8 Year Old Debbie Downer; really?

[doodlesmommy]

So I have to get this off my chest. My daughter is an allstar cheerleader and we travel a good distance to get to her gym. Because of the 30 min. drive a few moms and I carpool to make it easier. It is always fun, until this one girl rides with us. You could say the sky is a beautiful shade of blue and her response would be, "well, I like it darker". I just had to share with my DisFriends the conversation this afternoon.

Driving down the highway the conversation turns to our upcoming Disney trip. Her immediate response was I hate Disney. What? Who hates Disney, especially a child??? She went this past Spring so I thought she would have a ton of things to tell us about what she loved the best. Instead we got to hear about the awesome pool at the Grand Floridian but how she hated everything else because it was boring. "Who wants to stand in line to see someone dressed in a costume?" Now at this point I wanted to change the subject until my daughter fires back with, "well if you went with us you'd have fun. Grumpin is not allowed in our family". I was so proud of my daughter for not giving in to the negative talk but at the same time it made me incredibly sad for her friend. Thanks for listening, just had to share that with someone that would understand how thrown off guard I was by that conversation. I didn't really know what else to say, and then I had to smile at her mom as I dropped her off like she was a little angel. Grrr!

 

[daisy2jae]

Keep that in mind when you are on your next trip and someone thinks about being grumpy. remind them to enjoy it so they won't have memories like the friend did

 

[ddoconnell]

I can't believe that there is an 8 YO that does not love WDW! Maybe she is trying to be "cool". Good for your DD for setting her straight I hope you guys have a fantastic time!

 

[lovesmurfs]

We don't allow "grumpin'" either. Reminds me of the story of the twin brothers, Harry and Larry. Harry is a pessimist and Larry is an optimist. The little pessimist was always complaining and very negative, while the optimist viewed everything through rose-colored glasses. It was their birthday, and their father decided to test their attitudes. He bought every kind of beautiful toy imaginable for the pessimist - a new bike, a basketball, a baseball, bat and glove and dozens of things that would make a little boy happy, but for the optimist, a pile of horse manure was to be his only gift.

When Harry, the pessimist, saw all of his beautiful gifts, he immediately began to complain. "If I ride this bike on the street, I might wreck it and hurt myself, and I know if I take this basketball outside, someone will probably steal it, and baseball is dangerous. If I miss the ball with the glove it will hit me in the head and I'll probably end up hitting the ball too far and breaking somebody's window." Harry went on and on in deep negativism. He had turned his birthday into doom and gloom.

Then it was the little optimist's turn for his birthday present. When Larry saw the pile of horse manure with his name on it, he enthusiastically began to run throughout the house looking in all of the rooms, in the garage, and in the backyard. When his father caught him by the arm and asked, "Son, what are you looking for:" Larry replied, "Dad, with all of the horse manure you gave me, I just know there's gotta be a pony around here someplace!"

 

[mousebymarriage]

I completely understand but, we had a Debbie Downer on our last Disney Trip (actually it was the child's whole family). Our last trip was in Jan 2008 and DD best friends family joined us ,HUGE mistake! The entire family compalined about everything, the resort, the food, the buses, the lines etc etc. The absolute worst offender was the youngest child who was 10 years old, she was a NIGHTMARE. This child complained about absolutely everything, every day. I have never seen a child (especially at 10 years old) behave that way. It was her first trip to Disney and she insisted on sitting in a stroller because there was too much walking, she is very petite so she did fit in the Disney ones but, looked ridiculous. She had multiple temper tantrums when she didn't get her way, she had a hissy fit if the lines were too long and sat in the stroller with her arms crossed and pouting. She yelled and cursed at her mother and sisters and at one point even smacked her mother. She refused to ride anything that she deemed too dark, loud, scary or babyish. Oh and to top it off she said that Disney was boring! How would she know, she refused to go on anything. The only time this child was happy was when her mother gave into the hissy fit and let her get a "makeover" at BBB in downtown Disney. Less than an hour after her makeover we were back at the resort and she jumped in the pool and there went the makeover, it was ruined. Her mother spent $75 for less than an hour and when her sister asked why she ruined the makeover she said in a super snotty tone "Because I wanted too". What a brat!! I swear I have never seen a more miserable child.

Oh and before anyone asks, no she is not a "special needs" child.

 

[rascooby]

My daughter has a friend like this. Thankfully they don't go to the same school now and are starting to drift apart. Whenever my daughter starts asking about having her over I try to suggest someone else and it usually works. She thinks EVERYTHING is boring. I'm sure she'd hate Disney too.

We don't allow complaining like that. If my kids weren't well behaved and didn't have a good time when we did fun things I think we'd just start staying home. Doing things like that is a lot of work and it wouldn't be worth it just to hear whining and complaining the whole time.

 

[dormouse72]

I completely understand but, we had a Debbie Downer on our last Disney Trip (actually it was the child's whole family). Our last trip was in Jan 2008 and DD best friends family joined us ,HUGE mistake! The entire family compalined about everything, the resort, the food, the buses, the lines etc etc. The absolute worst offender was the youngest child who was 10 years old, she was a NIGHTMARE. This child complained about absolutely everything, every day. I have never seen a child (especially at 10 years old) behave that way. It was her first trip to Disney and she insisted on sitting in a stroller because there was too much walking, she is very petite so she did fit in the Disney ones but, looked ridiculous. She had multiple temper tantrums when she didn't get her way, she had a hissy fit if the lines were too long and sat in the stroller with her arms crossed and pouting. She yelled and cursed at her mother and sisters and at one point even smacked her mother. She refused to ride anything that she deemed too dark, loud, scary or babyish. Oh and to top it off she said that Disney was boring! How would she know, she refused to go on anything. The only time this child was happy was when her mother gave into the hissy fit and let her get a "makeover" at BBB in downtown Disney. Less than an hour after her makeover we were back at the resort and she jumped in the pool and there went the makeover, it was ruined. Her mother spent $75 for less than an hour and when her sister asked why she ruined the makeover she said in a super snotty tone "Because I wanted too". What a brat!! I swear I have never seen a more miserable child.

Oh and before anyone asks, no she is not a "special needs" child.

You are describing my nightmare about our upcoming trip with my niece (except for the hitting; she pouts, whines, complains, and throws tantrums but doesn't hit). She's better when her mother isn't around but when my SIL is there...man, oh man! Even my mother says "That child never looks happy!" My SIL is raising her on her own and she works crazy hours. She's an only child and I think she's lonely not having anyone to play with, even though she has TONS of toys and is in every activity you can think of. She's definitely spoiled (on top of a birthday Disney trip my SIL is still shelling out tons of money for a big birthday party the week after we get back) but my SIL feels so bad having to work so much she doesn't want to spend what time she has with her setting limits, making sure she does chores, etc.

I've tried talking to her about it and she knows she's too much of a softie but I don't think she's going to change any time soon. She feels like she's not going to have another child so the sun rises and sets on her daughter. I'm the strict one so I set the rules and my niece and I have had enough run-ins where she knows what's expected, even if she doesn't always like it. My SIL doesn't stop me from treating my niece the same way I treat mine, so hopefully we should be ok. I don't mind being the heavy.

 

[JLTraveling]

OMG, you guys are seriously talking about my cousin and her husband...only they're 26 and 25 respectively!! My dad and I just finished the trip from you know where with them. I honestly couldn't believe that allegedly grown adults behaved so incredibly badly. Here's the TR if you want to read it...but be forewarned, it's enough to make you never want to take ANYBODY to Disney again!!

 

[Schmeck]

So I have to get this off my chest. My daughter is an allstar cheerleader and we travel a good distance to get to her gym. Because of the 30 min. drive a few moms and I carpool to make it easier. It is always fun, until this one girl rides with us. You could say the sky is a beautiful shade of blue and her response would be, "well, I like it darker". I just had to share with my DisFriends the conversation this afternoon.

Driving down the highway the conversation turns to our upcoming Disney trip. Her immediate response was I hate Disney. What? Who hates Disney, especially a child??? She went this past Spring so I thought she would have a ton of things to tell us about what she loved the best. Instead we got to hear about the awesome pool at the Grand Floridian but how she hated everything else because it was boring. "Who wants to stand in line to see someone dressed in a costume?" Now at this point I wanted to change the subject until my daughter fires back with, "well if you went with us you'd have fun. Grumpin is not allowed in our family". I was so proud of my daughter for not giving in to the negative talk but at the same time it made me incredibly sad for her friend. Thanks for listening, just had to share that with someone that would understand how thrown off guard I was by that conversation. I didn't really know what else to say, and then I had to smile at her mom as I dropped her off like she was a little angel. Grrr!

If the child is like this all the time, she's probably depressed. She could use some sympathy and her mother needs to get her some help.

 

[sk!mom]

As hard as it is for us Disers to believe, there truly are people who do not enjoy a Disney vacation. My DH's entire family is like that and they are generally fun and cheerful people they just do not enjoy amusement parks, even Disney. My own son, who loves vacations, no longer enjoys Disney. He liked it at 5, enjoyed it as a teen since it was fun to see his little sister have so much fun, but he has now sworn that he'll never go again unless he someday has children of his own. He has passed on going with us twice now.

We have lovely friends who went twice with their young DD's. The first time they went around Christmas, one DD got sick, and the crowds were horrendous, so they blamed all of that for their generally poor opinion. They thought, "everyone loves WDW, right?" so they decided to go again at a less busy time, everyone stayed healthy, but they still thought it was...just OK.

Long reply, and your young friend may well be a "Debbie Downer" but it's also possible that her family just does not enjoy Disney.

 

[doodlesmommy]

You are describing my nightmare about our upcoming trip with my niece (except for the hitting; she pouts, whines, complains, and throws tantrums but doesn't hit). She's better when her mother isn't around but when my SIL is there...man, oh man! Even my mother says "That child never looks happy!" My SIL is raising her on her own and she works crazy hours. She's an only child and I think she's lonely not having anyone to play with, even though she has TONS of toys and is in every activity you can think of. She's definitely spoiled (on top of a birthday Disney trip my SIL is still shelling out tons of money for a big birthday party the week after we get back) but my SIL feels so bad having to work so much she doesn't want to spend what time she has with her setting limits, making sure she does chores, etc.

I've tried talking to her about it and she knows she's too much of a softie but I don't think she's going to change any time soon. She feels like she's not going to have another child so the sun rises and sets on her daughter. I'm the strict one so I set the rules and my niece and I have had enough run-ins where she knows what's expected, even if she doesn't always like it. My SIL doesn't stop me from treating my niece the same way I treat mine, so hopefully we should be ok. I don't mind being the heavy.

That kind of describes her to a T! Only child, who let me say is loved beyond belief but given everything in the world but limits. Let me explain that I absolutely love this child. If it not for the fact that I've known her since she was 3 I'd refuse to take her anywhere with us. I don't want to see her grow up to be such a cynical teenager and adult. Our conversation today just was over the top. I hate this song, change it. When will we be there, it takes too long....and then the conversation mentioned above. I was ready to go out of my mind by the time I got home. Luckily, I use it as a "teaching" moment with my daughter but I wish I didn't have to do so. Not to mention the fact that I would love for her to experience the amazing joy that we feel when we are on vacation. Thanks for listening to my vent....and the story written above about pessimist/optomist....loved it!

 

[ogreenlee]

My kid can sometimes be that kid.

Luckily, she loves Disney, but her negativity is direct result of the good attention she sometimes doesn't get. Her father works pretty late, and I'm a photographer. Sometimes I get slammed and I have to work a lot, but at home. She's an only child, and I can tell when she starts to get like that it's because I'm not able to spend time with her and she's acting out to get attention. It's textbook.

When we manage to get in good quality time together (not just one evening, but over time), she can be an angel and in good spirits.

We've been able to do that lately. We've been having more family fun nights and working on projects and homework together. So today we went out for lunch, and afterwards her dad left to go do man at Lowe's type of stuff. She and I went across the street from the restaurant to the city square park and walked around. The flowers were really pretty, and the weather was awesome, and she was so incredibly positive and in good spirits. She even said... "Being here is really nice and makes me feel really good." I thought it was quite profound for a six year old, but I don't have a lot of experience with other 6 year olds to know if it really is or not, but I'm still going to keep believing! lol

Anyway.. I'm an only child and mother to an only child, and yes... both of us act out sometimes. It's up to the parents to make sure quality time is spent together. Only kids really need that little extra. It's the parents' duty if they decide not to give that child a sibling. It really is.

That being said.... my mom and dad took me to Disney 6 or 7 times when I was little. They are some of my fondest memories. We took many family vacations together and did lots of stuff on the weekends when they weren't working. I can't imagine if they had not what I would be like now.

 

[doodlesmommy]

My kid can sometimes be that kid.

Luckily, she loves Disney, but her negativity is direct result of the good attention she sometimes doesn't get. Her father works pretty late, and I'm a photographer. Sometimes I get slammed and I have to work a lot, but at home. She's an only child, and I can tell when she starts to get like that it's because I'm not able to spend time with her and she's acting out to get attention. It's textbook.

When we manage to get in good quality time together (not just one evening, but over time), she can be an angel and in good spirits.

We've been able to do that lately. We've been having more family fun nights and working on projects and homework together. So today we went out for lunch, and afterwards her dad left to go do man at Lowe's type of stuff. She and I went across the street from the restaurant to the city square park and walked around. The flowers were really pretty, and the weather was awesome, and she was so incredibly positive and in good spirits. She even said... "Being here is really nice and makes me feel really good." I thought it was quite profound for a six year old, but I don't have a lot of experience with other 6 year olds to know if it really is or not, but I'm still going to keep believing! lol

Anyway.. I'm an only child and mother to an only child, and yes... both of us act out sometimes. It's up to the parents to make sure quality time is spent together. Only kids really need that little extra. It's the parents' duty if they decide not to give that child a sibling. It really is.

That being said.... my mom and dad took me to Disney 6 or 7 times when I was little. They are some of my fondest memories. We took many family vacations together and did lots of stuff on the weekends when they weren't working. I can't imagine if they had not what I would be like now.

That sounds like the perfect afternoon! Those weekends of good weather and hanging out in the warmth are numbered. I went to target today and got slapped in the face with a light up Santa that read Christmas was 84 days away. It made me think of coats and gloves....uggh!

Just to touch on the "only child issue", I am the wife of an only child and have many friends that are only children. I think that you could have two, five or twelve kids in a family. If you are a Parent, you have a tough job...period! These little guys keep us on our toes, they teach me something new every day. Good or bad. lol

 

[BelleRocks]

OMG, help me, this is my kid! My DD is 10, and from the time she was old enough to express herself, she looks at the dark side. I have tried SO HARD. I have talked about finding the good, not complaining, how it's a choice what you choose to focus on. I have been hard-nose (if you really are having that bad of a time we can leave - I have also taken a toy right out of her hands because all she could do was complain about it).

I have had SOME impact, but not a whole lot! I almost weep because I think, if she doesn't grow out of this she is going to be a MISERABLE adult!

Any advice???

 

[connie1042]

My daughter was in college and every time she called, there was something wrong. Nothing you or I would think was wrong, but it was always something major to her. I finally said one night. Can't you ever call and be happy, or say I had a great day, or we went out to eat and it was so much fun. She really did not realize she was doing this. It took a little practice, but it did change, and all of the little complaints stopped. I told her, I don't mind hearing about the bad if it truly is bad and affects you in a negative way, but someone not making their bed or taking the trash out does not qualify! I really don't tolerate negative people very well.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Here's my armchair psychologist assessment of the downer-cheerleader. It sounds like she uses negativity to get attention. It's her way of keeping you engaged in conversation and focused on her. There's a 5th grader in my son's class who disagrees with everything anyone has to say. My son and his friends have come to me in total outrage about what "Arthur" said today. "Can you believe Arthur said Disneyland stinks?" "Arthur said Star Wars is a horrible movie!" I think Arthur's problem is that he has poor social skills and doesn't know how to approach people he wants to be friends with. So he pipes up with a statement he knows will raise the hackles of the other kids so they will stand around and argue with him. This could be the little Debbie Downer's approach too.

 

[ebtbmom]

In some ways this sounds like my 11yr DS. He ALWAYS looks at the most negative side of things. My husband and I are really not whiners, I honestly think some of it is just his natural temperment. He has always been this way, and lately he has gotten a lot worse with the worrying and fear aspects of things. There are very few rides that he actually enjoys at WDW because he is so fearful.

I'm actually letting him talk to someone about it because I don't want him to let fear run his life. Sometimes behaviors that are annoying from kids are actually the manifestation of anxiety or depression.

My son is also an only child. We spend tons of time together as my husband and I work the same schedule. I think that partly as a result of him spending so much time with adults (we don't live in a neighborhood) he focuses on adult concerns. I have to be careful about which news stations I let him watch and he often asks if we're doing OK financially and if we'll loose our jobs because of the economy. Does anyone else's only child do this?

 

[doodlesmommy]

Here's my armchair psychologist assessment of the downer-cheerleader. It sounds like she uses negativity to get attention. It's her way of keeping you engaged in conversation and focused on her. There's a 5th grader in my son's class who disagrees with everything anyone has to say. My son and his friends have come to me in total outrage about what "Arthur" said today. "Can you believe Arthur said Disneyland stinks?" "Arthur said Star Wars is a horrible movie!" I think Arthur's problem is that he has poor social skills and doesn't know how to approach people he wants to be friends with. So he pipes up with a statement he knows will raise the hackles of the other kids so they will stand around and argue with him. This could be the little Debbie Downer's approach too.

I think you are completely right, a lot of this is for attention. Instead of arguing with her though, I've noticed the girls around her leave her standing there by herself. I actually see her as a challenge. I've asked her several times, including yesterday if she really "hated it" or if she was just in a bad mood. A lot of times that ends the conversation. I'm certainly no Pollyanna, we are all entitled to our crabby days but I think she needs someone to just chat with.

 

[luvmy3]

In some ways this sounds like my 11yr DS. He ALWAYS looks at the most negative side of things. My husband and I are really not whiners, I honestly think some of it is just his natural temperment. He has always been this way, and lately he has gotten a lot worse with the worrying and fear aspects of things. There are very few rides that he actually enjoys at WDW because he is so fearful.

I'm actually letting him talk to someone about it because I don't want him to let fear run his life. Sometimes behaviors that are annoying from kids are actually the manifestation of anxiety or depression.

My son is also an only child. We spend tons of time together as my husband and I work the same schedule. I think that partly as a result of him spending so much time with adults (we don't live in a neighborhood) he focuses on adult concerns. I have to be careful about which news stations I let him watch and he often asks if we're doing OK financially and if we'll loose our jobs because of the economy. Does anyone else's only child do this?

This is my ds too. He did have anxiety issues when he was younger and did see a psychologist. There was a time when he seemed like it all passed, but he does see alot thing negatively. He is not doing it for attention, its just how he is. I'm thinking of getting him back to the psychologist because I don't want it to get worse for him the older he gets.

Some kids may be doing thing for attention, but some may truly need help, and not from another child straightening them out.
OP, it is possible that this girl is having anxiety/depression issues and that is why she responds the ways she does, and its not always a case of just being grumpy.

 

[dormouse72]

Continual negativity about everything, as the PP said, can be a sign of something else going on inside, depending on the age of the child. Anxiety, depression, loneliness, insecurity, disappointment can all cause a child to act out in this way. It can (and does) happen to many children, no matter what the family composition is. For only children, it's probably easiest to say loneliness first but maybe it's something else. If the parents are willing to recognize that their child's behavior and attitude may be having a negative impact on how other's perceive them, then they can see what they can do to help their child - which could be anything from doing their best to provide enough consistent, on-going parent-child bonding time (very challenging), setting limits on inappropriate behaviors and following through (such as in the incident described where the child hits) or even therapy (there are some things that parents just can't do on their own. I can't help my kids with math because it's not my strong point so I send them to someone who can. Therapy isn't any different to my way of thinking - but then again, I'm in the field).

If parents don't see or don't want to see that there is a problem, there is very little that can be done unless the child makes the decision that things as they are aren't working and is mature enough (and brave enough) to ask for help on their own.