7 months pregnant and husband having an affair...what now?

[RNMOM]

I'm so glad to see you are safe and baby is well. I agree with the previous folks about keeping your contact with him minimal. Let him get his information from his family. Or let your mom or dad speak with him. I'm sure they will be all warm and fuzzy during the conversation. NOT.

Focus on the biggest and most rewarding job you will ever have and give that little boy lots of hugs and kisses from all his DIS aunts and uncles. You should be very proud of yourself taking control of this situation and making a safe and loving place for your son to be born into.

 

[kmccain]

OP, you might want to tell him next time he tries to update about his adulterous relatinship with a teenager that you're not even remotely interested in listening to his troubles. he's been nice right now??? Big deal...a little too little and waaayyyy too late.........

If he wants an update about the baby,then update him about the baby. Beyond that, you have nothing to say and certainly sholdn't concern yourself with the storm that he's brought upon himself.

He's shocked that people would react this way? Is he smoking crack? Did he honestly think people were going to be patting him on the back and telling him "Good job for leaving your 7 months pregnant wife for a crazy teenager"?????????? Talk about a fool.......they deserve each other....

Karma baby, karma...here it comes.......

Take care of yourself and your baby!

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Still thinking about you OP!!! Glad to hear your baby boy is doing well!

You have already shown you are a very strong Mommy

 

[momrek06]

OP, I do get that you feel badly for him BUT please do NOT let him suck you back in.

HE CHOSE THIS.

Just keep repeating that to yourself. HE CHOSE THIS. Its all HIS actions that have made your life together turn in the direction that it has.

I would keep the calls to a minimum because you cannot allow HIS being all upset to UPSET YOU. HE CHOSE THIS. Suggest if the call will be in reference to the BABY then you will talk to him. If it goes in the direction of everyone being upset with him. Tell him you need to go and lay down. You do not need to be his sounding board.

As far as opening up to your counselor .. that may take sometime. Just please, OP, keep going. I really think you need this and you will find allot of resolve from seeing a counselor.

 

[Buckalew11]

I just wanted to add that I have seen a counselor, twice now with another appointment next week. I'm not great with opening up to people, but she's nice and I think it will help to have someone to talk to.

Talking to DH isn't upsetting me to be honest, it's just odd. He seems so upset that I left, and so hurt that pretty much everyone is horrified at what he did. I don't get it - did he really think people would think this was OK? He's an intelligent guy, how did he not see these reactions coming? I almost feel sorry for him, then I remember that he did these things TO ME and it makes me mad at him again.

My stress levels have certainly gone down just from being away from him and his interactions with this girl. Last he told me, the two of them weren't really speaking but I didn't ask why. I do know she and her family are going to visit California in a few weeks and the mom wants to meet up with him because she has baby gifts for me - so I guess she has no idea what happened. I'm kind of interested to know what he's planning on telling her!

He'll lie. They lie and lie and lie until they don't remember what lie they told.

My BIL tells people that my sister is using this teenager (his GF) as a scapegoat to blame any and all marriage problems on.

Yeah, the PI's pictures and videos lie to make the GF the scapegoat also. Please.

He'll probably blame you and tell her that you up and took off taking his unborn baby away. They are delusional. My BIL's a doctor, for goodness sakes--very intelligent and yet extremely stupid. He was so predictable--even I could sneak and follow him around and find him--he wasn't outsmarting anyone.

Good luck and just stay away from him--he'll only break your heart.

 

[Help Please!]

You are an amazing mama!

I have a 15-month-old. I would do anything for him. Your baby isn't even born yet, and he/she knows how awesome you are. You got a high five!

Stay strong, prayers are with you!!!

 

[Mimi2angels]

OP, it's wonderful to hear you have such support from family and friend. It will get better.

 

[Mary*Poppins]

OP, I just want to add my support and awe I have of you along with so many on this thread. You are going to be a great mom.

I'm just curious, whenever you talk to DH does he ever ask about his baby you will soon be giving birth to? is he really that self absorbed that it sounds like his main concern is having this huge pity party for himself?

That in itself is proof you made the right decision.

It disgusts me that a life he helped create is being so disregarded by him. He doesn't deserve either of you.

Hugs to you OP, you and your baby are in my thoughts and prayers daily.

 

[mickeysgal]

Glad to see you're doing well under these extreme circumstances. Stay strong for yourself and that baby.

 

[Andtototoo]

I just wanted to add that I have seen a counselor, twice now with another appointment next week. I'm not great with opening up to people, but she's nice and I think it will help to have someone to talk to.

Talking to DH isn't upsetting me to be honest, it's just odd. He seems so upset that I left, and so hurt that pretty much everyone is horrified at what he did. I don't get it - did he really think people would think this was OK? He's an intelligent guy, how did he not see these reactions coming? I almost feel sorry for him, then I remember that he did these things TO ME and it makes me mad at him again.

My stress levels have certainly gone down just from being away from him and his interactions with this girl. Last he told me, the two of them weren't really speaking but I didn't ask why. I do know she and her family are going to visit California in a few weeks and the mom wants to meet up with him because she has baby gifts for me - so I guess she has no idea what happened. I'm kind of interested to know what he's planning on telling her!

He really DID think that everyone was going to give him a ticker tape parade for, well, just being him. He really did. It never occurred to him that there would be negative consequences for his actions. That's the way the narcissist's mind works: If I like it, it's good and everyone will see it's good and congratulate me on my cleverness and my happiness. Because it's all about MEEEEEEEEEE and my wonderfulness.

He'll probably tell that mom some sob story about how you left him for no apparent reason and how he's an innocent victim. Or like my father, he might say you died.

 

[Keira1387]

I've been following along with your story, and I'm so happy that you are doing well! You are an inspiration, and such a strong woman. Thanks for continuing to update us.

 

[dsneprincess]

OP, thanks for letting us know you are ok. You & your sweet baby are in my daily thoughts & prayers. You should hold your head high: your DuH handed you lemons & you retrying to make lemonade for your son! This is what great Moms do. Prayers & pixie dust for you, your baby & your support system.

I did find the part of the GF Mom having baby gifts for you really odd. I really am having a hard time wrapping my head around what your DuH did. I did not live it.....I am glad you are getting counseling to help you through. None of this is your doing, but you need to understand what happened because DuH is GOING to be coming back to you begging & pleading for forgiveness, so he can get his life back. He didn't expect consequences, didn't think he was wrong, and is going to regret this yet.

Stay safe and strong for you & your baby. We are all rooting for you!

 

[torinsmom]

OP, thanks for letting us know you are ok. You & your sweet baby are in my daily thoughts & prayers. You should hold your head high: your DuH handed you lemons & you retrying to make lemonade for your son! This is what great Moms do. Prayers & pixie dust for you, your baby & your support system.

I did find the part of the GF Mom having baby gifts for you really odd. I really am having a hard time wrapping my head around what your DuH did. I did not live it.....I am glad you are getting counseling to help you through. None of this is your doing, but you need to understand what happened because DuH is GOING to be coming back to you begging & pleading for forgiveness, so he can get his life back. He didn't expect consequences, didn't think he was wrong, and is going to regret this yet.

Stay safe and strong for you & your baby. We are all rooting for you!

I think the OP and her husband are friends with the GF's mom. I believe the OP said that the GF's parents are not aware of the affair.

 

[TinkPinkPoem]

I've been quietly following this thread since the beginning and I'm rooting for you and your little one. You've received great advice and I just wanted to say that you're an amazingly strong woman and your son will be lucky to have you!

Please keep us updated if you wish to do so.

 

[mickeysgal]

He really DID think that everyone was going to give him a ticker tape parade for, well, just being him. He really did. It never occurred to him that there would be negative consequences for his actions. That's the way the narcissist's mind works: If I like it, it's good and everyone will see it's good and congratulate me on my cleverness and my happiness. Because it's all about MEEEEEEEEEE and my wonderfulness.

[

This is a perfect description. Absolutely dead on.

 

[TRK0011]

I think the OP and her husband are friends with the GF's mom. I believe the OP said that the GF's parents are not aware of the affair.

Yep, the mom is (was?) a friend of the family, that's how DH met this girl. The mom knew me through DH, but not well - she always adored DH and called him the son she never had. Honestly, unless she's an absolute idiot she must know something is going on - I know at one point she had looked through the girls cell phone bill and noticed that she was texting DH hundreds of times a day, because the girl brought it up to DH. I don't know, DH will tell her whatever he tells her.

I have no intention of being sucked back in to DH's drama with this girl - when he brings her up I change the subject or just get off the phone. I don't mind talking to him about how the baby is doing, or about work or something, but there's not much else to say at this point. He apologizes nearly every time we speak for what he did, but it's way too little too late for me. I feel sad for him and the decisions he's made, and there are days when I still feel guilty for leaving, but they are getting less and less, and I think I'm starting to get a little stronger.

 

[christineann]

Sounds like you have a good support system (including all of us here on the DIS). Stay strong and keep us updated on you and your baby

 

[Disney Doll]

You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty.

You have done the absolute best thing for your baby and you. Neither of you (you or baby) needs to be involved in this drama, and his instability....frankly, he IS unstable if he in any way didn't think that this was going to be a hot mess. I mean, did he seriously think that everyone was going be like "Oh good for you!!! You left your pregnant wife and found a new honey!!!" ????? And the new honey is an unstable teenager???? Please....I'd be keeping my baby as far away from THAT as is humanly possible.

Crazy.....the further away you stay and keep the child, the better off you are. There is no amount of apology or remorse in the world that should make you involve yourself with this man in any way other than what is absolutely necessary and frankly, I am hoping he just sort of disappears from your life without any fanfare, so that NO involvement would be necessary.....

 

[mrsklamc]

You are a bigger person than me, because every time he said he was sorry I'd say, 'no you aren't or you'd not still be with her. You're sorry you didn't get to keep me, too.'

 

[daisy2]

Glad your surrounded by family. The love you will have for your little guy will be overwelming. Your DH will have regrets that he lost you and what he had with you. Each day that goes by will make you stronger as a person and the only person that you will have to worry about is that little guy that you will be bringing into the is world!!