A message to my son's paternal grandmother

[Luv2Scrap]

No, my 13-year old son does not need a 1060 calorie foot-long Tuna sub every time I bring him to Subway. I think it’s bad enough that the 6-inch Tuna sub is the only one he will eat – it’s one of the highest calorie, highest fat subs they have. And just because the sign on their door says they serve “heart healthy” subs, that does not mean that every single one of their subs is heart healthy.

No matter what you think, my son is at a very healthy weight, and no, he does NOT need to put on a few pounds. I am not a bad mom because I will not let my non-athletic son consume 1060 calories in one sitting! For God sakes, even my husband doesn’t eat a foot long sub, and he’s athletic!

Oh, and guess what – since I showed my son the nutrition information on the Subway website this morning, he is now in complete agreement with me, because he knows my grandmother died of obesity and diabetes, and he does not want that for his future!

Anybody else have to deal with grandparents doing things like this to you?

 

[MIGrandma]

I'm a grandparent with a 13-year-old grandson, he will be 14 next month.

He would most definitely eat a foot long sub sandwich. It wouldn't bother me and it wouldn't bother his parents. He is almost 6' tall and very thin, very athletic (baseball, football, wrestling).

I wouldn't even consider not "allowing him" to eat a foot long sub for a meal.

Now, if he were overweight it would be different.

My son was a healthy eater at that age as well, and I think most teenage boys can eat their parents out of house and home.

 

[allison443]

No, my 13-year old son does not need a 1060 calorie foot-long Tuna sub every time I bring him to Subway. I think it’s bad enough that the 6-inch Tuna sub is the only one he will eat – it’s one of the highest calorie, highest fat subs they have. And just because the sign on their door says they serve “heart healthy” subs, that does not mean that every single one of their subs is heart healthy.

No matter what you think, my son is at a very healthy weight, and no, he does NOT need to put on a few pounds. I am not a bad mom because I will not let my non-athletic son consume 1060 calories in one sitting! For God sakes, even my husband doesn’t eat a foot long sub, and he’s athletic!

Oh, and guess what – since I showed my son the nutrition information on the Subway website this morning, he is now in complete agreement with me, because he knows my grandmother died of obesity and diabetes, and he does not want that for his future!

Anybody else have to deal with grandparents doing things like this to you?

Who takes him to subway? The grandmother? Or you, and she comments on it?
Now that you've showed your son the info, hopefully he will only order a half sub, and if she gets him a full sub, tell him to only eat half.

 

[FireDancer]

There was a thread on the CB a little while ago about a grandma who said it was her right to "treat" her grandchild to food products that the parents didn't allow their child to have. It was an everyday thing and the poster said something to the effect that it one way grandma's show love .

It was quite strange and a great example of people making food something it is not. I don't know where people get the notion that food equates to a friend, or love, or anything other then what it is, fuel to do work.

There are people who tell me all the time that I am too skinny when I am very much not. I am athletic and am in shape. One of my friends has been practically accused of starving her children because they are fit.

I think it is because there is almost an expectancy that people are at least a little overweight now which is a sad commentary on the state of health in our nation.

It sounds like your son is intelligent, looked at the nutritional info, and made a wise decision. Teaching kids about why choices are healthy or not is much better then simply telling them.

 

[Luv2Scrap]

I'm a grandparent with a 13-year-old grandson, he will be 14 next month.

He would most definitely eat a foot long sub sandwich. It wouldn't bother me and it wouldn't bother his parents. He is almost 6' tall and very thin, very athletic (baseball, football, wrestling).
I wouldn't even consider not "allowing him" to eat a foot long sub for a meal.

Now, if he were overweight it would be different.

My son was a healthy eater at that age as well, and I think most teenage boys can eat their parents out of house and home.

There is the difference. As I said, my son is NOT athletic. And he doesn't eat anything but the tuna sub, with almost no veggies on it. He has never complained of still being hungry after a six-inch sub, so why stuff another six inches down, if he's not still hungry?

 

[Christine]

I think it is because there is almost an expectancy that people are at least a little overweight now which is a sad commentary on the state of health in our nation.

My son's pediatrician commented that we have lost our "vision" nowadays as to what a healthy child should look like; i.e, right after toddlerhood you should easily see ribs. Now if you see kids like that people think they are sick.

 

[mamacatnv]

Gosh, my DS's grandparents fed him ice cream with chocolate syrup for breakfast when he was 2, I thought that was just a liberty that being a Grandparent let you get away with.

Did she forcefeed him? He is 13, does he not know what he wants to eat?

I guess I don't get what your issue is

 

[FireDancer]

There is the difference. As I said, my son is NOT athletic. And he doesn't eat anything but the tuna sub, with almost no veggies on it. He has never complained of still being hungry after a six-inch sub, so why stuff another six inches down, if he's not still hungry?

That is a very important distinction too. Lance Armstrong, Michael Phelps, and other endurance athletes will many times consume 10,000 calories in a sitting before a competition (like an Alpine stage in the TdF) but they burn those calories.

If an average person consumes that amount of calories, even before a normal sporting event, it won't be long before they have trouble identifying their own feet.

 

[Luv2Scrap]

Who takes him to subway? The grandmother? Or you, and she comments on it?
Now that you've showed your son the info, hopefully he will only order a half sub, and if she gets him a full sub, tell him to only eat half.

The comment was regarding me buying him a footlong and splitting it between two meals (supper and then lunch for the next day. He loves having Subway for lunch at school). She thought it was horrible that I wouldn't let him eat the full footlong for one meal. She also stated that she gives him a footlong whenever she brings him to Subway, to which I said NOTHING.

In most cases, I don't even try to monitor what she does with him, but I put my foot down when she acts like I'm starving him because I won't do the same.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think your biggest issue is that you are making food an issue to your son. I get that you don't want your kid eating tons of junk but I think that you could have gone about it differently. How often does Grandma actually take the kid to subway? If it was once in a while then I would not make an issue of it. Also, at 13 if he is eating the whole sub then maybe he is hungry. It's not like he can't control himself. He is old enough.
That being said- I understand wanting your child to be healthy but ime making an issue out of food just leads to bigger problems down the line. It is a hard subject to approach and I personally would have taken a different route but to each their own. Good luck!

 

[momof1princess]

OP, i know your pain. my in-laws stuff my daughter with sodas and junk food, knowing obesity runs rampant in my family (mom and i both had weight loss surgery) and DD is already slightly overweight. i cannot convince them to stop, no matter what i say, so i have had to inform DD that if she doesn't stop snacking at their house between meals, she won't be allowed to go back. i know it's harsh, but as i said, they offer her whatever they think she'll like and refuse to help me keep her at a healthy weight.

 

[Luv2Scrap]

Gosh, my DS's grandparents fed him ice cream with chocolate syrup for breakfast when he was 2, I thought that was just a liberty that being a Grandparent let you get away with.

Did she forcefeed him? He is 13, does he not know what he wants to eat?

I guess I don't get what your issue is

I totally get what you're saying. Again, I rarely, if ever, say anything about what she feeds him. The issue lies with her telling me I'm starving him if I'm not feeding him her idea of "enough"

 

[FireDancer]

Gosh, my DS's grandparents fed him ice cream with chocolate syrup for breakfast when he was 2, I thought that was just a liberty that being a Grandparent let you get away with.

That is exactly the kind of post I was referring to earlier.

If the parents don't care they don't' care, if they do then it is their child and their dietary wishes should be honored.

 

[Kit'smommy]

At 13, I could have easily eaten a 12 inch sandwich everyday for lunch, and I weighed about 95 pounds. At 36, I am still not overweight.

If this is not a regular occurance and he is not overweight, I wouldn't worry about it.

I do understand where you are coming from though as my child ended up with a cavity in a front tooth because grandma let him have his bottle of milk long after I banned them. Turns out, every morning when I dropped him off, she would sneak him a bottle and let him fall back asleep with it. We had a long conversation about my wishes regarding food, etc.

Food does not equal love and a lot of grandparents don't get that concept.

 

[mking624]

A child wouldn't need to be athletic to consume that many calories in one sitting...just growing alone can make a one eat quite a bit without blinking an eye. My now 20 year old brother did that every so often through his teen years and he's stick thin. So I personally wouldn't be too concerned about it...within reason.

That said, there's a difference between every meal and an occasional thing. It's not healthy to eat like that all the time, it doesn't teach proper eating habits, and it doesn't really let them be able explore all there's really out to eat...because there's really a huge range of healthy foods that are absolutely delicious!

My DS is only 13 months old and he gets treated like this at times, more with his great grandparents (inlaws)...his actual grandparents respect what I do (and actually my method is what my mom did so she's all for it). Fortunately, they are in different states, so it only happens with them when we visit. But we get this at our church too. I wouldn't allow DS to have any sweets until his 1st birthday, when I gave him a cupcake. Even now that he's had it, I only give him a sweet choice very rarely. At most it may be a few "his size" spoons of my ice cream. Or sugar free jello. Things like that. He likes them, but put some fruit in front of him and he'll immediately go nutty over those instead. But when we were visiting one set of great grandparents for Thanksgiving, his great grandma offered him ice cream with chocolate syrup. I told her no, he's not allowed anything like that until his birthday. Her response? "Oh...how about a lollipop then?" He was only 9 months...he doesn't need lollipops and ice cream!! The women at my church try to pass him some candy which I immediately take away and let him munch on his Cheerios. He did participate in an Easter egg hunt, and the eggs had candy so they all thought I was finally giving in. Nope, no candy for him...he just liked how the eggs rattled.

I don't mind him having sweets at times, but at my discretion. I'm not a bad parent for it, I just want him learning better eating habits. Obesity runs in my side of the family, and high cholesterol & blood pressure runs in DH's side.

 

[LJRJR]

Luv2Scrap - I see your point and agree with you. I think you made the right move to let your son see how many calories he was consuming, and he now should order half, or save the other 6" for another time.

 

[punkin]

That is a very important distinction too. Lance Armstrong, Michael Phelps, and other endurance athletes will many times consume 10,000 calories in a sitting before a competition (like an Alpine stage in the TdF) but they burn those calories.

If an average person consumes that amount of calories, even before a normal sporting event, it won't be long before they have trouble identifying their own feet.

This is true. DD11 goes to a training day camp in the summer. I feed her a good breakfast before she leaves. They break for snack at 10 am; they eat lunch at 12pm; they break for snack at 2 pm and I pick her up at 4:30 pm. By that time, she is starving and I have to bring at least a protein bar or something to tide her over 'till I can feed her. Did I mention I can count all her ribs and her collar-bone is so sharp it hurts.

 

[traviesojmt]

The comment was regarding me buying him a footlong and splitting it between two meals (supper and then lunch for the next day. He loves having Subway for lunch at school).

My DH, DS12 and I all do this. We buy footlong sandwiches and make 2 meals out of them. My son loves taking is other 6 in. for lunch the next day.

I would understand his grandmother's argument if he was complaining about being hungry, but other than that, 6 in. is plenty.

 

[mjkacmom]

It was quite strange and a great example of people making food something it is not. I don't know where people get the notion that food equates to a friend, or love, or anything other then what it is, fuel to do work.

There are people who tall me all the time that I am too skinny when I am very much not. I am athletic and am in shape. One of my friends has been practically accused of starving her children because they are fit.
.

I agree - we don't see overweight people as being overweight anymore. Most of my kids are normal, but people are always telling me how thin they are. My ds11 is overweight - not by much (90th% for height and weight), but has a little belly. Even his pediatrician tells me he's fine, because that's what she thinks I want to hear. His metabolism is slower than the others (he exercises way more - on many teams with nightly practice), so he can't eat as much.

I don't let my thin kids eat more than they should - my poor DH was such a skinny kid, and never learned portion control (yes, when we started dating, he couldn't believe a pint of Ben and Jerry's wasn't considered a single portion ), and thought tuna salad was a very healthy choice.

Just because one is not overweight doesn't mean he should eat lots of saturated fat.

 

[Luv2Scrap]

Ok, here's the thing. I was super skinny all my life. Underweight. I piled it in all through my childhood - I could eat anything I wanted, and never gain an ounce.

But eventually, it catches up with you. My family has a terrible history of obesity and diabetes. Now I am hovering on the line between overweight and obese. I'm doing WW and getting my exercise back on track. Just this weekend I dropped below the line from the obese classification to overweight (on my Wii fit). I'm doing great, but I have a LONG way to go.

I don't want this for my son. If I were to let him eat this way, it WILL eventually catch up with him, just as it has with one of my brothers (the other one has still been lucky so far), two of my three cousins in my aunt's family (my aunt has diabetes now too), and my other cousin's 14 year old son who is allowed to eat whatever he wants, in any amount he wants. (and that cousin has ALWAYS been quite overweight)

Again, I will state: I do not try to tell her what to feed him when she has him. All I wanted was for her to give me the same courtesy.