A life God rewards? (Possible debate...please be nice)

[Serena]

Steph, It's really easy to get sucked into the "why me's". At one point I had gotten sucked into it so bad, that I thought I deserved everything bad that ever happened to me.

Here's a few suggestions.

Find someone to talk to, a friend, a counselor, anyone that will be sensible and understanding and funny. It really helps.
See your doctor to see if you can get some medical help.
Start a journal. Try to write in it every day. Tell what you did that day, ask yourself if you could handle a situation differently, vent and whatever else you can possibly do. It will help.

Find people nearby that can offer you some support. To be there when you need to cry, or when you need to laugh. That I don't have, so I come here.

And here, we are here to listen when you need us.

Someone recently convinced me that it isn't selfish to pray for yourself. You might try that.

And to count your blessings. You are here, you have a beautiful daughter that needs you, etc, etc. Write them down if neccessary.

 

[Otto's Doll]

Hey Steph, I have been reading these replies, and it looks like lots of people here love ya! See... more blessings!

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Steph, I'm really sorry you are feeling so down. I really do hope things look up soon. I sometimes feel like you. I have a friend who married a doctor and is on her way to orlando as we speak to live. They bought a $420,000 house in orlando, without selling their $200,000 one here. She just bought a $4,000 bed, has 3 healthy kids and I could go on and on. DH and I have descent jobs but bust our butts for everything we have. I know its wrong to feel the way I do, she is a great friend and would do anything for you so I do feel kind of guilty. But sometimes I just can't help it. But then I remember, my kids are healthy and there's a whole lot of people that have it alot worse than me. I pray for God to give me strength not to be jealous of people and to be happy with what I have. Good Luck to you!

 

[oogieboogie]

I can't tell you anything from the religion side since I'm not religious at all, but I can tell you that I've been in that same spot, and I know many people who have been in that spot too.

I know it's easy to look around and see just happy and successful people and say why can't I have the same things. Why can't I have a nicer car or a better home or a drop dead gorgeous body or something else. The grass on the other side of the fence will always be greener.

I look at your life and what I see is pretty green from my viewpoint. You have a beautiful daughter, a loving boyfriend, you're gorgeous, and you work at Disney, working at a job you love.

All I can say is hang in there. Things will get better. When you think you've hit rock bottom, just remember there's only one way from the bottom... up! And whenever you feel the need to vent, vent away here on the DIS, I'm sure no one will mind!

 

[N.Bailey]

Stepharoonie,
I wish I could answer all your questions for you. I'm simply unable to do so. One thing I can say though is, God will make sure you have what you need. When you're unable to buy groceries, somehow, groceries or money will show up for no real reason. If you can't pay a bill, again, money shows up. Somehow, you manage to buy the things for your daughter that you need. I'm sure you look back from time to time and think, how did I ever manage that? I know I can look back and say the same thing. I remember reading a post from you stating that your boyfriends parents bought you a car. I think that was a gift from God to you because he knew you wouldn't be able to afford one on your own right now. Sure, he worked through your boyfriends parents, but you were provided with that car because you had a need for it. God will never abandon us. You need to believe that. Put your heart behind it and know he will ALWAYS be there for you. We just need to believe that if and when we really need something, he will make sure we have it. I can understand all the wanting, we all have these wants. My situation is closer to that of yours than that of your friends. God won't give us everything we want though. Perhaps Garth's song Unanswered Prayers is a blessing to show us, we shouldn't always be upset by not getting all we want. Just believe though that God has a plan for you and he will take care of you. Jesus lived a hard life. A spiritual road is not always the easy one, but we are promised salvation in return. It's hard at times, but knowing that can sure get us through some difficult times.

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

God bless you, Stepharoonie. He does love you and Maddie and does things in HIS time. If things in your life seem to be falling apart right now, they are probably not of God. Satan has many clever disguises. Are some of the things you are mourning really "the devil in disguise"? I do not mean to be mean. but Satan has built his kingdom on decepttion, and he is not always easy to reconize. Pray. Have you prayed lately? Try to spend the next 5 minutes in prayer.

P Praise Him
R Repent for your transgressions
A Ask for what you need
Y Yeild to His will for your life, instead of trying to get Him to endorse your theory.

If we really set our minds to praying, we often find blessings beyond our ability to receive.

I will pray for you.

 

[LisaSt]

I am not one who cares much for religion so I wll answer this as best I can. Sometimes in life no matter how good the person we make some bad choices and god has nothing to do with them at all we do and it sounds ike you are having to pay quite a bit for the one you made regarding the X while he seems to walk away scott free. Sometimes being a great caring person etc does not boad well for us in the world just like your situation seems to be now for you. Sorry things are not great right now but if you continue to work hard you will pull through just fine and come out ahead you may not gain wealth in the common sence of it being in dollars and cents but you will gain wealth in many other ways such as respect and confidence and that is worth way more than anything. Hope you feel better soon.

 

[sk8belle]

Stepharoonie:

A few people have already made the points I had planned on making, but I'm going to repeat them. Just in case you missed it the first few times. Because sometimes we need to be reminded of the good things in our lives when the bad things seem to be getting us down. Here we go:

1 - you've got a beautiful daughter who loves you very much.
2 - you've got a job you seem to enjoy and that I'm sure you are extraordinarily good at.
3 - you've got a great boyfriend who brought some truely generous people into your life.
4 - you've got a bunch of people on this board who want to see things go better for you and are offering you their whole-hearted support in getting through this difficult time. You say in your subject line that you don't want this to become a debate. This thread is becoming the furthest thing from it.

Not so very long ago, I was feeling like you do now. I hated my job, my self-esteem and self-respect was nearly non-existant, I was finding out not all the people in my life were the friends I thought they were. It was miserable. And I asked the same questions you are now. Somehow, I managed to perservere and now have a wonderful job that I enjoy immensely, am making new friends and am getting myself back together emotionally.

So as someone who has been there, I can tell you that you WILL make it through, that this time in your life WILL end and it WILL get better. Draw strength from those who believe in you and care about you. Because you've got quite a few people in your corner who do, Steph.

Hang in there.



sk8belle
(who usually lurks, but had to speak up this time)

 

[flaps]

Quite a candid post you've put out here, Stepharoonie.

I don't know you, you don't know me and whether or my words will be meaningful in any way I couldn't say. But here are my thoughts at the moment, FWTW:



What does God desire? What does He desire for you?

What is your heart's desire?

(Don't answer me. But consider these questions via prayer, reflection, Scripture, godly counsel from mature Christians, etc., if you are so inclined.)

Regardless of how my life is going (or not going, as the case may be), I've discovered this to be true: God/Christ is faithful and true. Always.


Signed,

Just a Christian who lost it "all" because it was quite possibly the only way.

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

Tons of great advice here so I don't have much to add.

I have found though that sometimes focusing on myself and my "misfortunes" only accentuates the sad/bad feelings I might have. When I turn it around and focus on other people, on trying to be a light in someone elses life.....well, sometimes that alone helps me get past the poor-pitiful-me stage.

You've been through a lot and you've managed thus far to keep a fairly positive attitude. I don't think we ever really know what God has in store for us, and sometimes it seems like we're just flailing around.

Serena had a great idea which was to write down your blessings. There are many in your life I'm sure!!

And be patient with yourself, with life, with everything. There is no rush to get rich, to be somewhere else.......all will fall into place with time, a bit of effort and a fair amount of patience.

Look for and focus on the good stuff Stepharoonie.

I'm sorry that you're feeling so down.

 

[ripleysmom]

"Lately, I've been really down because of the way my life is going. It got me wondering if in *my* life, God will help me along the way."

I think he is helping you now. You may not be able to see it but just the fact that you have a job and are making good choices in your life may be God's way of helping you.


"I just feel so trapped with hardly any money"

Maybe this is God's way of helping you to recognize, appreciate and take advantage of an opportunity that might come your way.


"a horrible divorce"

Maybe this is God's way of helping you to appreciate when someone really good comes along.


"my appearance"

I'm not sure why this is a problem for you. I've seen pics....you're a good looking woman.


"I know it sounds stupid, but I'm so angry that God seems to let others have it "easy"."

It's easy to have things easy but it's much better to work for what you have so that when you finally get it you appreciate it more. Maybe God just cares enough about you to make sure that that happens for you.


Don't get me wrong, things may not get any better for you but they could always be worse. Look to your opportunities in life and don't let them pass you by. Even if that means more sacrifice and struggle on your part.

The people who seem to have it easy don't always.

 

[Alice28]

Steph,

I'm so sorry you are going thru some troubles right now. I have been through a lot of the same things....so many bills I felt like I was drowning, constant worry; about 5 years ago my DH and I had papers drawn up to divorce and it made me sick. I felt so alone and so scared. I sought out counseling from our church and that helped me immensely. You are never alone- God is always there, just sometimes we have a hard time focusing in on Him. It's not God who distances Himself from us...we distance ourselves from God. There is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel. My example?

My husband and I repaired our relationship, are 100% stronger than we were, and have had a second son since then, and are working on a third.

We got our debt under control by both paying down some bills (by really scrimping) and my consulting a debt relief organization.

We learned that friends who seemed to have it all- fabulous homes, new cars, lots of "stuff" really weren't all that happy. It's not always true, but I have seen time after time that our friends with lots of "stuff" either are terribly in debt themselves, their relationship is screwy, or one loses their job and then they have to scramble to downsize. It's not always that bad to live simply, you know?

And as far as your appearance---OMG---you are a GORGEOUS lady! I know we are all critical of ourselves, but Steph, you are very pretty.

Take Care of yourself---I see a big bubble bath in your future, reading a fun magazine like People or Cosmo.

 

[denisenh]

You have gotten some really good replies. I don't know you but I understand how it is to feel the "Why?" about life. I bet some of those people who appear to have it all would trade their problems for yours.

I have had some horrible emotional pain for about 3 years...it invades me daily and I can't get rid of it. Most people don't know about it and would think I lead a fine life. (So not everyone's problems are apparent) I have prayed so hard to be relieved but it persists. I have a lot of faith in God which helps me a great deal. I know that there is a reason for my suffering.
When I feel bad, I like to read Psalms A link to Psalms
You can change the version by clicking on the drop down menu. I like KJV. ( I carry a small bible in my purse which is handy)
Also, the DIS is a good distraction.

 

[my3kids]

I wish the answer here was as easy as the blank and white answers to questions people have posted. I believe God is always with us, yet he isn't responsible for our day to day lives, in terms of who has what and who gets more.

Gosh, I guess this is harder to type than what I can think in my head. Ask, through prayer, for the answers you are seeking. When you have a choice to make, ask for His guidance. Choose the answer which you feel God is directing you to choose.

I don't think I've ever had "the lightening bolt" that told me He was with me, but I have felt guided to make certain decisions, and felt as though I wasn't alone in the most terrible times.

You have amazing questions to which there is probably not an answer anyone can really provide. Just know that in addition to a few thousand friends here, you have a God who knows His plan for you.

 

[jipsy]

Steph don't let seeing someone else's material things make you think they have it all together. Just because they look as if they can afford alot of vacations doesn't mean they are happy people nor does it mean they don't have problems.

God gave us all the gift of free will. Free will means that we can choose to do what we want to do. In choosing, we will also reap the consequences of our choices - good or bad. This has absolutely nothing to do with God rewarding or punishing us. I don't believe in a God that gives you the gift of free will and then rewards or punishes you based on your choices.

The law of gravity states that if we jump off a house, we will fall to the ground. We have a choice whether or not to jump. If we choose to jump and we break a leg, this is not a punishment from God as some people would have you to believe, it is just a law of nature. All actions have consequences, some good, some bad and the best you can do is to learn from your experiences and make better choices in the future, whether it's a job or a husband or friends or whatever.

If what your friends have - house, money, vacations, cars - if those things are important to you, then you should observe the types of choices they have made and make similar choices for yourself. Perhaps they have a certain college degree, or a certain type of job that pays alot. OR, perhaps they are up to their eyeballs in debt and that's how they get it all. If that's the kind of choice you want to make, then do it. BUT, if it's not, then the best you can do is make the choices that are right for you and stop worrying about what everyone else has or doesn't have.

You may have to deal now with the consequences of choices you made in the past, but you can start now making better choices for your future.

 

[montessori]

"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and
the wisdom to know the difference."
-- Saint Francis of Assisi (1182-1226)

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake."
-- Victor Hugo (1802-85)

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved."
-- Helen Adams Keller (1880-1968)

Stepharoonie,
I am so sorry you are going through this difficult time.

I don't find much comfort in most organized religious church services but there are some churches that do offer uplifting and inspirational services that address the everyday trials and tribulations we all go through. Maybe you could find something like that in your area.
There are lots of great books that can help too.
It can be very healing and growth inspiring to start and end each day reading a few chapters (or paragraphs) from a good book. You should be able to find these books in your local library.

Course in Miracles -- by Marianne Williamson

Letting Go and Becoming: Talks on Spirituality and Modern Life --
by Marianne Williamson

A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles" --
by Marianne Williamson

The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth by M. Scott Peck

The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

Discover the Power Within You : A Guide to the Unexplored Depths Within
by Eric Butterworth

Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth, 25th Anniversary Edition
by Richard J. Foster

Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home
by Richard J. Foster

Mister God, This is Anna -- by Anna Fynn

Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson
by Mitch Albom

I Hope You Dance
by Mark D. Sanders, Tia Sillers

These Are the Gifts I'd Like to Give to You: A Sourcebook of Joy and Encouragement
by Douglas Pagels

When I am feeling overwhelmed by life situations, I try to look deep into myself and figure out what I should be doing differently...what steps can I take to make a difference...what reasonable goals can I set for each day...what greater goals can I strive for in my future...
Inspirational books help keep negative thoughts away while instilling new, positive images and ideas.
It is a good idea to keep a daily journal and be sure to write something you are thankful for every day.
It's normal to feel lost and forgotten when things are not going the way we want them to. But, it's up to us to take control and work towards finding the emotional health and well-being we are lacking.
I know you can do it, Steph. You are a strong and compassionate woman... you can do anything you set your mind to!
I'm sorry this is so long.
I am hoping and praying for your serenity and happiness.

 

[orvilleair]

Stepharoonie!, maybe you should start a post about people whom are feeling in the dumps, becasue you're not alone. I think most people are feeling blue, whether it is about their appearance, financial situation, divorce, health etc.... I'm feeling blue too.

FroogyinArk said it the best when there have been things going for you this year. It just seems to be a "rollercoaster" year for you.

When you say "better stuff", what about heavan. Isn't that the prime objective? As for people whom you think have it all, may I bring up:

Kobe Bryant - sucessful basketball player soon to be under trial for rape.

Mark Chmura - ex football player whom gave up money and a loving family for hot tub parties with the babysitter.

Mike Danton - hockey player under investigation for a murder for hire scheme.

Tonya Harding - ice skater. She got banned from skating and lost a legion of fans for assaulting Nancy Kerrigan.

Ken Lay and Mike K. - Former CEOs whom are under investigation for illegal money schemes.

Stepharoonie!, All of these people have $$$, cars, houses, etc... but they threw it all away destroying their families and being ridiculed by the media.

Didn't your parents work hard to put food on the table for you? My dad worked tons of overtime in a factory to support his family, and the fruits of his labor are paying off (he's enjoying retirement). I think hard work will pay off for you too. I think you just started the job you have. Be patient. You work for a large corporation with many opportunities down the road. Keep working and do a good job.

Appearance: We are all getting older. Just try to exercise and eat right. You don't have to be a stick figure to be healthy. A little pudge if fine. Don't be too hard on yourself. Some goal setting would help too.

God: I have a relative who will do nothing to improve their situation, she is waiting for God to do it for her. She has to do it. You are the driver in your life. God is only the compass. Stepharoonie!, set some goals and start driving.

 

[jimmytammy]

Steph,

I wish I had a bunch of answers for you but Im scared I will give you the wrong one. Mine and Tammys experience has taught us that God is there for us always. We have been through some pretty dark times in the past and yet He was still there.

And we can look back now and see why we had to go through those hard times to get to the blessings He has given us. And material things arent the blessings for us. We have rich friendships, some made right here on the DIS. And many other things to boost.

Hang in there. He knows youre hurting and He wants to talk with you about it. He will listen and He will help you through it and bring you to brighter days. Just trust Him and have faith in Him.

 

[DCLuvinit]

I know what you must be feeling, I have felt that way before too . There is some really great advice written here already. I just wanted to add a book that I highly recommend by Pastor John Hagee called "the Seven Secrets." I am reading it right now- it is great, and it speaks to many of the concerns you have mentioned. Please PM me anytime. I had noticed we are about the same age and I only live about an hour away .

 

[wishuponastarforever]

Steph
The love and advice from the caring people of the dis is just one of the many blessings you do have. Please focus on the love and goodness in your life. I couldn't possibly add to the many insightful and beautiful posts - maybe you can print them and focus on a few each day you feel sad.