A Little Moral Support Pls - Thanks all for your msgs :)

[R.S.Winters]

Hi all.
I am just writing here to ask for a bit if advice and support really.
The last few weeks have been a tough time for my family. Both my nan and my brother have been ill in hospital. My mum and dad are practically cracking up with it all.
And today I finally decided to tell my mum I am gay.
Not the best timing in the world I know, but I have been under a lot of pressure too. I have had essays to do, have an exam coming up, as well as all the other family troubles, and I just felt i couldn't cope any longer, so I told her.
I figured ages ago she might have an idea, and when I did tell her she said she has thought for about 4 years that I might be gay. She said she wished I wasn't and that I would have to tell my dad myself tonight.
Both her and I agree that he might not take this kind of thing very well at all. So as I sit here now, I have some of my things packed ready to go in case he decides the worst.
To think that I am sitting here hours away from probably being disowned is heart breaking, but I can't go on living a secret life any more. They had to know, other wise I might have just lost my mind altogether. We are meant to be visiting my brother at the hospital tonight. God knows what could happen between now and then and if I'll get to see him or not.
Just thought I'd share my pain with you all.
It's not nice, but I've nothing left to say or do. No more cards to pull.


UPDATED:

I just wanted to say to you all thanks so much for such kind words.
Well a few days have gone by. Some of stuff is still packed in the corner, but mum and dad are getting there.
We had yet another family trauma over the weekend which dealt the family a massive blow, and on Saturday I thought that I would be gone from the house by the evening (I can't disclose what happened but it was not nice and now half my family - aunts, uncles etc- aren't talking to one another!). But, through everything we have all managed to live together. Mum has asked me about my feelings, but still doesn't understand them, and well, dad will need some time I guess.
Things are on the mend, and I hope that we can now all get on with our lives.

Thanks again for all your support.
I never expected so many responses!

UPDATE 2:

thanks again to everyone

family r getting sorted gradually.

i think it'll be ok from here on in... FINALLY lol

thanks so much to everyone. all your kind messages made me feel so much better and worth while. helped a great deal. i wasnt sure about posting here the other day, but now i'm glad i did

DAN.

 

[jharrowell]

I know exactly how you feel, i had the same thing with my father seven years ago.

Unfortunately it didn't go well for me and I haven't seen him in, well, funnily enough seven years, but throught all that pain I can still truly say that I feel better being me and talking to him than I'd feel not being me and never telling him.

I truly hope it goes well for you but if not, I feel you'll still be better off than you are now.

 

[timben]

Think I have to start also with "I know how you feel". I told my mum when I was 20 and we decided to keep it a secret from my father as we feared the worst. (Not to mention that the first reaction of my mum was that she wanted me to send to a doctor!!!!).

Anyways it took her about half a year and she was fine with it, after all I was still her son.

Telling my Dad was a different thing. Two years later I already had a boyfriend and when he finally came out to his parents I decided my father also has to know. I sent my Mum to tell him, waiting for a really bad reaction in my room and guess what.

A few minute later he stood in the door of my room, just saying "You're my soon, I love you". That was it.

To come to an end - coming out to your parents may feel like hell and you may expect the worst, but this doesn't have to happen.

Whish you all the best, and no matter what for yourself it is the right and best decision. It's your life after all

 

[singingpixie]

I can't say that I've been there, but I can offer a and tell you that you're in my thoughts and prayers! I hope today goes better than you expect, but even if it doesn't, in the long run it's better that you live true to yourself!

 

[rosiep]

Dan

I'm so sorry you're hurting. When my DD told me she was gay..it wasn't really news to me and I imagine it's the same for your parents. I guess for some people the "don't tell" rule works..but not for me. I want to know who my children really are..not who they think I want them to be. I never cared that my daughter is gay..I only want her to be happy...
I'll keep you and all your family in my thoughts...
Let us know how things turn out...we're here for you!
Rosie

 

[TuckandStuiesMom]

Sounds like a very hard time. You and your family will be in my prayers.

 

[MousekaMaddi]

U are in our thoughts, be true to yourself, and be safe my friend. HUGS

 

[Kaler131]

Good luck Dan....and remember that your Dis family loves you!

 

[LukenDC]

Dan, you are in my thoughts and I am wishing you the very best. Hopefully love will win out over prejudice. Please keep us posted.

 

[SereneOne]

It is so horrible to have to face being disowned by your family, just to be true to yourself. I pray that your family accepts you and if not, I pray for you to have strength. Also, peace with the fact that you are being true to yourself and no longer living a lie. Major Hugs!

 

[ConcKahuna]

I hope everything goes well with you, and your family. I've been through similar, but the person I was uneasy about telling was my grandmother (the rest of the family knew). She ended up dying before I could ever let her know the real me

 

[verticalchaos]

You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. I always feel bad when I read stories like this that my coming out was received so warmly and lovingly. Ultimately, you have to be true to who you are. If they can't see past an idea in their heads to know that you're the same person they've always known, eve moreso now, that's their loss. Sadly, it's yours also.

Love and hugs!!

 

[R.S.Winters]

thank you all so much for the kind words of support.
well, my mum has begun to come to terms with it and my dad hasnt really spoke to me about it yet - but he hasnt told me to leave like i thought he probably would. so its a start.
my aunt now knows too but she waas cool about it and offered her support

thanks all

D.

 

[timben]

Just give your parents a little time. After all the first step is done and did obviously not turn into a catastrophe.

Wish you all the best.

 

[hematite153]

Dan,

I just got back from wdw and saw this thread. I'm sorry you've had to worry so much about being yourself and I hope your parents grow to understand what a gift you've given them by sharing yourself and your life with them.

I'm hoping that since it's gone a little better than anticipated so far means that it will continue to proceed better than expected.

As you've already seen, there's lots of people here ready and willing to provide support and good energy when needed.

 

[Tony-NJ]

Dan - I'm sorry I'm late as usual around here, I think your Dad will be fine after a little time. I guess we always fear the worst.. I never told my Dad, but I was pretty young when he died. My Mother, I told the last time I saw her.

Your in my thoughts.

 

[RickinNYC]

You are absolutely in my thoughts and I'm sending prayers your way!

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I can't say I have been where you are now. But I can offer support. DH has a cousin who lives in Ireland, he came out to his family last year (we had all ready known as there were a couple of us he confided in before he told the rest of the family). He was soooo worried about his father's reaction, but it turned out OK. I hope and pray for the same for you.

 

[L107ANGEL]

Dan I just want to offer you some support and encouragement

 

[hiwaygal]

I'm getting here a little late to offer more support...but I'm glad to hear that your aunt is supportive and that your mom might come around. I'm sure your dad is shocked but I hope he comes around too.

You have a lot on your plate right now and it's bound to stress you out. Knowing that you have a place to come and vent and get support (even from anonymous internet friends ) hopefully gives you some comfort!

Keep your spirits up!