6th grade DD forged note to skip gym yesterday,punishment ?

[bigsis1970]

Hi everyone! My 6th grade DD (age 12, 5 foot 2 inches, 150 lbs) wrote herself a note to skip gym class yesterday claiming I wrote it when the teacher questioned her. She only got caught because her step-brother -SB (also a 6th grader and in ALL her same classes) didn't do well on his report card (my DD is honor roll) and was getting in trouble and my Ex was saying it can't be that hard as DD made honor roll and SB said well I don't know how when Michelle (that is Me) wrote her a note to skip gym. Well then a very ticked of Ex calls me and leaves me a nasty voice mail -- so when i listen to it, I am very shocked to hear what he is saying -- and I make DD call her dad back.. so she does and is crying too hard to say much more then yep yep nope yep and hangs up - so I let her cry awhile and then I go and pepper her with questions like didn't the teacher think it looked like her writing - Yes but she lied and said it was mine and i was writing in the car on the way to school - then i say well with SB in the same class you really didnt' think you would get away with it did you - No insert sobbing here - then i say well WHY -- answer is A boy from another class was teasing her about her weight!! so NOW WHAT -- she did something bad but I can see why -- kids are just soo DARN MEAN ! I made her write an apology to the gym teacher and took away her portable DVD player - and she will be grounded from TV at her Dad's too. Please tell me if this was your DD what would you do?

 

[Marseeya]

Hi everyone! My 6th grade DD (age 12, 5 foot 2 inches, 150 lbs) wrote herself a note to skip gym class yesterday claiming I wrote it when the teacher questioned her. She only got caught because her step-brother -SB (also a 6th grader and in ALL her same classes) didn't do well on his report card (my DD is honor roll) and was getting in trouble and my Ex was saying it can't be that hard as DD made honor roll and SB said well I don't know how when Michelle (that is Me) wrote her a note to skip gym. Well then a very ticked of Ex calls me and leaves me a nasty voice mail -- so when i listen to it, I am very shocked to hear what he is saying -- and I make DD call her dad back.. so she does and is crying too hard to say much more then yep yep nope yep and hangs up - so I let her cry awhile and then I go and pepper her with questions like didn't the teacher think it looked like her writing - Yes but she lied and said it was mine and i was writing in the car on the way to school - then i say well with SB in the same class you really didnt' think you would get away with it did you - No insert sobbing here - then i say well WHY -- answer is A boy from another class was teasing her about her weight!! so NOW WHAT -- she did something bad but I can see why -- kids are just soo DARN MEAN ! I made her write an apology to the gym teacher and took away her portable DVD player - and she will be grounded from TV at her Dad's too. Please tell me if this was your DD what would you do?

I'd march my rear into that school and find out for sure if there was a boy teasing her about her weight in gym first of all.

Sounds like the punishment is reasonable for the crime, though. How long is she being punished for?

 

[DVC Jen]

I think you did a great job handling the situation. Your poor DD. Life is hard enough without having to deal with mean kids on top of it.

Give her a hug for me... and here is one for you too Mom

That is a tough one.. you totally understand and feel for her and her reasons for writing the note..yet what she did was still dishonest and there needed to be consequences.

Sounds like that daughter of yours has a pretty darned good Mom.

 

[moparmuscle]

I'd march my rear into that school and find out for sure if there was a boy teasing her about her weight in gym first of all.

Sounds like the punishment is reasonable for the crime, though. How long is she being punished for?

Come on people, 6th grade kids tease, you can march down to school all you want but your going to do nothing but make it worse. 12 year olds kids do these things. Its not right but its gonna happen.

 

[MrsKreamer]

I would also check on if soemone is teasing her about her weight. At her age even a small amount of taunting about weight can cause an eating disorder. Talk to her about it. Remind her of her honor roll status or something else that may give her a self esteem boost.

 

[buddy&wooz]

Punishment sounds appropriate- I tend to make punishments for any kind of lying pretty severe.

Then go to the school and find out what's going on with the teasing. I think it's important that your daughter sees that once you know the truth you will be there fighting for her so she's not afraid to be honest in the future.

 

[disykat]

While my first tendency would be to come down really hard on her, I think your punishment and a big talking to are probably enough. I think it's time to talk to her about her weight though.

The prepubescent "chubbies" are pretty common, so maybe you can reassure her, but at the same time brainstorm some ideas for healthy living that will help her keep more weight from piling on. Maybe the two of you starting a walking program, etc.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Sounds like you handled it well. It's not as if she forged the note after skipping school for the day to go out drag racing. Look into why she felt the need to forge and lie and dela with those underlying reasons. Yes, lying is wrong so she shouldn't get off the hook, but it sounds like she is hurting.

 

[MrsKreamer]

Come on people, 6th grade kids tease, you can march down to school all you want but your going to do nothing but make it worse. 12 year olds kids do these things. Its not right but its gonna happen.

I don't think it will stop either....BUT not addressing at all can be a mistake. A 12 year old girl's self esteem can be fragile, especially when it comes to weight problems.

 

[tw1nsmom]

I think that the punishment you've given fits the "crime". The only other thing I would do is let the school know that both you and your ex will call every time you send a note excusing her from something.

Then I would give your daughter a hug and tell her how beautiful she is. If possible, I would pay for e membership at a gym...preferably a place where the kids at school don't go. This would give her a chance to get fit without having to deal with ridicule. It's so hard being a kid.

 

[horseshowmom]

I think you did the right thing by enforcing some consequences for her dishonesty, but I sure do feel bad for her.

My DD is in college and recently started dating a really sweet guy there who has a little sister about your DD's age. The little sister is also overweight (is being treated for a thyroid disorder). He says that she gets picked on a lot. He felt really bad for her recently when she called and asked him what liposuction was. When he asked her why she wanted to know, she told him that a boy at school had told her that it looked like she'd missed her liposuction appointment. Kids can be really cruel...

P.S. I wonder if her dad ever gives her a problem about her weight. It sounds like he went overboard when he heard she was missing gym. I can understand his calling to ask about it, but there was no reason for the nasty message.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

kids are just soo DARN MEAN !

they are.

I'm sorry. Yeah you need to find a way to help her feel ok about herself. Talking to the gym teacher won't hurt because at least the teacher will also know why your daughter is dreading the class and maybe can help to protect her.

As for the forgery, your punishments are enough.

 

[tarmand]

As an overweight adult who was also an overweight kid, I'll tell you what I wish my mom had done for me. While, I'd punish her for the note, I'd go easy on her, having been there myself. But, I'd immediately enroll her in Weight Watchers, either in person or online. If I had learned good eating habits as a kid, I probably wouldn't be fighting weight so much as an adult. I have never cried over someone's success at WW until I saw the 12 year old boy who reached his goal weight. He had lost 25 lbs or so and looked like a completely different kid than the one in his before picture. The first thing he said when he got up to speak was thank you to his mom for bringing him to WW and for supporting him though the whole thing. I'll tell you, I cried like a baby. Good luck to your daughter. It's sad that kids can be so mean, but it's a fact of life and something she will probably continue to encounter.

 

[cats7494]

I think your consequences sound pretty good.

I feel for your dd! I would call the school and make an appointment with the gym teacher right away to discuss the teasing. I don't care if it is a common thing at that age - it is still wrong and needs to be addressed! I think it is important to call kids on poor behavior!

At dd11's school they have a strict anti-harassment policy and they follow through with it.

You are her mom and her only advocate!
Good luck!

Edited to add: Before you start any exercise or diet routine - please check with her doctor for suggestions.

 

[hiwaygal]

I think the punishment is fine (heck, it's more than I got when I did the same thing in school...for the same reason)...but I don't know if I'd say anything to the teacher or to the school.

If you do that, do you think the kids won't find out? Middle schools are like little Peyton Places and when they find out that you were there...that's only going to make the teasing worse...trust me...been there, done that.

If you feel you must alert the school, perhaps write a note to the gym teacher explaining that your DD feels self-conscious about the class and maybe the gym teacher can help encourage other activities too.

The best thing you can do for your DD is do everything you can to increase her self-esteem. Maybe some dance classes, or something she can excel at away from school, and will keep her active and help her lose weight.

to your DD...

 

[greenyskp]

When I was a kid. My mom wrote me an excuse note. With a blank date. And said that if something (much like this story, as I was teased about weight as well) happened, and I didnt want to go to gym, I could use it.

Then if I did use it, we would talk about what happened. And I'd be reassured or she would come to school and chat with the teachers.

When that happened the teachers separated me from the bully almost immedietly, or the bully was reprimanded and the problems ended.

There was only one time it escalated bad, and when that happened I was ignoring the girl who kept yelling terrible things at me. Finally, she approached me called me something mean. and Threw a punch. She grazed the side of my face. I Happned to have my flute case in hand, and i hit her in the head with it, knocking her out.

When I was sent to see the principal he had literally 8 pieces of paper of counseling statments from my mom and my teachers about this girl. 8 Times, id told my mom, who came to school. And she didnt leave me alone. So I received an extended day (after school detention) and the girl was suspended for 2 weeks. All because my mom came in, each time there was a problem. I received a lesser punishment because i was defending myself.

Honesty in every situation with parents and children is the key. I never felt Like i couldnt tell my parents something.

This is just an example of how talking to teachers does help.

 

[bigsis1970]

Thanks everyone so much -- I too am over weight ( I start WW on Monday - and will use the tools to help DD) 195.2 on a 5 foot body!! I am starting this weekend by throwing all the junk out and keeping only healthy things on hand - and lucky for me DD is a big fruit and veggie eater - but likes the junk too as we all do. I am going to call the teacher and make sure my DD gave him the note and go from there. I have a treadmill being delivered either today or tomorrow for us to use. And she has a physical scheduled with her Dr in about 3 weeks and I will ask for more guidence from him about where to go for healthy eating info - she will need a note for WW from him or maybe he can recommend a dietian.
The punishments are for 2 weeks.
Again Thanks for all the hugs, advise, and good wishes.. Michelle

 

[Cindyluwho]

It sounds like you are doing a terrific job MOM!!! Well thought out and reasonable.

You forgot one thing though; crushed glass in the food of the little miscreant that teased your daughter...

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Come on people, 6th grade kids tease, you can march down to school all you want but your going to do nothing but make it worse. 12 year olds kids do these things. Its not right but its gonna happen.

I have to agree, I went through school being teased about all kinds of things (skin color, size of my butt, etc.). This is part of growing up. The best thing to do is to address the self esteem issues at home. She will only get teased worse if her mommy goes to the teacher.

 

[pjpoohbear]

Since she won't be watching TV, maybe this is the time to start a walking program. Give you both some Mom/Daughter time, a chance to talk about the day. I think you handled the punishment well. Kids will only get meaner if Mom is known to get involved.

Penny