WillyJ
<font color=purple>NyQuil Aficionado<br><font colo
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2000
- Messages
- 3,951
Well now. . . it's been a while since I've done this, and I have to admit I feel as nervous as a Dixie Chick at a Bush rally. . . but since Dan Murphy called me a couple weeks back and made me promise I'd stop in and say hi and wish everyone a happy Holiday season, here I am. 
(Of course it's not like I had a real choice; as most longtime DIS-ers know, Dan's "nice guy" image is just a facade to hide his true identity as one of the most powerful and brutal leaders of the Irish mob Chicago has ever seen.
I'll never forget the time Dan posted a glowing review of "Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party" here on the CB and I made the mistake of writing a negative/sarcastic remark about his post and the event . . the next thing I knew, CharlieNJ was at my door holding a machine gun against my head and insisting I post a retraction admitting that the "MVMCP" was just as magical as "Don Dan" had described it, or else; so I did . . . and then he made me replace my white Christmas bulbs with huge colored ones. . . and then he made me switch the channel from C-Span to Nickelodeon . . . and then I kicked him out of my house. . . but since then when Dan Murphy calls and says he thinks "it'd be nice" if I'd check in on the DIS, you can bet I'm going to be checking in on the DIS!
)
I also want to take this opportunity to apologize for not being around the past few months. While it's true there came a point where I felt it would be in my best interest to shut off the computer and take a break from the DIS, I certainly never expected to be away this long. . .
See, what happened was- one day last August I turned on Fox News and saw that we were at the "Level Orange" terrorist warning, which of course means "There's probably going to be a terrorist attack any minute but there's nothing you can do but go about your life and be alert". . . but silly me; I confused it with "Level Red" which of course means, "There's a great likely-hood there's going to be a terrorist attack any minute, but there's nothing you can do but go about your life and be alert". . . and so I built a secure room out of Duct tape and Glad Sandwich Bags and spent the Fall months hunkered down there wasted on Sudafed and waiting to die like an animal. . .
Imagine my embarrassment when after finally working up the courage (and running out of cigarettes) I ventured forth from my plastic cocoon on Thanksgiving day and found out we'd actually been at "Level Aqua" the whole time. . . which of course means "There could be a terrorist attack any minute, but there's nothing you can do but go about your life and be alert". . . and I'd entombed myself all those months for nothing!
Well as some of you know, I've never been a big fan of the government anyway. . . and after that ordeal I was so angry I decided to sit down and begin work on a book that would shake the very foundation of our country.
The working title is: Liars, Fixers, Punks and Thieves: A Savage Look Into The Shameful Cesspool OF American Politics Since 1956. . . and the goal will be to present a factual, unblinking narrative that proves every major and minor figure involved in our political system for the last 47 years have done nothing but work 24-hours a day like rats in heat to subvert the Constitution and rape the American tax payer.
I'm close to finishing a complete and detailed outline; once it's done and circulated among the major publishing houses, I'm confident they will see it is a seminal and groundbreaking work that has the potential to convince every citizen in this once- proud nation to reject the status quo; put aside our own self-interest and financial gain; and make the sacrifices necessary to take back our country and ensure a better world for geberations to come.
I then hope to get a multimillion-dollar advance; pack my bags; set up a dummy corporation in the Cayman Islands to avoid paying any taxes; slap together a mishmash of old Readers Digest articles, Springsteen lyrics, and K-Mart flyers and send it to the publisher to fulfill my contract. . . then flee to Belize, slap a "Bush/Haliburton 2004" bumper sticker on my beach chair, and spend the rest of my life counting my money and sipping NyQuil Coladas with Maggie while we throw lime rinds at monkeys and watch the sun set over the Caribbean Sea.
I am, after all, a Professional. . .
Until that deal comes together, I'll be busy working my regular job as an offcial political advisor to Howard Dean as he makes his run for the presidency (I came up with the extremely effective "Vote Dean- He Has Eyebrows" slogan that has pushed the candidate ahead of Dick Ghephart in Iowa) so I'm afraid it's going to be a while before I have time to come back and hang out again . . . but I do want to wish everyone-- both my old friends who see this and be reminded of the wonderful insanity of old; and those newer posters who read this and feel a combination of confusion and revulsion-- a peaceful and blessed Holiday season. . .
Okay, gotta run. . . I spent the day fighting my way past crazed seniors and knife-fighting Mall Santa's to finish spending money I don't really have on presents people don't really want while waiting to see if that hamburger I ate this afternoon was ridden with Mad Cow Disease. . .
. . . and now I'd like to kick back and relax and reflect on what it means to be a Native Son in this Year of Our Lord, 2003.
So Merry Christmas . . I miss you all, and I'll see ya again some time.
(Of course it's not like I had a real choice; as most longtime DIS-ers know, Dan's "nice guy" image is just a facade to hide his true identity as one of the most powerful and brutal leaders of the Irish mob Chicago has ever seen.
I'll never forget the time Dan posted a glowing review of "Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party" here on the CB and I made the mistake of writing a negative/sarcastic remark about his post and the event . . the next thing I knew, CharlieNJ was at my door holding a machine gun against my head and insisting I post a retraction admitting that the "MVMCP" was just as magical as "Don Dan" had described it, or else; so I did . . . and then he made me replace my white Christmas bulbs with huge colored ones. . . and then he made me switch the channel from C-Span to Nickelodeon . . . and then I kicked him out of my house. . . but since then when Dan Murphy calls and says he thinks "it'd be nice" if I'd check in on the DIS, you can bet I'm going to be checking in on the DIS!
)I also want to take this opportunity to apologize for not being around the past few months. While it's true there came a point where I felt it would be in my best interest to shut off the computer and take a break from the DIS, I certainly never expected to be away this long. . .
See, what happened was- one day last August I turned on Fox News and saw that we were at the "Level Orange" terrorist warning, which of course means "There's probably going to be a terrorist attack any minute but there's nothing you can do but go about your life and be alert". . . but silly me; I confused it with "Level Red" which of course means, "There's a great likely-hood there's going to be a terrorist attack any minute, but there's nothing you can do but go about your life and be alert". . . and so I built a secure room out of Duct tape and Glad Sandwich Bags and spent the Fall months hunkered down there wasted on Sudafed and waiting to die like an animal. . .
Imagine my embarrassment when after finally working up the courage (and running out of cigarettes) I ventured forth from my plastic cocoon on Thanksgiving day and found out we'd actually been at "Level Aqua" the whole time. . . which of course means "There could be a terrorist attack any minute, but there's nothing you can do but go about your life and be alert". . . and I'd entombed myself all those months for nothing!
Well as some of you know, I've never been a big fan of the government anyway. . . and after that ordeal I was so angry I decided to sit down and begin work on a book that would shake the very foundation of our country.
The working title is: Liars, Fixers, Punks and Thieves: A Savage Look Into The Shameful Cesspool OF American Politics Since 1956. . . and the goal will be to present a factual, unblinking narrative that proves every major and minor figure involved in our political system for the last 47 years have done nothing but work 24-hours a day like rats in heat to subvert the Constitution and rape the American tax payer.
I'm close to finishing a complete and detailed outline; once it's done and circulated among the major publishing houses, I'm confident they will see it is a seminal and groundbreaking work that has the potential to convince every citizen in this once- proud nation to reject the status quo; put aside our own self-interest and financial gain; and make the sacrifices necessary to take back our country and ensure a better world for geberations to come.
I then hope to get a multimillion-dollar advance; pack my bags; set up a dummy corporation in the Cayman Islands to avoid paying any taxes; slap together a mishmash of old Readers Digest articles, Springsteen lyrics, and K-Mart flyers and send it to the publisher to fulfill my contract. . . then flee to Belize, slap a "Bush/Haliburton 2004" bumper sticker on my beach chair, and spend the rest of my life counting my money and sipping NyQuil Coladas with Maggie while we throw lime rinds at monkeys and watch the sun set over the Caribbean Sea.
I am, after all, a Professional. . .
Until that deal comes together, I'll be busy working my regular job as an offcial political advisor to Howard Dean as he makes his run for the presidency (I came up with the extremely effective "Vote Dean- He Has Eyebrows" slogan that has pushed the candidate ahead of Dick Ghephart in Iowa) so I'm afraid it's going to be a while before I have time to come back and hang out again . . . but I do want to wish everyone-- both my old friends who see this and be reminded of the wonderful insanity of old; and those newer posters who read this and feel a combination of confusion and revulsion-- a peaceful and blessed Holiday season. . .
Okay, gotta run. . . I spent the day fighting my way past crazed seniors and knife-fighting Mall Santa's to finish spending money I don't really have on presents people don't really want while waiting to see if that hamburger I ate this afternoon was ridden with Mad Cow Disease. . .
. . . and now I'd like to kick back and relax and reflect on what it means to be a Native Son in this Year of Our Lord, 2003.
So Merry Christmas . . I miss you all, and I'll see ya again some time.
I mean Merry Christmas.
