First of all I am SOOOO sorry for what you are going through. I went through the awful affair/moving out and I had 3 kids and had been a SAHM for almost 16 years when he came home and moved out.
There have been some amazing suggestions on here. I will say get yourself a divorce attorney that also has some experience in international divorce as well so that you know that you are covered if you do decide to leave and go to Canada.
Get yourself to a therapist as soon as possible just because divorce/affairs are such an emotionally draining experience and having a qualified professional to be there for you and help you through the issues you are going through now and will go through until you figure out your next move is crucial. My ex left me on a Thursday and I was in a therapists office on Monday. Best move I ever made. It really helped me process what I was feeling so that I could continue to go forward with a clear head.
CALL YOUR PARENTS!!!!! Don't wait another minute...call them!!! You NEED support! You deserve support and I'm sure your parents will be what you need in that department. They can put their new "life" on hold for a bit to help you get through this. When my ex came home to tell me he was moving out I went outside and called my parents while he was packing his stuff to get out. My parents arrived 15 minutes after he left and they were a godsend to me and have been and continue to be amazing in their support of me. I too was the only person in my family to be divorced and while I hate the stigma my parents especially and SOME of my family have been amazing.
I will go against some and say no way would I call his parents!!! I feel it's a really bad idea. If you leave they can take all the baby stuff back but I really don't think I would get involved with his parents. It could potentially bite you in the butt later down the road and I'm not sure you need that.
Good for you going in to see your doctor. That's a wise move. I think I was more afraid to go get tested than anything just because you never know.
I would suggest getting your financial house in order but I wouldn't liquidate anything until you speak to an attorney. Mine advised me to not leave the house, not liquidate assets and to only take a bit of the cash from the accounts but to go to the bank and get a dated printout of what was in the account. That way if he did take it all he'd have to prove to a judge why he emptied the account and that there was money in there at one point.
As for getting 1/2...just because you are entitled to it doesn't mean you'll get it. My attorney told me to plan on getting very little and if I did get what I was entitled to then consider myself lucky. Thankfully my ex was VERY fair with me and never tried to screw me out of anything I was entitled to but then we had 3 kids together, a 19 year marriage (mostly built on lies) and a weird mutual adult respect of each other.
Last of all take care of yourself and that precious baby. Make sure you eat even if you don't feel like it. I lost 25 lbs when my husband walked out the door because I could NOT eat. It's important for you to eat and take care of yourself and that baby.
This time sucks rocks...but it IS survivable. Turn to your family, friends,church, work friends whatever but get a good support system for yourself.
Seriously don't put off calling your parents. Do it NOW!!! You NEED them!! I know you probably don't think you do but honestly you DO!!!!!
Hang in there!! It's going to be a rough yucky road but it will eventually end. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel!!!
The website mentioned earlier
www.survivinginfidelity.com is a great tool!! I relied on them a lot when my ex left. One more thing.....this was posted on that site and I feel every person going through this with a cheating spouse should read it and really think about what it says because in my opinion truer words were never spoken!!!
Honey they always affair down......
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=326449
Yesterday, I was having a conversation with another SIer and a couple of the things we talked about are recurring topics especially for the newly betrayed wife. After DDay, we take such a hit to our self-esteem, and question what it was about the other woman that was so attractive to our husbands? Why did they get the best parts, when we were left with the worst? The truth is, that is not how this works. She is not more attractive. She does not get the best parts.
Whats is attractive about the OW is that they are the sickest, the weakest, the most injured of the pack. The insecure WH (wayward husband), wanting to feel strong and powerful, scans the herd for the easiest to kill. The self assured, the strong, the healthy will not do as those women want nothing to do with a married man. Our wayward husbands, needy and looking for someone to boost his ego, must look for someone beneath them, someone who will look up to him, someone who will make him feel superior, if only temporarily. What better way for an insecure person to feel powerful, and admired, than to pick the least of the bunch? The fact is
they always trade down. If she happens to be prettier, or thinner its just pure luck that the wrapping is worth more than the gift inside. Whats inside, is no match for you. Youre beautiful, and faithful, strong and possibly the mother of his children. The truth is, the OW could be anyone, anyone slow enough to be caught and willing to accept what little our husbands had to offer.
She accepts the very worst parts of our husbands; the liar, the cheater, the deceiver, the broken man. His behavior is lower than low, but thats okay with her. Shes accepts trashy behavior, because she is trash. She has no self-esteem because she knows her value
her value as the weakest, the most injured of the herd. She accepts his cheating ways and lowlife behavior because she knows her place in the pack and its at the end of the row. Bringing up the rear, its just a matter of time before someone singles her out, and uses her for his own selfish reasons in his quest to be admired.
So what happens when we catch him with her? Most often he leaves her where he found her, at the end of the row, at the back of the pack even weaker and more injured than when he found her. Shes worse for the wear. Trust me, it is her self-esteem that is eroded, not ours. After all, she wasn't able to keep him even considering he was in a "loveless, sexless" marriage to a "cold-hearten woman." Because isn't that the way it always is? How pathetic that she's given the answer to the test, gave it her all, and she still failed? Self-esteem erosion 101.
Retake your position at the front of the pack. More often than not, its you hes fighting for; it's you he's sorry for; its you hes trying to be a better man for. Regain your strength. Retake your rightful place.
Betrayal hurts, I know. Boy, do I know. But remember, when they find someone weak enough to have an affair with, they always affair down.
Power and peace to all of the newly betrayed wives today.
Hang in there...it WILL get better!!!! I promise!
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