6 Days Before Our Trip, DH Just Left Me

[siouxi31]

I'm so sorry. I wish I had advice for you. Just remember you have friends here to help give you strengh through this. We're here to listen when you need to talk.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

to you. Thankfully I have never been in this position. You have received a lot of good advice here.

Re: the trip. I say GO! My dad passed away on the Sunday before we were to go to WDW on Friday. My kids were 8 and 10. They were worried that we wouldn't go. (They were upset about their granddad as well.) We went anyway and it was the best thing we could have done at the time.

 

[helenabear]

wishing you all the best... I do hope things work out. And no matter what, I say go on that trip! I have a feeling you will need it, whatever the outcome might be!

 

[VanniGirl]

Wishing you all the best.

 

[RedxPanda]

I was just checking airfare and thinking of flying my sister (she's single) in from NY and she could drive down with us. This late in the game a ticket is $500 but maybe it's worth it.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this at such a time! My dad moved out about a year and a half ago back home (I was away at school), but I am pretty sure my mom knew about it and was on board. They BOTH seem to be very together now and much more happy. But, you had no idea this was coming! I can't even imagine that. I would think he would at least approach you about it and let Disney help heal the relationship. I mean what better place to relax, let go, and have fun with you loved ones than disney?!?!


As for the plane ticket, Have you looked into southwest, or JetBlue even? I know that they don't fly into GA, but she could meet you in Orlando!! Its worth a look! Last year I was able to get a ticket Orlando - San Diego for $300.. at Christmas! I booked it only 2.5 weeks in advanced and that was at christmas! so Check it out...you need her there with you.

 

[mickeysgal]

My husband stole my engagement ring while I was in the shower. After I moved out I still had stuff there and he changed the locks so I couldn't get in. I know you don't want to think of this stuff now and can't believe that your DH would do anything like that but you just never know. You need to do things to protect you and your children. I would be concerned about leaving the house while you were away.

I thought about this too. I'd change the locks if you do decide to continue with your trip plans. This way, your things are secure while you're not there. Regarding moving the money...do it! You're just moving it to another account with your name on it only (or maybe your dads name also). You're not spending it, just moving it. It can always be moved back, if things work out.

 

[Mimi Q]

 

[agnes!]

I am so sorry, what a blow.

You've gotten a lot of good advice here, I thought I'd make a list of what I consider the best...

1) Hire a Private Investigator
2) Move at least some of the moneys from your joint accounts to where he cannot access it. This might be a temporary move, but do it for the kids if not for yourself.
3) If you do decide to go to WDW...Get your sister to help out with the driving or at least to be with you the WDW part of the trip. It will be nice to have her there with all his relatives around
4) CHANGE THE LOCKS. He's the one who left, not you. Leave the keys with your divorce attorney(see #5).
5) Hire a divorce attorney. Even if everything works out, you MUST protect yourself and protect any assets for the kids.
6) Get into some good counseling, for everyone in the family. Ask him to go as well. If he refuses to go, that says something about where his head is at...
7) Keep whatever you say to the kids "non-blaming". Something along the lines of "Daddy need to take some time to sort things out" *not* "Daddy's a big JERK who left us."

& I am so sorry.
agnes!

 

[va32h]

Something similar happened to me a couple months ago, and I did call my sister in the middle of the night, and she did fly in within 48 hours and thank God for her, I really don't know what I would have done without her.

You need someone to come and take care of you. It is so hard to take care of your children, to try to keep their little lives normal, when your own life is falling apart. It really helps so much to have someone right there.

Everyone has given really good practical advice, but I know it is hard to make those decisons, about locks and lawyers and bank accounts, when you are still coming to terms with the fact that your entire life as you know it is apparently over.

And it's scary.

The Disney trip might be good for you. It might give you a feeling of accomplishment - completeing the drive. And I'm sure you can. Just take lots of breaks, turn it into three 2+ hour drives! But I would have a hard time dealing with my inlaws at that point, too. What kind of relationship did you have with them before?

I am so, so sorry this is happening to you.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

i'm so sorry
i haven't read through all the pages, but
is it possible he's just stressing out or mid life crises.
(i don't know your ages)

 

[chasbos]

To you and your children.

I am so sorry that you and your children have to go through this. My advice would be to try and not try to figure out what your husband is thinking, it will just drive you crazy.

Your focus should be on yourself and your kids - you are all what is important now.

 

[FroggyinArk]

I am so sorry, what a blow.

You've gotten a lot of good advice here, I thought I'd make a list of what I consider the best...

1) Hire a Private Investigator
2) Move at least some of the moneys from your joint accounts to where he cannot access it. This might be a temporary move, but do it for the kids if not for yourself.
3) If you do decide to go to WDW...Get your sister to help out with the driving or at least to be with you the WDW part of the trip. It will be nice to have her there with all his relatives around
4) CHANGE THE LOCKS. He's the one who left, not you. Leave the keys with your divorce attorney(see #5).
5) Hire a divorce attorney. Even if everything works out, you MUST protect yourself and protect any assets for the kids.
6) Get into some good counseling, for everyone in the family. Ask him to go as well. If he refuses to go, that says something about where his head is at...
7) Keep whatever you say to the kids "non-blaming". Something along the lines of "Daddy need to take some time to sort things out" *not* "Daddy's a big JERK who left us."
& I am so sorry.
agnes!

From guys perspective... all of this is great advice.
and i wish you and yuour kids the best going through this.
a few additional ideas, thoughts, etc,
he hasnt thought about moving the money .. yet.
give him some time and he may realize he made a mistake, but watch for it in the fuiture.
GO TO WDW WITH YOUR KIDS AND MAKE IT A WONDERFUL TRIP.
I likethe break it dowwn and make it into shorter drives idea, find a state park and stop for an hour or two, stop at a nice restaurant, stop at any of the fine establishments between you and there and just rest a while. play travel games like licsense plate bingo or i spy with your kids to make the trip go faster. if you get tired.. stop. find a park, sit in the shade andwatch your kids run and have fun.. it will work.

changfe the locks now. and when you leave for wdw make sure that if no one isstaying in your house ( dad) you hire someone to watch it, and notify the police of the situation, and see if they can watch it closer than ussual, he may take advantage of "shes notthere" to clean it out.


talk to your pastor, a counselor, anyone that has been there,, call sister, call his family and see if they wantto keep the grand gathering thing, be the bigger person and let him see that you are not trying to alienate him and hisa, it will help.

 

[Kitty 34]

I know how you feel from past experiences.

 

[hlane]

Good luck to you & your children.

 

[Dan Murphy]

So sorry to hear this, rileyroosmom. My good wishes are with you and family.

 

[TammyAlphabet]

First of all, a big hug. I am sorry that this has blindsided you and I do know how that feels. I think you should really take the advice about moving money and changing locks. As a precaution, I know it seems vindictive, but, if this doesn't work out and he moves the money before you do, this could get alot worse with financial strain on top of emotional strain. Now is the time to act solely in response to what is best for you and the kids without concern for what reaction your husband might have.

As for the Disney trip, I would most definitely go. The kids have probably been looking forward to it, and to have this major disruption in their lives plus losing the trip to Disney would be hard on them. Plus, it will help put some distance and time inbetween you and this situation so you can build some strength to deal with it.

I hate to say this, but I don't believe the "I'm just not happy" routine. I have seen many marriages crumble and in my opinion, when a husband says that or when he says "I'm confused", there is usually a woman out there that is confusing him.

At last, lean on your friends....they can carry some of the anger and hurt that you are carrying. If you are religious, ask God for some help in carrying the burden, he will lighten the load. Best of luck to you and your family.

 

[bamajill]

I can't imagine how you must be feeling this morning.

I hope your dad is there (or at least on his way). I'm sure it will help to have someone there who you know has your back 100%.

((hugs)).....if you decide to go on trip you might be surprised to find that his family may be very supportive of you (depending on your relationship, obviously...but most people don't stand up for their relatives when they are doing something like this. Walking out on your family sucks, it just sucks).

Be kind and gentle with yourself. This will not kill you. You will find a way, day by day to survive this and someday life may be sweeter for this.

 

[HayGan]

I'm so sorry for you and your family. I think you should go on with your trip. Show your kids that you are a strong and loving family even without their dad present.

I hope that you as a family (and as an individual) find the hope and strength you need to get through this.

 

[luckywife]

No advice at all. Just wanted to give you a big

 

[momof2inPA]

I'm so sorry this happened.

Make sure your kids know that you aren't going anywhere and that you will all need to stay strong and get through this together.

Your husband should tell the kids that he's leaving and why. If the kids ask you, give them their dad's cell phone number so they can all him.

What a jerk! Make sure you cash out the accounts, get a good lawyer and maybe a P.I. (because I don't believe his story either), and GO ON THAT TRIP. Make the drive. I know you can do it. Join AAA before you go if you are worried about car problems.