6 Days Before Our Trip, DH Just Left Me

[Disney Doll]

Well caradana, you were a little more blunt than I would have been, but I would advise the OP to assume her DH is capable of pretty much anything at this point.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I think I would want to know if it is another woman, drugs/alcohol, gambling, depression, mid-life crisis etc. It would help me get custody of the children. That would be my main concern because I can support myself if need be.

Lori

 

[SillyMe]

I agree with you that she should be focusing on those things.

The only reason I suggested trying to find out if that is part of the equation is that the OP seems to be thinking he is just making a rash mid-life crisis type of decision and that there is hope that he will see the light and come home to work on things.

If he is having a relationship with someone else, not only is that unlikely...but she may also feel even more upset that she was begging and pleading for him to come home.

I only think that she should know what she is dealing with because at this point, her hope for reconciliation seems to be standing in the way of ''just focusing on what she needs to do to look out for herself and the children.'' She is still focusing on him and his reaction to whatever she does that may make him more mad or whatever. If he is having an affair, it may make her realize what she really is dealing with.

Now, if she was dealing with it the way you said, I would definitely say 'drop it', it doesn't matter either way.

Aaahh, I see your point and I understand it completely. No matter how she gets there, she needs to find that angry stage which will give her the power to move forward.

 

[elan]

OP I'm sorry you are going through this. to you.

I know you don't want to talk to a lawyer. Maybe because you see it as you taking the first step to ending your marriage? You need to see it as you taking the first step of getting control of your life. If you were not going out of town soon it could wait but you need to protect yourself in 2 ways.

1. your home and your possesions.

2. you will be taking your children into another state (if only briefly). I don't know if this will cause a problem but only a good lawyer can tell you.

you are stronger than you think you are.

 

[WishingOnAStar]

Maybe this has been said already, but why doesn't the husband take the kids to wdw. It is his family going anyway. It might be nice for you to get some time alone to sort things out. Then when you get everything sorted out you can take your kids to WDW on your own without his family.

I wonder if this all came to a head because a possible girlfriend put her foot down about him going on vacation with the family. Maybe she forced his hand to leave.

Just a thought.........

 

[kristen821]

I wonder if this all came to a head because a possible girlfriend put her foot down about him going on vacation with the family. Maybe she forced his hand to leave.

Just a thought.........

I was thinking that too!

 

[Disney Doll]

I wonder if this all came to a head because a possible girlfriend put her foot down about him going on vacation with the family. Maybe she forced his hand to leave.

Just a thought.........

That would be my guess...

 

[minnieandmickeymouse]

I just read through all the posts.
Just want to give you a You have gotten great advice here.

 

[MOMOFMNM]

I have not read this whole thread yet so exuse me but

maybe you can ask him just to go on the trip for the kids???

I know this EXACT thing happened to me 4 yrs ago...only my ex left me for a friend. Had no idea it was coming

he just did not come home one night...then told me he did not love me. We had issues we were young but I NEVER expected THAT....

anyway we visited and he came home in the eves to see the kids for the first few weeks...for them I guess.

Maybe this is a bad idea for me to suggest this but suggest you two can put on your game faces for the kids and family involved. If he is serious about just being unhappy and not about another woman then I would not see why he can not just do it for the family.

This stinks and I am so sorry.

 

[OzFan]

I wonder if this all came to a head because a possible girlfriend put her foot down about him going on vacation with the family. Maybe she forced his hand to leave.

Just a thought.........

That was my thought exactly! Men DO NOT think with the head that is between their shoulders! Sorry if this offends any guys out there but, thats just the way it is. I REALLY am sorry for what your family is going through and I hope you an find the strength to get through all of this. This too shall pass and you will be amazed on how strong you really are.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Maybe this is a bad idea for me to suggest this but suggest you two can put on your game faces for the kids and family involved. If he is serious about just being unhappy and not about another woman then I would not see why he can not just do it for the family.

Very interesting point you bring up.... I see the truth in this.

 

[DisneyDotty]

Wow. How heart-breaking and life-shattering. OP--I admire and commend your ability to maintain normalcy for the kids--eg., baseball games. That is so important to them, even though you probably would prefer to curl up in bed and put your head under a pillow.
You must be dying to know WHY he left, though I doubt there's an easy answer. Does he have a history of depression?
Good luck. Get a good attorney.
Know that many here are rooting for you and sending you support!

 

[snowball22]

Just found a great web site

www.divorcenet.com

It has great information pertaining to each state.

 

[sweet angel]

Maybe this has been said already, but why doesn't the husband take the kids to wdw. It is his family going anyway. It might be nice for you to get some time alone to sort things out. Then when you get everything sorted out you can take your kids to WDW on your own without his family.

There's no way in hell I'd let the man who just walked out on me and my kids turn around and then take my kids away from me OUT OF STATE. No way, no how would that happen. I'd be much less worried about changing the locks and losing STUFF, than letting that happen and losing the kids.

 

[kristen821]

There's no way in hell I'd let the man who just walked out on me and my kids turn around and then take my kids away from me OUT OF STATE. No way, no how would that happen. I'd be much less about changing the locks and losing STUFF, than letting that happen and losing the kids.

To me it doesn't really sound like he wants the kids since he is agreeing with not coming around for a awhile. I just know I wouldn't want to be with my in-laws in that situation, but would definately not want the kids to miss out on anything.

 

[LoriKay]

I wonder if this all came to a head because a possible girlfriend put her foot down about him going on vacation with the family. Maybe she forced his hand to leave.

Just a thought.........

Yes, indeedy. I agree that this may well be the reason and I find it interesting that he made his announcement on a Friday night so the OP couldn't get to a lawyer or anything else due to the weekend. I also agree with the advice to retain the best lawyer you can find ASAP. I think the trip should happen but I wouldn't leave home without a copy of all the latest financial statements just in case he decides to clean out the house and/or the accounts.

 

[poohandwendy]

Maybe he did this on a friday night because his girlfriend complained that she never had weekends with him?

I agree that he would probably be getting pressure from the OW to leave (especially with a family vacation coming). (I know he 'may' not be cheating, I am just really doubtful of that possibility)

 

[Snowysmom]

I am so sorry! I haven't read all the replies but I do agree with those I did read about taking most of the money out your joint account. You need to be able to take care of the kids. I also agree with going to Disney. Being able to do the 7 hour drive with your kids would be a confidence booster and a statement to H that you can do it. Plus, it would help you clear your head and you could think better when you come back. Also, it wouldn't hurt to think about hiring an attorney before you go. Take care.

 

[mushumadness]

thats awfull

I would get a lawyer as soon as possible, and have a lock smith round in the morning. I would also freeze any joint credit cards so they cant be used

 

[N.Bailey]

I can't offer you any advice that's not all ready been given, but I'll keep you and your children in my prayers. I too think it sounds like he's seeing someone else, so just watch your back right now and take it one day at a time. I do think you should at least speak with an attorney though. If not for yourself, do it for your children. If he could have just plopped this on you like this, I'd imagine he could do about anything at this point. I also suspect that the girlfriend gave him an ultimatum and if she has, she could give him another to clear that account out. I know you don't want to push this issue, but at least move it and tell him that when the time comes to split it, you'll give him his share. At least that way, you've got it because you just might need it. One thing I do think that you've got going for you is, I do not believe inheritance money is joint marital property, so he might not have any claim to that at all. This is another question you could ask the attorney as it may be different depending on which state you're in too.