A question for husbands

[Miss Inga Depointe]

From the past 3 responses, I'm beginning to remember why I didn't say anything to DH in the first place.

For one thing, I wasn't asking for a solution to the "husband ignoring me problem." I already admitted it was petty, long ago in this thread. Secondly, it's a "problem" that I've for the most part learned to live with for 20 years (he always ignores me at parties and I usually just go off on my own and do my own socializing) and 99.99% of the time isn't a problem at all. It's just the nature of our marriage.

It would have been logistically difficult to "climb over" him to get into the conversation. The bar was crowded, there were 2 layers of people behind us and, no thanks, I didn't feel like sitting on top of the bar. But that doesn't matter, and I'm not mad at him anymore. The fact is, though, my feelings were hurt, for the right or wrong, and it just got me thinking about how my DH's feelings never seem hurt and I started wondering about the differences between men and women. This was not a beg for because of an incosiderate husband. THis was a "I react this way and he reacts totally different what's up with that?" question. But if any of the guys had read the thread they'd have known this.

But guys always try to do what these 3 guys try to do. If I tried to "let him know", I would have gotten some kind of response that had nothing to do with what I was asking in the first place, making me feel even weirder for bringing it up.

Nope, there's a reason I just worked through it myself, and you guys pretty much demonstrated it for me. When something gets to you about your DH, I think the solution is to complain to your girlfriends and get it out of your system.

 

[Hercules10]

When something gets to you about your DH, I think the solution is to complain to your girlfriends and get it out of your system.

And that's disrespectivful to him. Especially when you get on a public forum to gripe about him. Don't beleive me? Send him a link to this thread and gauge his reaction for yourself.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

And that's disrespectivful to him. Especially when you get on a public forum to gripe about him. Don't beleive me? Send him a link to this thread and gauge his reaction for yourself.

Thanks for the advice, but, uh, I'll never stop complaining about stuff to my girlfriends.

And, OK, I guess this is the first time anyone ever brought up a minor (and I've admitted it's minor about 100 times now) beef with their husband. No one ever does that , I' m soooooo sorry!!!!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

As long as it's an anonymous forum, I don't think it's a big deal. Now if she posted the name of her DH, that would be different. It's common for women to vent just like it's common for men to try and fix problems. Not all men and women do these things, of course, but it happens more often than it doesn't happen.

My DH would much rather that I vent to others, whether with my female friends or even here on the DIS than to nag him to death.

 

[salmoneous]

My DH would much rather that I vent to others, whether with my female friends or even here on the DIS than to nag him to death.

Well, there is a step that comes well before nagging to death. Now, not all husbands are the same, but I'd ask the guy the question below and see what he says...

"If you were doing something that bothered me, and you didn't even realize you were doing it, would you rather I tell you about it, or would you rather I say nothing, get a little upset, go home and gripe to my girlfriends about you."

 

[tmt martins]

Well you ladies also know that most men ( it's a male gene thing) suffer from both

PADD and SHD
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PADD = PaY Attention Deficit Disorder

SHD Selective Hearing Disorder ( Now this one is true for me I have problems with a certian freq. it just happens to be that of most females voice fall in that same one )

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Well, there is a step that comes well before nagging to death. Now, not all husbands are the same, but I'd ask the guy the question below and see what he says...

"If you were doing something that bothered me, and you didn't even realize you were doing it, would you rather I tell you about it, or would you rather I say nothing, get a little upset, go home and gripe to my girlfriends about you."

I can't speak for every woman in the universe, but I'll just say that for the women I know, we'd never even bring it up ro each other unless we were getting a little frustrated because we had brought it up to DHs and we were starting to realize it was never going to change.

Marriage is give and take. I do things that drive him crazy too. I know that. But at some point you just have to laugh about it and it doesn't hurt to hear that other women are going through the same thing.

 

[cardaway]

From the past 3 responses, I'm beginning to remember why I didn't say anything to DH in the first place.

How about next time you don't pretend to want the other side of this in your thread title.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

How about next time you don't pretend to want the other side of this in your thread title.

I really didn't, but thanks for your concern.

I guess I should have just said, "My feelings were hurt by something and I realize my husband's feelings never seem to get hurt. Do men get their feelings hurt ever" and not given the background story. I'll remember you don't like the details next time.

 

[Stitch Inside]

The "silent treatment" irritates me. But on the other hand, I also like to pretend I didn't hear when she speaks, sometimes.

 

[cardaway]

I'll remember you don't like the details next time.

Not sure what gave you that idea.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Not sure what gave you that idea.

Again, reminding me about why it's just not worth it to get into certain things with guys. But hey, thanks for all your interesting perspectives on my question.

 

[Aidensmom]

FWIW, I read the OP as being that she was saying she may have been oversensitive, and wondering if it was a woman thing more than it being a complaint about her DH, and that the scenario was just to let us know what she was talking about. I can see how it could be read as a complaint too, but I don't think she was trying to be disrespectful to her husband.

My answer could be construed as a complaint too I guess, but I also didn't mean it that way (I know it is just the way my DH deals with stuff, and it is my problem that I get so irritated by it. He knows how I feel about it.)

Back to your regularly scheduled thread, just wanted to say that perhaps more is being read into the OP's relationship than should be.

 

[uhtimex]

Thanks for all your replies, but the situation itself is really not the problem. DH really doesn't even know that I was mad, just that I was quiet when we got home. All is normal today.

I was more curious about men getting their feelings hurt. I know that DH can get mad about stuff, but I was trying to think of the last time I thought his feelings were hurt. They never seem to be. Does he ever feel slighted or left out or anything like that. I know he wouldn't admit it if he did, but maybe men just don't get that way????

I am a former husband My feelimgs did get hurt, but it was easier for me to just eat it and go to sleep than to deal with it (please note this is a poor way to handle things) If my feelings got hurt badly I would say something but not very often. My father was a screamer and do I mean loud slamming things around screamer, so I tend to not say much when I am mad or hurt. I have learned that if my DGF is upset I need to address it asap. She urges me to tell her if she hurts my feelings but.......it still does not happen often

 

[salmoneous]

I think we husbands tried to answer the specific question - but perhaps we didn't say clearly enough. So let me try again.

Do we ever get our feelings hurt? Sure. In particular, must husbands would be hurt if their wife was doing something the wife knew upset her husband, but didn't care.

However - and this is where the details in the story do matter - we probably would not be hurt in a situation where the wife was doing something she didn't realize bugged the husband. (On a somewhat similar note, husbands don't get upset when our wives don't magically guess what we want for Christmas/Birthday/etc. gifts, but that's another thread for another day.)

 

[Maleficent13]

Here's how I see it:

I go out to a bar with 3 friends. We sit in a row. I am on the end. The friend next to me proceeds to turn her back to me and hold a conversation with the other two friends, effectively excluding me. I would be annoyed. And I don't think that there's any man, in a similiar situation, who wouldn't be annoyed as well. As well, I don't think I should have to say to said friend, "Hey, you know it's rude to sit with your back to someone and basically exclude them from the conversation." As someone else said, that's just common courtesy and being aware of others around you. Unless you were raised by wolves, you shouldn't have to be told this.

Now substitute "SO" for "friend" in the above scenario. Same, same.

 

[kwdietrich1]

PADD = PaY Attention Deficit Disorder

SHD Selective Hearing Disorder ( Now this one is true for me I have problems with a certian freq. it just happens to be that of most females voice fall in that same one )[/QUOTE]

THIS is my husband!!!

 

[kwdietrich1]

Here's how I see it:

I go out to a bar with 3 friends. We sit in a row. I am on the end. The friend next to me proceeds to turn her back to me and hold a conversation with the other two friends, effectively excluding me. I would be annoyed. And I don't think that there's any man, in a similiar situation, who wouldn't be annoyed as well. As well, I don't think I should have to say to said friend, "Hey, you know it's rude to sit with your back to someone and basically exclude them from the conversation." As someone else said, that's just common courtesy and being aware of others around you. Unless you were raised by wolves, you shouldn't have to be told this.

Now substitute "SO" for "friend" in the above scenario. Same, same.

I agree totally!

 

[tmt martins]

PADD = PaY Attention Deficit Disorder

SHD Selective Hearing Disorder ( Now this one is true for me I have problems with a certian freq. it just happens to be that of most females voice fall in that same one )

THIS is my husband!!! [/QUOTE]


Oh and they have a PILL that takes care of these .

It's a sleeping pill that knocks you out.