A "Kitchen Pass"

[DisneyBeagle]

I think most considerate married couples ask each other "permission" to go somewhere just as a courtesy. To me, that does not define a Kitchen Pass. I do know of some married couples where going out separately is NOT allowed and is frowned upon. Maybe once a year they let it happen and it's some sort of big deal. THAT'S a kitchen pass.

I knew someone once that married very young and when I asked her to do stuff, she had a hard time with it because she felt that once you are married you should never do anything apart and everything should be done together. If something was done apart, then they felt something was wrong with the marriage.

I knew someone just like that too. She couldn't believe that my husband and I had interests outside of each other.

 

[Sorsha]

We ask for each other for "permission?" (to use that word lightly) to go do something, but basically as a means to make sure the other one doesn't mind the responsibility of the kids for that time while the other is gone. We've found it just seems a little more nice than just saying "I'm leaving" and expecting the other to cover the childcare duty.

However, it works both ways, not just him asking me if he can go somewhere.

Yep, that's us too. We "ask permission", mostly to be sure that we didn't have something else going on that we have forgotten about, or to be sure that whoever will be stuck with the kids doesn't mind.

I will admit though that both DH and I tend to be joined at the hip...not because we "have" to be, but we really are best friends and would rather do fam things or hang out together than have "play dates" with our friends lol..

Yeah, that's us too. In a few weeks, I am going on a weekend shopping trip with my best girl friend and my DD15. That will be the first time I have been away from DH overnight in more than a year. Occasionally best girl friend and I go run errands together on the weekends (gee how exciting) and once a month I go out in a group with the "reunion planning committee" for my upcoming 20th high school reunion. That's about all I do without him. And that's OK. He's my best friend, my soul buddy, always has been.

 

[Pooh67_68]

no, i married an adult who doesn't need a pass from mommy, i mean his wife to do things

the man i married can do what he wants when he wants. Then again, he would never shirk his responsibilities or be irresponsible either

Same here.

 

[Buckalew11]

I've never heard of a "kitchen pass". If it is well-known in the military maybe it started as a joke type thing among military folks?

DH always "asks the boss" (that's ME BTW, lol, I had to ask "who" that was too) and we run things by each other. My DH rides his road bike, mtn. bike or runs almost daily so I'm used to him doing with friends. But he still refers to me as "the Boss". I kinda like that.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

Holy Mackerel! Is that an oldie!! LOL!

We're military but I have to say I haven't heard that term in over 10 years!!

Guess we're decades ahead in the lingo department! (Literally!)

Around here though it was more of a joke term---Like if you showed up at the club when you hadn't been there in forever someone would say something like..."Well look who got a kitchen pass!"

And it should only be used in the joking sense---No way should anyone need a pass or anyone feel like they have the right to issue passes.

 

[Disney Doll]

DH & I discuss plans with each other, such as "Joe has tickets to the Yankees for Saturday. Do we have any plans?". But not like "Honey, Joe has asked me to the Yankees game on Saturday. Can I go?".

 

[MerMom60_94]

DH is such a homebody / family man that he rarely makes plans with the guys. I certainly don't need to give him permission and, in fact, I encourage him to get out more. Once a year he goes to the Pat's game with the guys from work. Once in a while he goes golfing with guys from work, but a lot of the times that is when I am at work anyway. He used to hunt and fish but his cousin / best friend passed away a few years ago and that was their thing together so he hasn't gone in a couple of years. He has a couple of brothers but they never make plans for just the three of them. If he gets tickets to a Sox game he gets them for all three of us, or him and DD, or him and DMIL. I am the one who plays farkle every Friday night, and I go to the gym or go running, and I make plans with girlfriends to go out to dinner. I am the one who is always running out the door and, no, he doesn't expect me to ask permission. We just check in with one another and keep each other in the loop as to what is going on. I think it is important to spend time together but it is also important to have our own interests outside of each other. The one thing we "discuss" and I suppose there is permission involved is going away seperately from each other. We have gone away seperately, but it isn't a habit. Part of that comes from limited funds for traveling and we prefer to allocate our travel funds to family travel so that is something that gets talked about first.

 

[Mermaid02]

We have nothing resembling that in our circle of friends or our marriage. I see you rejecting it and I think it's best your husband stop using the phrase around you. It's juvenile and it creates an adversarial relationship between spouses.

It's not really an issue with us as a couple because we respect each other and he doesn't need my "permission" to do things. His brother on the other hand rarely gets to do these guy things. Maybe that is his choice though- I am not privy to their (my bil and his wife) private conversations. But that is why I feel bad that this is the ONE weekend we have other plans.

 

[luvmy3]

Yes, dh asks my permission whenever he wants to make his own plans, but it has nothing to do with a "kitchen pass". He has relied on me for so long to keep up with our schedule that he has no idea what/when we have plans so he just wants to make sure nothing is going on when he wants to do his own thing.