A little upset...

[kwitcherkicken99]

Okay... a little more info...

My parents are in their late 50s. Mom has a tendency to favor my nephew over my dad. She also suffers from chronic fatigue and she'll offer to watch nephew but never our kids. DD doesn't get to go b/c she's 8 mo. They want to be able to move at some sort of decent pace.

It was a bit of a shock for her to book this trip. She told me they were THINKING about it last week. We went out of town for the weekend, came home and found they booked.

My parents took us EVERYWHERE when we were growing up... my first trip to WDW was when I was 6 weeks. They are extremely protective of the kids so I'm not worried about anything happening to the kids, but that's why DH is so upset. He thinks something is going to happen.

I'd love to tag along, and I know they wouldn't mind (they wanted to go on our trip, but couldn't), but I have school in the fall. It'd be one thing if I were in school, but I work at a school and have students that depend on me. I'd love to go with them, but this is their thing.

DH was furious last night after I told him the trip was booked and that was that. I just wish he could trust them as much as I do. They watched our kids 2 times a week while school was in session, what's a 5 day trip?

 

[kevschickee]

Okay... a little more info...

My parents are in their late 50s. Mom has a tendency to favor my nephew over my dad. She also suffers from chronic fatigue and she'll offer to watch nephew but never our kids. DD doesn't get to go b/c she's 8 mo. They want to be able to move at some sort of decent pace.

It was a bit of a shock for her to book this trip. She told me they were THINKING about it last week. We went out of town for the weekend, came home and found they booked.

My parents took us EVERYWHERE when we were growing up... my first trip to WDW was when I was 6 weeks. They are extremely protective of the kids so I'm not worried about anything happening to the kids, but that's why DH is so upset. He thinks something is going to happen.

I'd love to tag along, and I know they wouldn't mind (they wanted to go on our trip, but couldn't), but I have school in the fall. It'd be one thing if I were in school, but I work at a school and have students that depend on me. I'd love to go with them, but this is their thing.

DH was furious last night after I told him the trip was booked and that was that. I just wish he could trust them as much as I do. They watched our kids 2 times a week while school was in session, what's a 5 day trip?

Sounds good to me. I hope he gets over it soon.

 

[disneyandme]

I think it is out of line for you Mom to book a trip without consulting both you and your husband first. DH has a right to be upset and you need to support him on this. Talking about doing somehting and booking it are 2 entirely different things. Was he even included in any of the discussions or was he just told it was booked and that was that? Also, if your Mom has chronic fatigue, how is she going to keep up with 2 boys at Disney (how old are they?)? I am a realtively healthy adult and have trouble keeping up with my kids for an entire day at WDW let along for 5 days without help.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Who is parenting your kids, your husband or your mother? Your husband is their FATHER, he gets to decide whether or not they go. I wouldn't worry about stepping on grandma's toes, you and she are completely undermining your husband in his role as a parent. I'd flip out on you, too.

My parents take my kids places, but my husband gets veto power. "Hey, my mother would like to take the kids to visit my sister next weekend, is that ok with you?" "My mother would like the kids for a sleep over, is that ok with you?"

And it really doesn't matter why he says no - although that is a point of discussion that could be interesting. The real point here is that as the father, he has every right to say no, and every right to be consulted before the decision is made.

I would completely agree with this statement if he were to show me the same respect.

His parents come and take the kids to do stuff that I wanted to do with them but they stepped in and did it. (first trip to the fair, first amusement ride, first trip to pumpkin patch, etc...) I was never consulted.

ALSO, he didn't raise a fuss when I told him they were considering the trip. If he would have, I would have said something to my parents.

Though I do agree the decision to go was hasty (my mother operates that way...) I still say this is an excellent opportunity for him to spend time with my folks in a place he has been before (and is comfortable with) with people that he trusts. It would be one thing if he'd never been before or they were taking him somewhere he hadn't been b/c I would be worried about him being over stimulated or misbehave b/c he was uncomfortable with the situation, but since he knows the World it's a whole different ballgame.

He is comfortable with the characters and my parents have decided they are only going to 2 parks on a 5 day trip. Dad HATES EPCOT and there's not really anything for the under 3 crowd at DHS. The boys love animals and there's so much to do at MK that they will have plenty to fill their days with. Plus with mom getting tired easily, they will be able to take their time and really enjoy things.

 

[crisi]

I would completely agree with this statement if he were to show me the same respect.

So you run your marriage as tit for tat? Because he doesn't show you respect, you can be disrespectful of him?

You have bigger problems than your mother taking your kids away on vacation and your husband flipping out.

 

[MTW]

I can tell you that this would never fly at my house. Especially if I said that it was already booked and the kids were going and "that was that." It does seem like your mother is in the wrong here.
For the record, I don't think that your husband's family was right when they did all of those "firsts" with your son either. Your husband should have stepped in then and put a stop to it.
In our family, he deals with his parents, I deal with mine and all decisions are family decisions. Especially this one. It sounds as if your son is under 3 and I can tell you that I would never allow my children of that age to travel out of state with anyone other than my husband or me.
And I am not a crazy overbearing parent!

 

[mjkacmom]

You say you consulted your DH about the trip, and he didn't mention he had a problem with it. I assume you didn't tell your mother there would be a problem, so she booked the trip. I'd have no problem letting my mom take a child to WDW, but DH wouldn't have a problem with it. Why didn't your DH say "no way" when you discussed it with him?

 

[snoopy5386]

I'm sorry but I am with your husband. There is no way any set of grandparents would get to decide anything about my children without my DH and I's approval. Your mom sounds weird - you went on a family vacation and she is upset that your nephew didn't come with you? I can't imagine not going to WDW with my kids - ever.

 

[jennifer293]

I would let my kids go with DH's dad and stepmom, but never with his mother and stepfather or with my parents. The level of care they all give is like night and day...Dad and stepmom are the let's do whatever will make these kids laugh and smile for the time we have them. Mom and stepdad are not even allowed to see our children right now due to the fact that stepdad made death threats towards our children 3 years ago.. and My parents never really liked being around their own kids when we were little much less being around mine. My mom gets real stressed and tells my kids the stupidest things like (Ex. say we are going to go swimming and the kids are too excited to eat breakfast she will say " If you don't eat your breakfast you are going to drown"...???? WTH?? One that is not true..and two..why would you ever say that to a child??? So NO, they are taking them anywhere!!!

Maybe your DH has some feelings like this about your parents that he has never talked to you about.. I dunno??

 

[badblackpug]

So you run your marriage as tit for tat? Because he doesn't show you respect, you can be disrespectful of him?

You have bigger problems than your mother taking your kids away on vacation and your husband flipping out.

Okay, yeah, this is a little over-dramatic. I think what the OP is saying is that it is not unusual for her husband to make child care decisions without HER, so she did not think it would be a big deal for her to make this decision. Especially considering: #1 her parents are responsible for caring for her children by themselves for 2 days a week, so obviously, her husband trusts them. #2 he never raised any objection when the OP mentioned to him that her mother was thinking about planning this trip. Yes, the mother should have gotten final approval before booking, but she probably thought the same thing as the OP. "No one objected, so it's okay."

 

[squirrel]

It seems to me if your husband had concerns he should have brought them to your attention last week when the possibility of the trip came up.

I think the whole thing probably shocked him on how fast the trip was booked. I would let your parents know that next time they need to let you and your husband make the final decision, as you are the parents.

I think that it is nice that they are taking your son-they could just take the nephew (not that I think that is fair).

 

[taitai]

How old is your son? I take it from your post that your son is just two or three. Having your grandparents take care of your for two days a week is very different than being put on an airplane and flown across country and kept away from your parents for 5 days in a strange (albeit fun) surrounding. I love my parents and they have flown in and cared for our young children in our home for week long stretches when we have gone away. However, that was in our home with all the things that our kids find comforting. Not some Disney hotel. Maybe if they were 7 or 8 (which they may be) but not a toddler/preschooler.

Even if my DH was okay with the idea (which he wouldn't be and he LOVES my parents as I do his), he would be LIVID that plans were put into place without his okay.

Good luck navigating this.

 

[cuppycake]

Hugs to you...sounds like a not fun thing to be dealing with.

i'm with the posters who say that i wouldn't be allowing my child to go. For many reasons... 1. My MOTHER doesn't decide when and where my kids go on vacation, my husband and I do that together. 2. A 5 day trip is MUCH MUCH different than your parents watching your child a couple of days a week. Has your child spent this much time away from you before? How tired does your mother get and are your parents truly capable of 24/7 care of two boys (not sure ages?) for 5 straight days?? 3. In our family, trips like that are FAMILY trips. I would gladly plan a time that we could go WITH my parents and nephew. I know this is different for everyone, but being a grandparent doesn't guarantee you the right to take a child for a week's vacation without their parents in my book. 4. And the most important reason is that if my DH isn't okay with this, then the answer should be no.

I think it's a great gesture that your parents want to do this, but I, personally, would opt (at a young age, at least....less than 5) to allow them to just take your nephew and "that would be that".

 

[disneyandme]

Has your DH parent's taken you son over night for multiple nights even with your objection? I can also see his concern being that the child appears to be under 3. Also, it seems you are OK with this because he (DH) ruined things for you with letting his parent's do some 1st with your son. If he won't stand up to his parent's than you need to. It took me over 10 years of waiting for my DH to tell his parents "no" and I finally started doing it myself. Finally, how much talk went on before the decision was made? How much was your husband directly involved in the conversation- and not just relayed information through you? Was a firm time of year and length of stay established during the prebooking conversation? You even said yourself that they booked it while you were away one weekend and you seemed surprised.

 

[disneyandme]

What are they going to do on the 3 non-park days? Are they going swimming? Have your parents surpervised both boys together in the water before? Has your nephew flown before? How is he going to react and will this change how your son reacts? Have either boy stayed away from home for 5 day before? If your Mom's chronic fatigue acts up, is your Dad ready to handle/entertain 2 boys for exteneed amounts of time?
I don't think anyone is dismissing your judgement that your parents are capable of taking care of children, but I don't think you should dismiss your DH's concerns about your young son not only traveling a long distance, but without a parent and with another child along. Taking care of your 2 children at home during the day is very different that overnight for multiple nights, not even considering the traveling part.

 

[StephMK]

I'm sorry you're stuck in the middle OP.

I would send him once DH has calmed down & willing to let him go. We have a good relationship w/both sets of parents & sounds like you do too. My in-laws have my younger 2 now for a week- 6 & 9 & have taken them places since babies. I know they'll eat too much sugar, ride scooters w/a little freedom while they drive behind and get spoiled rotten. While I don't totally agree w/the all the things they do while they're with them, I'm glad my kids are close to their grandparents & they all enjoying spending time together.

Those are memories your son will get to share w/his grandparents & sounds like they have plans to take it easy & you trust them to keep him safe. Since those would be my main concerns, I don't see the problem with him going. You & DH can enjoy some uninterrupted time to just enjoy your DD.

 

[disykat]

Firmly on the side of your dh on this one. It went from a possibility to a done deal without his permission. He is the Dad, he has say. Your parents didn't have the right to plan a trip without his permission (or yours for that matter.) To me, THAT in itself would be enough for be to really question their good sense.

Something is just not right with that.

 

[disneyandme]

How do the nephew's parents feel about all this? Don't they want to see him experience Disney for the 1st time? You weren't allowed to talk about your trip in front of them because it was too "upsetting', but they are going to allow their son to go without them.

 

[Nancyg56]

I am a Nana and have taken my DGD to Disney without my DD. She knew that I would take good care of Kady but I know that she was a little apprehensive that her beloved DD was going away without her. She knew that things would be totally out of her control and that worried her, not my care but she had this feeling that if she was with Kady nothing would ever happen to her.

She still let me take her. Unless there is an issue with the quality of care I cannot understand depriving a child of that special time a vacation with grandparent brings.

 

[smwslp]

I have to say, I too agree with DH, but maybe there is still a way to make a trip happen...

It sounds like the children involved are very young and not in school yet, so maybe you and your DH (and nephews parents for that matter) could sit down with your parents and plan a time when everyone was comfortable with the grandparents taking the 2 boys...maybe at a time you could get away from your students and be there as well, which may make DH more comfortable, both being close by and having input in plans involving his own child.