Today was the day I finally lost it. I mean really lost it. I became one of those out of control raging at the top of her voice in public at her children lost it. Here’s how it happened.
The plan for the day was for the kids to take the pirate cruise that leaves from the dock at POR, our resort. It leaves at 9:30 or so but you should be there around 9:00 to check in.
Now in full diamond fashion this was not a surprise to my children. I had talked about the pirate cruise. I had read descriptions of it to them. I had shown them pictures of it on the Internet. We had talked about strategies if they were feeling unsafe, or anxious. They knew they would all be together. They knew they might be buddied up with someone else but that they could still sit near each other and spend the entire time not even talking to another person if necessary. They knew they would be leaving on a boat and looking for treasure. They knew they had to wear a lifejacket and would explore other resorts that they hadn’t been to before. They knew it would be about 20 kids and 2 Cast members. They knew they weren’t going to like the lunch and that I would buy them something else to eat when they came back. They knew they could ask to go to the bathroom but had decided not to drink too much just in case. So in other words they knew all about it because I had covered it before we left home.
My mistake was that I forgot to keep covering once we were at Disney. I had barely mentioned it and suddenly it seemed to them that it the time had come and they didn’t feel prepared. I was out late the night before with Cindy and Jedi was asleep when I got back. So we missed the big family get ready for the next day pump up talk session.
It should be noted that I still had the sinus pain. In fact it seemed to be getting better. I had spent most of the morning blowing my nose and thought I had gotten everything out. Not to be too blunt but I was filling up Kleenex after Kleenex of gobs of green mucus. Remember this blowing my nose part. I feel the effects tonight and tomorrow.
Anyhow I still have a sinus throb and of course the honking blister. Apparently, it didn’t enjoy walking around the world last night. Who knew?
I know I get cranky when I am thirsty so I make myself a cup of coffee at the room. I figured I would have some demons to battle but I stupidly thought they would be small. I mean they did the Tea Party just fine didn’t they?
The kids get dressed into their Pirate tank tops I made for them. This is when the anti-cruise activity starts up.
“I don’t want to go on the cruise,” moans Jedi.
“Tell me what happens on this cruise again Mom” asks Eeoyre.
Cindy loves her pirate Tink shirt so I don’t hear much from her. But then remember she is not vocal with her displeasure. I’m sure if I had of paid much attention to her I would have seen the signs.
“Yes, you do Jedi. It was the Tea Party you didn’t want to do. And Eeoyre we talked about it. You leave in the boat and look for treasure at another resort. There will be clues just like the family magic tour”
“But when do we come back?”
“You should only be gone about two hours”
“And I don’t have to eat any food I don’t want to right Mom? You said I didn’t have to eat it”
“Yes Hon, I don’t care if you eat or don’t eat. It does look like it’s going to be sunny and hot though so I’d like you to drink something”
“Well, what do they have to drink?”
“I don’t remember. I think some sort of juice box. But when you go to the resorts you can always ask where the water fountain is.”
“What if they don’t let me go to the water fountain?”
“Then, I’m sure they would have a very good reason not to and you’ll just have to drink more when you come home.”
Dh throws a juice box at Eeoyre. “Here, drink this now”
“But Dad, then I’ll have to go to the bathroom!”
While all this is going on we are chasing down Jedi and trying to wrestle him into his clothes. He is maintaining that he doesn’t want to go.
The thing is I know that he does indeed want to go. He was so excited learning about it back at home. He’s just nervous about it and his nervousness is causing him to act out.
Jedi probably doesn’t want to go on this cruise. He could care less about pirates. And since he is almost ten he knows he’ll be one of the oldest kids there. But he will go for his brother and sister.
Now Cindy. She was really into the Tea party. The deal was that Jedi would go to the Tea Party and she would go on the cruise. It was a compromise. One that she needed to live up to her half of.
We attempt to take both strollers to the dock. Cindy’s stroller falls apart again. This time it is the other wheel. Go figure.
So Cindy has to walk. It’s only to our boat launch so I know she can make it. We don’t always take her stroller with us anyhow. And she was fine to walk the world with me last night without. However, having her stroller might have put her in a better mood.
Jedi is secured into his stroller with the usual just grab and go style. I can just see Dh around the bend pushing the stroller 20 miles an hour making it too dangerous for Jedi to pop out of it. But I can still see Jedi’s arms and legs flailing in every direction defiantly. Although I can’t hear them I can just imagine what he is saying.
Poppa decides to come to the dock with us to see us off. My original plan was that Poppa would sign the kids in and pick them up and Dh and I would go to Epcot by ourselves this morning. That didn’t happen.
At the dock Dh signs them in. I know they do these cruises 3 or four times a week at this location but they seemed very undisneylike with their lack of organization. There was a CM at the boat rental checking people in. 20 or so kids to be checked in all at once. Each child came with a couple adults so all in there were probably close to 50 people wandering around waiting for directions.
Another CM was giving out bandana’s and name tags to the kids going on the cruise. She is swarmed by parents asking questions. She looks like she is drowning already and she is still on land.
We fight our way into the crowd. The Diamond children do not like crowds. They prefer orderly lines with everyone waiting their turn. Eeoyre noticed a girl that arrived after us already had her bandana. His guard went up. I told him to “Shhh”. That this wasn’t the time and place.
Once we elbowed our way to the CM only Eeoyre takes a bandana. Cindy and Jedi refuse to even make eye contact with the poor girl. I’m sure she’s thinking Boy is this cruise going to fun.
Cindy storms off to a corner with her traditional “hummpft” and assumes her arms crossed position when I try to hand her one. Out of the corner of my eye I see Poppa walk over to try to talk to her. He doesn’t last long. He walks away.
Jedi keeps repeating, “I’m not going. I’m not going” over and over again. He gets back into the stroller and won’t get out.
I crouch down at eye level to him.
“Oh honey, I know you do want to go but it seems a bit scary right now. You know that Cindy and Eeoyre will be with the whole time just like the Tea Party.”
“I didn’t want to go to the Tea Party either” he sulks.
“I remember how excited you were about this day when we were at home. Don’t you?”
“NO! I don’t want to talk to you,” he says as he whips his head into the back of the stroller so I can’t see his face. His voice is starting to break with emotion.
“Okay, so just Mommy will talk. I’d like to talk to your Dragon now. Jedi’s Dragon if you can hear me, it’s safe for Jedi to go on this cruise. He doesn’t need you to protect him anymore. You did your job and you need to fly away and let his wizard take over.”
I hear a moan/giggle from the stroller. But he doesn’t move.
So I continue. It was promising to almost hear a laugh so I try to add some humour.
“I call upon Jedi’s wizard now. Oh, great and powerful wizard I call upon you to help Jedi see that this pirate cruise is safe. Tell him that his brother and sister will there with him the whole time. Tell him that the boat stays in this river and that it is the safest boat in all the Disney fleet. Tell him that he has the power and strength to go on this cruise. Tell him now Oh Great and Powerful Wizard.”
I wait for dramatic effect.
“Hey, Jedi? Did you hear your wizard?”
I was blessed with a corner of an eye. But there was a twinkle in the eye. I smiled a silly smile back. Then it happened. Jedi smiled too.
“But Mom, I don’t want to see any pirates” he said in a quiet calm voice.
Suddenly this is all making sense. We hadn’t covered the pirate part. Just the cruise part. I forgot that my 6 year old might actually believe in Pirates as opposed to the rest of the family that believes in the magic of Disney Pirates.
In essence, I forgot about his innocence. Once again my heart melts.
“Oh Sweetie, you guys are the pirates. There isn’t any other pirates. It’s just you. See the bandanas everyone is wearing. YOU get to pretend to be pirates.”
He’s still not completely convinced. I can see the wheels turning in his head. I think I might have gotten to him.
“Shall we just walk over together and I can ask the nice lady about the pirates to make sure?”
He nods and takes my hand. Yes, I think. This is going to happen after all.
The young drowning CM turns out to be not quite so bright. She doesn’t get that my little boy is afraid and needs reassurance. She doesn’t read the signs properly. I start by introducing Jedi and say that he is nervous about meeting pirates. Jedi is clinging to me with huge eyes. She just doesn’t get it. Instead she keeps up the pretence that there are actual pirates on the cruise. She even goes on to describe the pirates.
Jedi runs back to the stroller. I tell her point blank she has just scared a little boy. She still doesn’t get it. Should this woman be working with children?
Eeoyre puts on his bandana, his lifejacket and his nametag and stands with the group of kids. He gives me a shoulder shrug that I take to mean I can take this or leave this.
Dh walks over to me after finally making his way through the sign-in and pay line. He says, “Do you know how much money this is? Do I have to pay for this if they don’t go?”
That was it. That was the straw that broke my back. I was done. No more Mommy nice guy. I couldn’t handle my husband’s financial doubts, my righteous older son, my sulking daughter and my scared silly youngest.
I morphed into a ranting raving fishmonger’s wife once again.
Suddenly I yelled into the crowd.
“Eeoyre and Cindy get over here NOW as in PRONTO do not STOP AT GO!”
Heads turned. People gawked. And I didn’t care if the 20 or so other families heard me. They were welcome to enjoy the show because I was going ballistic and back.
I had it.
Done.
Fineto.
Every onze of patience had been sucked slowly out of me and I was about to blow.
I couldn’t and didn’t want to stop myself anymore.
I screamed at my family. Dh, Eeoyre, Cindy and Jedi.
I told the kids that if they weren’t all going that none of them were going. I went on and on about how ungrateful they all were. I believe starving children in Africa were even mentioned.
Then as Dh was nodding along with me I turned my fury to him. I told him I knew exactly how much everything cost and I and the family were worth every single dollar. If he wanted to keep counting each penny he was free to do that but he would be counting them alone. As in ALL ALONE.
In my rage I did realize I was making a scene. After my initial blow I was starting to feel more rational and thought I could save some face by moving away from the crowd.
I started to walk them away from the dock. They were all dumbfounded. Like robots they slowly followed me.
Another simmer of anger bubbled up.
I seethed at them this time. Quietly but with a bite I told them if they thought they were going to have a bad time on the cruise they hadn’t seen anything yet. That this was going to be the worst morning of their lives. I had had enough of them and I was angry at them and I going to make them pay. I had paid enough.
Cindy started to sob.
In a sarcastic voice I asked her. “What is wrong with you now?”
“I wa.. wa.. I want to go on the cruise.”
“Yeah Mom, Why did you pull me out? I was doing everything right. I was good. Why can’t I go on the cruise?” Eeoyre pipes in. Always quick to point out when he is good and the others are not. An annoying habit. He still doesn’t realize that by pointing out his “proper behaviour” it becomes a negative trait.
UGGGHHHH my head is pounding, my heart is racing, and I can’t really think straight.
I speak but no words come out. Just sounds.
I throw up my hands and storm away. I don’t trust myself to be near them.
This is not something that Mommy usually does so once again they are dumbfounded. They stand there looking at each other.
As I walked away, I was not privy to this part of the day but Dh has filled me in.
Finally Dh speaks up.
“Cindy you really want to go?”
“Yes”
“And Eeoyre you want to go too?”
“Yes”
“Well, why in heaven’s name are you giving us such a hard time about it?”
Two pairs of shoulders shrug silently.
“Okay, let’s get the two of you on this boat then” He starts to push the stroller back towards the crowd of kids.
“Um Dad?” pipes up Jedi. “I think I want to go too”
Dh sighs.
So Dh signs the three of them in again.
In the meantime I go into the food court and refill my coffee. Regular this time. I needed the caffeine.
I sip my coffee and watch out the window at the food court. There they are my three smiling happy kids.
I watch as they happily put on the life vests and nametags.
I see giggles as they take their pirate vow and walk the plank to the boat.
Still watching them as they wave goodbye and blow kisses to Dh and Poppa until their boat fades out of sight.
Tons of questions go through my head. All sorts of things like why oh why couldn’t they just do that in the first place? Why did we need all this drama? What am I doing wrong? How could I have exploded like that? What is wrong with me? Do they hate me now?
I had lost the desire to explore Epcot with Dh. Or as Dh suggested earlier going back to bed just the two of us with one eyebrow raised suggestively. Like I was in any type of romantic mood now.
I walked back to the room myself. Feeling guilty, angry, sick and tired.
I changed into my bathing suit, grabbed a book and headed to the pool to sit in the sun and relax.
And that folks is my tale of woe.
The Mega Mommy Meltdown of 2008.
Do you suppose they have pins to celebrate it?
Click here to find out what happens next.
http://www.disboards.com/showpost.php?p=30144853&postcount=599
We're never proud of it and you did apologize. Everything is better when you have hindsight!
See it all worked out.
She was not so sad about it. I think she had enough of it and was looking forward to seeing all her sisters and cousins at my great aunts birthday party. Poppa was glad not to have to go to the birthday party and Dh and I were glad to still have Poppa so it all worked out for the best.
Although, after my rant they couldn't please me fast enough. You are only human and you are definately not alone. We all want the "perfect" family vacation...we just never stop to ask ourselves if it really exists. Reading your last installment I relived my "moment" and I felt so bad for you..but..a book , by the pool, in the sunshine, ALONE...sounds wonderful! Hope the rest of your day turned out better. Can't wait to read more!
