A Sensible Dinner - Pearlieq's Journal

[toystoryduo]

Hi pearlieq!

It sounds like you have a lot going on with your mom and your MIL right now. Please know that both situations are in our thoughts and prayers.

My mom had some health issues awhile back and because we live so close to my parents, my dad really leaned heavily on me for help. It was getting to the point where I would get super mad and work myself up when I would see my parents' phone number on the caller ID because my time was not my own and I was getting overwhelmed... I finally had to create some boundries because I have a DH and two girls that I needed to be around for too. At first, I felt bad, but as I got more time to myself, I felt better and could handle the situation with my mom better as well. Please be sure and take time for you and set boundries for you as well..... It is important for your health and well being.

Hope your DH has a Happy Birthday! Enjoy your trip to Ohio... the weather has been pretty good here lately. Take care!

 

[pearlieq]

1/5/07

Lots to do today! We ordered pizza last night, so I had a slice of that for breakfast. I'm going to be working on the rest of it today and tomorrow since it needs to be gone before we leave. I've also got some apple crisp that we need to finish up tonight.

Tomorrow I'm going to my company party so today I need to go out and get my brows waxed and maybe even get a quick manicure. I just want to look polished when I go. I have no idea what to do with my hair. I've been growing it out for my best friend's wedding this May, but I've never been good at styling it. I need to come up with something attractive but not too fussy.

Laundry and dishes need to happen somewhere in here. We have no clean towels or plates, which I'm thinking is not a good thing. Which reminds me, I'm almost out of dryer sheets. Sigh...

I've got a silly project for work today. I took a training a few weeks ago and the super-anal instructor apparantly thought that we needed to do "homework" to reinforce what we learned in training. That's NOT the norm around here and it's total bollocks! Plus today she sent around an "extra credit" question we could do if we wanted. As if!!! What are we, 12???

I would have much more success getting this all done if I got my tuccus off the couch and actually got going on it. Theoretically I was hoping to get some exercise in today, but we'll see how it all goes.

 

[Lesli54]

Hang in there. I know that it is a tough situation, especially with both moms needing the two of you. It sounds like you are at least trying to make your mom fend for herself as much as possible and that is very important for her recovery. It is also good that you and DH will be seeing his mom and will be able to take care of certain matters or at least know more of how to plan. Remember, we are here for you.

As for the food, it sounds like you are doing ok trying to take the wins where you can and recognizing the binges for what they are worth.

Have a great and magical day!

 

[CJK]

My goodness. I had to do a little bit of catching up with your journal and I'm so sorry to hear about what you're dealing with, with MIL and DM. You're a tremendous person for doing all of this work for them. I hope you have fun at your holiday party and in Ohio this weekend. I wish you could take some time out for YOU to relax. Hang in there and take care of yourself wherever possible.

 

[pearlieq]

1/6/07

Yesterday turned out to be pretty quiet. I got plenty of laundry done and just relaxed for a while.

Today has been full so far. I stayed up way too late last night (I got sucked into a movie on cable) so I slept in some this morning, then I went over to my mother's to run some errands.

Her roommate wasn't there, so the smoke wasn't too bad and I didn't feel like I needed to leave immediately, but it occured to me that I would be in kind of a pickle if I did. I had a ton of mom's dry cleaning to put away and was supposed to pick up her grocery shopping list, only she was washing up in the bathroom and didn't seem to be in any particular hurry. My goal is to be in and out of the house in 10 minutes or less while her roommate is there, but it feels like I'm always having to fight to maintain that. I know my mom's not happy about the choice I made, but sometimes it seems like she's making it harder than it needs to be.

When I got home from grocery shopping we got into a long emotional discussion about the smoking issue and other things surrounding her situation. I finally told her how much some of her behavior when I left for college had hurt me, and it was hard for me to see how much that hurt her to hear. But for me at least it was better to have said. I have no intention of going back and rehashing it, but I'm glad I got it out there once.

Sometimes I really feel like she doesn't think I'm a very good person. It's hard for my mom and I to relate to each other because we see the world so differently. I feel like I'm always being judged very poorly by her. She says that's not the case. I guess I can either choose to believe that and move on or keep feeling badly.

My mom and I don't usually have honest or emotional conversations, so this was very uncomfortable for both of us. Still, I think I'm happy with how I expressed myself and it means a lot to me to get to say some of these things out loud. I think it will be a big help in moving past some of it.

In happier news, we leave for my holiday party in a couple of hours. I couldn't bring myself to get my nails done last night, but I found a nail polish remover correcting pen and some quick dry topcoat at Walgreens last night and both of those helped me to do the job myself. I think they look pretty good and it's always fun to have painted nails.

I've got an hour or so of downtime before I need to get going again. There are still a few things left to do around the house before we leave and I've got a bit more prettying up to do.

 

[pearlieq]

1/8/07

Hello from sunny Sandusky!

We got into town yesterday afternoon and spent the evening with the family at DH's cousin's house. I really like how this family functions. There's so many of them and they're all up in each other's lives and they just seem so comfortable together. It's totally natural for them to spend Saturday night together and to pop into each other's homes. My family is much less close and much more reserved. This is kind of a refreshing change of pace.

DH turns 30 tomorrow. It won't be much of a birthday with all of the running around, but I tried to make it nicer by reserving one of the jacuzzi suites at the hotel. This hotel turned out to be really nice. It's clean, the furnishings are pleasant, and they had a really nice hot breakfast this morning. The highlight is definitley the jacuzzi! I need one of these at home. I could do laps in the thing!!!

Saturday night was my company party at Navy Pier. I was expecting to have an okay time, but was pleasantly surprised at how darn fun it was! I got to catch up with a lot of the old gang, many of which I hadn't seen for years. There was a very tasty dinner, fun casino game, and a pretty good orchestra with rock violinists. I guess you haven't lived until you've heard "Freebird" played by 4 violinists in leather pants.

We didn't roll home until almost midnight, so DH had a bit of a time getting me out of bed yesterday morning. We finally got on the road around 8:00am and had a smooth drive in. We'll be here until tomorrow night.

Happily, DH's mom is home from the hospice and looks 1000 times better. I guess her blood sugar is still unstable and she says she slept pretty much the whole week but her coloring is good and she was puttering around the house a bit. I didn't get to visit with them much last night--I spent most of the night with DH's cousin's 3 year old daughter. She was lots of fun. It's nice to get a chance to get to know that side of the family.

My mom seems to be managing. We're being extra nice and chirpy since the heavy talk on Saturday. I think we've finally found a company to order her powerchair, which would be such a blessing. It's dragged on over 4 weeks to try to find someone to order it.

Well, I suppose that's enough rambling for one day. All in all, things are pretty good for the moment.

 

[Lesli54]

Glad to hear that you had a good time at the party. You just never know with company parties.

I am also glad that you got a chance to clear the air with your mom. In her defense, maybe she didn't realize that the way she treats you is negative. I have a grandma who can say some harsh things and hold things against people that happened 40 years ago even though there is nothing wrong with the person today. There has been a number of times when we have had to call her on it. I don't think she realizes how hurtful her comments are at times. Then again, maybe she does.

The jacuzzi sounds nice. I too would like to get one.

Have fun spending time with the family and I hope that you can get a little alone time for DH's birthday.

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi pearlieq~

How's it going? Are you still here in Ohio or are you back home now? How did your DH's 30th birthday go?

I hope you have a great weekend!

 

[goldcupmom]

Just popping in to let you know I'm thinking about you. How are the moms???

 

[pearlieq]

Update

Long time no update! It's been a very busy couple of months. We had a wonderful, relaxing time at WDW. It's so odd not to have a trip planned! I think we're holding off until we see what happens with Operation: Baby.

DH's mom is doing OK. She had a defibrilator implated that is supposed to help, though it was made clear it's a stopgap, not a cure. She seems to be comfortable and the family is looking after her. We'll be going back to visit her next weekend.

Things with my mom have reached a frustrating standstill. She's fighting with her insurance company about getting a power chair and will need to buy a wheelchair van, which is very expensive. Not much can move forward until both of those happen. She's bored and frustrated with being at home and really wants to be back to work.

For the most part we're getting along OK. Clearing the air last month was very helpful for me. I'm still prone to stress out when it all gets to be too much, but I'm getting better at setting boundaries and asking for help. There are still some small things that bother me--for example, my mom rarely asks politely for things. She either shoves things in your face and expects you to take them/read her mind, or she just says "give me that" or "take this". It irritates me, but I'm trying to work through it. I know it's just a harmless difference in the way we communicate, and I really doubt she's going to learn new tricks at this point, but it bugs.

I'm having trouble remembering she's still a competent adult in charge of her own life. I have to really fight the urge to take on her problems as my own. Sometimes it seems like the answer to every issue is to have me take care of it. But I've reached the point where I'm at capacity in terms of what I can do. I'm taking in her laundry, doing her grocery shopping, running her errands (mail, perscriptions, etc.), paying for her cleaning service, driving her to most of her appointments, and taking care of a bunch of other things that come up. I'm full!!! The issues with her transportation, insurance, work, fixing up the house, etc. are going to have to get resolved without me in them.

DH and I are managing, I guess. He's been working some crazy hours since his department got expanded, but hopefully things will start getting better soon. We're trying to support each other. I'm trying to get better about asking him for help when I need it. He's actually going to be taking mom to an all-day doctor appointment in a couple of weeks, which is a huge relief to me.

I'm not sure what to expect looking forward. I think life will get a bit simpler when mom has her power chair and wheelchair van and can get back some of her independence. I don't know what we're going to do long term. The goal would be to have her stay in her own home for as long as she can and have her continue working until she's able to retire in mid-2009. Of course, at this stage "plans" aren't worth too much. The cancer will have it's own plans, I'm sure.

 

[pearlieq]

2/8/07

8:00am

--1 sm piece garlic bread

Leftovers from the dinner DH made last night. He's so cute. He stopped by the store for things to make spaghetti and bought literally everything he'd need, including butter for the bread and parmesan cheese, things I always have on hand. The meal actually turned out quite good.

10:20am

--1 1/2 cups spaghetti w/parmesan cheese on top
--3" section of french bread

Well my one meeting for the day is dispensed with and now I've got the day to myself. I'm actually thinking about going grocery shopping and/or going to the library before class tonight. Maybe I'll save the library for tomorrow since that should be a pretty open day too.

I had a visit with my ob/gyn last night and she gave me a clean bill of health and an all-clear for launch. She was very supportive about us trying to get pregnant at my size, which was a relief. T-minus about 11 days!

Toward that end, I'm very focused on trying to clean up my act. I plan to give up sugar and refined carbs almost completely and to somewhat limit other carbs. I think that and exercise will give me the best shot at good insulin levels throughout the process.

I very much need to get back to journaling, both here and a fitday. I want to make sure that I'm getting all of the nutrients I need.

1:50pm

--1 cup stuffing
--3 slices turkey breast roast
--3 T cranberry sauce

I made it to the store and stocked up on lots of healthy controlled-carb meals and snacks. Now I've got the afternoon to relax until class.

3:00pm

--1 inidividual slice chocolate chip cheesecake

DH bought these last night for dessert, but I was full. I popped this in the freezer this morning and it was really, really good frozen. Yum!

4:30pm

--1 5" section baguette
--12 Ritz crackers
--2 oz neufchatel
--1/4 cup raisins

Sigh. This didn't need to happen and was mostly due to carb cravings. I've got to ramp up my dose of the Glucophage again. I lowered it when we went to WDW because I didn't want to deal with the stomach upset, but I function so much better with it.

9:00pm

--2 cups (?) spaghetti
--2 large slices of garlic bread w/cheese

DH strikes again! He surprised me when I got home from class by having dinner ready. It was very sweet, but I'm going to have to gently talk to him about what I can and can't be eating from now on, and about the lumberjack portions he serves up. The garlic bread was great but he made a ton. Of course no one forced me to eat it...

 

[goldcupmom]

Glad things are basically OK, Pearlie!

Exciting that Operation: Baby is now underway! Can't wait to hear wonderful news!

Have a great week!

As I kept telling my DNieces - "Practice makes Perfect!! "

 

[pearlieq]

2/9/07

9:00am

--10 Ritz crackers
--sm wedge Boursin
--1/2 stuffed chicken breast

Plenty to do today. I've got to tidy up the house before the cleaning people get here, then I've got plenty of work to do while they're here. Then I'm going over to my friend's house to show her how to make a chicken dish for a dinner party she's having.

At least it looks like DH and I will have the evening together. I think we'll spend it clearing out the DVR since we won't have that too much longer. Our cable company jacked up our rates really high and that's just more than I'm willing to pay for cable. So we're switching to a small package from Dish (which I suppose I should call about today) which means we'll get a new DVR. Ahh, modern technology.

1:15pm

--2 black bean patties
--1/2 cup shredded rf cheese
--2 heaping spoonfuls salsa
--1 apple
--1 sf pudding cup.

Got to run! I'm late to my friend's house already!

4:30pm

--1 sm chocolate square
--1 T peanuts
--1 LC peanut chicken
--1/2 cup peas

Hungry! Hopefully this should hold me until DH gets home and we decide on what to do for dinner.

6:00pm

--sm bit Boursin
--10 ritz
--2 T raisins
--2 sm sf cookies

Very, very hungry! Glad DH is home.

7:00pm

--1/2 large Domino's cheese pizza
--1/2 order cheesy bread

That was very tasty and I've been craving it all week. Yum! Now we've got the night to watch everything on our DVR.

10:00pm

--1 large bowl nsa ice cream w/a bit of sf chocolate sauce (that wasn't good)
--4 sm sf cookies

DH made up late night sundaes. I'll have to convice him to make me a mini next time. I was done about halfway through this but kept eating because it was in front of me. Someday I WILL break that habit!

 

[pearlieq]

2/10/07

8:30am

--1 heathly living english muffin
--2 T peanut butter
--1 banana

Heading out to my mom's house for the normal Saturday errands. I'm thinking it should be a light day. Then I've got some time to myself where I might shop and take myself out to lunch before my blood donation this afternoon.

Later tonight we've got a game night at my friend's house. I can't really say I'm looking forward to it much. There soooo much food, and some of the crowd are really heavy drinkers too. They're not obnoxious drunks, but it's still kind of off putting to watch them put away a couple of bottles of wine each. And the wife of one of the men is quite unfriendly. I'm not sure how much longer DH and I are going to stay part of the group.

11:30am

--1 ranchero soft taco

Things went quite smoothly at my moms and I was able to head over to the blood donation center early. I was going to try to hold out for lunch, but then I realized that donating blood while hungry was a monumentally stupid idea, so I got a taco.

12:10pm

--1 sm bag cheese popcorn

Snack after donating

1:40pm

--2 chicken rollups (2 lc tortillas, 4 oz chicken, 1 T bacon bits, 2 thin sliced provolone, romaine, and a drizzle of rf ranch)
--6 rits
--2 T boursin
--2 T raisins

Hopefully this holds me for a while. I'm starting to think now about how I'm going to avoid overeating at the party tonight. I think I'm going to eat some fruit or something before I go to take the edge off, eat dinner, and pick one treat. I'm going to try to stay out of the kitchen and if someone plunks snacks in front of me at the table I'm going to move them away. Hopefully that will keep me out of any real mischief.

 

[goldcupmom]

Hope today was good for you , Pearlie. I have a question and if I remember right, you are the one to ask.

What's Hummus??????? I remember you eating it in your journal(well, not exactly, but you know what I mean) and I keep seeing it, but I'm always afraid to try things. TIA!

How are the kitties????

 

[goldcupmom]

Just popping in to let you know I'm thinking about you! Hope things are going well with you, DH, the Moms, & the Kitties!

 

[pearlieq]

5/23/07

Just a little update--it's certainly been a while.

About a month ago DH's mother passed away. She'd been sick a while, but it was still incredibly hard to see her go. She was only 59. We miss her a lot, and are trying to figure out what our lives will be like now that she's gone.

My mother is back to work, for the time being, and getting by as well as can be expected. She has a new tumor in her hip--she just had a scan yesterday to see if/how much it's grown.

Caregiving for her is challenging, but I'm managing. I'm learning to step back and take things one day at a time.

We took a long weekend at WDW for our 6th anniversary this month. Otherwise we've been spending most of our time just trying to keep up with work, home, and family demands. Maybe this summer will bring some leisure. My friend is getting married this weeked, which will be fun. No news on the baby front, but then again it's really hasn't been on the front burner with everything else going on.

I hope all is well with everyone!

 

[Lesli54]

Good evening, Pearlieq!

I cannot begin to tell you how much you have been missed.

Sorry, to hear about your DH's mom. I know between the two moms you guys have had a lot to deal with. Just remember that we are here to listen if you need us.

I am sooooooooooooo jealous about your long weekend to WDW. DH and I are longing to go back everyday, but things just are not working out that way this year.

Hopefully, we will see more of you again soon. Sure do miss hearing about the kitties running around.

Have a great evening.

 

[toystoryduo]

Pearlieq,

It's good to hear from you!

I'm so sorry to hear about your DH's mom.

It sounds like you have had a lot going on the past few months. I bet your long weekend in WDW helped you relax and have some fun!

Please keep posting when you can. We miss you around here!

 

[goldcupmom]

I've missed you, Pearlie! And the kitties!

Sorry to hear about your MIL. It's gotta be even rougher with your Mom ill as well.

Hang in there, try to steal a few moments for yourself & DH. As for baby news - remember - Practice makes perfect!!

Glad you got to sneak away to WDW!!

Have a good weekend! Take care! I likely won't be back to journals until after my trip.