6 Days Before Our Trip, DH Just Left Me

[mickeysgal]

I haven't seen an update from the OP. I hope she's ok. If you're reading this, please let us know how you're doing.

 

[miss missy]

I have been watching for her too. Hope she checks in and is ok too!

 

[elan]

I've been there, done that....prayers and pixie dust to you. It is not a good place to be. I am so sorry!


I can't shake the feeling, that HE is counting on you going on this trip, and knowing that you'll be gone from the home, to go in and do what he wants to do. I feel he has this already planned out.

Please read the excellent advice given here. Then go back and read it again!!

Sadly, I think you may be correct.

 

[laura001]

First off, let me say how sorry I am for you, my prayers and thoughts are heading your way.

I agree with the other posters in saying that you need to take care of the bank account ASAP. That doesn't mean that you are taking it away from him, you are ensuring that you will have the money you need. Next step is to see a lawyer right away, he/she will advise you as to what you need to do to protect yourself and your children.

I never thought about the fact that your DH may go into the house while you are gone to WDW if you decided to go. I would ask the lawyer how to handle that. Otherwise, if your trip is paid for (it would be difficult for you to go with his family also), change your reservations and go in the fall or in a few weeks once you have had time to sort things out.

It is hard to believe that something else is not going on here, either another woman, depression etc. etc. Someone doesn't just decide to leave out of the clear blue, although not staying and dealing with things is cowardly.

I hope this all works out for you and your children.

 

[DebIreland]

Oh no, I am so very sorry for what you are going through. You and your precious children are in my thoughts and rare though it is that I pray, I will do so for all of you. I am breathing a sigh of relief that your children have such a wonderful Mom, thank God for that, though your needs are of course very important too and I hope and pray that your father and sister can provide some support and strength to you right now. Do not feel bad for being nervous about the drive. I'd be nervous about such a long drive too. But do everything in your power to gather your strength and make your way to WDW please. It won't be the trip you expected but perhaps it will provide an essential hugging, listening and 'together' time for you and your children. I'm hoping your Dad or sister can accompany you on the trip.

 

[punkin]

I will also repeat what other have said: He is counting on you to go to Disney so he can clean the house out. The timing is just too convinient for anything else. He does have a gorlfriend and she is telling him how to do things.

I spoke to my DH about it and his first thought was...he's got a girlfriend.

Forget Disney. Stay home; get a lawyer and clear out the bank account (if it is not already too late) good luck.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I will also repeat what other have said: He is counting on you to go to Disney so he can clean the house out. The timing is just too convinient for anything else. He does have a gorlfriend and she is telling him how to do things.

I spoke to my DH about it and his first thought was...he's got a girlfriend.

Forget Disney. Stay home; get a lawyer and clear out the bank account (if it is not already too late) good luck.

What punkin said.

 

[hellokitty86]

I really don't have advice either that hasn't been said, I just wanted to tell the OP that I hope she and her kids are doing okay. I know this is a tough time but remember, everything happens for a reason. I would be suspicious of the circumstances too..I would def. take some money out of the bank account just for food and bills, etc. I hope everything works out for you.

 

[Pop Daddy]

hit him

 

[MAKmom]

I just saw this...I'm so sorry. I'm at work at can not read all 20 pages but I will tonght. If he is 40 it sounds like a mid life thing. He may come back .

 

[Chicago526]

I'd like to add you should also put a fraud alert on your credit report. This happened to a former co-worker of mine, her ex open up a dozen accounts under her name with her social security number and she got stuck with them. Fortunatly he didn't run them up too badly, but he could have done sooooo much damage to her.

By puting a fraud aleart out, a new account cannot be opened in your name (or it becomes much harder to do so, or something like that). So get an account open in YOUR name FIRST, then put the fraud alert on. Then cancel all the credit accounts you can that are in your joint names. I agree about moving the bulk of the money you have in your bank accounts to someplace he can't get to it. For retirement accounts, college funds, and things of that nature I don't think you can move the money because of all the penalties, but keep a close eye on them (check them daily) to make sure there isn't any odd stuff going on. You may want to call them and see if there is a way to make sure money can't be withdrawn without BOTH your signatures.

Do you have car payments? Are the payments in your name, his name, or both? If the car payment(s) are in his name alone, and you drive the car, you need to make sure he's still making payments. Same if the car is in both names. If the car isn't paid for your credit (if you're on the loan) could be ruined and either way the car could be repo'd and you don't need that!

Same with the mortgage, make sure that gets paid too (and taxes, homeowner's insurance, etc.).

Even if he insists that he is paying for them (car and house) make sure you verify with the lender yourself that payments are being made. At this point you can't trust anything he has to say.

If you do not work, you need to start thinking about looking for a job. Dust off the resume, update your referances, start thinking about work you can/want to do, what kind of hours you're available to work. You don't have to do much, but just get the wheels in your head going in that direction, so you're more prepared if/when the time comes for you to look for work. If you need to update your work clothes, check out thrift stores, especially in wealthy or well-to-do areas, many women donate their clothes when they don't want/need them anymore and you can pick up great career wear for a steal.

 

[CathrynRose]

Well, that just stinks. Im so angry and sad for you!

I agree - the money. People do strange things, when it comes to money ...for any amount, let alone large amounts. If you want to play fair - then just pull out half, and then 30% for the kids....

And I also agree about WDW. I cant imagine telling my boys (14 & 10) we wouldnt be going, if something like your situation were to arise. Theyve been looking forward to it much too long AND because you need to provide a sense of normal-ness and securtity for them. Dad left - but *we* can still make it, do it, etc, etc.

Let me tell you (not exactly the same situation, but...) my boyfriend of 2 years, whom also was supposed to travel with me, ended things THE DAY BEFORE our Disney trip. I'd be lying if I said it wasnt a "rough" trip - however, the kids still enjoyed themselves. And I spent a lot of evenings crying in the shower. He "just didnt know anymore" - which turned out to be him getting married to someone else a month later.

Good luck to you - however it is meant to turn out.

 

[poohandwendy]

Just bumping this in hopes that the OP will check in and tell us she and the kids are ok.

 

[mickeysgal]

We are suppose to be meeting his brother and his family there - we have a Grand Gathering. How strange would it be to vacation with them?

I've got to wonder that by now his family knows about the situation and has gotten involved at some level. I hope they're making matters worse by giving her a hard time by starting the blame game and pointing fingers at the OP.

 

[dizneenut]

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I agree with the others that said not to go to Disney right now, clear out the bank acct. and get a lawyer. My neighbor went through something similar last year and it was a horrible ordeal. Her DH cleared out the house while she was at work, emptied the bank accts., lied about paying the mortgage and in the end, she lost her house.
Please do whatever you have to do to protect yourself and your kids.

 

[joha]

I'm truly sorry....

You are in my prayers.

My first instinct was to tell you to go with the kids, but after reading other posts, unfortunatelly they might be right.

Please, please take care of yourself and remember, God does not deal a hand that we can not handle (forgive me for draging God here, and trying to translate an old Latin saying).

You are stronger than you think.

 

[geffric]

just checking to see how things are going with OP.. the advice given here is the best!


sorry you are going through this.

 

[catherine]

Sorry that I don't have any advice for you. I just want to send some hugs for you and your children. I am so sorry that you're having to go through this! I hope that things work out for you!

 

[Clumsy]

Soooo sorry you are going thru this. I will keep your family in my thoughts & prayers . Please keep praying and ask God for his help & guidance.

 

[CathrynRose]

If worried about him coming into the home while youre at WDW - pay someone to stay there.... a neighbor college kid home from school even.

Id be more worried about HIM coming in, then a neighbor.

And let the police know whats going on too.