"MissCammie...why did the monorail stop? Is it broken? Are we going to have to slide down an emergency slide? Are we going to MISS the party?! MissCammie, what if we miss the party? What if we..."
Sally had gone into worry warthog OVERDRIVE
"Ummm Sally...it's moving again..."
"Oh...are we almost there yet soon?"
We were there yet before we knew it! Teddy was was so excited to see Captain Jack Sparrow. He couldn't wait to show him his REAL pirate braids...and he wanted to see if Captain Jack was wearing HIS
crocs...*cough*
I had to think about to explain this one...ummmm...OH...
"Umm Teddy, Captain Jack just came in from being out on the Black Pearl...and it's cold and windy out at Sea...so he may be wearing his actual Pirate boots..."
Teddy looked thoughtful for a moment.
"MissCammie, I'll bet he has his crocs in his luggage though right?"
OF COURSE he does!!!
I wondered aloud what color crocs Captain Jack Sparrow might wear.
Teddy gave me a most withering look and said:
"MissCammie...Captain Jack Sparrow wears the PIRATE crocs...the BLACK ones...because of the Black Pearl." He said this with the kind of authority and certainty only a young child can muster on subjects of fun and fantasy. Then,I swear, the child smacked ME with an eyebrow that said "Silly silly woman, don't you know ANYTHING?!"
Sadly...often I don't!
The monorail slid into the Magic Kingdom station and we jumped off...along with 84,000 other people.
Somehow we found our way to the ramps leading down and towards the Magic Kingdom.
Sally had a hold of my hand as she scanned the horizen for other girls dressed as princesses. She needed to be sure that she hadn't been PUNKED by her step mother! Seeing as how I'm completely wicked, it makes sense that she'd worry about such a thing!
"MISSCAMMIE LOOK!!! There's a girl dressed like Cinderella!! And there's JAsmine!!! OH and Sleeping BEAUTY!! Oh MissCammie, there's a grown up dressed in Snow WHITE DRESS!! JUST LIKE YOU...EXCEPT HER BOTTOM IS BIGGER THAN YOURS!!! And there's ARIEL..."
See...I TOLD you there would be oth...Wait...WHAT did you just SHOUT at the top of your voice?!
We have been working with the kids A LOT on censoring their observations of others. It used to be really bad...such as "That person is ugly" or "That person is REALLY fat isn't she MissCammie?"...hurtful comments that were chuckled at in one house were met with complete intolerance at another...I'll let y'all guess WHICH house was which...
Sally has gotten much better at it as she doesn't like to be mean on purpose. She DID enjoy making her grandfather laugh though, which was why that was such a problem in the first place. I think in this instance she turned her inner censor off in her excitment...that or she was checking to see if the same rules applied at Disneyworld as they did at home...
I had to eyebrow her pretty hard to let her know that the rules were EXACTLY the same at Mickey's house as they were at ours.
"Sally...remember how we are supposed to keep comments about other people's appearances to ourselves? And remember how you just SHOUTED that someone's bottom is bigger than mine?
*ahem* Sally, that could really hurt someone's feelings...and MissCammie has no bottom to speak of which isn't very nice in and of itself and not something I'm proud of...and really it's an unfair comparison all together considering that TEDDY has a bigger bottom than I do at this present time...Do you understand?"
Okay maybe I didn't say the last part...but it's true. With my ulcers acting up as much as they have been, i've pretty much been living on plain yogurt and oatmeal...I went from having curves to being an ironing board. I can wear Sally's clothes...my pants fell down to me KNEES one day while I was at work...My alphabet wearage went from a D to an A! Y'all know what i'm saying here...I AM aptly described as scrawny. So I don't have a bottom to compare to the bottoms of others...so anybody's bottom is bigger than mine...which totally isn't the point...but I'm just saying...*cough*
where were we?
Oh yes...
"Sally do you understand what I'm saying?"
She gave me her "Owl" look...It's the big eyes, pronounced blinking look. She pairs this with silence and hopes that that will be the end of it. Sally HATES to be called out on anything. It really ticks her off...I can only imagine the words she is saying inside her head...probably something like "Oh EFF OFF you CONTROL FREAK...it's not like that lady HEARD ME...GET OVER IT..." That's the kind of stuff I think when people are pointing out something I don't want them to point out.
But we don't allow her to use blinking and silence as an answer...b/c I AM a control freak and I grew up in a home in which I had to answer "Yes Sir" to every single solitary thing my father ever said..."I love you baby doll..." "YES SIR"..."Baby, run get me a soda water would you?" "YES SIR" Y'know...loving interactions like that...so I have to unleash such parenting on any children in my care. Circle of Life and all...
and it's rude not to answer when someone asks you a question. PERIOD.
"Sal...I need some words please...something to signify that you understand the words I am saying to you..."
"Yes".
I wasn't going to enter into a power struggle with her at this moment in time. It was hot and there were gazillions of people heading towards the Magic Kingdom and DANGIT we were on vacation...so "Yes" would have to suffice.
But I did smack her around with another eyebrow just for good measure...just to let her know that NORMALLY just "Yes" would not end a conversation such as the one we just had...Cuz I'm mean that way. Y'know...Wicked.
We headed towards the security check while I willed myself to "STAY in the moment"...I always start thinking about how soon things would be over and how I couldn't believe we were finally there and it was all happening so fast and...
"And my step MOM is snow white and I was GOING to be Cinderella but I don't have yellow hair the way she does so I dressed up as Belle because we look like TWINS but except I'm not as tall as the REAL Belle and my little brother is SO annoying but he's captain Jack Sparrow, but just with the hat and braids b/c it's too hot and he gets dehydrated easily like this one time when we were at mommy's and he..."
I had to stop my reverie over time passage and shake my head to make sure I wasn't hallucinating...was that MY SallyRally with the chatter button taped down again talking to the Security Guard? Good GRACIOUS who WAS this child? Just talking away...to a perfect stranger...and showing no signs of stopping...
"...so we had to stay at the doctor's for a LONG time and I was really bored and..."
HEY...Chatty Cathy...can we get moving? We've got a party to go to! Lots more to see beyond the security guard!
I literally had to give her a nice little shove to get her going. I looked down at her and expected to see her eyes glowing green signifying her pod person status...but all I saw what a happy little girl, flushed with excitement and ready to take on the World! She ran towards her daddy just to tell him she loved him. This girl was FULL of the spirit!
I laughed at the Magic of this place as I pulled out the camera!
We made it through the gates with minimal drama...meaning only Teddy managed to get stuck as he went through the turnstile. I'm not sure how...but he managed. That's Teddy for ya!
Oooohhhhh look at the red silk bunting!!!!
Ooooohhhh and the RED CARPET!!! How EXCITING!!! A RED CARPET!! (I am ridiculously easy to thrill...it's that redneck in me I suppose!)
Teddy was ITCHING with determination...quite literally...as he marched up the Red Carpet. He was a man on a mission. He was looking for the REAL Captain Jack Sparrow...of the black Pirate crocs fame...*ahem*
Can y'all see the GAZILLION other people on a similar mission? We really thought the park would be pleasantly empty, but it was more moderately full...it wasn't that bad after an hour or so, but initially there were just SCADS of people. Jay took that opportunity to smack me with a look...b/c he wasn't all that keen on paying for tickets ON TOP of tickets...didn't see the point my husband. Thought it was a...what did he call it...a crock! But forked over the cash pretty quickly after I unleashed the
look! Ahh the power of LOOKS!!!
Jay took off to get our FREE for the night "Kid Transporter"...which is what the blue transportation devices are ACTUALLY called...seriously...they are...b/c strollers are for BABIES...and big kids of 5 and 8 would rather walk and WHINE about being tired and hot and needing a rest than ride in a BABY stroller...but a KID TRANSPORTER is another story...it's for kids...and Sally and Teddy are kids...which makes it TOTALLY unweird for them to be riding in a transportation device that bears the name KID TRANSPORTER...*ahem* That and MissCammie tends to break out in rashes when whining starts up...and we can't have that while we are on vacation now can we?! NO...I didn't think so!
Once Jay arrived with said transportation, Teddy clambered in with no hesitation. Sally wasn't so quick to hop in...
"It looks crowded in there MissCammie...and did someone clean it before we got it? Because who knows who could have been sitting in there before us and what if they had GERMS or dirty diapers on or something?"
Sally started to twitch just thinking about it.
I started to twitch at the idea that we were going to have "sanitation fits" every day for the rest of the vacation. So I said in my brightest voice...
"Sally, every single Kid Transporter is thoroughly scrubbed and washed with a special kid transporter washing system developed exclusively for DISNEY. They are then sprayed and sanitized and sealed in germ free, earth friendly plastic between each use...SO GET IN..."
She seemed to be considering my explanation when Teddy squealed
"Oh LOOK, there's BIRD POO on it!!!!"
thanks Teddy...observant little POOT that you are!
Jay found that uproariously funny. I slapped him with my eyes and told him to HUSH UP. I was TRYING to lie to his daughter...did he MIND?!
So I decided to lay it out for SallyRally
"Listen kiddo, there is A LOT of walking here at disneyworld. A lot. More than you've ever walked in your whole entire life. If you want to walk instead of ride, that's fine. But I don't want to hear any fussing about being tired. Because if you are tired, you've got an option. It's right here. It's not any dirtier than a shopping cart at the grocery store. Got me?"
"Yes...I'll walk"
She took my hand and we turned towards Main Street. I love Main Street. I love the first view of Cinderellas castle...it sort of syncs your heart to a Disney rhythm...it's just such a Magical image to me that I get goosebumps every single time I see the castle from Main Street. I love it. I have no doubts that when I go to Heaven...if I can sneak past the gates
...Cinderellas castle will be there somewhere. That's how much I love it.
I could tell that Sally was having a similar reaction to it b/c she was hop skipping beside me. "MissCammie...look...there. it. is. THAT is where the REAL life Cinderella LIVES with Prince Charming. And they are MARRIED and her mother can't be mean to her any more or make her move or tell her she can't have dogs...because the Castle is hers. It's where she lives. She is the boss of her own self...right MissCammie."
lord that child kills me every single time. Any time something touches her, she'll try and describe what she is feeling and her own heartaches spill out into the description...
"Right sweetpea. She is the boss of her own self."
UP NEXT: Stalking the Stepmother...the Search for Lady Tremaine
(I know this was a short chapter...busy day Saturday!! More soon...PROMISE!!!)
here i am just reading along 
,laughing
,wiping tears of sadness and happiness
and really enjoying your tr 
and all the while keeping my eye on the page numbers as they tick down to the end
! man am i sad
j/k,really, really lovin' this report....wish my children would of had a great step mom like you..by the time my ex got around to the 'good' one he had so much excess baggage { and ex's} that he messed that up too! the kids were all grown by then but oldest granddaughter got attached to this wonderful women then she realized who she had married and was out of there...sad for the grandkids...some poeple should have a toxic label on their forhead!
hugs &pirate aaarrrgghhhsss to all!!!!
