6 Days Before Our Trip, DH Just Left Me

[ericamanda01]

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. I have to agree with the other posters that have said to go on the trip. Mainly for your kids. They need this time to enjoy themselves and not worry. And perhaps you do as well. Whatever the problem your DH is going through, I wouldn't start off this seperation by cleaning out the account. I will recommend that you put enough into an account to support yourself and the children, but don't clean out the joint account, that would just make you look bad in the end. I know that he doesn't look to great for walking out on his family, but now a days when it comes to money people tend to look at that first. You and your kids are in my prayers.

 

[KelNottAt]

You'll be in my prayers.

Assure the kids that you will never up and leave.

 

[ctinct]

Hugs to you. I know it is hard; also been there, done that. Try not to let the kids see you cry. It's okay to let them know you are sad, but do your crying in the shower.

Also, I cannot stress strongly enough....move the money in your joint accounts. See a lawyer right away about other accounts, such as 401k, etc. In my case, because it was his name only on the retirement accounts, with me as beneficiary, he was able to empty them out. Also, get advice from a lawyer regarding any joint bills in your name, such as credit cards. You don't want to be responsible for the entire totals, and you don't want him to charge your credit cards up for things like furniture, etc.

As for disney, if it is paid for and you can swing it, do it. It will be the first of many things that you will do that will amaze you. That was the positive side of the whole experience for me...I found out that I am one strong woman, and you will, too,regardless of the outcome. I hope things work out for the best. Oh, and I agree with the poster about leting your child's school know.

 

[luvdzne]

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this

 

[grlpwrd]

As a child of a a father who left us for a while to be with another woman I would say go on the trip and yes, break it up in segments if you have to drive. I am the biggest scaredy cat when it comes to driving, but when we moved I managed to drive from Tulsa, OK to Virginia when I was nearly due to give birth. lol You just focus and plan accordingly.

Do your SIL and BIL who are going with you on the trip have children? It may be a good thing for the kids to have time together and enjoy themselves. Adult problems should not become child problems.

Ditto on hiring a lawyer, getting new locks, etc.. you just never know. Hiring an investigator might be wise, too.

Focus on moving forward and being there for your kids...

Prayers to you all!

 

[LoraJ]

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

I think you should definitely go on the trip. Disney can be very healing during traumatizing times.

I agree with those that say to split up the drive. Maybe even leave the night before and stay at a hotel along the way. So then you only have to do 3 and a half hours in a day. And take a good break during both of those drives. Then it won't seem so bad. Plus you'll have your kids there to give you the strength to get down there.

Good luck with everything. And keep us updated.

 

[Cinderella2004]

First off:

I just wanted to reply about how strong I see you. You are strong to be telling this story, to as you called it "a bunch of strangers". Think back about many similar threads, many posters change their identity.

You are strong to only have called your Dad. Don't be. Lean on others, it will help you to stay strong.

You are certainly strong enough to bring your children to Disney alone. Don't think of it as a 7 hour trip. Think of it as 7-1 hour trips to the mall. Your kids are old enough to help you with this "adventure" to WDW. When my DD was 5, we took a "Mommy and Me" trip to Disney. She was so mature and helpful that trip. It made her proud that she could help Mommy as much as she did. They can do it. Just let them know what is expected....helping with luggage, getting along in the car, etc. You can do it. I know you can.

Prayers and Pixie dust that your situation resolves in a way that is best for you. If you need to talk, I am a PM away.

 

[snowball22]

I'm so sorry you are going through this!! Definately drain all accounts that you have access to including CDs. I would make sure you have a credit card in your name only to use for expenses and attorney fees. The first advice my attorney gave me was to change the locks. Good thing I did, as ex dh had gotten a moving truck and had plans to empty out the house while I was at work.

As for the trip, I would go but definately would try to have another adult in the car. I know that you can do it by yourself. What I worry about is all the thoughts that will be traveling through your head about dh which might distract you in your long drive and I want you to be safe.

As for your personal sanity, surround yourself with feel good music, lots of chocolate, and a diary to keep your thoughts in. The diary will be very theraputic and you will see yourself grow and change as you reread your diary entries.

Hey, we are all here for you!! Good luck!!

 

[PlaneJoy1]

I'm so sorry you are going through this! If you are anywhere near Atlanta, please let me know if I can help. ( I do know a good attorney, if you need one)

Remember to take care of yourself during this time, as well as your children.

 

[poohandwendy]

OMG, I am so sorry you are going through this. Great advice, you have received here. I am so sorry you are dealing with this alone (for the time being, until your Dad gets there)

What a *******! That just makes me so mad that he did this without coming to you to try to work on things. People just suck sometimes! (rant over)

Sending out prayers to give you some extra strength right now. I am sure your head is just spinning, but please know...YOU WILL get through this! Honestly, you really will.

When one door closes, another opens.

 

[RUDisney]

I'm so sorry for the troubles you are facing now!

You have it in you to do ANYTHING that you want to do. You WILL be ok. The advice of others is very good. Follow it and get through this.

I hope everything works out for you, easily and peacefully, but until then, do everything you can do to protect your kids and yourself.

A 7-hour drive to WDW can be just what you need to prove that you have the strength to do anything that you want.

 

[poohandwendy]

Oh, and as far as the trip...I know many people have advised going on with it, but to be honest...I don't think I could do it. Not sure I could pull off the 'happy face' required for vacationing that soon after such a shocking blow. I could handle maintaining sanity at home, for the kids...but a WDW trip? I really doubt I oculd do that.

I probably would call and tell them the circumstances and ask if you can get a partial refund. You really may need that money down the road anyways.

Maybe I am just too practical for my own good. Just sharing my own personal opinion. Obviously, you should do what feels right for you.

God Bless you, I am so terribly sorry.

 

[Quinn222]

Just adding to the advice on new lock, don't forget to disable the electric garage door opener if you have one and make sure the garage door is locked. If you have a security system, change the password and the 4 digit passcode. Have your security company remove your husband from the call list.

I know this all seems cruel or petty but people are telling you this from experience. my friend's husband left her because she 'wasn't fun' and then blew $20,000 of their savings.

 

[YourMajesty]

I'm so sorry. I really agree with what everyone is saying especially the PI, money, lawyer, and taking the trip if you think you can. It will set the tone that you are going to be strong and stable for the kids...plus like everyone said it will give you a sense of accomplishment. I'm so glad you dad is on his way and hopefully you have talked to your sister. One other tip that I haven't seen mentioned is to check his cell phone record. This seems to be the "biggest" link for many others that have gone through similar situations. One of my friends discovered 150 test messages to a certain person in one month. Hugs and take care.

 

[L107ANGEL]

I am very sorry you are going through this. I agree you have been offered great advice here and you have alot to think about and do right now.
As for the trip, I would still take my kids.
You are your children are in my thoughts and prayers

 

[Tuffcookie]

Wow! Six days aways from your trip and he drops this bombshell? What a jerk!
Will he be at work on Monday? If you haven't been able to reach him by cell phone by then I would contact him at work. When you do, tell him he owes the kids this trip to WDW and then he can do what he pleases, but that you hope he will try counselling first.
Six days away is not enough time to get things ready for the trip, retain a lawyer, change the locks. And besides, even if you change the locks, what's to keep him from breaking in anyway? You're still legally married, and it's still his house.
This trip is certainly going to be a bummer but I hope you can talk him into going on what, you can tell him, may be your last family vacation.
My heart goes out to you!

TC

 

[poohandwendy]

This trip is certainly going to be a bummer but I hope you can talk him into going what you can tell him may be your last family vacation.
:

I dunno, I think it would hard enough to take the trip alone...but to have him there when he does not want to be with her? I really don't see how that would be at all productive and perhaps even more painful, I really doubt he will do it anyways. He obviously thinks his feelings are more important than anyone elses right now, I really doubt that wll change in 6 days.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I would postpone my trip but that is me. I would rather focus on counseling, attorney's, a PI to find out who he is sleeping with, etc...WDW will be there when you are ready.

ITA! Disneyworld would be on the back burner until I got all of my ducks in a row. Self preservation is the first step of being independant.

 

[rie'smom]

Dear Rileyroos mom,
You have received excellent advice from the posters. I'm with the go to WDW with your children crew. You all need a breather and seeing the delighted faces of your kids wll give you a boost. My friend is a psychiatrist and she strongly believes in vacations as a way to cope with unhappy situations. The planning stress is pretty much taken care of because the trip is so close. I think if finances permit,fly down with dad and or sis. You guys will want to talk and in a car it would be diffucult because of the children. Hugs and prayers go to you and your family. It really is heartbreaking and pardon me if I think your DH is an _ss. Hopefully,he will come to his senses. Don't be too sure about no one else,they pretty much all say that.

 

[Tuffcookie]

PoohandWendy wrote:

I dunno, I think it would hard enough to take the trip alone...but to have him there when he does not want to be with her? I really don't see how that would be at all productive and perhaps even more painful, I really doubt he will do it anyways. He obviously thinks his feelings are more important than anyone elses right now, I really doubt that wll change in 6 days.

I didn't say it was going to a fun trip, just that she has to do what she has to do, in order to protect her assets at home!

TC