6 Days Before Our Trip, DH Just Left Me

[emilymad]

I am so sorry! In the fall my husband of a year and half (not the same thing, I know!) decided to file for divorce and didn't even bother to tell me. He told everyone else but he only told me right before I was going to be served papers. We were having problems but I just thought it was a slump and we would work through it. His behavior from this time forward just made me glad I was getting divorced. He was not the man that I married and I serious doubt if he loved me. It is so hard but it does get better and I am know much better off.

Your dad is right. Move the money. My husband stole my engagement ring while I was in the shower. After I moved out I still had stuff there and he changed the locks so I couldn't get in. I know you don't want to think of this stuff now and can't believe that your DH would do anything like that but you just never know. You need to do things to protect you and your children. I would be concerned about leaving the house while you were away.

With that being said I would definitely go to Disney. Disney is such a magical place. I went myself in March just to sort of regroup. Disney makes you believe that anything can happen and your dreams can come true. It sounds like you could use some pixie dust!!

 

[Pixiedust34]

 

[LisaB]

I am so sorry for you in this time of need. On the other hand what kind of father would do this to his kids. They must be looking forward to the trip and him refusing to go. That is just wrong. It seems like you are the only one thinking about the kids right now. I also would take the money out of the account before he does; people can be rutheless in this situation

 

[WishingOnAStar]

Wow! I wish I could think of something to say that would help. I think you've gotten some good advice from some people who have been through this.
My initial reaction about Disney was postpone the trip - I couldn't imagine myself in Disney right after news like that. I was thinking that you and the kids would be miserable and it would ruin the magic of Disney. BUT- after reading the replies, I think these wise ladies are right!!!! It may be just what you need. Yes, being there with his family will be weird, but maybe you and the kids could go out on your own most of the time. Or you could get some alone time while the kids are off with family. It will give you some time with the kids, it will let them see you will all get through this and it will give you some time to regroup.
Special hugs to your son!
Take your dad's advice and move the money. Don't call your dh anymore for a few days and decide on a plan of action for yourself. When you get back from Disney, offer the counseling thing and see what happens. Decide if you REALLY do want it to work. I had a friend go through this. Initially, she was shocked, devastated, etc. A few weeks later, she realized it was the best thing - she just could never have brought herself to do it, though, b/c she always thought of the kids.
I know what your saying about dh just leaving the kids and what if you wanted to leave, too..... BUT, you know you wouldn't walk away from your kids. So, don't even dwell on that.
Just talk with you dad and come up with a plan.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

You need to put a great divorce attorney on retainer before he does. You don't have to put a lot of money down. Some people put several on retainer so that the other spouse can't use them. Do this ASAP even if you hope to work things out.

Hire a PI to follow him. It sounds like he has someone else. He wouldn't stay when you begged him.

Go to Disney and prove to yourself that you ARE strong and CAN do things without him. I would definitely have him followed while you are gone to Disney. Then you would know for sure.

Hugs,

Lori

 

[HERSEY]

First of all . The first days are difficult. If possible go on your planned trip then check into to counselling for you and your children. I went into counselling when my ex left. I can't tell you how it helped me cope. Also try not to call your Dh I know it's difficult. I hope you were finally able to sleep.

 

[MsDisney23]

 

[Pooh67_68]

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

I'm so sorry. I am sending you some pixie dust that you will find the right words to tell your children about their daddy. I know it will be hard, just remember we are behind you. As far as your trip is concerned, I think I would postpone it. Still go in the summer so the kids wont be too disappointed. Disney World as everyone knows isn't cheep. I think in six days you still may not be thinking straight. If you go next month you and your kids will all be feeling a little better or at least use to the situation.

 

[ILUVMYBRIT]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I would just like to add to the advice here. I know it will be hard to talk to strangers about this, but definitely let your childrens teachers know so that they can keep an eye out for any extra difficulties they may be having while dealing with this. Even if it does work out for you and your husband, they need someone to talk to even if it is just a school couselor. I know both my kids benefitted from talking at school. Good Luck, and know that it does get easier every day.

 

[kristen821]

I am so sorry you are going through this. You should take some money (at least half if not more since you have the kids) and put it in a seperate account. I think you should bring the kids to disney, maybe it would be easier for you to go a week later. Disney may let you change your dates, I have seen it done before. The kids need everything to stay as close to the same as possible right now. Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[aprilgail2]

I would not only take most if not all of the money out of the account I would also change all the locks on the doors, especially if you are going to go to Disney (I would still take the kids on the trip, its not fair to them to change that). My neighbor didn't change her locks and she went upstate to visit her family and her husband that she had recently split up with came with a moving van and emptied the house out, he needed the furniture for HIS new place and left her with none!!! She never thought he would do something like that but we don't always know poeple how we think we know them!

 

[Evil Queen]

OMG-I'm so terribly sorry. I have no advice to give, but my thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

And here's a for you and yours.

 

[casey49781]

you have lots of good advice on here, i would take as much of the money as i could maybe even all of it,,,i would go on my trip , try to keep your life as normal as possible, i have been in your shoes, with 2 kids, there is something else going on there, you dont just walk away like that, for you and your children,,,,take good care of yourself and them,, your all they have right now,
as for telling them i would wait awhile to see if things work out, you could tell them there father has some thinking to do and needs time away,,,i am sure your dad will give you good advice,,,best of luck and for you and your children , stay strong and lots of pixie dust being sent your way

 

[bevtoy]

Wow, I am so sorry but I've BTDT. 1983, 2 kids ages 8 and 6, 11 years of marriage. Looking back, things had been bad between us for some time but I still didn't expect it. He also said there was no one else which turned out to be a lie.

Take the money. Offer to meet him half way on counseling. If he doesn't go for that in a reasonable amount of time, get a lawyer. YMMV but within two weeks of my Ex leaving, I felt alive for the first time in years.

You'll be in my thoughts.

My story is just like the above. He lied there was someone else "He was just not happy" he said and left. I made him tell the kids before he left. He was back with in 24 hours, we got counseling and worked it out. We have now been married 24 years, but I will never see him the same again. BTDT too.
He also got into the bank account that day took out 1/2 and then brought the money back. You should move the money. At that time I was physically ill and he had power of attorney, he took a car title and removed my name off of it.
I will never give him POA again, funny now I have POA for him because he travels.

 

[3DisneyBuggs]

No advice here, just hugs and hoping it's just a mid life crisis and your DH will come to his senses.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would postpone my trip but that is me. I would rather focus on counseling, attorney's, a PI to find out who he is sleeping with, etc...WDW will be there when you are ready.

 

[pjshaff]

Where are you located in Georgia? If it's Atlanta, I can give you the name of a good divorce atty if you are interested. PM me if you would like it. And to you.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I am so sorry! I hope that you can find the strength to get through this trying time and that you and your DH can work through this. I agree about the attorney and hiring a PI. Things just don't add up since this is such a surprise to you. Hang in there as difficult as that must sound--your kids need that.

 

[chyam]

Thanks everyone. I can't call a friend, we recently moved to Georgia from NY and it would just be too strange calling from so far away in the middle of the night. I hope it is a midlife crisis. He definately is not the man I've know for 20 years. I've tried calling his cell, but he's not picking up.
My son tells me my dh told him I'd take them to Disney on Thursday myself. I don't know if I have it in me. My dh has totally taken care of me through the years, I'm embarrased to say I'd be too afraid to drive the 7 hours myself. Any advice, do you think I should still go? I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. My head is in so many places at once. I don't want to give any more pain to my kids by telling them their father left and they aren't going on their trip. I can't believe he has done this to them! I just checked our banking on line and he hasn't taken money, I'm just reeling! Thanks for the support

Wishing you the strength to carry on and to be strong for your kids. I really think that you should go on the trip, your kids have probably been looking forward to it for a long time, and at this time they probably need a little happiness. Not only that but it will show your husband that you have the strength to carry on (even if you do not feel like) without him. 7 hours is not a long trip just break it down into 2 hour legs, and in no time you will be here. There will be times when you will probably be thinking about him but the most important thing is to keep up a good front for your kids...........who knows , when you return he may just have decided that he really missed you!