bone just crumbled like eggshell. They were still able to implant the rod and they patched up the bone as best they could, but it made the recovery long and hard.

She's been in the hospital since Nov 16th and is finally scheduled to come home tomorrow. We've been scrambling around trying to get things in place and modifying her house to it's accessable. Needless to say there's been a lot of stress!

The most difficult thing to deal with is that the prognosis is not very good for women with breast cancer that has spread. She may beat the odds, but I'm coming to terms with the idea that I may not have my mom for very much longer.

For the most part I'm trying to take one day at a time and to make the most of whatever we've got left. What else can you do, I guess.

Weight wise things have been good and bad. I'm still gaining and losing the same 5 pounds, but I've managed to keep off about 30 of the 45 pounds I've lost, which I'm happy about. My medicine still helps a lot, but the stress and rushing around also tend to contribute to poor eating.

I'm hoping things might stabilze a bit here now that my mom is going home. I really want to focus on improving my eating habits and getting back to regular exercise, especially since we're still a go for trying to get pregnant sometime in 2007.

I hope the new year finds everyone happy and healthy!

 

[Lesli54]

Oh, I missed you so!!!!!!!

We must be on the same wave length. I came to update my journal after a long absence as well, when I saw that you had posted. It's great to see you ol' Wish Buddy.

Sorry to hear about your mom. I know how hard the recovery can be, but if she is determined, she can do it. Hopefully, the rest of her health will hold out as well. Sending prayers and strength your way.

Hey, at least you are stable with your weight. That is a good sign and the fact that you have kept of the majority is great news.

Take care and I will check back with you.

 

[keenercam]

I am so sorry to hear about your mom, but I am so glad she has you and your DH to help her through this difficult time. It is good to see you back here and I hope you will find lots of support and encouragement as you deal with all of this stress.
Wishing you a wonderful 2007!

 

[CJK]

Nice to have you back!! I'm so sorry sorry to hear about your mom. How is she doing now that she's home? She's fortunate to have you in her life. I'm sending you lots of prayer and pixie dust.

Congratulations on keeping your weight stable. That's difficult to do in times of stress.

Happy New Year and here's to a wonderful year ahead.

 

[pearlieq]

12/31/06

Goodbye 2006! I'm writing this from a La Quinta in Sandusky, OH. We're here visiting DH's family. Unfortunately, his mother is also very ill. She's got severe heart problems and poorly controlled diabetes. She went back into the hospital last night and moved to hospice this evening. The hospice is SUCH a nice place and very peaceful. Hopefully she can finally get some rest.

My mom came home on Friday and it was a very long, rough day. Coming home was a big reality check--there are things you just don't encounter in the controlled environment of the hospital. Complicating the matter is that fact that I've made the very difficult decision to stop visiting my mom's house while she continues to let her roommate chain-smoke inside. As much as I love my mother, I'm not willing to volunteer to put my own health in jeopardy unnecessarily.

As you can imagine, this is a sore subject between the two of us. I can't understand why she isn't willing to insist he smoke outside and why she would put his convenience above my health, and she can't understand how I could find the secondhand smoke so offensive that I'm willing to insist on not spending time in her house, even with her so ill. We've been over it, and now we're pretty much at an impasse and we're each going to have to live the with the consequences of our decision. It's very hard.

Things do seem to be getting better for her, slowly. She's figuring out ways to adapt, but even simple things are complicated, exhausting tasks.

Watching this scares me a lot and makes me value my health even more. This has been quite a wake-up call since I've gotten very lax about my health. I plan to spend a great deal of time focusing on that and especially bringing exercise and strength training back into my life.

As for tonight, I'm watching a very depressing Bears game, but I'm trying to hold out hope that they might rally.

Happy New Year, everyone!

 

[goldcupmom]

Hang in there, Pearlie!!! Life's rough right now with both 'moms' ill, but remember to take some time for you!(easier said than done as you know that I know!)

I'll be praying for both of your mom's and for you & your DH.

Hope you have a Happy, Healthy New Year and I'm anxious to hear of some 'mommy to be' news!

 

[toystoryduo]

Happy New Year, Pearlieq!

I'm so sorry to hear about your moms. We'll keep them in our thoughts and prayers.

Hope 2007 is a wonderful year for you!

 

[pearlieq]

1/2/07

It seems like time is slipping away from me. All of the sudden it's 2007, I'm 27 years old and it's finally starting to feel like time is a finite resource.

We made it back from OH. DH's mom will be spending a couple of extra nights in the hospice and then going back home for the time being. She seems to really feel that her time is near, as do some other members of the family. Personally I don't know what to think. As usual, it doesn't seem real. I'm worried about how DH will take this. He seems to be the one his mother is leaning on to make things all right for the rest of his family. Sometimes I just don't know what to do or say for him.

I'd been keeping in touch with my mom while we were gone. She's managing. Luckily her roommate seems to be helping her out some. Since he's the reason I can't be there, it only seems fair. She had a bit of a day yesterday and decided to dump a lot of negativity on me. I have a lot of trouble not letting that affect me and yesterday was no different. It put me in a funk for quite a while.

I feel a sense of obligation and duty toward her, but also a great deal of fear and resentment. I feel like this is all on me. The roommate has been helping a little, but Mom isn't willing to hold him to much. Her younger sister can help some, but she has a full plate of issues of her own. Her brothers aren't much help either--the one is too busy judging to help and the other just isn't that interested. My brother has been a real disappointment. I know he lives in TN, but Mom was in the hospital for 6 weeks over 2 holidays and he couldn't be arsed to drive up once???

And so I am responsible for her, and she needs so much I'm desperately afraid of my life being eaten up. I've set the limit about the house, but I'm still taking in her laundry, doing her errands, helping make arrangements to adapt the house, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be responsible for driving her to all of her appointments. She chose a hospital that is 45 miles from our house, which makes this very tough and very expensive. Plus I'm still trying to keep up with my job, and I don't get any paid time off. I lose a full day's pay every time she has an appointment she needs to go to.

I just don't know what to do with all of this. It's so much responsibility and it's nothing I've asked for. It's not like my mom's really been all that generous and helpful in my life. She's getting back a heck of a lot more than she ever gave. I find myself so angry thinking about all of the things that she decided "weren't her responsibility" while she keeps expecting more and more of me. I wonder how the heck we'd juggle a baby on top of all of this.

The one good thing I did was recognize that this was going to happen and find help. I've been seeing someone for the last few weeks to help me deal with all of the junk that this is bringing up. I've been having some success with being honest with myself and my mom and setting some limits.

I just really hope things get better soon. Needless to say, I can't wait to run away to WDW at the end of the month!

 

[Lesli54]

Good afternoon, Pearlieq!

Sorry to hear about DH's mom. The best thing that you can do for him is to let him know that you are there if he needs you or needs to talk. It's hard, but support is a big thing. I had to watch from the sidelines as my DH took care of his dad. When I was needed, I helped, but for the most part DH felt it was his responsibility so I was a shoulder to lean on.

It's too bad that you have so much to deal with your mom. Sometimes, we are put in positions that just don't make sense and do make us angry from time to time. Especially when we watch other family members going about their lives as usual and don't even glance at the difficulties you are dealing with. It is good that you are seeing someone about the issues with your mom. I think you also need to figure out how you would feel about yourself in terms of what you have (or haven't) done for her if she suddenly weren't here. You can't risk your health (physically or mentally), or your job, or jeprodize your family with your DH to take care of your mom, so it is good that you are trying to establish limits. Better that than to have resentment later. Maybe it would be possible to have someone come in to do a few things for her so that you can take care of your job, your home, and yourself. My DH had someone come in for his father during the evening hours so that he could spend some precious time at home. There are many options out there and I am sure that your mother will try guilt, most people do when they aren't feeling well, but stick to your limits and hang in there.

BTW, take me with you to WDW!

 

[pearlieq]

1/4/07

So far not a bad day. I've got plenty of laundry to keep me occupied and some work I've really got to get to.

Tuesday was OK except for a bad afternoon binge. I was able to regroup, I guess, so there's that. Yesterday was pretty good. No bingeing and while I did have a rather rich entree at Olive Garden I didn't go crazy on the breadsticks or really go overboard. So yay for me.

Today has started with a double cheeseburger and apple fritter, but oddly enough I'm not upset about it. I don't feel any overwhelming urge to overeat or binge. I just had a taste for the apple friter this morning and decided to enjoy it. The double cheeseburger wasn't strictly necessary, but should keep me going for a while. I'll have a lighter lunch later on.

We're going to Ohio again this weekend. My company is having their holiday party at Navy Pier in Chicago on Saturday so we're going to that and then leaving on Sunday for Ohio. It's actually better that way since DH will be able to do some weekday-type things with his mom like visit her HR office and go see the lawyers.

Things with my mom are going. The tub to shower conversion is done and I think it turned out pretty darn well. I went over there to drop off her laundry and some vinyl flooring samples and wound up staying a bit longer than I had planned, but I'm sure I'll get better at this as time goes on. I'm really trying to stick to no more than 3 10-minute visits per week. I figure 30 minutes of heavy second-hand smoke per week is plenty!

She's had visiting OT and PT techs, so hopefully they can help her work some things out. So far there hasn't been any progress on the power wheelchair, but I can't force her to follow up or make any decisions.

I've had to have a talk with her about driving to medical appointments. My job is straight hourly pay and I don't get any paid time off, so any time I need to take time off of work I lose pay. I told her I was willing to take off 16 hours per month and that we could split it up into 2 full days, 4 half days, etc. This, of course, if for routine appointments and scans--emergencies we'll deal with as they come up.

Part of me feels bad for setting these limits, but I can't lose an unlimited amount of pay and I can't be gone from work all the time. She's the one who chose to have her care at a hospital 45 miles from home. I'll do what I can, but she's going to need to figure out how to make it happen.

It felt good to get out last night--my goddaugher emailed me out of the blue and wanted to catch up. It was nice to grab dinner and find out what's been going on in her life. Tomorrow I'm getting lunch with one of my friends so that should be nice to.

My other project this week is to figure out what to do for DH's birthday. He's kind of hard to buy for, and it's hard having his birthday right after Christmast because I'm usually fresh out of ideas after that. He wants to go out to dinner, so I know I'm taking him out, but other than that I'm a bit stumped! I'll have to start brainstorming...