The Mystery Machine
Sunrise at my house. :+)
- Joined
- Jan 4, 2001
- Messages
- 47,532
Ok, it is yet another holiday issue thread. I am kind of torn between what part of me wants to do and my more logical side.
BACKGROUND: DBrother and SIL have been together for 6 yrs now. Ever since they stated dating they would fly to Wisconsin to see her family for Christmas and New Years. No big deal. After DNephew was born my mom asked if Holidays could now be split (one year WI and one year FL) so that they could have time to see DN for the holidays. DB and SIL agreed. DN's first christmas and new years was spent in WI and this year DB was supposedly flying down to FL.
CURRENT SITUATION: Needles to say my mother has been excited *all Year* for this christmas. Her and DB and SIL talked about the trip many times. She has planned for a photographer to take pictures of the whole family on the 26th since with my residency schedule I can not get home at all until the 26th. She has a special christmas tree for the baby (all non-breakable items he can touch and play with) and was eager for this christmas. New wood toys for DN (no plastic allowed by DB and SIL) and lots of fun stuff.
Yesterday we get DBs official itinerary. DB and SIL will be flying to FL on Dec 11, and immediately starting a 130 mile hike that will last until the 21st. Mom and Dad will babysit DN during this time but DB and SIL will not be there as they will be taking a vacation. Okay, not what I consider relaxing but that is their choice.
Here is the kicker. They get back home the 21 and then their flight reservations have them LEAVE on Dec 25th at 0700 to fly to WI for christmas day and new years. They arrive in WI at 2:00 pm on christmas day to spend the holidays there again.
Mom is heartbroken. For months her and DB had been talking about this years holiday. We were all under the impression that christmas would be spent here in FL. Instead we are feeling a bit taken advantage of and disregarded. Grandparents get to babysit while they take vacation for 10 days and then only have 3 days with DB and SIL. I will now not get to see my DN at all. Mom and Dad will not get to have any christmas day with DB, SIL and DN. It feels like favoritism toward the other side.
THE ISSUE: I fully understand that it is DB's choice where to spend the holidays. But I must admit all our feelings are more than little hurt by this.
When my DB sent out his itinerary I wished him well and informed him that I would not be able to see DN this year and to send my love to everyone. Mom wrote a nice e-mail saying that DB should do what is best for his family but would really miss everyone on christmas day. We all wanted to be nice and not guilt trip about the holidays because *sooooo* many people here have issues with being guilted by family over travel plans.
Yet I still feel hurt and my mom is very hurt. She won't tell my brother because she doesn't want to make him feel bad but she spent an evening in tears over this. Part of me wants to write my brother a letter of some sort to let him know that we feel hurt. That we were under the impression Christmas would be in FL and honestly feel jilted by his choice. It has really upset us and I don't think DB is even aware. I must admit I had wanted to see DN as well and will miss not seeing the little guy.
So what to do? Try to write a respectful letter about how hurt everyone feels (emotional side). Let him know that The grandparents and myself feel very saddened over missing christmas? Like we are just being used as babysitters while they vacation before their real christmas in WI. I believe DB is honestly completely clueless that any of us have hurt feelings over this and can't understand why we would possibly be hurt by this.
Or do I just drop it and forget about it since it truly is their family and choice (my logical side tells me this is correct). Push my emotions aside and accept we will never have a Christmas with DB and SIL. Just vent here instead.
I swear, when I have kids this is the *exact* reason i will refuse to travel over christmas. Too many hurt feelings when one side gets favored.
DISer's i seek your advice. Talk to me about the right choice.
First NEVER EVER EVER EVER put anything in writing. That is my golden rule to live by.

I vote for dropping it. What is done is done. I would not make my Christmas about bemoaning the actions of my brother and my SIL. Would I be aggravated, you bet.
Look to the future. If you behave in an adult manner you may find that things change in later yrs.
Also if you make a big stink it gets remembered forever for Christmas.
I am all about focusing on the joy of Christmas and not starting wars with family. Be disappointed of course but then turn your attention to the positive.
