A little MIL/Disney advice please.

[doodlesmommy]

I'm not sure how to handle this situation and hope that I can get some advice from several people that may help me make the right decision without hurting feelings. My in-laws live in FL within an hour of Disney. I refuse to let them vacation with us because as much as we love them, my MIL tends to be overbearing with the kids and it would just ruin our family time together and our entire vacation. We went last year for a week and then went to their house for another 4 days. After 11 long days we were ready to be back in our beds, exhausted from our vacation and were simply ready to go home. Instead of saying thank you, my MIL complained that we were so tired. She said next time we go to Disney we should visit them first. Well, no! We have a surprise trip for the kids planned in April and I know she would tell them first of all, but secondly I don't want them to make us feel guilty for not visiting them. My plan was to call them at the airport when we arrive and let them know we are there and tell them what day we leave so they can meet us at the airport for lunch. Does this sound harsh? Now the guilt is setting in and I'm not sure if I'm making the right choice. Can anyone tell me an alternative that maybe I haven't thought of that could be an equal compromise? My main focus is to just have fun on our vacation and not have the surprise ruined. What to do????

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

Yeah, that sounds a little harsh.... but what do I know, look at my thread, and what family issues I'm dealng with right now!

 

[Nancyg56]

I can't tell you what to do but I will say that my heart would be broken if I was called to meet my son and his family at the airport just before they went home.

 

[Darcy03231]

Why don't you have them spend the last day at the park with you?

 

[doodlesmommy]

I can't tell you what to do but I will say that my heart would be broken if I was called to meet my son and his family at the airport just before they went home.

This is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. I don't want to hurt their feelings. That's not fair to any of us.

 

[mom2alix]

Do you have time to visit the grandparentsfor a few days? If so, then since this is a surprise trip for the kids, I'd make it a surprise visit for the grandparents too. Call right before you plan to see them and say "Guess where we are right now?" Would that possibly work?

I know some grandparents would be thrilled and others wouldn't appreciate it. You know your family situation best.

 

[Diamondintheruff]

You've told us how you feel but haven't mentioned how your husband feels.

 

[doodlesmommy]

I can't tell you what to do but I will say that my heart would be broken if I was called to meet my son and his family at the airport just before they went home.

You've told us how you feel but haven't mentioned how your husband feels.

He loves his parents dearly but his mother drives him absolutely crazy. She has something negative to say about everything and we will never do anything good enough to please her. He could care less. I'm the one reaching out. I have been for the last 13 years.

 

[PiperPizzaz]

I think you should call and tell her you are planning a surprise trip for the kids and you can't stay at their house first or they will figure it out but, next trip for sure you will go there first. I can't see if it is phrased that way hurting feelings and if so well, they would be hurt no matter what you do.

You are VERY lucky they don't want to go on every trip.

 

[doodlesmommy]

Thank you guys for the great suggestions. I just checked and for the two of them to join us at Epcot one day would be $127 which I think we can handle. I think I may turn this into a surprise for them too. I'm going to buy the tickets and mail them with a card that says they have to keep it a secret. (I'll come up with some cheesy rhyme. ) Luckily, they are FL residents so their tickets are heavily discounted. Thanks again everyone! You just helped me get a huge amount of stress off of my shoulders!

 

[Aliceacc]

That's perfect!

They won't kill your vacation, but you're doing it in such a way that it turns out to be a gift to them.

Could you PLEASE run for president? You're a diplomat at heart!

 

[doodlesmommy]

That's perfect!

They won't kill your vacation, but you're doing it in such a way that it turns out to be a gift to them.

Could you PLEASE run for president? You're a diplomat at heart!

Doodlesmommy for President; that's funny! First Agenda: Official Disney days and free shopping for everyone!

I was even able to re-work our ADR's to include them for dinner. Gotta big high five from DH. Both of our kids spend the entire summer between Atlanta & FL with their grandparents for the entire summer so I just couldn't give up our vacation too. That time is so special for us. This will make our surprise even bigger. Now April needs to hurry up; I can't wait!

 

[jamesmommy]

Thank you guys for the great suggestions. I just checked and for the two of them to join us at Epcot one day would be $127 which I think we can handle. I think I may turn this into a surprise for them too. I'm going to buy the tickets and mail them with a card that says they have to keep it a secret. (I'll come up with some cheesy rhyme. ) Luckily, they are FL residents so their tickets are heavily discounted. Thanks again everyone! You just helped me get a huge amount of stress off of my shoulders!

Awesome plan! I don't know if I would have thought of something like that.
This way, they are IN on the secret, and they get to be a surprise to the kids as well!

BTW, I love your screenname, I have a bird named Doodles

 

[TexasBee]

You came up with a great compromise!

 

[Q-man]

If your husband doesn't care and you're keeping the ties let it go. I did this to my wife for years as I thought it was the proper thing to do. I learned the hard way she was right from the beginning. Protect your kids and husband from this woman's abuse and enjoy Disney by yourselves. Your duty to protect your kids(and husband) is much higher than giving regards to your MIL. You're going to have that "finale" hanging over you the whole vacation otherwise.

 

[Minniemouse07]

My ILs live 20 min away and we don't stay with them anymore. My excuse is that dd is old enough that we want to, "immerse her in the full experience that WDW offers."

It works... but only because our December trip I planned FOUR out of our eight nights eating dinner at one of the resorts w/ them. They are not interested in visiting the parks at all (they have friends that are cast members and get them in for free, so $$ isn't an issue)... so our meals together are the only times we see them.

I'm returning in July w/ dd for a short bday trip for her. We are meeting the ILs ONCE in four nights. MIL is fine w/ it. It was suggested that I could "save a lot of money" if we just stayed w/ them...but since it is all about dd's birthday, they aren't pushing it to much.

I think your compromise is an awesome idea. Have a great trip!

 

[Nancyg56]

He loves his parents dearly but his mother drives him absolutely crazy. She has something negative to say about everything and we will never do anything good enough to please her. He could care less. I'm the one reaching out. I have been for the last 13 years.

That is really too bad. My DH is actually estranged from his Mom and I think she is not as hurt by it as I would be if my relationship was stressful with my kids. I am sorry if I hurt you, I did not know.

Thank you guys for the great suggestions. I just checked and for the two of them to join us at Epcot one day would be $127 which I think we can handle. I think I may turn this into a surprise for them too. I'm going to buy the tickets and mail them with a card that says they have to keep it a secret. (I'll come up with some cheesy rhyme. ) Luckily, they are FL residents so their tickets are heavily discounted. Thanks again everyone! You just helped me get a huge amount of stress off of my shoulders!

Perfect solution. I could live with this and I am a very needy MIL

 

[dzneelvr]

I've got to agree with Q man. What you are thinking is a wonderful plan at EPCOT could turn into a nightmare when she reads your card and reacts. You may not want to "hurt her feelings" but look at what drama this is causing your family months in advance I have a MIL the same way and we've slowly pulled away over the years to preserve our sanity and our family. Sad, yes, but her behaviors brought the consequences on and I don't feel one bit guilty. In fact, now that DD and DS are older, they see right through her manipulations and don't like to be around her all that much. Bottomline, how your MIL reacts to your "compromise" will be key, won't it. Please let us know how it turns out.

 

[nascar-j]

Doodlesmommy,

Your compromise sounds great. Only you know if you think it will work out for you.
Be prepared for not getting the reaction you have planned though. My mom is very self centered and not very good around my DS10. When I first read your idea, I thought this would be a perfect solution in dealing with my mom... And then I thought through all the ways she's reacted in the past. I'm pretty sure my mom would ask why we "wasted" the money on doing something she doesn't care for.. Afterall, we know she doesn't like (fill in anything possible). And then she'd suggest we do something that was the most inconvenient or difficult for us... Oh ya, and then pout when we said NO!

I hope things go well for you. Sometimes it's easier to tell her about the trip after you get home.

j

 

[Zeebs]

Ok this trip being a surprise for your kids will mean that if you go to their first they will get suss. If it were me I would explain to her this time as it is a surprise you will visit them second and next time go to them first for a couple of days. Is it really that difficult to suck it up and go for a couple of days, you might not like your inlaws but surely your kids like their grandparents (if not then there is obviously a bigger problem here) and they would like to spend some time together.

Kirsten