A message to my son's paternal grandmother

[The Mystery Machine]

I totally get what you're saying. Again, I rarely, if ever, say anything about what she feeds him. The issue lies with her telling me I'm starving him if I'm not feeding him her idea of "enough"

If that is the issue then you can change a few things with her.

For starters don't discuss food with her. Clearly this is a topic that is hot button for you. (My hot button topics are my father and money. Although I do admit to getting that one down to a science. My sister and I have planned canned answers.)

Secondly you might want to figure why you are so hypersensitive with what your mom thinks about you. ETA...saw your response above. OK, so you have a personal issue with weight. Don't pin your sensitivity on your mother, keep it seperate.

My mom says all kinds of crazy crap involving food since it is of course a major topic in our family and I just ignore her ramblings for the most part. Just like my kids do with me. It's the circle of parenting.......

 

[cheermom1]

I don;t feel as the op has a food issue or making one. What the problem is that the gma thinks it is HER business to tell the op how to feed her son!! And IF gma would stay out of it she wouldn't have had to talk to her son about food and calories and stuff. Plus she has stated that her son does not complain about still being hungry after the 6". So why is gma making a big deal about it. Bottom line is this is op kid not the gmas!! If I tell my parents or my in laws not to give one of my kids or step kids something to eat or drink or limit it they do as I wish! B/c at the end of the day I still have the last word as their parent and they recognize that.

Op sorry you are going through that, this is how I would handle it. I would tell her that if she doesn't stop I will be limiting her access to my child as he doesn't need that. and if she can't then all access would go away till she understood why is the parent. I know that some may not agree but it will get the point across.

 

[DizBelle]

OP, i know your pain. my in-laws stuff my daughter with sodas and junk food, knowing obesity runs rampant in my family (mom and i both had weight loss surgery) and DD is already slightly overweight. i cannot convince them to stop, no matter what i say, so i have had to inform DD that if she doesn't stop snacking at their house between meals, she won't be allowed to go back. i know it's harsh, but as i said, they offer her whatever they think she'll like and refuse to help me keep her at a healthy weight.

Then you need to refuse to allow them to steer her toward an unhealthy weight. You are absolutely right to consider not letting her go to their house anymore. If they can't respect your wishes, then they shouldn't be given the opportunity to disrespect them.

 

[mjkacmom]

Also, at 13 if he is eating the whole sub then maybe he is hungry. It's not like he can't control himself. He is old enough.

Actually, the teen years are when recreational eating starts. When my kids were/are younger, they eat until they are satisfied. Once my 2 older kids became tweens, the cabinet searching began. Although I won't police dd13's eating (she makes her own lunch and dinner, and snacks), I did show her labels and serving sizes, and now she'll think twice about eating a cup of ice cream or a bag of chips (unless she's with her friends, of course - I don't know how these teen girls can stay so thin with all the junk they eat when together).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I don;t feel as the op has a food issue or making one. What the problem is that the gma thinks it is HER business to tell the op how to feed her son!! And IF gma would stay out of it she wouldn't have had to talk to her son about food and calories and stuff. Plus she has stated that her son does not complain about still being hungry after the 6". So why is gma making a big deal about it. Bottom line is this is op kid not the gmas!! If I tell my parents or my in laws not to give one of my kids or step kids something to eat or drink or limit it they do as I wish! B/c at the end of the day I still have the last word as their parent and they recognize that.

Op sorry you are going through that, this is how I would handle it. I would tell her that if she doesn't stop I will be limiting her access to my child as he doesn't need that. and if she can't then all access would go away till she understood why is the parent. I know that some may not agree but it will get the point across.

Disagree. OP brought the topic to the table. She needs to own it.

 

[Buckeye Princess]

My mom always tells me that I'm too thin even though I think I'm at a healthy weight (112 lbs 5'1''). I am very active and eat healthy. This includes plenty of calories and healthy fats. I find it annoying mostly because when she was in her 20s, she weighed 105lbs and was tinier than me!!! My entire family is petite with small frames. My sister is 4'10 and only 90lbs.



At least now that I'm pregnant and gaining weight she can't complain.

 

[Luv2Scrap]

If that is the issue then you can change a few things with her.

For starters don't discuss food with her. Clearly this is a topic that is hot button for you. (My hot button topics are my father and money. Although I do admit to getting that one down to a science. My sister and I have planned canned answers.)

Secondly you might want to figure why you are so hypersensitive with what your mom thinks about you.

My mom says all kinds of crazy crap involving food since it is of course a major topic in our family and I just ignore her ramblings for the most part. Just like my kids do with me. It's the circle of parenting.......

Oh, this is not my mom. If it was her (actually my stepmom), I would have just blown it off. But this is his paternal grandmother (see thread title). My son's dad and I haven't been together for years, and her meddling ways was one of the things that was always between us.

Believe it or not, I forsee the real possibility of receiving a text from DS's dad within the next day or two (he lives across the country), asking me why I'm withholding food from DS. then I will have fun defending my actions, even though I have done nothing wrong.

Trust me, I know better than to discuss certain things with her - and if I had my way, this conversation would not have ever happened. But sometimes you get sucked into things before you realize what's happening, and honestly, I never thought providing a child with just the amount of food they actually need would be something she could find fault with!

 

[cheermom1]

Disagree. OP brought the topic to the table. She needs to own it.

HUH? how did she bring it to the table? The gma clearly is the one who started this.

 

[Luv2Scrap]

Disagree. OP brought the topic to the table. She needs to own it.

I'm confused. In what way am I not "owning it"? And what exactly am I supposed to own?

 

[ols386]

That sounds like how my son ate when he was a teenager. It was like we couldn't fill him up. He is now 30 years old and not overweight at all.

But I do understand that the op wants her son to be healthy, and to learn good eating habits. That's part of our job as a parent, to "teach" our children about many many different things in life, so that when they go out into the real world, they are able to make good decisions for themselves.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Oh, this is not my mom. If it was her (actually my stepmom), I would have just blown it off. But this is his paternal grandmother (see thread title). My son's dad and I haven't been together for years, and her meddling ways was one of the things that was always between us.

Believe it or not, I forsee the real possibility of receiving a text from DS's dad within the next day or two (he lives across the country), asking me why I'm withholding food from DS. then I will have fun defending my actions, even though I have done nothing wrong.

Trust me, I know better than to discuss certain things with her - and if I had my way, this conversation would not have ever happened. But sometimes you get sucked into things before you realize what's happening, and honestly, I never thought providing a child with just the amount of food they actually need would be something she could find fault with!

I understand what you are saying. However sounds like she knows your buttons. She is a manipulator for sure.

So my suggestion to you is to steer clear from FOOD conversations with her.

Just put it "on the list" . Only talk to her about the weather.

 

[cheermom1]

I'm confused. In what way am I not "owning it"? And what exactly am I supposed to own?

I thought the same thing as the gma is the one that started it. you were just doing damage control.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I thought the same thing as the gma is the one that started it. you were just doing damage control.

It was brought up and now she has to deal with it. Is that better?

 

[cheermom1]

It was brought up and now she has to deal with it. Is that better?

Sorry still not understanding what you are saying.

 

[marcyinPA]

OMG! This is my dad with my kids!!! When he has them for a weekend, it's not uncommon for them to eat at Dunkin Donuts, Mc Donalds, and another fast food restaurant all in the SAME DAY. It drives me CRAZY.

My dad has always equated food with love, and this is how he spent time with me as a child. I was always overweight and still struggle with my weight today. My dad's excuse with my kids is that they are his grandchildren, and these are "treats". Ok, an ice cream cone is a treat...not a full weekend of eating crap!

Last year, my DS10 (9 at the time) came home all tickled pink that his grandfather let him get a Happy Meal, and then a double cheeseburger off of the $1 menu, because he was "still hungry". On top of that, he got a McFlurry for dessert! There is NO WAY a 9 year old needed this many calories in one meal. My dad told me I was over-reacting and then got really angry with me.

We don't normally eat out often as a family, and very rarely do we eat fast food. At home, I try to limit the junk. I always pray that these binging days with my Dad won't effect the kids too much in the long run...

 

[scrapbookworm]

Sounds like grandma is a master manipulator, guilt tripper, maybe even a bit co-dependent. The real issue with her isn't the food- I imagine she's doing it to get a rise out of you.

I agree that a teenager doesn't need a footlong sandwich. And especially if he isn't particularly athletic.

Children, even teenage children, need guidance for what they eat. They don't come with auto pilot buttons. We parents have the right to determine what our children eat. If we just let our children eat until they are full, I imagine that many would woof down an entire bag of potato chips, several sodas, several packs of fruit roll-ups, etc. And probably not one healthy veggie or fruit would be consumed. This is a broad generalization, but our society has forgotten what normal portion sizes are. Remember, when McDonald's first started, it was a regular hamburger, small fry, and small drink. That was the meal even for adults.

I would be curious to know if she allowed her son to just eat whatever when he was a kid. I find it interesting that some parents become so 'non-restrictive' when they become grandparents. All the rules and restrictions that I might have had as a child were thrown out the door for the grandchild.

 

[Luv2Scrap]

Sounds like grandma is a master manipulator, guilt tripper, maybe even a bit co-dependent. The real issue with her isn't the food- I imagine she's doing it to get a rise out of you.

I agree that a teenager doesn't need a footlong sandwich. And especially if he isn't particularly athletic.

Children, even teenage children, need guidance for what they eat. They don't come with auto pilot buttons. We parents have the right to determine what our children eat. If we just let our children eat until they are full, I imagine that many would woof down an entire bag of potato chips, several sodas, several packs of fruit roll-ups, etc. And probably not one healthy veggie or fruit would be consumed. This is a broad generalization, but our society has forgotten what normal portion sizes are. Remember, when McDonald's first started, it was a regular hamburger, small fry, and small drink. That was the meal even for adults.

I would be curious to know if she allowed her son to just eat whatever when he was a kid. I find it interesting that some parents become so 'non-restrictive' when they become grandparents. All the rules and restrictions that I might have had as a child were thrown out the door for the grandchild.

You are so right! And I let it work! Shame on me for getting sucked in again!!

Thank you for putting this in perspective for me - and thank you to everyone else for all the input too (even those that didn't agree with me. I welcome all points of view.)

I actually feel a lot better now!

 

[Luv2Scrap]

I understand what you are saying. However sounds like she knows your buttons. She is a manipulator for sure.

So my suggestion to you is to steer clear from FOOD conversations with her.

Just put it "on the list" . Only talk to her about the weather.

Boy does she ever!

 

[jrmasm]

Tuna subs aren't healthy??? Dammit!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

So is it bad if I eat a foot-long tuna fish sub...sounds DELISH!!!!

I'm a bit iffy on the appropriate/inappropriateness of the sandwich for your teenager.

That sandiwch is high in calories due to the mayo invovled.

Also--when I look it up, a 6 inch is only 430, meaning a 12inch is only 860.

Where are you getting 200 extra calories?


He can alway save a part for later.